Thursday, September 30, 2010

#np Dam Vinh Hung - Binh Minh Se Mang Em Di

Why DO people get married?
I’ve watched the first movie created by Tyler Perry back when I lived in Missouri, and I finally got to catch the sequel ‘Why Did I Get Married Too’ a couple days ago, and after watching it I’d have to ask myself and everyone else why do people get married? It’s crazy the things people do when they are in love, and I’d have to say that I never want to go through the emotional rollercoaster.

My personality quiz results are true though, I do have a longing desire for true never ending love. And I do believe in that type of love because I have seen it happen with my own eyes: my parents. If my parents can have the long everlasting love, then anyone can. I just don’t know if I’m willing to let myself be that vulnerable ever again to have it.

I’m tired of playing games, but if I want to win that’s what I have to do. Seems like everything in life is like a poker hand, I’m just playing with the hand I was dealt with. Learning to fold when I should, but sometimes keeping the hand is worth it. The pot is always bigger when you take the risk, just know which is worth the time and patience and which one isn’t. Sometimes it’s more than just the hand and the pot, sometimes you feel that it’s your’s. Learning to trust my intuition has been a big thing, I’ve learned that it’s never wrong.

I have an appointment with my favorite hairstylist at 2pm today, but I'm still indecisive on what i am going in for. A trim, or a cut? I'm known to be very impulsive. We'll see how this all turns out. My face is already chubby, might have to wait on the cut until I slim down a little. Short hair cuts make your face look wider, I don't need that right now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Word vomit

I've always believed that I have a guardian angel. That my family has a guardian angel, but after Sunday I can actually say that I am 110% positive that I have one. I have been truly blessed in more ways than I can actually count, and I can thank my guardian angel for many of them. Thank you again, for everything. Thank you for giving me another day, it is the best gift anyone can give to me.

Heights, nope. Spiders, nah. Being alone, never. Failing, never has crossed my mind. It seems like those are pretty common phobias/fears that many people have, especially failing. I can name a handful of people off the top of my head that would give failing the answer to what they're afraid of in life, but to me failing is something that's impossible. Life is pretty much a big adventure, when you're on an adventure you can't fail, you only learn.

I don't consider being a doctor, lawyer, or some top dog business person as being successful. I'm big on happiness, and the way I see it, if you're doing what makes you happy then you're successful.

Have-it-alls and the have-nots
I'm glad my family has worked from the ground up to get to where they are now. Er, I should say my parents. I wouldn't be viewing the things I have in life the same way if they didn't. Money isn't enjoyable unless you know what it's worth, and you'll only know that if you've truly had to work for it. I look at most of my friends who don't have to work; all they have to do is go to school and get good grades and I feel bad for them. Most would envy that lifestyle, but I don't because those kids will never know what it feels like to actually get something you've worked hard for when they had everything given to them.

I probably sound delirious, and that's because I am. I need to sleep. I'll add and edit this tomorrow.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I was secretly hoping and wishing for something and it just happened. #straightcheesin'
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I've realized that my #1 pet peeve is people complaining.
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I am currently on a hunt for:

  • cute, knee high, affordable black leather boots. Too bad leather and affordable doesn't go together.
  • a place that serves delicious empanadas. I can't seem to get my recipe right, but i'm not gonna quit.
  • my black, furry hooded North Face vest. Not only was it a Christmas present, it's a necessity for when snow rolls around. I don't like wearing big ugly jackets.
  • a cute black leather sling bag. I'm over my puked on Gucci sling bag, I want a plain black one.
  • a good laugh; I laugh everyday, but nothing worth remembering why I did.
  • a nice rooftop spot that's still open during Fall.
  • a consistent workout routine. I'm always,doing something different, everyday. I need a set time, and a set workout routine.
  • a nice laptop to invest in. too bad mine crashed, lots of important information, memorable pictures, and my collection of music. reminds me of when my first desktop crashed. )=
  • something, a hobby, job, friends, anything to fill up my time. i love telling people that sleep is a waste of time, but yet when i'm not sleeping i'm still wasting my time.
  • a reason why i should keep my hair long, or a reason why i should chop it all off.
  • stability

#np Deadmau5 - Faxing Berlin

Tea house trails of thoughts
Sitting here at Tea Garden, I forgot that I’m using my sister’s laptop since mine crashed. She has a laptop outside screen protector thing with little bears all over, a quote of some sort, and “Tiffany Le” written all over the thing. And with me looking like I’m 12, I wonder what people around me are thinking.

Currently listening to Deadmau5, and they’re soothing on this rainy day. I listen to all genres of music, but it’s rare to find me listening to house/techno/trance when I’m not drinking.

Family Affair
I love love love my family. Blood really is thicker than water, because in the end these people will always be there and support me no matter what I go through in life, but I really detest the fact that I have an infamous family throughout the world. My family is known really well throughout Minnesota, with all ethnicities, especially within the Asian community. But there are a few family members who have made my family infamous throughout the world.

Sure it can be nice to those who like the ‘fame’, but it bothers me knowing that everyone knows who I am by hearing my name and automatically they have this prejudgment of me in their minds because of the family I was born into.

First of all I dislike it when people collect presumptions of others before getting to know them. I know I do it too, but I try really hard not to. 100% of the time I’ll give everyone a chance, despite of the things I’ve heard from family, close friends, and acquaintances. Until the person shows me that they cannot be trusted, and have done me wrong, that’s when I’ll cut them out of my life. Even then I’ll most likely forgive them for their wrong doings.

Second, those people that knows me by name and knows the family I come from don’t get to know me for who I am. Rather, they know me for the family I was born into.

I refuse to use my family to network, even though I should. They say it’s not what you know but who you know, and the people they know could get me far in life. But with the person that I have grown up to be, I like to do things myself and my way.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"You don't need to give reasons for the things you do. You just have to do what you want. And sometimes the thing that seems messed up to everyone else is what's right for you. You have to do it and not be ashamed of it." --kristin stewart
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#np Shayne Ward - No Promises

The power of a smile
My weapon of choice? The smile. There are thousands of different languages spoken in the world, but a smile speaks all of them in one expression. Not only does it show so much emotion but it also hides a lot of it too. Anything from a broken heart, a shattered dream, a longing desire, to a thousand tears, a smile can show the world that you’re okay. The smile is infectious; I think it’s pretty much impossible to not smile when someone smiles at you. Besides hiding emotions, it also can show confidence; even a shy person can fool the world. It’s a little curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Rush rush, hush hush
I’ve always been one to rush into life. I swear I was born without a willing-to-wait gene because I’m one of the most impatient people you’ll ever know. When I was 13 years old I couldn’t wait til I turned 21 to drink, so I took my first shot and started partying. When I was 15 I couldn’t wait to turn 18 to start going to the casinos, so I started going. When I 16 I couldn’t wait to turn 18-21 to start clubbing/bar hopping so I found myself an id and started going. When I was 18 I couldn’t wait til I finished college to start working full-time so I took on 40 hours a week + school. You get the point right?

Surprisingly this is the first time ever that I haven’t felt the need to rushing into anything, and it shows: no school, no work. My job has become to just enjoy life. A lot of my friends are in such a hurry to finish to finish school and get started with their careers, but I don’t see the point in rushing to get those things done. If you asked me a year ago, I’d feel differently probably because I was in a long term relationship. But now that I’m out of it and not in one I feel like I need to slow my roll, take the time to enjoy everything around me and everything that I have. I’ll be a happy camper with finishing school by the time I’m 30. Gives me the time to travel, see new places, meet new faces because once you’re done with school and get your career started, the time you have definitely won’t allow you to do those things. All of your time will be focused on work, work, and more work.

A friend told me that I’d be in school with a lot of freshys when I’ve got a few years on ‘em and I told him that it didn’t matter to me when I finished, as long as I did and I look like a freshman anyways. (=

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

blah BLAH blahhh

Remember the time when the only thing you had to worry about was trying not to fall from the monkey bars.
The funny thing is: I say I don’t want this, don’t need this, but I really do.
It’s true when they say “we always adore those that ignore us, and ignore those that adore us most.”
You can’t lose what was never your’s to begin with.
A smile has a lot of power, use it to your advantage.
I hate that school has started and that no one has time to do anything but work and school now.
It’s funny how I keep talking about happiness, the definition changes every day for me. Yesterday’s happiness was video skyping and watching youtube videos over skype w/a friend til 4 in the morning.
I really dislike people that complain every time they open their mouths, but you’re an exception.
Mind fucking, this is really mind fucking.

1, 2, 3, 4, F I V E !

Five things you will find if you open my bag:

1. My BlackBerry
2. Digital camera
3. My retainer
4. A pack o gum
5. Hand sanitizer.

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life:
1. Travel the world
2. Make my parents proud
3. Walk the trails of a Rainforest
4. Swim w/sharks
5. Change someone’s life

Five things that make me very happy:
1. Time w/my family and close friends
2. Eating/trying new foods/restaurants
3. Listening to music
4. Introducing people to new things
5. Exploring/adventures

Five things I’m currently into:
1. Enjoying life
2. cooking
3. blogging
4. Staying low-key and away from downtown
5. Working out

Five things on my to-do list:
1. What I want to major in
2. Organizing my room
Saving $$$ for upcoming trips
4. sell my car
5. Find a job

Five things some people may or may not know about me:
1. My palms has more lines than anyone else. It’s kind of disgusting
2. I’m a human jukebox; play a song and I’ll name the artist and title
3. I never answer my phone w/a “hi” or a “hello” unless it’s an unknown number.
4. I have a weird phobia for dolls, small circular round spherical things like marbles, grapes, cherries, etc
I don’t like any season, but summer.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Boys Before Flowers- Because I'm Stupid

I'm kinda obsessed w/this song at the moment. I decided to rewatch this kdrama since i have nothing else to do these days.

#np Jagged Edge - Goodbye

The sibling situation
Many say it’s because we’re sisters, and that we’ll grow out of it soon, but I just can’t possibly find myself getting along with someone who’s so closed minded and ungrateful. Ever since I got my new car, I’ve been letting her use my old one and still paying for both while all she has to do is pay for the gas she uses on my old one. She needs it especially since my brother totaled my parents’ car that she was used to driving around. She hasn’t even paid a cent on my car right? But when I need to use something from her she’s quick to say no, judge, and be a complete bitch about it. I ask her a question and try to talk to her like a civil human being, but even that doesn’t work. Her attitude is just the worst. No respect, and ungrateful for what has been handed to her.

My brother is the same way. He’s the youngest of the family, so of course my parents baby him. He’s only worked a day in his entire twenty-one years of living and quit the next day because he couldn’t handle someone bossing him around. I don’t think my siblings understand how easy life is for them. I don’t like complaining and I’m very very grateful for going through the things I had to go through because I am the oldest child, but I just wish my siblings would understand why and how they have it so easy. Everything is always handed to them, and I’m not jealous because I don’t want anything ever handed to me, but I just wished they had the work ethic that my parents and I have. Maybe they’d appreciate the things they have more.

I’ve never been good with confrontation. But who is? I envy those who go at a problem head on without running away, because I’ve always been good at just that: running from my problems.

Simple Happiness
I don't expect much out of life to have fun and to be happy. These past couple of weeks, I have been happy with the little that I have done. I didn't even go downtown and I had an awesome time w/the company I was with.

-Spending an entire day eating lunch and shopping w/one of my closest girl friends
-advance screening to The Town w/my sister, her bf, her bf's brother, his date, and one of my closest girl friends
-a friend cooking dinner for me, watching tv, and doing hw together
-party hopping
-having a friend sing to me in Chinese
-youtubing comedians, cartoon shows that we grew up with, and are you afraid of the dark w/a friend
-getting to know one of my friend's family and friends (people that matter to that person)
-having my girl friends cook for me and playing catch up with them
-playing Tien Len for kneeling

just to name a few (= the best things in life really are free.

Dreams and Things
A reason why I don't want to be with anyone right now is the simple fact that I don't want to hold anyone back. Most of my friends and I are or will be going to college and once we're all done with college some of us will be moving out of the state, some will stay here in Minnesota, and etc. Either way we'll be trying to start our careers, and if I was dating someone throughout college, and his career involved him moving somewhere that I wouldn't be able to (whether because I'm not done w/school yet myself, or that my career wouldn't be good at the same location, etc) I wouldn't want him to hold his dreams back for me, or I wouldn't want to hold my dream back because of him. I wouldn't want to feel the disappointment either if he didn't consider me into his future plans. Dating someone throughout college will eventually come with a lot of obligation and expectations. Not that it doesn't already for non college relationships, but I feel like there's more when it is one, just because careers aren't established yet.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My dumbass disrespectful sister is so lucky I did not punch her ugly face in.
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Personality Quiz

I normally don't take these things seriously, but after answering several questions, it's pretty amazing how accurate it is.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Love Life:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high

If anyone of you wanna try it here's the link:

Saturday, September 18, 2010

What the eff is wrong with BOYS these days. MEN know what they have when they have it. BOYS will gamble with what they have in search for what they THINK is better. This is why I stay single.
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ramblings of a delirious young woman

Life right now is too crazy for anyone to understand. My life right now is too crazy for myself to understand.
Needs v.s. Wants
Dream chasing, money and men will come after.
Australia says up in my mind 24/7, 365....I gotta do it.
I've realized that everyone's dreams isn't the same dream I'm dreaming of.
My dream is for myself, and only I can make it come true.
Music soothes my soul.
My friends are incredible, what's a girl like me to do without 'em?!
I like to let go before it gets too complicated.
You have no one to blame but yourself.

"Oops I did it again
I played with your heart
Got lost in the game
Oops you think I'm in love..."
Oh Britney, how you stole the words right out of my mouth
It's a shame you got mixed up w/the crazy fattie K.Federline

- - - - -

I was getting ready for the day, and I was thinking of a friend who I ran into earlier in the week. After I was done getting ready, I checked my phone and that same friend text me to have lunch. Scary how life works eh? Coincidence or not, it was nice to catch up with her. Even though she's nearly a decade older than I am, we have an understanding with each other that I can't describe. It's like we get each other without even having to say anything.

Lunch with her made me miss the STP boys more. Lunch with her also made me think of an old friend. One whom I chose to cut off for my own good because she wasn't a good friend. It's sad how I had to cut the relationship off, considering that she was my first real girl friend since my only one back in grade school.

When someone is a good friend of mine, I will do anything in my power to be loyal, have their back, make them happy, etc...Money is nothing to me, when I have the money and if I go out with a group of friends I'll spend it down to the penny just to make sure everyone is having a great time. I've been told countless times from my mom that I shouldn't invest so much in my friendships because in the end 99.9% of them wouldn't be as down for me as I am for them, but I don't care. When I come into a friendship, my intentions is to have them around for life. And if you're going to be apart of my life for the rest of my life I'm going to need to water it, --to make it grow.

No one wants a friend who'll hold em back. A true friend is honest no matter what, and will grow with you. I have the weirdest, strangest group of close friends, but that's the way I like it: variety. We're all the same, but yet so different in many ways.

It's a shame that my first ever girl friend held me back. We went through a lot together, learned a lot together, and grew a lot together. But then we stopped growing, so I had to let her go. I hope you realize why I did it, and I hope you realize that a lot of it had to do with what you did. I hope one day you mature, and stop worrying about other people's lives and start worrying about your's. I only want the best for you, even if we don't talk anymore.

- - - - -

I'm so incredibly sick of people telling me that I will end up marrying Thinh no matter how many guys I talk to and date. How many times do I have to express and stress that I have absolutely no feelings for him? I've seen him a total of 10+ times since we've broken up, and each time I've seen him I felt nothing, nothing but friendship. During our 5 1/2 years together we both never said the three little words, when he realized that he had "loved" me and told me (after we broke up of course; men are stupid), I felt nothing. I'm just so sick of people telling me how perfect our relationship was. Fuck no it wasn't perfect, but what relationship is? We weren't one of Walt Disney's fairy tales, we were a real couple. Yes, I do get sad thinking about all of the things we have gone through together, but I'm not going to be with someone just because of how long we were together, or because I'm scared of starting over with another man. The next person that brings up how Thinh and I need to get back together, or that we'll end up getting married, or that I really do have feelings for him but I'm just burying it will get shot in the face personally by me. Because they need to get it through their heads, and how in the world are you going to tell me how I feel???? If you like him so much, then get married to him yourself. I'm not closing all doors on the possibility, it's just not in my interest right now. Life's crazy, anything can happen, but I'm 99.99999999999999% sure we are donezo.

Thanks for listening to me rant about it. I've been pissed off about it for too fucking long.

Friday, September 17, 2010

I am a ridiculous person. I do everything everyone thinks about doing but never has the guts to. #friendstellmeimcrazy
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Thursday, September 16, 2010

The chase.

My aunt once told me: "Love is like a child; if you chase it, it'll run. But if you run it'll chase you, so keep running." -Merina Vo

It's a simple concept we all knew in the back of our minds, but the light bulb didn't turn on until you hear it out of someone else's mouth.

A friend and I were talking about this over the past weekend. No one likes to admit it, but when you're talking, dating, or in a relationship with someone, everyone loves the chase. Most of us (except I) have stable lives, nothings new, nothings changing, it's the same old routine day in and day out. But with that someone(s) (plural for some of you out there) the chase is what gives your day some excitement.

The concept is easy: the more available a person is, the less appealing they are.

Just like when the Wii first came out. There were only so many that was in stock at each store, and people knew that so there were always lines out the door for em. Low supply = higher demand. Kind of like when a person seems to be unattainable, you get intrigued and no one likes to lose, so you make it a goal until they're your's. The funny thing about that is you only want something when you don't have it, but as soon as you got it, the feelings change.

Another reason why I didn't to get back with Thinh, I was tired of running. 5 1/2 years of running is tiring. When you're with someone for that long wouldn't you think you'd get to stand still and just be happy together already? --yeah you'd think so.

We're all in it just for the thrill of it. Always leave them wanting more.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

With my newly available time, I'm gonna try three new recipes a week, and try to get into painting and etc. Something new, just to say I tried it at least once.

-2-3 new recipes a week or same recipes to master it
-train for a marathon 5k then 10k
-read a new book every two weeks; currently reading How Starbucks Saved My Life
-more blogging/writing
-rock climbing

p.s. I am officially crazy.

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Monday, September 13, 2010

thoughts while reading

“She realized too late work was dignity.” --F. Scott Fitzgerald

A lot of people view working as a chore and it’s something that they dread. If there was something other than music, food, and writing, it’d be working.

Almost everyone who meets me, their initial first impression besides that I am young, is that I’m this spoiled, little princess who mommy and daddy supports and likes to protect. Little do they know that I’ve started working ever since I was 13 years old for my uncle’s baby’s mama’s insurance company one summer. Granted I wasn’t paid in cash, but she fed, clothes, and gave me shelter all summer long. She didn’t even ask me to work for her because she needed or wanted me to, I just did it because I wanted to. Ever since I turned legally able to work by law I started. I remember my very first interview with Best Buy, I was so freaking nervous you could hear my seven gold bracelets on my left hand jingle cause my hands were shaking so much. Needless to say I got the job. There hasn’t been an interview where I wasn’t offered the position and there hasn’t been a job where I haven’t learned to excel at. That’s probably why I switch jobs so often, I get bored. What’s left to learn, look forward to, or challenge yourself with after you’ve mastered it?

Not only do I love working, but I love the sense of accomplishment knowing that I am supporting myself. Everything that I own from my two cars, the clothes on my back, the food I eat, to the vacations I take have all been paid for myself. My parents haven’t bought me anything since I was sixteen, besides the rare occasions where my dad will fill up my gas tank. It’s just my character though, I hate asking anyone for things. Whining and bitching won’t get you anywhere so I use what I have to work with to get me the things I need and want in life. God didn’t give you two hands and two feet for nothing, use ‘em.

I mean, don’t you just hate it when someone asks you to do them a favor, you do it, and they bitch about how it wasn’t done right?—yeah me too. It’s like excuse me? Appreciate the fact that I took time to do you a favor, if you wanted things done right then do it yourself. I like to save myself the time from getting angry and disappointed and just do things myself. It’s easier for everyone that way. Plus the feeling of owing someone something never sits pretty with me, I absolutely hate that feeling more than anything else.

All this talk about work, it’s ironic that I haven’t been working for a couple of weeks now. Someone give me a challenge because using words to manipulate customers to open bank accounts and giving the best customer service in town was way too easy.

Side note: I’m going to try to not let the fact that I know a few people who read this blog affect what I write.

Oops I did it again
Many of my friends whether they have known me all of my life or only for a few months have all told me that I’m a heartbreaker. I know that’s not true because hearts cannot be broken, but there have been countless times where I had to cut all kinds of contact w/my male friends because they were starting to catch a crazy thing called feelings for me. I have a crazy inuition for two people who will start dating, when one is about to stray and I’m sure everyone can tell when a person starts to like you. I have a lot of guy friends because I feel comfortable, relaxed when I’m around them . They are straight forward, aren’t afraid to give you criticism, and aren’t afraid to take criticism. They keep the mood happy and light. It’s been like that all of my life. I think the past two years have been the only years where I’ve had a lot of girl friends. But I honestly get really uncomfortable when a guy I view strictly as friends start to see me as more than that. And when that happens I get in panic mode and just cut em off until they’re ready to be strictly just friends.

I’m writing this because I feel like I have to cut someone off soon. I apologize when I do, you’ll get confused at why I’m doing it. But please just know that I’m doing it out of my best interest for you, it’s better that things don’t get too sticky.

--sorry if things don't make sense, and or spelling is off. I wrote this all down on a notebook and had to type it on here because my laptop is pooped.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

"Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yourngs – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending tows except the essential thiards the eternal or what we imagine of it." – Cesare Pavese
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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Besides having no one to koala with, another downside to being single is having no one to share your happiness with. I am the happiest girl alive right now and no one knows.
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The rules of the game changes as you get older.
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Friday, September 10, 2010

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

The crazy thing about marriage
I have a cousin who married this woman about twelve years ago. I attended their wedding, watched them have their first two kids, buy a house, start a business together, the whole spiel...ya know what most people would like to accomplish in life. They moved to Texas a few years back and had a third child opened their own business down there and I honestly thought they were happy. I mean they made it past ten years together, that's a pretty big deal. But this morning while eating breakfast my mom broke the news to me that they were going to get a divorce. My cousin's going to get custody of the three kids and keep their business and house and his soon to be ex wife will just have fun.

I won't get into detail about why, how, or what happened but it's just sad to see a marriage that lasted for that long go out the window. Think about the kids, I can't even imagine what they're going through because I was blessed enough to grow up with the support of two parents, and two parents who are still married to this very day. I mean they weren't happy all twenty three years of their marriage but they have gotten through trials and tribulation to get happy and to get to where they are today.

Sixty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce these days. And for a person like me who doesn't believe in divorce, that's a huge turn off. Let's just save myself the time, money, and emotions. I still believe that two people could happily be married forever, but it takes a lot of patience, dedication, and compromise to make it work. And if I’m going into a relationship/marriage giving it 100% and the guy is just putting in 50%, he’s obviously getting the better end of the bargain.

But we’re all in the same situation called Life, and it’s crazy so you never know. I’m just not going to bother with finding someone. If he comes my way then maybe the idea of marriage will be put into consideration.

So before I left to school this morning, I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek. Kind of like a thank you, for her hard work and holding it through her marriage with my dad. I know it wasn’t the easiest, but it is now.

Football season is back in session
Yesterday was the NFL’s season opener with the Vikings playing against the SuperBowl champs the Saints. It was basically a repeat of last season’s NFC Championship game where the Vikes pretty much handed the title over to the Who Dat Nation, because we pretty much handed the first game to them either. Not a great way to start the season but there are fifteen games left.

Last season, every game was spent watching it with the STP boys. Cheering, joking, making bets, eating with them every Sunday and Monday were the best. It’s a shame that just because Thinh and I aren’t together anymore we don’t get to do that this season. Over the five and a half years of getting to know them, I looked at every one of them as if they were my brothers. That was pretty much the only thing I was scared of when Thinh and I ended our relationship, that my relationship with the guys would be gone, and it is.

New football traditions will be created this season though. One of the only beautiful things about fall, the NFL.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I've gotten pretty comfortable with myself mentally and physically to not care what other's think about me. I know who I am as a person, and there's almost nothing I'd change about myself physically and if there was I'm working at it. But growing up I've always remembered having a few insecurities which includes:

my ears: they stick out abnormally so I hated putting my hair in a pony tail. I was never comfortable having all of my hair up because of them. But now I think the sexiest thing a woman can wear is nothing + a pony tail. It's also the bravest hairstyle a woman can do because it shows all of your face, nothing's hiding.

my freckles: i've definitely gotten this trait from my mother. she has 'em all over her face, and I've always wished that my skin was clear like most of my other vietnamese friends. But I'm slowly appreciating them more and more. Makes me different, I like different.

my petiteness: when I'm looking at people or talking to people, I don't see myself as this short and small person. I see myself as the same height as you, even if you're towering over me. It's not until I look at pictures or people tell me how small I am that I realize it.

I was just uploading pics onto my Facebook and I have never gone out downtown sporting a pony tail before. The pictures triggered this post.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Me: Bye guys (to Giang and Thai). See you soon. Be safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Giang: Thanks for telling me to do anything.

Summer 2k10 Recap

I have lived through twenty two summers and none of them have been as amazing as this one. The theme for this summer has definitely got to be: 1) anything spontaneous and 2) there’s a first time for everything. I’m sad that it’s over because the people who made my summer will be focused on more important things than having fun, and the fact that the summers after this will have a hard time living up to this one.

This has been the most spontaneous summer ever and every minute of it was incredible. I lived day by day rather than pre plan everything out three months in advance, and didn’t expect anything out of it so there were no expectations that were needed to be met.

The summer started with an amazing trip to the windy city to celebrate mine and Bi’s birthday with a group of amazing people. I no longer think it’s the destination that you’re going to but more of the people you’re going with that makes or break a trip. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to kick the summer off with. I did so many things for the first time on that trip that I have never done in my life, and the rest of the summer seemed to continue in that pattern. Like skydiving, taking a bus trip by myself, meeting new people, trying new foods, seeing new places, and a few personal things too.

Although this summer was the first summer I have been single in a very very long time, I caught myself catching feelings for someone. With how we met in the beginning of the summer, who knew it’d get to where it is now. I’m still not sure what to make of it today, but I’m fine with that. Take each day as it comes.

There are a couple of people that I have grown incredibly close to. Before summer started, they were my friends yes, but who knew that by the time summer ended we would become close to family.
LinhWings: We have plenty of mutual friends yes, but as the days go by we become closer and closer. I remember eating our first meal together with just us two last semester at Hong Kong Noodle. It was the weirdest and most awkwardest thing because we didn’t know what to talk about. Now you put us two together and we can’t stop talking. I would like to thank another sister GiangerBomb who I’m pretty sure have contributed to this friendship’s growth.
maxMFpowers: I’ve known him for five plus years now, but we have never been this close. I would like to thank Lake Calhoun for bringing this friend of mine closer. Random jogs around the lake and lots of happy hours have gotten us to know each other more in depth. Hopefully our friendship won’t stop growing just because summer isn’t here anymore.

It’s easy to make 1000 enemies throughout a lifetime, but it’s hard to keep 1 friend throughout a lifetime. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about the friends I have already. (=

A song that'll sum up this summer: Travie McCoy - We'll Be Alright

"we are young, we run free
stay up late, we don’t sleep
got our friends, got the night
we’ll be alright"

holding back

Even though I haven’t been working, the days still seem to fly right by me. I can’t believe it’s already seven days into September. Where the hell does all of my time go? Cause I seriously can’t even remember what I did on the first day of the month. Life’s too crazy, I’d like it if you wouldn’t come at me at 100mph. Thanks!

The past few days some of my close friends have been telling me that I haven’t been Tamzilla. I suppose they’re right, I mean they are around me enough to know when I am not feeling myself and I haven’t been. All day Sunday was spent at my best friends’ apartment bumming around until a friend came over with a redbox and hot cheetos. But I guess when night time rolled around Tamzilla came back out cause I didn’t waste a second of it. Summer’s ending for those around me, gotta live in the moment with them.

School’s starting in about four hours for a lot of my friends, it feels weird that I won’t be studying at Moos towers and doing all nighters with them this semester. But I might still be around there just cause I have nothing better to do and we all know I dislike staying home.

Before I die there are a few things that I would like to do:
1) Make my parents proud: I know whatever I choose to do with my life and that as long as I’m happy they’ll be happy for me because that’s the kind of people they are. When I was born, their life ended and it was all about me and my siblings who followed after, but I wanna make sure they know that they did one hell of a job raising me. Because I could only imagine what it’d feel like to fail as a parent, but they haven’t and never will. And the least I could do is make them proud, even that wouldn’t be enough to repay them for all of the things they have shown, taught, helped, and got me through in life.
2) Take care of my parents til the day they are gone: Let’s be real, no matter how much I can’t imagine my life without them, they are getting older and soon enough they won’t be able to take care of themselves anymore. And when that day comes I will take them in my hands personally. Fuck nursing homes because there are too many crazy, fucked up people out there and I refuse to let a stranger take care of the two people who have changed and impacted my life the most. These two people created me, so my future husband whoever you may be better get along with them cause they’ll be living with me ‘til the day they are gone.
3) Change someone’s life: I just want to make an impact in someone’s life the way a lot of my family and friends have impacted mine. I don’t care if everyone else forgets me, as long as you remember me than that’s all that matters.

I would truly die a happy girl if I did all three.

Right now, there is absolutely nothing stable in my life. Although I find a little thrill in it, I wish there was at least one thing that I could hold onto and know that it won’t change the next day when I wake up.

I dislike the fact that I’m holding back what I really want to say right now.

#nowplaying Matt Cab - The One

Sunday, September 5, 2010

One day it's there, the next it's not. Funny how you are.
Sent via Blackberry from T-Mobile
It's funny how the simplest things like staying up til 6am watching movies w/your guy friends, watching them one by one knock out, and talking on the phone for a couple of hours while one of them drives home safely could make your night. No alcohol or going out needed. Repeats of that night please, and with my girlfriends.

Wrong idea
It's funny how a lot of my guy friends complain about why people think they're dogs, man whores, or man sluts. And they sit there and ask why people perceive them that way. I've always believed that what you let other perceive you is how they will, because that's all they see. If you don't let them see other parts of your personality then how will they know that part even exists?
So if you show others that you're a dog, that likes to talk to girls, and hook up with them every chance you get of course others will see you in that way also. So please quit your bitching and whining, and do something about it if you don't wanna be seen a certain way.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Saturday, September 4, 2010

#np Montell Jordan - get it on tonight

Boots, leggings, tights, sweaters, North Face
I wish the weather man warned me ahead of time. I needed time to prepare myself for summer's end. I mean I knew it was coming, but not so soon. Waking up one day and expecting it to still be nice, sunny, and hot outside but in reality it was windy and in the 50's is quite disappointing. So long sweet summer, this weekend will be the last of it. So you know damn well I'm going to make the most of it. Facebook, please brace yourself for some epic pictures because after this weekend, I'm taking hibernation to the next level, at least until Halloween.

I've never really enjoyed fall. I've always thought it was the most boring season ever. When I was younger, I enjoyed winter and summer the most. And ever since high school til now summer has always been my all time favorite season. This year, since 2010 has been all about changes, and trying new things I'm going to try to enjoy this season. Enjoy the cool weather, the leaves changing, the holidays (Tet Trung Thu, Halloween, Thanksgiving) and whatever else comes with it. Whoever wants to enjoy it with me is more than welcome.

Fall to-do list:
-a drive to somewhere far but close to see the leaves change
-try to take on photography
-Duluth; even if it's just for a night
-cook a semi or full on Thanksgiving dinner (I've never done this before)
-participate in more Tet Trung Thu activities, even if it's just buying moon cakes
-have a picnic
-go biking at least once a week, hopefully my sister's tires don't need to be replaced
-football!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lots of it
-Six Flags' Fright Fest or at least Valley Fair's Valley Scare
-Madison for Halloween
-lose the thunder thighs and chubby cheeks
-try learning two more recipes
-one bonfire
-finish the 30 day challenge that i left unfinished in August
...more will be added of course

Thursday, September 2, 2010

It's a big big world, and I'm gonna show you all of it

Not a girl, but not yet a woman
I forgot how long it’s been since my grandparents have seen me. Right when I walked in the door earlier, both of them dropped their mouths and said “wow.” I’m not great at taking compliments so I just gave them a big smile, said my hi’s and ran up to my room. That’s when I realized that the last time they saw me before this visit, I never wore make-up and I never dressed like a girl. They were both always here when the kids were growing up but moved a few months before I graduated from high school to California and I haven’t seen them since. It’s funny remembering the days when I asked my younger sister how to apply eye liner, mascara, and etc. I even had to steal one of her dresses to wear for my high school graduation ceremony cause I didn’t have one in my own closet, and look at me now: my closet is full of ‘em and I can’t even go out at night without slipping one on. And four years after applying my first eyeliner and mascara, I have graduated to wearing blush and false eyelashes. I’m growing up, no more tomboy Tammy…ha yeah right.

Old Soul
Even though I’m glad a lot of my friends from all over the states will be coming to Minnesota this weekend for the fair, I’m dreading it in a way. When anyone comes to visit from out of state; lots of partying, drinking, and going downtown is involved and that’s what I’m trying to hibernate from. I think I’ve had enough of it to last me the rest of my life. --Ok, maybe not to that extent but for sure until Halloween in Madison. I just need a little break, time to rejuvenate my body, mind, and soul.

If my guys heard this all of them would be screaming “Tamzilla you’ve changed, you’ve changed” while each of them are holding a shot of Hennessy to my face. C’mon boys, we’ve been drinking since we were 13 or 14…time for a break.

Ready or not, here I come
Let’s face it, as much as I want to drop everything and move to my dream continent/country/state I’m far from being able to. Financially, it’s going to take a lot more than the little chump change I have saved up. Mentally, I’m going to need to take baby steps and move somewhere out of the Midwest (no more St. Louie) to see if I can stand being away from my family for more than a month without flying/driving back home. Physically, I’m going to need to get into shape. I hate looking at pictures and seeing chubby me.

Realistically, I’m probably even going to have even smaller baby steps and post pone NYC ‘til after I graduate from college. So where does that leave me with two of my dream places being on hold?

“Home is the place you grow up wanting to leave, and the place you grow old wanting to go back to.

I feel like the quote is so true. As soon as I had hit the age of 13, I already wanted to move out of my parents’ house. When I was nineteen I finally got the chance, and that only left me being homesick. I think I’m going to give everything six months. Six months to work like crazy (especially since I’m not in school this semester) and save up as much as I can, while at the same time mentally and physically get myself together. It’ll also give me time to brainstorm which city/state would best suit me for right now, cause we all know after a few years I’ll be ready to move again. So, which city is ready for me?!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

#np John Mayer - Heartbreak Warfare

Am I really that crazy?
I think it's funny how a lot of my close friends keep telling me to not disappear from them. Do you guys really think I could just pick up and go without a word or a last appearance? I know I joke around a lot saying I don't have a heart and etc, but I could never leave without saying a "see ya later," that'd be too hard.

Without Facebook or Twitter, it'd probably be nearly impossible for me to keep in touch with my friends. That's one thing I'm really bad at, keeping people updated with my life unless you read things on here or keep up with my annoying 230943298 tweets a day, no one would know anything that goes on in my life. I just don't like to talk about it, literally. But I do looove to type about it. Ha.

I'm very lucky to have all five senses work, and I take it for granted everyday. It's unfortunate that there are many out there that can't see what their loved looks like, taste how delicious each dish in the world is, hear how beautiful and meaningful music is, smell how refreshing the ocean is, or feel the touch of their wife/husband's skin against their own. I tried sitting here deciding if I could only pick one sense to live with for the rest of my life which one it'd be, and I couldn't decide. I couldn't even decide one to live without.

This weekend made me realize how fortunate I am to have all five senses working. Thanks.

There are so many people in the world, let alone here in the United States. It's scary thinking about it. How each person that comes into your life, how they have already effected it. I guess you'll never know the reason behind their presence until they leave, but that's such a shame; watching each person leave. Reason, Season, Lifetime. I wish I was there for a lifetime for everyone of you. But not all wishes come true.

Man cave
I find it so claustrophobic watching some couples. The ones where both people are attached to each other by the hip. Every move, every breath taken together. I think that's one thing and the only thing that I miss about mine and Thinh's relationship. We were comfortable and trusted each other where we didn't need to do everything and anything together. I mean we were together a lot, but we still went on vacations without both people being there. He still went to the bars and clubs with his guy friends, me with my friends separate from him, but there were still times when we did go to the bars/clubs together and we still knew how to have fun with each other being there. I don't see very many couples doing that these days, so I miss it.

I think it's very important for every relationship to have time away from the s.o. to do some alone time things, and just breath. Otherwise things just get sooo routine, and we all know that's boring. No one wants to be stuck in a routine forever. So if I ever get married and if I ever own my own home with him, I'm going to make it a rule where he needs to have a man cave. A man cave is a room where it's primarily his, and he gets to do whatever the hell he wants in there. So whenever it's time to have space, the room is in use.

It's truly, ridiculously, weird, and surprising how life works. I will never get over that.