Tuesday, March 11, 2014


There are two kinds of people in this world. 
There are the givers, those are people you see who give unconditional love to everyone. The people pleaders, the ones who will drop everything they're doing to help in time of need. The ones you think of as selfless. 

Then there are the takers, those are people who are constantly willing to suck everyone's time and love with no regard for anyone other than themselves. The ones who will wait until they're finished with what they're in the middle of, and start what they want next before helping anyone in need. The ones you think of as self centered.

I have this ridiculous habit of trying my hardest to be in the middle. I keep tabs of when and what someone gives me for my birthday, Christmas, just because and try my best to give the same amount back. I also keep mental tabs of when someone has gone out of their way to spend time or help me so I'm able to give the same back. 

But then there are these handful of people...my mental list of what they've given me in a lifetime just keeps getting longer and longer and I'm not able to cross them outs cause it's been difficult trying to give the same back. 

And maybe that's the culprit of this spring of the moment behavior, why I can't stop crying. I just want to clear myself of all debts. 

Sent from my iPad 

I feel like a worthless POS

Right now I feel like a waste of oxygen.

I'm thinking of all the ways people have contributed to my life, well being, and happiness and I can't say I even remotely do the same for anyone else.

I feel like I'm just there and that's it. 

I can't stop crying because all I can think of are the millions of ways I've made life more difficult for the people I love. I'm so sad I bring anything other than happiness into their lives, I'm so sorry.

I was such a foolish girl to think the world was limitless.
I was such a foolish girl to think money doesn't matter.

I'm sorry I am such a terrible daughter, older sister, girlfriend, and friend.

Sent from my iPad