2012

All I ask from the people I choose to surround myself with is honesty. I am always honest with them, and some may take it the wrong way and think I'm a bitch or that I'm too blunt about it, but that's just how I am (take it or leave it). And I expect the same back, just be honest w/me. For whatever it is.

Never be afraid to be honest w/me because you're scared to hurt my feelings. It may sting, but I'll get over it.
Never be afraid to be honest w/me because you think it's going to hurt our relationship. If anything I'll respect you more and it'll strengthen it.
Just never be afraid to be honest w/me whether it's regarding my ugly outfit, what I do to hurt others, any mistakes I've done, etc. If you don't speak up and tell me about it, there's no way I'll ever know that I'm doing wrong and I'll continue to do it.

So, in 2012 I am going to let go and drop everyone that continues to bring me down by not being honest w/me. I'm only going to surround myself w/people who are able to be honest w/me and continue to let me grow as a person, and those who will bring out the best in me.

Chances are if you think this post applies to you, it probably does.

"Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people."

FYI: I wouldn't consider this as a resolution b/c I find it silly when people wait for a certain time in the year to FINALLY start something they've been meaning to, but I see this more as a cleanse. People do diet cleanses, I do life cleanses.

Memories Wasted

The man gave me my fifth camera within a 12 month time frame. The last camera I lost, I lost memories of most of my 2011 trips. Since this one is a gift, I better not lose it. Besides, I gotta learn to upload pictures more often.

I also emailed Fotki.com on my account. If the account is completely lost, I will be one angry woman. Pictures dating back to 2002 til 2010 are all gone...MEMORIES!!!!

With my awesome new camera, I'm going to try and take more pics on the device versus my Droid. Although the droid is so much more convenient w/the ability to upload instantly...

Let's hope the fotki account isn't gone...if it is I'm on a hunt for another good photo hosting site.

	if money brings you happiness then you'll never be fully happy in life. you have to learn to be happy with yourself before you can make others happy. and then learn to be happy with what you have before you can be happy with what you want. if you put your eggs in the money/want basket and you lose it, you'll lose ground.

	I am really a simple person. it all boils down to two things: 1) don't waste time 2) be happier than the day before a coworker asked me the other day why i'm always so happy, I just laughed and said because i'm alive. he obviously didn't believe me, and told me what he thought. but that's all there is to it. I am given another day, another second that many aren't. that's why I don't waste my time on petty things. that's why if something upsets me I say it, forgive, and move on. that's why I do and don't do a lot of things. I just ask myself, will this make me happy? if not, it is a waste of time.

	-talk about burning myself out, I totally just jinxed myself -you know you work too much when you spend 15hrs a day at work, stay up thinking about work, and when you finally fall asleep you dream about work. this can't be life. and I enjoy what I do! -do you want to know how I feel or what I think? because sometimes I can't differentiate between the two. typical heart v.s. head -first, what are goals? second, plan to make goals happen. third, track progress and make adjustments along the way if necessary. - first, I have goals. but plan A and plan B. it's funny because I've always tools that plan b just distracts you from plan a, but life happens and suddenly you're thinking about a completely different plan for yourself. -second, at the moment step one to both plans do not require any money, just commitment. and if you know what my past looks like the only things I have allowed myself to commit to are: family, friends, fun, and food (what I like to call the quadruple F's). -after talking to a close friend of mine over the weekend I have come to realize: •I have never allowed myself to fully "feel". anytime I get close to it, I ruin whatever it is have before I get a chance to. • people have this expectation that i'm some super human who is immune to pain. although that is partly my fault for lettingthem perceive me that way -fate will only lead you so far before you have to start making it happen for yourself. if you truly want something you'll everything you can to make it happen. if not you'll make excuses for not trying harder. -I've always viewed emotions as being weak. if you ever showed any, you're weak. -I will try to sleep now.

Things That Make Me Happy #'s 80-89

80. Crossing something off your bucket list; San Francisco and everything about it (riding the trolley, hiking up the hills, Fishermen's Wharf, The Golden Gate Bridge, etc)
81. Being spoiled; dinner is always ready when I get off work, coffee is always made when I get up, being so busy I haven't had time to listen to new music and he burned me 3 new cds to enjoy in the car. There's no question about it, he definitely spoils me.
82. His coffee. He makes it w/just the right amount of milk and cream that isn't too sweet for me. No more black coffee for me!
83. When a person enjoys something you recommended.
84.When I am leaving the ramp and the machine says $7.25...wayyy better than the usual $12.50
85. Hearing my close friends give me shit for finally settling down.
86. Licking the yogurt lid clean.
87. When the 2-pack of Starburst has both your favorite flavors.
88. Finding something you have in common w/a complete stranger (I do this a lot w/my clients and it eases the conversation).
89. Hearing good results from the dentist (I went on Monday and nothing but good news!), because clean and healthy teeth = a healthy body.


   

	the two driving forces behind our decisions are fear and love. you CHOOSE to do something because you are afraid of what the outcome will be if you don't. you CHOOSE to do something because you love something/someone so much. ex: I choose to go to school because I fear my opportunities will be limited if I don't have a degree. ex: I choose to stay in touch with my family even if I don't see them everyday because I love them a lot and I am afraid that this may be the last time I will get to talk to them (my whole thing on life is short). off topic: i hate blogging on my new phone. the ugly tmobile banner is making my blog ugly!

	things I am thankful for: -my family; I am thankful they are all healthy and alive. I am thankful to be sitting in the living room watching football with my younger brother. thankful to be waiting on delicious food my parents are preparing for lunch. and thankful I will get to spend some quality retail therapy with my sister and her bf who has turned into our own family member over the years. -my friends; although work and having someone consume so much of my time, I am thankful they understand, are there for me and sts happy for me -work; in a time where so many are struggling I am thankful for my 70 hour Weeks. And I am also thankful for my funny and awesome co workers whom i enjoy seeing daily -the past 23 years; everything happened because it was supposed to, everything is together, and I am truly blessed to be given another day on this beautiful world.

Things I Learned This Weekend

1) I suck at video games
2) Sharing life w/someone you adore is worth risking everything (being vulnerable, letting your guard down, etc)
3) I cannot "hang" like I used to on vacations. It used to be explore the city all day, party all night, sleep for 2 hours, and repeat. Now it's explore the city all day, and sleep at 8PM.
4) You learn a lot about your relationships w/the people/person when you travel w/them.
5) The man's imperfections are what makes him perfect...well to me.
6) There is no place like home.
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In the 23 years of my existence, I have never ever felt anything remotely close to the way I've been feeling as of late. And there is no denying the fact that what I'm feeling is definitely butterflies.

But of course being who I am, I am over analyzing things as always. But what's new?

What I don't understand is how someone who once was a complete stranger can take a strange hold on you so fast.

So much more I want to say, but this blog is kind of too public for how I am feeling.
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Winners don't make excuses

"Let me tell you guys right off the bat, if you are planning on putting in the bare minimum amount of hours and work, don't do this. You're worthless." --My sales manager

Love it. This is why I put in an insane amount of hours in everyday.
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Hold 'Em

Two years ago I folded my hand.
Didn't feel the pot was worth my while so I cashed out of the game.
Two years later, I'm just about ready to buy in again.
In it to win it, I feel my starting hand will be rockets.

Only time will tell if the flop, the turn, and the river will play out in my favor.
If I put anything out this time, just know that I won't be so quick to cash out or fold.


http://bit.ly/nogzkT

Three Months Later

Three months ago I couldn't wait for myself to start an opportunity that was given to me. I've always been one to believe that things happen for a reason, and three months later everything couldn't have happened at a better time.

You may never know where you're going, but just know that you'll always end up where you're meant to be.

I've always been big on not wasting time. It's a huge reason why I hardly ever slept growing up. Also, a reason why I left things. Whether it was relationships, friendships, or a company I was working for, if I no longer saw the purpose in staying I would leave to save myself the other people time.

My company's motto for myself and the people holding the same position as I do is: Helping make our client's dreams more within reach.

At first I thought that was a pretty cheesy big corporate tag line, but the more and more I am going further in this position I realize more and more the part I play in each one of my client's and future client's lives. And as corny as this may sound, I really do help make people's dreams come true. What a perfect potential career for me right?!

Things I have learned/realized the past three months (not just related to this new position):

Discipline and determination: I've said this in previous posts, but I've always gotten away with the bare minimum. And with studying for three exams, I learned quickly that if I didn't have discipline and determination to sacrifice time in some areas of my life I would've failed. I learned that giving up a few hours won't do me any good. The long term benefits if I just gave up a few weeks of my social life versus the instant gratification of having my social life were really obvious. I did what I could to pass the hardest exam I've ever taken, and I'm satisfied w/the outcome.

What do I want? I've had my entire life planned out at one point in my life, and once I realized that things not only change everyday, but every second I started to live more in the moment. That's how it's been for the past two years and with myself helping clients realize their own goals/dreams and helping them take the steps necessary to achieve them I am finding myself thinking about my own goals and dreams. I had plenty at one point, and now I don't even know where to begin. When I think about them all I can think about is making my parents proud, seeing my younger brother and sister grow happy, helping other's, etc. I just want to see the people I'm surrounded by happy.

It is nearly impossible to separate professional and personal life if you're working the hours I do. I tried really hard in the beginning to make sure the two were separated like I had w/my previous jobs, but when you're seeing your colleagues more than your own family and friends you can't help but mix the two up a little. I've met some really great people since I have started and many of them have grown to be my own friends. And all of them motivated me to pass the exams in the beginning stages of this job/potential career. Knowing that each one of them could do it, made me realize that it wasn't impossible, and that if they did it I sure as hell could too. Just because I'm a girl and they're all guys didn't mean shit. Just because they all have college degrees and I didn't, didn't mean shit.

Although I don't care for my reputation much, it does go a long ways. Although I consider myself to be a lot calmer (many of my friends could say the same), there are still so many others out there that believe otherwise. People must not believe in change or something cause apparently I'm still crazy Tamzilla. I'm fine w/that, it's just funny..especially coming from people that haven't really spent any time hanging out w/me in the last year or so. News flash: there's a time when someone realizes they can either grow up or stay who they are. I realized by staying who I was, it wouldn't get me far in life so I had to do something about it.

Serendipity; in other words, finding without seeking. You may never know where you'll meet someone who'll change your life in so many ways, ways you didn't think was possible. It hasn't been a long time, but I already feel that this will be something great.

I have always believed that when I'm doing something I should always put my all into it. Whether it is school, work, a romantic relationship, friendship, or family relationships; if I put my everything into it and in the end if it still doesn't work out to how I want it to be I'll know that there was nothing more I could've done to have the outcome be different.

It's been a long time since I've done this whole "thing". I'm slowly trying to remind myself of this rule, and slowly it's becoming okay to be a "softie".

No what if's will be asked if I just stick to it.
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Me: I'm gonna limit myself to one glass of wine everyday until my exams.
J: but a glass will already get u buzzed so that doesn't count. & don't give me that it's good for u shit.
Me: but it is good for you! It's good for your heart.
J: shut the fuck up you don't have a heart.
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Oh how funny life is

I cannot sleep even though I've been trying desperately to train my body and mind to sleep more than the usual couple of hours a night, but I suppose old habits die hard.

Been reading a few old blog posts and ran across this one:

http://bit.ly/qwtVje

Oh funny how I was blogging about a career that'll make me happy. Who knew just a few months down the road of life I'd have found it.

I haven't been able to blog much, and with the way work has been going I won't be able to for a long while. If you miss my blogs, just keep reading on my past posts...I reread posts all of the time to remind me of certain things.

Extinct?

Jane: tamzilla needs to come out soon.
Me: yeah, after my 7.
Jane: oh shit, I thought she was extinct for awhile.

(:
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Things That Make Me Happy #'s 70-79

I used to do one of these at least once a month...my bad for not keeping up. and Hello to the new readers. I don't know exactly who you are, but I kind of have a clue who's been clicking through here. Just in case you didn't know, I don't care who reads my blog as long as you don't reveal your identity...yeah I'm weird like that.

70. keeping things lighthearted and fun...even when you're at work. (probably the #1 reason why I get along w/my coworkers so much. B/c we all can have fun and joke around w/each other without someone taking things too seriously...even in a professional atmosphere.)

71. my usual espresso shots (each week the # of shots go up)from the Dunn Bros off 6th and Marquette in the Northstar Building downtown...they know how I like my coffee. Andrea and Amir takes good care of me every morning.

72. dinner conversations where you're not trying too hard to have because it just flows out naturally (how every conversation should be.)

73. introducing people to new things/informing people about something they didn't know about before

74. lunch everyday w/my team members (specifically the guys I started it all with on day 1, no offense to the other guys who started before or after us. But I can start work at 8am and get off at 8pm no problem, but I need that 45min - Hour break from my day w/these guys. They make me laugh!)

75. fun in the sun...if I'm out in the sun I'm having fun. It does not matter what I'm doing.

76. Nights in hookahing, eating endless junk food, surfing Netflix, watching redbox movies while studying w/close friend(s)....it's a nice break from drinking and going out

77. having time to listen to music through my desktop so it can scrobble to my last.fm account

78. people who know exactly what to say and do to make you laugh and smile

79. food at my work's cafeteria...for a cafeteria the food is bomb dot com!

I haven't written a real meaningful post in awhile and it's all due to the amount of time and energy I've been putting into work as of late.

I really enjoy my job, and especially the people I am surrounded by everyday (which is always a huge deal). So I've been putting much more effort into this job versus any other job I've worked at. But it's still hard for me to find myself dedicating myself to this position.

It's actually hard for me to commit or dedicate 100% of myself into something because although today, I may feel like I want this really bad, the next day I'll want something else.

Like how fast my mind changes thoughts, my feelings change even faster.

I just want to commit to something that'll make me happy and give me the sense of fulfillment that I crave and need. I mean I am happy and currently fulfilled w/my current job, but I still lack the dedication needed to follow through w/the next two exams.
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Do me

i’m just trying to get, get it, don’t worry about me,
need to take a look at yourself!
i’m just trying to get it, get, no time to play around,
take this shit somewhere else!

da brat > nikki...what you know bout them old school rappers?!

I've always been aggressive at making things happen for myself. If I want something I go out and get it, so it's hard when all I can do is wait around for something that you know might never happen but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want. At least it is for now.
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I love it that when I walk in the door everyone yells "The party is here!"
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The question

At every job I've had I always meet new people and with them they bring their curiosities. A question I always get is: "What do you look for in a guy?"

And my answer has and always be: "Just someone who'll make me happier than I already am."

I told a coworker that on Tuesday b/c he asked me and he goes "well what will it take to make you happier then?"

Honestly, I don't know. I'm already extremely, very, content, and happy with the way everything is in my life that I can't possibly see how much better it can get. I have my family, friends who have turned into family, a job I love, and I work with people I enjoy seeing everyday...I really don't know how another person can influence everything to make it better.

Things are just the way it's supposed to be.
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I think too much.
My head should be bigger than what it is.
Not because I'm smart or anything...
My mind just won't stop. EVER.

And the worst part is
I've been so busy drowning myself in work
that I haven't had time to reflect, write, blog, talk about it all.
They're happy thoughts though.
Most of it anyway.

I find it amazing that I always manage to get what I want.
But shit always changes once I get it.
It's like I underestimate my own potential
and when I get it things just aren't what I thought it was.
That's what I get for having expectations though.

Ya know I never was one to put work before anything.
Especially before family, friends, and fun.
But this weekend I did.
If it were any other job I would've called in, made up some bullshit excuse, anything
to get out of working and would have went camping, downtown, uptown, and a family dinner
but instead I declined all invites and worked.
Funny. It's not the money I'm trying to make. It's my dreams.

I've never been one to take my studies seriously either.
It's always the bare minimum to get me by in school.
But this time the bare minimum isn't going to get me to make this happen.
So far this new gig has taught me discipline.
Something an untamed girl needs.
Can't go flyin' anywhere anytime I want to.

Changes baby changes.
Like I said, the first of June felt like New Years.

You can always tell how much a guy is into you if he's being himself or not. Sure most girls would say "why can't he just act like himself."

Well because...if you were someone other than just any other girl out there he'd want to impress you. And if impressing you means not being himself then so be it right? The true colors will eventually come out, let him try a little harder than usual and soak in the fact that this guy is a little looney b/c he thinks you're special.
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This Russian family sitting next to me on the LTR is so adorable. The kid looks like he's in his teens and he doesn't seem to be going through that weird awkward stage 90% of most teenagers do w/their parents. He's conversing w/them and even sharing a chocolate bar w/them. So cute. Too bad I wasn't like that when I was a teen. But it's never too late for anything right?

Speaking of family. Mummy called to ask if I wanted to join them at Hong Kong Noodle for dinner, but I declined b/c of work. #determination
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Why I do what I do

We started out as a group of 14 people, and it's only been a week and now we're down to seven. I'll be honest, going into the position I thought to myself and even told myself that this will be easy peazy. Just a little studying, some sales, and building rapport w/coworkers and potential clients...nothing I haven't done before so it should be a piece of cake right? Too bad it's not. The exam my group and I have been studying for has a nation pass rate of under 60% and it's a lot more dry and tougher to comprehend than I thought it would be. I've been pulling allnighters and even willing to sacrifice social get togethers (and I love seeing my friends!) to study for this darn exam. I have 11 weeks to take and pass it, but the sooner I get it out of the way will result in the sooner I'll get my social life back.

Anyways, with long hours at work, and long hours of studying at home after work for work, and all of these sacrifices (which include camping this weekend, something I've been looking forward to since we all started planning the trip back in February) why would I want to stay here when I can easily get any other job?

I've been in the financial industry since I graduated high school in '06. And the customer service field since I could legally start working. I have gained a lot of hands on experience in my years of working, and this current position allows me to gain more knowledge and I can see a lot of growth potential at this company. At Wells Fargo and M&I I didn't feel that there. Both very very great companies, but I felt a roadblock. I got extremely good at what I was doing, but there wasn't much to learn after that so I left. I actually see a future here, so I'm willing to sacrifice time w/family and friends to learn something other companies aren't willing to teach me.

Allowing my parents to retire w/o the headache of "Will we have enough money to retire" on their minds, not having my brother work a day in his life (although I want him to gain experience from working this is better for him), Financial District in NYC, Australia, and allowing myself to grow as a person are all things that are motivating me to succeed in this position.

The man above gave me this opportunity to experience, learn, grow, and better myself. It'd be a shame if I didn't take it.

Just do me. Family and real friends understand why I can't spend time w/them. And the universe will allow all else to fall into place when the time is right.

I'm scared of what the future holds because everything that I've ever wished for has been given to me. I believe that if I want something and it's not given to me it's because I deserve better or it's not the right time. Things happen for a reason, everything that has happened to me in life has proven that to be true. And so I am here a believer.
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Tomorrow is never promised

I don't know about others, but time is something that is invaluable to me. I've keep my habit of sleeping as little as I can for a reason, and I believe that no one ever remembers the days they got plenty of sleep.

So I do whatever I can to not waste it. Some tips and pointers:

• Try to not dwell on the past, unless it is to learn from it. It already happened, no matter what you say or think won't change it. So just glance at it, know where you made the mistake, move on, and grow from it.
  
• "If you focus on what you've left behind, you'll never be able to see what lies ahead." -Unknown
  
• Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.
• Time is NOT money. Time can get you more money, but money cannot get your more time.
• Trust that you are alive right now for a reason. Make that reason be seen if not by others at least by yourself.
• Dream -> Plan -> Act -> Track
  Dream out your goals, plan out how to make them happen, physically go out and achieve them in every way possible, and track your progress (and possibly react to that progress either make a plan b/c it's not working out the way you want it to or you're doing so well that you should speed up the process). That way you don't waste time and when you're old and wrinkly you won't say to yourself or worse to others "I wish..."
• Better late than never. You're going to never be too old to achieve something you've always wanted. NEVER!
• While it's good to plan for your future, remember that the only thing that's guaranteed to you is this moment. Life is unpredictable and there may be no tomorrow to do what you're holding off on today.
  
• It's good to believe in fate and destiny. But the both of them can only lead you so far before you have to take actions into your own hands.
  
• It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years. If you died tomorrow would you be satisfied with everything you got accomplished? If not, well...what are you waiting for?

I can go on and on about time and how I think you shouldn't waste it, but honestly you'd just be wasting your time reading this. GO DO SOMETHING! Only YOU know what's best for you. So make the time you have worth it.

What usually accompanies change for me is the lack of time. I've been wanting to write/blog about so much that has happened in the past two weeks, but I've had no time to record everything down. Instead I have been replacing writing/blogging w/telling my close friends how I've been feeling. Although it feels nice to talk to others, I still would love to have them recorded for memory purposes.

I haven't really had time to do much but eat, think, drink, and breathe finance. I have never doubted my potential with anything that I have set my mind to do in the past and lately I've found myself to do the opposite. But being the blessed person that I am I have very supportive and encouraging family and friends who are helping me see the light in continuing what I decided to do.

I can't control what my feelings are and how I think, but I can control the amount of power it has over me. Although I've let it distract me from my goal the past few days, I've refocused my desires to accomplishing this goal.

After all, things happen for a reason. This opportunity was presented to me time and time again for a reason. And when the time is right the man above will let me feel what I thought I felt again.

Gold medals aren't made of gold. They're made of unmitigated desire, determination, and will to win. #expectnothinglessofyourself

I'm in it to win it, because if you're not #1 you're nothing.

Finally.

I have been writing, blogging, tweeting and even telling people that I wanted June to arrive asap.

Well I am pleased to know that it is only a couple days away. Many things awaits for me, it almost feels like it's New Year's all over again.
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Something I Don't Have

I don't get jealous very easily, I just don't see the point in wishing or wanting something that someone else has. But I will have to admit since I'm usually surrounded by my friends who are dating each other or some that come to me for advice on relationships, and even though most of the time they seek advice because things are rocky between them and their significant other I envy them for just being in a relationship.

I like to believe that all people thrive on love. Whether it's from family, friends, or significant other, love makes everything go round despite that many think money does. A lot of people in life search for it in another person, and sometimes they don't find it at all. So to my friends and readers who are currently in a relationship w/a loved one:

Don't let them go. Times may get hard, and it may make you want to give up, but what relationship doesn't go through some rocky and shaky times? That's what makes it all the sweeter. Without experiencing the bad times, you wouldn't know how to feel the happy good times.

I've seen first hand what my parents have overcame and many of my friends and I'm in awe at what love can do for two people. If it is two love that two people have, nothing is able to break the bond. I have seen love forgive, I have seen love overcome, I have seen love make people do things they would never have thought they'd do, but yet they did it all in the name of love.

Men: treat women how you would want men to treat your daughter.

Honestly, I would rather be w/one person for the rest of my life and experience everything with them rather than talk or date a few different people and go through the same experience multiple times.

I may not have ever experienced what love is, but I know what is it and I know that I won't be settling anytime soon. This weekend has prepared me for a lot of things and I'm okay with being single the rest of my life. As long as I'm not settling and being w/someone else's true love then I'm happy.

It's late, I'll do another post on this later. But here's a song dedicated to all you lover birds:




It's a big big world
It's easy to get lost in it
You've always been my girl
And I'm not ready to call it quits

We make the sun shine in the moon light
We can make the grey clouds turn to blue skies
I know it's hard
Baby believe me

That we can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We are taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

It's a big big world
And I'm gonna show you all of it
I'm gonna lace you with pearls
From every ocean
That we're swimmin' in

We make the sun shine in the moon light
We can make the grey clouds turn to blue skies
Yeah, I know it's hard
Baby believe me, ooh

That we can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We are taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

Baby we were underground
We're on the surface now
We're gonna make it girl
I promise
If you believe in love
And you believe in us
We can't go nowhere but

We can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We're taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

Nowhere but up
Nowhere but up
Yeah
Nowhere but up

I got one of the best birthday presents (not joking to make someone feel good either) and it was a new journal. It's leather so it'll last for a lifetime plus it's filled with many many many pages for my nonstop mind. I started writing a few journal entries in the new journal, but I'm starting to feel bad because I haven't finished using up all of the pages on my old one (the plain black Mead Fivestar Notebook). I guess I'll transfer the new journal entries over to this blog and use up all of the pages on the old one before I start writing in the new one...BUT I feel like I'm finally getting things done and put together so I should start a new journal for it...ahh tough decisions!!!

But I want to thank you for the beautiful journal. I read the first page in my hotel room when I cracked it open to write my first journal entry and felt an unmistakable feeling of love in my heart. You have also grown to be my sister in the past years that we have gotten to know each other and there is NO DOUBT in my mind, body, heart, and soul that we will continue to be in each others' lives for a lifetime. No doubt. I mean we've already gone this far, what else is there to overcome but time? (;

Hello from the Carribean Ocean

I was going to shower quick before heading out to the cities in Playa de Carmen, but the maid decided to show up so I'm out here doing a quick update.

My time out here has been wonderful. Definitely got to see what solitude was all about, and I'll have to say it's quite nice. Especially for a social butterfly like myself. I didn't think I could do it, and neither could my friends or family, but here I am proving everyone wrong.

The first dinner I had by myself was a whole new experience. I'm so used to talking away during meals that it was a big change for me to sit in silence and just chew and observe everyone around me. Although I wasn't in silence the entire time since the waiters kept coming up to me and starting small talk, but it was nice. I have observed a lot my time here.

For firsts I also went kayaking for for the first time ever today. I would have rather gone zip lining or para-sailing, but my travel agent stood me up yesterday evening when I was supposed to plan today's day w/her. Oh well, I guess I'll wait until I come back w/a few family or friends or solo again to do all of those. But kayaking was harder than I thought it would be. I watched a lot of people do it before trying it out myself and holy crap, props to everyone who could get out there. I stayed a good 50 ft from the shore because I couldn't maneuver the thing to go far enough against the wind and waves. I'm sure my arms will be sore tomorrow.

I made a few new friends here. Whom I'll never see again, but it was nice getting to know them while I did. A few resort employees and an older lady who seems to be in her late twenties - early thirties from Quebec Canada who also came here solo.

I cannot wait to come back for my third time so I can show family and friends the beauty of this place.
My trip here so far has made me realize plenty about life.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart, but I am not strong enough to let myself go completely to love.

First time for everything

In the past month or so I've talked about wanting to go to dinner at a fairly decent restaurant by myself and to see a movie in theaters by myself to see if I could overcome the whole people staring and judging thing. I've always told myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me, but obviously I kind of teeny bit care if I couldn't bring myself to eat or see a movie by myself right?

Well I did the unthinkable and I booked a trip internationally solo. I thought long about it because I didn't know how I would do traveling on my own let alone leaving the country on my own.

I left my information w/my sister and her boyfriend in case they don't hear from me often during my trip. But I think I should be fine as long as I'm extra aware of my surroundings.

This will definitely test how I do in solitude. No one believes me that I'm going on my own. Friends keep asking who I'm meeting up with, but honestly I'm not meeting w/anyone. This trip wasn't my first choice, but no one had the time or the money to go on such a last minute trip so here I am on my own.
This should be good for me though.

Well, the flight is about to take off. Ciao! And wish me luck =P
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Ummhmm

"A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world will not make them leave. Trust that truth."--Unknown

Very true. And if they do leave, it's simple: you two just weren't meant to be.
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More early morning/late night ramblings

I never hold grudges and if I do it's never more than a few months tops. The second I'm done telling or expressing how I feel towards a situation, person(s), or anything is the second I am over it.

It's usually like that for me because I don't see what good holding a grudge will do for you. Life's short, people grow, people change, and honestly things happened for a reason. I try to learn from every situation I am faced with cause I think everyone should try to be a better person than they were yesterday. Or at least I try to be.

I am not always a good person, especially in my past. But I am never embarrassed for who I was because if I wasn't that person I wouldn't have become who I am today. And although I have tried to be a better person within the past year, not everyone may agree with it. But I feel like as long as I feel that I am allowing myself to grow and change then I shouldn't care what others opinions are.

I find it foolish for someone to try to please everyone in their life. It's impossible and a waste of life. No matter who you are, rich, poor, skinny, fat, a woman, or a man someone in the world will disapprove of you in some way. Don't let their opinions deter you from being YOU and living your life.

"At some point in time your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching."--Unknown
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I'm all too good at suppressing my deeper emotions that I don't even know if they're authentic or non existent.

I don't ever ever want to think back and ask myself "How good we could've been if only I stepped up to my feelings or if you tried a little harder..." I never ever want to be in that position, but how am I supposed to confront my feelings when I'm having a hard time defining what's real and what isn't?

What does it feel like when it's legitimate? The butterflies? Weak in the knees? Exhilaration? Or how do you know it's non genuine, and that I'm only forcing myself or making things up in my head because I'm longing for someone to share my happiness with?

I know I have posed this question many times in the past, but it's because I really cannot tell the difference. I always waste time because I can't. It's usually after a few months or so after talking that I realize there isn't and won't be anything more. And I refuse to settle for contentment. I will only be w/you if you can give me the stuff I see in the movies and read in books, anything less won't pass in my life.

It's lately that I choose to listen to Celine Dion while I'm showering. And in the shower is when a lot of thoughts race through my mind. With her songs like "Because You Loved Me" or "That's The Way It Is" and even "The Power of Love" the lyrics seem to hit kind of close to home.

When you listen to lubby dubby songs and once the lyrics hits you do you ever think of someone? If you do, is it one person for all love songs or a few depending on the lyrics?

Ugh tell me I'm not crazy. That I'm not the only person at this age who hasn't felt a spark w/another person. Or at least I think I haven't? Who knows maybe I'm suppressing that too!
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Happiness is in your control

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

Now that's not a lie.


This is a classic song. #oldschooljammin

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Time is Money?

"You either got time or money, can't have em both. Nigga w/money don't have time. Nigga w/time don't have money." -Big Meech

I guess it's true in some sense.
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Things that make me happy #'s 60-69

60. when friends unexpectedly calls or texts you
61. hearing my brother say "I really enjoyed today, thanks for taking me out."
62. the feeling you get after finally letting everything out (emotionally and physically LOL)
63. being the culprit of my parents' smile (mom's birthday present and my news to dad)
64. hearing your dad say "I love you" to me (i was shocked when he said this. I knew the news would make him smile, but never would I have thought he'd utter those words to me)
65. taking off a pair of jeans you've been wearing all day
66. being complimented on a hidden insecurity
67. when someone from high school whom you rarely talked to (if at all) remembers you and approaches you at a social scene (happened to me three times on two different occasions!)
68. when the cashier tells you that the item is cheaper than you thought it was (a shirt that was originally $78 marked down to $10 and then rung up as $5!)
69. the nano second of silence when you drive under a bridge on a rainy day



Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know
Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness
Like a heartbeat... drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know

Bad Judgment

That's my problem.
I have a (good or bad your opinion) habit of trying to see the good in people.
I don't have the best judge of character, at all.
I give everyone a chance even though I know I shouldn't.
And I give second, third, forth, even ten chances to people who have done me wrong because I believe people can change.
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Judgment Day

So for the past month all I've been reading and hearing about is May 21, 2011 (tomorrow). And if you haven't heard yet it's supposed to be Judgment Day, where God elects the non sinners and raptures them to heaven while those of us who have sinned will be left on Earth to go through the torture of the world ending or Armageddon.

I'm a Catholic, and I believe in God and all but honestly I believe tomorrow's a hoax. The Bible doesn't guarantee this day, well it does but not tomorrow's date. This is all predicted by a radio host, the same guy who predicted the world was going to end back in 1994 and blamed it not happening because of a numerical error.

BUT if tomorrow does come and 200 million people do get raptured, believe that my family and I will be apart of that group. We have been too blessed in our lifetime, it's obvious that God loves us. I could sit here and name out all of the ways we have been blessed specific events, dates, and all but if you're not convinced yet, you won't be after hearing all of it either.

Anyways, have a great weekend. If me or any of my family members disappear tomorrow ya'll know what's up to come in the future. ^__~
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I'm On One

Ever since the song got released a few days ago, this has been my jam. I haven't been a fan of YMCB's new stuff but I'm not gonna lie this track is siiiick:



(Get em on)
I’m on one
(Get em on)
I’m on one
(Get em on)
I said I’m on one

[Drake]
I’m getting so throwed
I aint work this hard since I was 18
Apologise if I say, anything I don’t mean
Like whats up with your best friend?
We could all have some fun, believe me
And whats up with these new niggas?
And why they think it all comes so easy

But get it while you here boy
Cause all that hype don’t feel the same next year boy
Yeah and I’ll be right here in my spot with a little more cash than I already got
Trippin off you cause you had your shot
With my skin tanned and my hair long
And my fans who been so patient,
me and 40 back to work but we still smell like a vacation
Hate the rumours, hate the bullshit
Hate these fucking allegations,
I’m just feeling like the throne is for the taking
Watch me take it!

[Drake - Chorus]
All I care about is money and the city that I’m from
I’ma sip until I feel it, I’ma smoke it till it’s done
And I don’t really give a f-ck, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older so somebody shoulda told ya

I’m on one
Yeah, f-ck it, I’m on one
Yeah, I said I’m on one
F-ck it, I’m on one

Two white cups and I got that drink
Could be purple, it could be pink
Depending on how you mix that shit
Money that we got, never get that shit

Cause I’m on one
I said fuck it I’m on one

[Rick Ross]
I’m burning purple flowers
It’s burning my chest
I bury the most cash and burning the rest
Walking on the clouds, suspended in thin air
Do ones beneath me recognize the red bottoms I wear
Burner in the belt
Move the kids to the hills (BOSS)
Bend shawty on the sink, do it for the thrill
Kiss you on ya neck and tell ya everything is great
Even though I out on bond I might be facin’ 8′s
Still running with the same niggas til the death of me
Ever seen a million cash, gotta count it carefully
Ever made love to the woman of your dreams
In a room full of money out in London and she screams
Baby, I could take it there
Call Marc Jacobs personally to make a pair
So yeah, we on one, the feeling ain’t fair (Khaled)
And it’s double M G until I get the chair

[Drake - Chorus]

[Lil Wayne]
I walk around the club, f-ck everybody
And all my niggas got that Heat I feel like Pat Riley
Yeah, too much money, aint enough money
You know the feds listening, nigga what money?
I’m a made nigga
I should dust something
You niggas on the bench
Like the bus coming
huh, aint nothing sweet but the swishas
I’m focused might aswell say cheese for the pictures
Ohhh, I’m about to go Andre the Giant
You a sell out, but I aint buying
Chopper dissect a nigga like science
Put an end to your world like Mayans
This a celebration bitches, Mazel Tov
It’s a slim chance I fall, Olive Oyl
Tunechi be the name, don’t ask me how I got it
I’m killin’ these hoes I swear I’m tryna stop the violence

[Chorus]

Young mula baby, YMCMB


I remember I was in a car w/a couple of friends of mine over the weekend. One of them took my ipod and played "White Girl" remix w/Young Jeezy. The person giggled at some of the lyrics, and I asked the person "Do you know what white girl is?" And they replied w/"no".

I don't think a lot of people know what a lot of these lines mean off the top of their heads. Which is okay, but kind of funny especially people who listen to rap a lot. How are you supposed to like a song when you don't know the meaning of the lyrics?

BTW I'm not hating on my friends, they have good taste in music. Just sayin'. and for those who didn't know: white girl = cocaine, the song might make a little more sense now.

Paying Dues

My sister and her boyfriend + many of my close friends keep telling me that it won’t be bad, but I don’t want to expect nothing and then all of a sudden it’s a huge deal. So I’m going to expect the worst of the worst.

I have always had this cloud hanging over me because I was unsure of what the punishment for such a mistake would be. It’s funny how a few things change in your life like you actually accepting an opportunity and then seizing it to make you realize how important it is to finally clear that cloud hanging over you. Let me reword that, make you want to clear it.

I don’t think anyone knows how important this is to me, but of course they don’t because they’ve never been in my position before. But no matter how long the man above feels it’ll take for me to learn I will accept the time given, after all I did put myself in this position in the first place.

I mean I don't even have to do what I'm going to do, but I feel like if I continue to run from it that the cloud will only stop me from more opportunities that'll be given to me in the future. Better now than later.

Whatever the outcome may be, I’m going to be finally free of it and the only thing that’ll be hanging over me is happiness.

Something Every Woman Should Wear (and men)

SUNSCREEN!

As summer is approaching Mr. Sunshine is showing his pretty bright rays more often, and that also means more outdoor activities. Protect your health, and your beautiful skin (especially face) by lathering up on sunscreen.

A lot of us women want that tan look NOW, but you won't want to pay for it later when you're in your late 20's, early 30's showing signs of skin damage (wrinkles, sun spots aka freckles, lots of moles, lots of "birth marks", leathery skin, your skin burns easily, etc.).

-ALWAYS wear sunscreen when you are outdoors. Even when it looks rainy and cloudy out. The UVA and UVB rays goes through the clouds.
-Check the expiration date on bottles.
-Apply 30 minutes before going outside
-Reapply every couple hours and every 30min when you're in the water. Sunscreen may claim they're "water resistant" but there is no such thing.
-Your scalp is exposed to the sun the most, and is often the most forgetful area...NEVER forget your scalp! It's skin too!
-Use sunscreen w/SPF that is at least 15+ but no more than SPF 50. Anything over 50 doesn't do any extra work on protecting your skin.
-Also don't forget your lips! One of the most sensitive areas.

If you start to see sun spots appear more often on your skin go see a dermatologist asap! Better be safe than sorry. You can never be too young or old for skin cancer.
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"When we see how far we've come we also see how far we still have to go." --G.G.
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The Man Above

I remember my first days attending mass when I was a little girl. Sitting in the "baby room" part of mass and messing around with what I thought were just books. I refused to stand when everyone stood and I refused to kneel when everyone knelt. We went every Sunday until my ba ngoai (grandma on mom's side) had her first stroke. After her stroke my mom felt that we couldn't leave my ba ngoai home because something might happen again.

My ba ngoai plays an important role in religion in my life. My parents were never the extreme religious types. My mom grew up a Catholic, but she never taught us to pray every night or forced us to give thanks before meals. And even though it has never been confirmed I'm almost positive my dad is only a Catholic because he had to convert in order to marry my mom. But little things he does and says shows hints of faith.

One day my dad and I were in our living room and we were talking about something which wasn't important otherwise I would've remembered, but it led to me dad pointing at our Virgin Mary statue we have in our living room and he says "That statue is very lucky." After he said that I felt angry. Angry because "that statue" wasn't just a statue, and because we're not supposed to believe in luck, instead we are blessed. I kept thinking about what he said, and even debated about correcting him but then it came to me. I thought in my head "God loves everyone even the ones who don't believe in him. And even though our Virgin Mary statue wasn't just any statue at least what he said showed a hint of faith. Faith that the Virgin Mary and God has given us many blessings (or in my dad's words luck) in life."

I wasn't always this religious or I didn't always have this much faith in God though. My ba ngoai was the first person to teach me how to pray. She taught me a lot of things (and I'll make a separate post for her one day because she deserves it), but praying definitely has helped me gain faith in God. I prayed when I woke up, before I ate, and before I went to bed. I didn't keep the habit for long though. I guess with my family not going to church and me not praying because my grandma was too sick to remind had me lose the faith I had.

Then I learned about science in middle and the first two years of high school. Biology really had me questioning my faith. My family had raised me and my siblings as Catholics, but it was very apparent to everyone how anti-Catholic my brother was. And my parents never enforced the religion and belief on him, they really valued our independent beliefs even if it was going against God. I was I guess you could say an atheist for awhile too, until my mom asked me to start attending Sunday School at our Vietnamese parish in North Minneapolis. I didn't want to do it for awhile and dreaded it, but I guess after awhile it was kind of a social thing to go. All of the "cool" kids was seen at our church, and I got the benefit of picking a new restaurant every sunday and trying it w/my mom and sister after Mass and Sunday School.

All in all even though I've gotten my faith back within the past five years, I have never ever felt as close to God as I do now or recently. Instead of just seeing little details as it's own, I've been putting the details of my life together and they all fit like a puzzle. They all have worked out to the way it should have and as crazy as it may sound to many of you I believe God has helped me and has blessed in countless and unbelievable ways. I can sit here and list out everything and how they go hand in hand to get me to exactly where I am now, but I won't. Just know that things happen for a reason, and it'll all be good in the end. If it's not good it's not the end.

I may not be the best Catholic (I sin even though I know better not to and I don't attend mass every week or rarely at all) and I may not agree w/everything that I SHOULD believe in w/the Catholic religion, but like my dad I have faith. Even with all of this new science stuff or illuminati conspiracy theories and blah blah blah that could make the agrument of God's existence false, but despite all of that I still believe in him because of my experiences.
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Confident not cocky

The interviewer asked me if I had a Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin because in this career field I'll want to keep building my personal network.

Uh, Mr. Interviewer I am social media savvy. I make my networks follow me to whatever social media I am on.

And then he says "I'm sure you'll be great in this position, you seem very confident."

There's a thin line between confident and cocky. I may have walked passed that line, but I gotta do what I gotta do!

Interview tip #1: you can be the most nervous person in the world with thoughts racing through your head, but if you just ACT confident, they won't even know. Smile, hold eye contact, and own the words coming out of your mouth. I mean REALLY own the words.

Two more days of being a nervous wreck. I just wish this month would hurry up and be over.
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Not in a rush

http://ti.me/lc6hu0

The article above is a main reason why finishing school isn't at the top of my to-do list.

I cannot stress enough about how school doesn't teach you what "real life" is. I feel bad for people who don't have work experience prior to graduating college, but then again I'm not. I juggled being a full time student and a full time job (which gave me lots of on the job experience that employers are looking for) all to pay for my schooling, car that I drive to school and work, food, and other expenses while most of my peers only worried about their academics.

Even though I will admit, if I hadn't chosen the path (to work fulltime and be a student full time to take a load of financial problems off of my parents' shoulders so they can worry about my younger siblings instead), and just worried about academics instead I would probably be one of the 54% in the article right now that are unemployed w/an undergrad degree.

And in case anyone's wondering why I am taking a break from life (work and school)...I don't wanna continue school when I didn't know what my major would be. I get no help from the government via grants and loans so I didn't want to waste my money and time getting into another major and switching. I am not working because I decided that after working since I was 16 and full time since I was 18 I needed a break, besides I can still pay for my monthly car bills and afford to dine out so why not take a break? I've gotten offered jobs, but have declined them because I am satisfied w/just knowing I can still get hired w/o actually needing to.

But I can't live off my savings forever or be a bum, so I'm going back to school in the fall and am considering a job...but summer is here! Kind of just wanna enjoy it.. >_<

Just thought I'd explain it to those who were gonna jump to conclusions, ya know save em some time since I have all of the time in the world right now. Haha!
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Can someone explain to me

I love it when friends remind me of the things I have taught them. Some are judgement, forgiveness, love, and friendship. A lot lately it's been "Tammy, but not everyone thinks the same way you do." --I love it. (=

Right, not everyone does. We all live in the same world, but we don't think w/the same minds, we don't love w/the same hearts, we don't share religions and values, and etc. But one thing I am extremely mind boggled by is how many people measure success.

Why do people measure success by the clothes they wear (more specifically the brands), the cars they drive (again the brand and you might think I shouldn't be preaching since I drive an X5, but I don't consider myself successful nor do I flaunt it like I am), the degrees they have gotten from prestigious or non prestigious Universities and colleges, having an established career, a healthy bank account, or public recognition.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. "

Ralph Waldo Emerson couldn't have said it any better and I believe that is and should be the definition of success for everyone. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is only so much money can buy until you're left with all of the money in the world and still feel empty.

BUT because not everyone thinks the same way Mr. Emerson or I do, if you do believe that money and power (or any of the above mentioned) defines you as a successful person please explain to me. I am willing to hear you out.

Pathetic

I try my hardest not to judge people and their actions, but very rarely I've been down a certain path too many times and I know what I see. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion that some people who have been in a relationship for a certain amount of time whether it be six months, a year, two years, or ten that when someone new gives them attention they dive head first and forget about all of the time, energy, and hard work they've invested into their relationship. It's also pathetic that when someone is going through a rough path in their current relationship they seek someone new or a friend of the opposite sex to confide in emotionally or just have them around to take up time that normally would be spent with their significant other.

If any of this applies to you in any way I hope it was in the past and you have learned to never do it again because it's not fair to the person you are/were dating. If this currently applies to you, I'm probably talking about you. And normally I'd confront you personally, but I'll let it slide. I hope after reading this you'll stop on your own, but if it continues though I'll have to do something about it because there's nothing I hate more than seeing my loved ones hurt.

What is enough?

Isn't saying "I love you" enough? Or do people need to put more into it by marriage, having children, photos, etc.?
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Fabolous - Drugs

[Verse 1 -Paul Cain]
Damn Ma
I love you like a lie
I get a rush from your touch, sort of like a high
I used to adore your presence but now I’m like goodbye
Kept it a hundred with you..What give you the right to lie?
We in two different spaces, and you done turned Gemini
Completely changed faces
You wouldn’t understand even if we trade places
You’ll never find another me, face it!

[Broadway]
My life ain’t sweet
I don’t know who told you that?
My shoes, might want to tiptoe in that
Walk slow with that
I’m the same, ain’t changed
But the hate where home is at
Got me like damn, where my homies at?
Fuck it, it’s just me
Can’t hold me back
You just can’t bite the hand that feeds you
Especially when the hand’s illegal
I got you cold
Consider it a lesson learned
I’m guessing it was just my turn
To learn the hard way
You can’t always trust the ones you love

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too..
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry, I must have you confused

[Verse 2 - Fabolous]
You got to take the good with the bad
Love what you got, remember what you had
Always forgive but never forget
Learn from mistakes, but never regret
I feel like it’s coming it just ain’t never done yet
You wanna take off, go head rev up the jet
Ain’t gotta act like our paths should had never met
Let’s be happy apart instead of together upset
I got the least out of something I put the most into
It’s fucked up when assholes are who we toasting to
You remind me of somebody that I used to know
Me and that other you, weren’t introduced before
And I don’t like that bitch
We go from belly
I don’t like that shit
Who’s gonna fill your space
That’s still a case
Ben Franks the only familiar face
Get money

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry I must have you confused
Cause that can’t be love
You took advantage of a good thing
And that ain’t a good thing
Take it how you want

[Verse 3]
I guess she forgot how I used to hold her
The nights she was goin through it
Crying on my shoulder
And did a 360 it’s like she got colder
I’m starting to regret all the things that I showed her
But I’m a rider
She used to be my roller
I guess the general just lost his best soldier
I thought I felt some type of bond and got close to her
She mean to me more
Cuz ya boy a ghost to her

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah mmm ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry I must have you confused


--I don't think many of you will know why the lyrics speak to me so much.

Dinner convos #8653

Me: you wore that shirt just so you could match w/the hat mom and dad got you huh?
Dave: Yep.
Me: is that why you wanted to go home earlier?
Dave: Yep.
Dave: You got me this shirt a long time ago remember?
Me: yeah I remember
Mummy: now the shirt doesn't fit you
Dave: iono I like it like this. It shows off my muscles
Daddy: and your big belly
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Gay Marriage

I've told many of my friends this before, but if I was to ever start a family, hands down I would choose Minnesota to be the place to do it. All four seasons, great school systems, lots and lots of diversity, and for the most part people are very open minded.

Not all politicians are out to get you with tax money and etc. This guy a Minnesota Democratic said “How many more gay people does God have to create, before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?”

Even though after he asked his colleagues the question, the House Civil Law Committee voted 10-7 on it, at least he spoke up about it. I wanna meet this Steve Simon guy! Here's the video so you can see for yourself:

Jonathan Harris : Today

Just hit play, watch, and listen.
A lot of what he says
I can definitely relate to

"When I reached 30, I think I felt a lot of things a lot of people feel when they reach 30 or around this age, which is that um maybe the way that your life is isn't the way you thought your life would be when you were 20 or 15, and you kind of freak out a little bit and you wonder you know like holy crap I'm aging and I'm getting older and I still have all of this stuff that I haven't figured out it's strange. It's almost like the process of growing up has made me, well almost like less sure of myself somehow because I see there's so much more that I don't know, which I didn't see before."

"I feel like I've definitely grown probably more this past year than I have any other...but that said I'm not sure what exactly I have grown into."

Second Chances

I love asking my friends questions on their beliefs to see where they stand on certain things, and one of my favorites to ask is "do you believe in second chances?"

For myself, I believe in second chances. Not just because I believe that people can grow and change over time, but because a lot of times as humans we don't realize what we have until it's gone. And as cliche as that sounds it has proven to be true with a lot of people for numerous of things. Like a child will never fully appreciate his/her parent until one is gone, a friend won't realize the importance of another friend until he/she doesn't have them to turn to anymore, a boyfriend/girlfriend will continually take for granted their significant other until they are sleeping alone at night, and the list goes on.

But when someone has done you wrong more than twice, are you supposed to apply the rule of "people can change and grow over time" and give them a third try? When is enough enough? After how many strikes is someone supposed to learn their lesson?
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Birdy - Skinny Love

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
We suckled on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balancedAnd I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted
And who the hell was I?
I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?Ooh, ooh

Good song. Birdy did a cover originally from Bon Iver, but it doesn't sound right with a guy singing it. lol!

Opportunities

Okay, back in December I declined an opportunity to work for a particular Fortune 500 company. The position is usually offered to people with college degrees already in their hand, but I guess I'm being sought after because of my experience. Anyways, I keep rejecting the offer but they keep offering it to me, month after month (since Dec.).

I think it's a sign from the man above that I should accept it.

"Every blessing ignored becomes a curse."--Paulo Coelho

I'm normally an overall confident person in everything that I do, but honestly a big part of me is scared. Scared that if I accept this offer for this huge company that many would do a lot to work for, that I would do what I've done w/my previous positions for previous companies. It'd be my first "grown up" job.

*sigh* I want it, but then I don't want it.
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Who am I trying to Kid?

Maybe I still don't know what I want to be or where I'll be in 10, 5, or a year from today, but at least I know my what my values are and that they won't change a year, 5, or 10 from now.

truth

"The hardest thing about doing the right thing for yourself is you usually have to do it alone."--Po Bronson
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Money aint shit!

Just another example that money isn't everything:

This former Playboy Playmate/Ex movie star was found dead in her home this past weekend, but she was dead for so long that her body was nearly in a mummified state. She wasn't found 'til a year after she died. A YEAR!!!!

Imagine no one missing you for a year. No phone calls, no visits, no one calling the police because you haven't been tweeting, facebooking, texting, picking up calls, or calling them...so sad. Just shows you that money and fame won't buy you family and friends who'll genuinely care about you.

I remember one night when I was hanging out w/a friend and I accidentally left my phone in the car for two hours. When I eventually went out to grab my phone I had hundreds of missed calls from friends, spammed facebook wall posts, status updates that said "where are you?!?!?! Are you okay" or "has anyone seen or heard from tamzilla?!?", and hundreds of text messages. Although I was a little annoyed, I was still grateful for such great friends. They took me not texting or facebooking for a few hours as a sign that something was wrong. <3
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I like that a lot of my friends are "lich su" towards each other and other people. It really shows off how their parents have raised them. Which is a good thing. But then if I see how my brother acts towards others, he CAN be really well mannered, but most of the time he's selfish and inconsiderate. And my parents didn't raise any of their kids to be like that. So I guess it shows again that you really can't judge someone.

But I still love the fact that my friends are "lich su" and knows when to step up and help people or greet them and etc. I can't really explain it because it's a Vietnamese adjective, but those of you who are Vietnamese should know what I mean.
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