My Everything

Mummy, Ba, Dave, adopted son until he proposes to my sister, Tiff, and I

This is my family, and I would kill for anyone of them (don't test me)

At my parents' and Dave's favorite restaurant: Shuang Cheng

I'm not going to bore you with the typical how my parents worked hard to get to where they are blah blah blah you've read it about a hundred times in past posts. I have been appreciating them more than ever, and at least once a week (sometimes more) I try to gather everyone to eat together as a family. I know we all have a hectic schedule, but weekends usually work for us.

I felt guilty coming home earlier from dinner at Fogo de Chao w/a group of friends. My mom asked me how come I never ask my parents to go eat. And I asked them didn't I ask you guys to eat yesterday? and I told them I ask them every week to go eat, but today it was thirteen of my friends, it would've been weird with the two of them with a group of 13 kids. My mom just smiled and said "I thought you forgot about us." --How could I ever forget about the people who have made the most impact in my life?

The one single thing I fear of in life is the day I lose any of my immediate family members. When that day comes, that'll be the day I become psychotic.

Feeling a little crabby this morning?

Ever heard of anyone say "I'm not a morning person"? Or have you ever felt angry, grumpy, or a little whinier when you’re hungry? If you haven’t let me show you a short commercial:

If you’ve ever heard anyone say they weren't a morning person or if you're feeling grumpy, you’re probably just lacking in serotonin (aka the happiness hormone). When your body has low serotonin levels or the serotonin receptors in your brain isn’t as active as other people’s, you're more susceptible to to depression, annoyance, and migranes.

How serotonin works in our bodies:
In order for our bodies to synthesize more serotonin we need tryptophan. Tryptophan is an essential amino acid, and we have to get it from the foods we eat because our body can’t produce it. Tryptophan can be found in foods like: chocolate, eggs, milk, fish, and poultry just to name a few. So when we eat foods that contain high contents of tryptophan, our bodies also creates higher levels of serotonin. In return, the serotonin is released into our brain which gives us the content, comfortable, and relaxed feeling.

There you have it; a quick fix for crabbiness is food. And to that person who's "not a morning person" just tell them to eat breakfast.

Again, I'm just summarizing the best I can from what I have read. If I'm incorrect about anything feel free to let me know. That's the only way I'll learn. [=

Pineal Glad --> Pinealocytes ---> Melatonin ---> Circadian Rhythm

It's strange how I've suddenly gotten curious about biology. I've never really had interest in it before until now. The past few days I've been filling up on notes, I just hope my hippocampus is working for all of it. But for it to work properly we all need sleep!

A quickie on how sleep and long term memory works:

The pineal gland (aka the "third eye") is about the size of a grain of rice/a pea located at the base and in between both hemispheres of the brain. When it gets darker out the decrease in lighting sends signals to your eyes which sends messages to your pineal gland (why it's called the "third eye"). In the pineal gland, there are cells called pinealocytes that produces and secretes melatonin (a hormone that causes drowsiness and your body temperatures to drop). The melatonin in your body helps regulate your circadian rhythm aka your body's 24 hour clock. When your body's clock is out of whack a lot of things are too like your metabolism, hormonal rhythms, and neurostransmitter rhythms (chemical that carries messages between cells).

Ever heard of people telling you to not do all nighters to cram for an exam? Well it's true, cause your brain needs sleep in order to retain the information you're feeding it. And if you're pulling an all nighter...well it's all a cycle, put it together!

Everything above is summarized by me and I hope it's correct. If it's not feel free to correct me. Cause I won't learn from it if I keep thinking what I've been reading is right. (=

source for picture

The Paradox of Our Age

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space, but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

— Dr. Bob Moorehead

Disclaimer: I, Tamzilla did not write this or alter it in any way or form. A good friend of mine had emailed me the article and I thought a lot of people should read it also so I'm just reposting for good reads. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have. (=

A song that has been stuck in my head all day:

The Original:

White People Problems

(click picture to enlarge)

It bothered me that whoever made this screen cap couldn't differentiate between 'your' and 'you're' but they have a good point w/the captions so I'll let it slide.

I'm a total hypocrite for hating on complainers when I'm basically complaining about them myself, but seriously you have it good and while women are getting raped because their Dictator ordered for it, children are being taken away from their families and homes, men are getting killed all because they're standing up for their rights and freedom. While we already have that, and we're complaining about things that are so petty. Small minded people bother me, a lot.

I understand not everyone likes to stay informed and read the news every second they get like I do, so I try to tweet or tell my friends about the "interesting" stuff, but please just don't complain...

That kind of shit exists?

We’ve all seen it played over and over in various ways in different movies; the person who acts stupid in front of someone they are attracted to out of nervousness. We’ve all heard different artists sing it in songs; “See I can never feel alone with you in my life/I'll give up everything I own for you/won't think twice/almost ashamed how I'm mesmerized/such a shame/I lose my thought lookin’ in your eyes/I know why/because your kisses make my lips quiver/and that's real/and when you touch me my whole body shivers/I can feel/now I can see how another life/another life/could have the power to take over mine”—Ashanti “Baby”. We’ve all read it in books and magazines; the person who feels butterflies fluttering around in their stomachs at the sight of someone they love.

I have always felt overly blessed with my life, like there was never anything missing or there wasn’t a thing I wanted that someone else had. After watching what actors portray in movies, hearing what singers sing in the lyrics of their songs, and what authors describe in their books, I didn’t think all of this butterfly stuff was something people actually felt and preserved. But all of my friends have brought to my attention, that one can get pure bliss from being with someone they love romantically. I, for the first time ever am feeling envious of anyone and everyone who have felt this kind of felicity.

All of my girlfriends and guy friends (at least the ones who are brave enough to admit it) have sworn they’ve felt an amount of unexplainable excitement, euphoria, and joy just from being with the person they love. Even after seven, long, whole years a close couple friends of mine both have said just with them making eye contact to one another across the room have made them fall in love with each other all over again. I thought that stuff only happened in make believe land.

In the twenty something years of breathing I have never felt anything remotely close to euphoria from being with another person. Probably a reason why none of my romantic affairs (for those of you who don't know the definition, it is not to be mixed w/the word cheating or infidelity) have ever lasted, and I have also never declared my love for someone either. Yes, even after being with Thinh for 5 ½ years. Same goes for any of the guys I have talked to or kissed in the past. I mean I’ve felt attraction, but never anything strong enough for me to believe that it was love.

With all of the happiness that I currently have and somehow obtaining, I will continue to live my life until it blesses me with a man who can make me feel the things I see, hear, and read about. I know now to never settle for a guy who won’t give me such chemistry and won't sweep me off my feet (what girl doesn't secretly want that?). And to those of you who are already with someone that makes you feel that crazy yet amazing feeling, don’t let go because you were blessed enough to already have felt something so wonderful.

Keep loving.

This is the song I quoted above:

ABC's

(A) Age: 20 something

(B) Bed Size: queen

(C) Chore You Hate: Laundry

(D) Dogs? nope

(E) Essential Start Your Day: Reading the news

(F) Favorite Color: the rainbow

(G) Gold or Silver? white gold

(H) Height: 5’0"

(I) Instruments You Play(ed): none )=

(J) Job Title: life enjoy-er

(K) Kids: nope

(L) Live: Twin Cities, MN

(M) Mom’s Name: Thanhloan

(N) Nicknames: tamzilla

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? a few

(P) Pet Peeve: complainers

(Q) Quote from a movie: ”IOh, yes the past can hurt but you can either run from it or learn from it." --The Lion King

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 1 sister, 1 brother

(T) Time You Wake Up? I don't sleep

(U) Underwear: thongs

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: peas

(W) What Makes You Run Late: my long hair

(X) X-Rays You’ve Had Done: cat scans, ultrasounds, pap-smears, mammography

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: banh xeo, ca ri, flan, any vietnamese soup, any kind of pasta, etc.

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Lions

*****

We were standing in line for a ride in Disney Land and it was the first time I met my cousin's cousin Diane. She was trying to get to know me so she asked me what my favorite number, color, food, clothing store, etc were and that's when it triggered me that I don't have a favorite anything besides favorite animal and movie but even that's questionable since I like too many movies.

No human contact Mondays

I got this idea from the book I'm currently reading "Chasing Harry Winston" By Lauren Weisberger.

Starting in March, every Monday will be MY Monday. No answering to texts, phone calls, seeing anyone, or hanging out w/anyone (unless you're immediate family or it's an ABSOLUTE emergency like a close girlfriend who just got dumped or something).

It'll be a full 24 hours of much deserved and needed Tammy Time.
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Life right now

I'm very very very excited for all of the things that are going to be happening not only for myself but for my family in the next couple of months. I've learned to trust my intuition over the years because it has never let me down once yet. And right now my intuition is telling me that these new beginnings that I am creating for myself will be something that I need.

I'm seeing myself spend more and more time w/my siblings, mom and dad. I don't think I've ever spent so much time with them in the past as I have in the past three months. I suppose that's just apart of me going through my experiences though. I can't depend on anyone but myself, and if there was anyone I had to depend on it'd be my immediate family.

Today, after my dentist appointment I had lunch w/my dad, sister, and brother (mom was home sick). It was good. We talked, laughed, and actually enjoyed ourselves. I feel my family growing closer as the days go by and I'm loving it. I'm really big on family connection and keeping close family ties (immediate only), and everything that my family has been lately seems like it's being pulled right out of a movie. Unreal, but it so real.

My brother who doesn't live with us just found out that my mom has been sick. So he's been texting me all day of the different possible things that she could have and to tell me to tell her he hopes she feels better. #warmandfuzzyfeeling

Just wanted to mention how good things have been. Ten years from now, I'll read this and see that things were good at one point in life, but for me isn't life always good?

It has been a nice long freaking break. But it's time to get back to business and I couldn't be more excited about it. It's been too long where I've lost sleep because I didn't have time to. I miss the feeling of never having enough time in a day for anything. #riseandgrind

Things that make me happy #'s 40-49

40. Watching the previews before a movie
41. When someone remembers the little details about you
42. Doing absolutely nothing but talking about past memories w/friends you've had for almost 10+ years
43. Remembering a dream days, months, even years after having dreamnt it (it's rare for me to remember a dream, but when I do it sticks w/me.)
44. When people say "yes" instead of the expected "no"
45. When someone texts to tell me drive home safe or calls/texts me to see if I got home safe after a long night
46. Making up a dish as you go and having it turn out super-fab
47. How shiny and clean your car looks with other cars on the road after a fresh carwash
48. People's natural scent > perfume/cologne any day
49. Children with good manners


I remember watching Grease for the first time in '97 w/my Aunt and cousins from Cali. I loved the songs, and the story-line. But I <3 this cover. Maybe that'll be a movie I'll watch twice. (;

^__~

"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I’m already better than them."

--Marilyn Monroe

Now I'm not speaking for myself, because this has nothing to do with anything personal, but why do the people who say they don't care about this and that person are always the ones who sit there and gossip about the ones they supposedly claim to not care about? Or they sit there and complain about every thing that the person they claim to not care about does.

It's irritating because I don't want to get dragged into whatever it is you're trying to create for yourself and that person. But it's funny because you say you're sooOoOoOoo busy with school, work, and whatever else you have going on in your life, but yet you seem to still make time to sit there and dissect every little thing about the people you don't like. Makes so much sense right?

Reality check: get a life. Worry about your own before you dig your nose and ears into someone else's. The reasons you dislike the person(s) probably aren't even legit (see Reasons Why I Never Judge Anyone post). Yeah, they're not perfect. I'm not perfect. And neither are you.

Trial and Error

It wasn’t that I was trying to run away from something necessarily. I’ve just always had this feeling to explore, discover, and find new places and meet new faces along the way. I feel like my home here in Minnesota will always be here waiting for me no matter where I choose to go in life, I can return and it’ll be there. And from past experiences that has proven to be true. So once again, I’m going to prove it to be true again.

Although a torn family was a huge reason on why I chose not to stay, but other things played a role in the decision also: yes I was born there, and I have been to many different states in my twenty something years of living, but I’ve never returned to California since my parents chose to make the switch to move to Minnesota after I was just a month old. I think everyone kept saying how great the state was that I had high expectations, and along with high expectations came disappointments. It was a lot more “chill” than I had imagined it to be. I prefer the fast life that NYC or other big cities offer, and L.A., Garden Grove, Huntington Beach, Newport Beach, Anaheim, Costa Mesa, etc. didn’t bring that fast, rush rush living feeling for me. I spent the majority of my time w/my aunt, my cousins, their cousins, and their friends. Overall, California would be an ideal vacation spot, but definitely not to reside. At least in my opinion, but honestly the place wouldn’t be so bad if I could drag my family and my friends out here with me.

I know a lot of people were thinking how spontaneous of me to decide to up and leave, but honestly it was anything but spontaneous. Just because I didn't tell many people about it doesn't mean it was all impulsive. I picked and chose the people I wanted to have know about the decision carefully. The ones that mattered knew ahead of time. That's just the honest truth. I've met a lot of people in my life and I've learned to not hold onto every single person that I encounter. That was also a flaw of mine, but that was the past because I've grown passed that.

"I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused.

I got a small circle, I’m not with different crews

We walk the same path, but got on different shoes

Live in the same building, but we got different views."

--Drake (Tim Westwood Freestyle/Right Above it ft. Lil Wayne)

My parents, siblings, and even friends (that knew about the trial period) all have told me to give it an extended period of time and maybe it’ll grow because c’mon how can you tell in just a week right? But I know the place isn’t for me, and to me life is crazy short, time must not be wasted. I know for a fact that if I had stayed there longer to say give it a try and be open minded about it, I’d still be returning to the place I call home.

I can’t expect myself to move somewhere impulsively with nothing but two suitcases full of clothes and shoes and get goals accomplished. A couple weeks before I left my dad asked me what my plan was when I got out there; I didn’t have an answer for him. I’ll be getting on that now. My plan, because I know what I am going to be doing as my career, I just got to plan it out and execute it. But ya know, it’s always easier said than done. And my only motivation is to make my parents proud. People may have big ambitions for themselves and what they want to get done in life, but for me all I want is to be happy and to make my parents proud. I’m already happy, so I just got to strive to accomplish the second thing on my list. I wanna be able to provide for my parents when they can no longer provide for themselves. That is all I want out of life because I have everything else already.

Feb. 05, 2011 @Sticki Picki (click to enlarge)

When you give a new place a try, you really learn to appreciate what you've taken for granted before. I thought I learned that the first time moving to St. Louis for a year, but just the little time I had in the West coast I have learned to appreciate the sharp cold and snow (I never thought I'd ever say that). Also my time spent w/my immediate family and my friends. <3

Complications [edited]

As human beings why is it that we always make something simple so complicated for others and ourselves? Maybe we like to put forth the extra time, energy, and efforts into all that we do, because if we’re going to do something we might as well do it with all we have. Or is it those obstacles we create are what makes us feel alive.

You say you want to quit your job, but then you tell yourself the bills aren’t going to pay itself.

You like someone but instead of just going for it and being with them, you tell yourself what if he/she hurts you...but what if he/she doesn't?

You love someone but instead of getting married you tell yourself what if you’re not ready. Well if you’re not ready now when you two are in love when the hell will you be?

You want to switch majors but instead of doing it you dwell on all of the ‘lost’ time and money you’ve already spent on the current one and how much it’ll cost you to do the big change.

See everything is easy, really it is. I don't believe anything in life is complicated. It just all winds down to how bad you want it. Because if you want it bad enough you'll go for it, do it, be with that person, etc...however if you don't want something bad enough you'll continue to make excuses to not obtain it. So with all of that said, how bad do you want it?

I'm definitely guilty of this.

Never would I have thought

Maybe I have been living in my perfect little bubble.
Maybe God gave me extra blessings.
Maybe I still have a lot to encounter and experience.
Maybe i'm not a 40 year old trapped in a 20 something year old's body.
But whatever it is, this world is cruel.
When time gets tough I constantly remind myself that others have it worse than I do, but it wasn't until this weekend that I really got a glimpse of what that meant with someone so close yet so far away.
None the less, everything was a deal breaker for me in my decision making process.
I was given the opportunity more than once, and was asked over and over again if I was sure, but I refused to accept it.

So where do I go from here?
Carry on as I did before, not knowing of all the trials and tribulations that someone went through?
Cut off and avoid because life is too short to make every mistake yourself, so I gotta learn from other's?
Or just keep to myself and continue to lie like I had to today?
I'm not one to lie about anything, even though everyone lies. But lying to family isn't what I should go through life doing.

Whoever said blood is thicker than water definitely haven't lived long enough to know that it's not. Or they are as blessed as I am to never have experienced the fucked up shit that other's have.
With that said, it was a good run. But as each day goes on, I wanna make life easier for myself and those I surround myself with. --Not make it harder.
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