Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Leap of Faith
I typically trust my head over my heart. But when it’s real, you can’t run from it. So I say try your hardest, put your all into it, and if that doesn’t make things work then that’s how you know it wasn’t meant to be. –because there’s nothing else you could’ve done to hold it all together. But until you can truly say that you’ve done everything in your power, put your pride aside and give it a shot. You’ll never know until you take that leap of faith. I would rather feel sad for a short period of time after things don’t work out, than to hold back what I feel and be stuck with a lifetime of regrets and burning questions of “what if’s”. #thinkaboutit
No matter how much I try to convince myself and other’s that I don’t have any pride when it comes to men and relationships, we all know I have a lot of pride. I always feel like I have to show everyone I’m not one of those stupid naïve girls who’ll fall for every other word that comes out of a man’s mouth. I feel like people always underestimate me because of my size, like I’m weaker physically and emotionally than what I really am.
I guess I do have something that I’m trying to prove to people, what I’m capable of.
When to believe?
I’ve been considered “one of the guys” all of my life, and a perk with being friends with so many guys is that I get an inside look at their world. Most of my guy friends are sweethearts and would treat a girl right because they know she deserves it, but boys will be boys and there are a lot of them that are man-whores. That’s why I don’t think much of the words most guys tell me because I think it’s just a game to them. If a man wants you, nothing will stop him from trying to get you. I’m also a firm believer of actions speak louder than words. But after hearing him say those too-good-to-be-true words and him showing you that he’s genuinely interested when do you start believing that his actions are real and not just a game?
I think with how things have been for myself, when he, himself starts believing that’s when I will also. #lethispridego
Life right now
I feel like the past few months I’ve been trying to chase down every temporary high to satisfy me only to be disappointed. I’ve made some pretty poor decisions in the past—well to most it’d seem like a bad decision, but it was one I made that made me realize and grow. I feel like the next big decision I make will be another poor one, but I’ve been itching like crazy to do it. I want to move again, I’ve actually have been wanting to move since I’ve moved back to Minnesota for three months, but with me being with Thinh and starting school and everything I felt staying in Minnesota would be the best for my future. I mean yes it would be to finish school here, but I really want to get out of here. To the point where I just want to save a grip load of money and pick everything up and just leave one random day. #nothisdoesn’thavetodowithaboy
I can’t imagine myself owning a house because I’m the type that would want to get up and leave. Having a mortgage would only set me back from living in the many different places the world has to offer. So would having a family.
Random (memorable) conversation(s)
B: I hate YOU! I got so used to kicking it with you that it already feels weird and it's only been 2 hrs...
Me: Is that your way of saying you miss me without it actually sounding cakey? if it is then I miss you too.
- - - - -
B: [stares at me] come here, give me a kiss before we're drunk
^ that one is one of my favs b/c it's just one of those "actions" that kinda showed me that he's genuinely interested.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I used to want to fall in love, marry the man of my dreams, have his kids, get a place together and do what most people do in life, but after being single for however long now I feel completely different. I can be the domestic wife if I want to be, but I’m more of the career woman. I want to see the world, try every kind of food there is out there, meet new people, basically live life to the fullest (everyone has their own definition of what living life to the fullest is to them) and love+husband+kids+a house in one location will not do it for me. I’m not closing the door on being a domestic wife; maybe one day I will meet a man who will get me to believe in love where I’ll put my dreams will mold into another dream. But right now the opportunity cost of my travelling the world dream --no one man can take that away from me.
The past six weeks has been amazing, yet strange at the same time. I think I overdosed on Chicago. Going to Chicago, Chicago coming to me, me going to Chicago every two weeks has been crazy. Definitely lots of memories made, and that is something you can’t put a price on.
This summer so far has definitely put lots of things to the test: my ability to be spontaneous, my ability to handle changes, my feelings for people, my relationship with people, everything and anything! I was this person who loved to plan things ahead; I had to know what was going to happen tomorrow before today was over. Now I’m starting to soak in today and let tomorrow happen for it. Being as spontaneous as I ever have been in my life and I have to admit, it feels good. My ability to handle changes has gotten better than ever; I’m so good at adapting that I’m scaring myself. My feelings and relationships with certain people are definitely over, keeping a distance from them. And I’m now almost as certain more than I have ever been that Thinh and I won’t ever work out. Etc etc etc.
There’s this one thing that I just can’t fathom. I don’t know what to think when it comes to it or if there’s even anything to think about. With the thing I’m trying to put my over analyzing mind to rest by letting each day take its course, but I have to say old habits do die hard. I’m almost positive I’m just making nothing into something, but that’s how everything starts.
but forreal though, one question: Why oh why do you have to make me smile?
Reason, season, or lifetime
New people come into our lives all of the time and each individual fits one of the three: for a reason (to fulfill something), for a season (for a certain time period), or for a lifetime. Which one do you fit into?
and I’m scared too because I’m in the same boat
good women are rare too, none of them have come close
me I have’nt changed much, you know how I play
better safe than sorry
instead of searching for substance at every single party
baby being part of this life
I feel like I’m bound to end up with somebody
that’s been with everybody
I need you to rescue me from my destiny
I’m trying to live right and give you whatever’s left of me
cause you know life is what we make it and a
chance is like a picture, it’d be nice if you just take it.
Or let me take it for ya
I’m just down to ride
or we can roll around the city until we finally decide
I got more than a thing for you, tattoo and ink for you
right over my heart girl I do the unthinkable"
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?
If we gon’ do something ’bout it
We should do it right now"