Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Vent Post

Why I Do The Things I Do:
1) because in some way or form it will make me happy. Directly or indirectly.

That's all it really comes down to.


Today I had my weekly one on one meeting w/my manager. Usually that involves talking about numbers, and stuff you wouldn't care about unless you were in my position. But today it was different. Coming into the room he told me immediately that he wanted to spend twenty five minutes talking about a strength that he thought I didn't leverage enough.

B: Tammy, do you think others like you, and enjoy your company?
Me: Well...that depends on who you're asking b/c if you ask (insert name here) I'd say no (insert name here) doesn't like me.
B: (insert name here) isn't your client. But overall, you're a likable person am I wrong?
Me: .....
B: I think you're not leveraging that enough b/c of your personality, and how others respond to you, you can get away with a lot more than others can. Whether that is blah blah blah...(him going into details & stuff you as my blog readers wouldn't care about)

He's right, and that's something I never even thought or knew. And this is why I love criticism. No criticism in my eyes is bad. Take it & leave it. Or you can take it & learn from it. or take it a step further & take it, learn from it, AND grow from it.


For the most part, I know what my strengths and my weaknesses are as a person. There are two weaknesses I am very aware of the second I am guilty of it, but I feel like I have no control over them.
1) allowing my selfishness effect the way I act towards those I love (IE: not getting what I want from the person & having mood swings)
2) allowing my mind to make up the worst possible outcome of a scenario, and allowing the fear of that outcome coming true to stop my potential of achieving something.

Those things effect me everyday, and everyday I realize it but I feel helpless when trying to change it.


I believe the foundation for any kind of relationship you have w/someone is communication. Whether the relationship is with a family member, a friend, a significant other, a colleague, a client, or anyone you have to be open and communicate with one another to have it last. Because honestly, we're not mind readers. No one knows what you're thinking or feeling besides yourself, and vice versa.

So tell me why it's so hard for me to communicate w/those I should be open with?

With social media being a tool used to express ourselves, I find myself turning to those outlets to express my happiness, sadness, anger, frustration rather than expressing those feelings to those who create them. And that's where the problem begins.


When we are together there are millions of feelings that run through me, and I have felt them all. But the one I feel more often than others is doubt.


I feel I want less, because I feel that's what I deserve. And from past experiences with too much of anything will cause problems and unhappiness.

All I want from life is to feel happier everyday than the day before, and for my loved ones to feel the same.