Monday, March 2, 2015

Blurb of the Moment

I'm turning 27 in about two months, and I'm not anywhere near where I thought I'd be. Honestly, I feel like a complete fuck up.

I've been such a terrible human being the past 27 years to my parents, siblings, and friends. Basically anyone who is still by my side I'm more than grateful for, but my actions don't always show it. I've made it a goal of mine to continually nourish the relationships I have right now from my family, his family, and our friends I know I need to do a better job of playing my part.

I try so hard in all the wrong ways, when I just need to stay in touch with family and friends who live in another state. I've noticed that I try to compensate my lack of effort with material gifts.

I have nothing that my parents or my younger siblings can be proud of me for. And when I think about the next 6 months, year, 5 or 10 I don't know what it is that I want besides one thing. The only thing I'm ever sure about these days is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

When I think about him and the past four years together I get so sad. Sad because I don't deserve this blessing that has come into my life and has chosen to stay....willingly. I have nothing to offer this amazing person besides that I'll try to become a better person because I want to for him.

Every night I count my blessings before I drift off, and every night I'm amazed I can count so many.

At any point in time if anyone ever decides I'm poison in their life, I would understand.