-talk about burning myself out, I totally just jinxed myself -you know you work too much when you spend 15hrs a day at work, stay up thinking about work, and when you finally fall asleep you dream about work. this can't be life. and I enjoy what I do! -do you want to know how I feel or what I think? because sometimes I can't differentiate between the two. typical heart v.s. head -first, what are goals? second, plan to make goals happen. third, track progress and make adjustments along the way if necessary. - first, I have goals. but plan A and plan B. it's funny because I've always tools that plan b just distracts you from plan a, but life happens and suddenly you're thinking about a completely different plan for yourself. -second, at the moment step one to both plans do not require any money, just commitment. and if you know what my past looks like the only things I have allowed myself to commit to are: family, friends, fun, and food (what I like to call the quadruple F's). -after talking to a close friend of mine over the weekend I have come to realize: •I have never allowed myself to fully "feel". anytime I get close to it, I ruin whatever it is have before I get a chance to. • people have this expectation that i'm some super human who is immune to pain. although that is partly my fault for lettingthem perceive me that way -fate will only lead you so far before you have to start making it happen for yourself. if you truly want something you'll everything you can to make it happen. if not you'll make excuses for not trying harder. -I've always viewed emotions as being weak. if you ever showed any, you're weak. -I will try to sleep now.