I just logged onto my fotki to pic a photo of the day, and I saw that someone looked into my prom albums! Wtf?! haha!!!

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Not a polaroid! But I feel this is the speed my life is going at 100mph, and it's not stopping. &&& I would love to just TRAVEL right now.

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Today was my last DWC class. It's once a week for twelve weeks that I have to go for two hours and sit there and listen and learn how to change my thoughts, beliefs, and actions to try and not relapse (makes me sound like a hardcore drug addict!). It was a drag at first to go to those classes once a week for twelve freakin weeks, and not to mention that they were two hours long each, but it was a good experience. $240 for the class alone not including other fees so I encourage everyone to find a sober driver each and every time you drink!

The experience was good because I got to know myself a little bit better, what my goals are, and how I affected others in my life with my DWI. I am proud to say that I will never ever drink while I know I have to drive again. And shame on those for peer pressuring me, when fully knowing that I have to drive!

There were many people who helped and supported me through this and still are so I'd like to thank:

My sister; she's done a lot for me like drive me to and from work and school, sometimes dropping me off to meet up with Thinh, to eat, the malls, waking up early as hell, and dropping off things for me late as hell. I know she complains about it and it gets annoying but without her, I don't know how I would've made it to work and school everyday + that court date.

My daddy; he's gone as far as hiding this whole thing from my mom, something that every husband shouldn't do, but he loves his children and knows when and how to protect them when they need it most. and he's the one who convinced me not to waste 5 G's on a stupid lawyer, thank goodness!!

Oanh; she's encouraged me to not drink when I don't need to and she's picked me up several times to go meet up with Thinh and to hang out with us. I think without her encouragment I would've ended up "relasping." LOL

My close friends; I don't need to name all of your guys' names, but thanks for the support. (=

Last but not least: Thinh; He's done more than enough, more than he should already. When it first happened, he bailed me out, gave me a place to stay until I could go home (long story! it was Thanksgiving weekend, my whole family was over the day when I got bailed out and my dad told everyone I was in Chicago w/friends so I couldn't go home), helped answer my questions about lawyers, prosecutors, court, fines, charges, and it was all when we weren't back together yet. Even when we did get back together a few weeks after the DWI, he was very supportive and picked me up early in the mornings (which is very sweet of him since he's not a morning person at all) to drive me to court, forced me to pay my previous tickets before the DWI, drives down to my hood to hangout with me on weekdays, picks me up drops me off on weekends, etc. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend/bestfriend. <3

Everyone has been really supportive, and I am very very grateful for that! Now it's my turn to return the favor by making sure that no one in my life gets in the same situation I was put in. Jail for two days wasn't fun, paying expensive fines aren't fun (I could've taken at least three trips w/that money!), missing school and work to go to court dates aren't fun, the DWC classes are expensive and aren't fun although you learn a lot, being on probation sucks, not being able to drive for a certain period sucks. It just makes you more dependent on those around you, and some people might not get lucky like me to have so many people to depend on and to support you. So don't drink and drive everyone!!!

Life's too short to make every mistake yourself, so learn from other peoples!

I wish I had the balls to quit school, put everything and everyone in my life behind and just travel the world.

Life is too short for this and that. Definitely too short to stay put in one place for too long.

Blogging from my BlackBerry right now and it's so hard and slow! Blogspot, if you're reading this, please make a BB app already! It'd make my life so much easier!

I'm trying to do things different. I need to declutter my life of unneccessary things and unneccessary people. I said I was going to start this months ago, but those people always seem to find a way to crawl back into my life. It's frustrating and very annoying. Which makes me think should I just tell the person straight up how I think of her? But that would just cause awkwardness and tension when we do see each other because we have plenty of mutual friends, OR just cut her out without her knowing? But then she'd just keep acting like we're still good friends.

I just can't shake this person off. No matter how much I want to remain silent, apart of me just wants to scream and let her and everyone know what a bogus person she is! I have the right to call her that because I know her well enough to know how she is in and out, sideways and longways.

Anyways, why is it that I've been feeling dumb in my geo class? I know I'm smarter than I've been acting in labs, but my lab partner always just knows how to make my brain go crazyyy!

I need to find a job pronto!!

I wish I could just win the lottery already. I've always thought of winning the lottery as the "easy way out" but I can't help it but feel lucky or...lost my trail of thought cause T called. Beat from school, finish this tmr.

The Power of Lists

places in the near future i will go:
NYC, New York
Toronto, Canada
Duluth, Minnesota
Madison, Wisconsin
LA, California


feel good things:
t and i reaching our ten months (realistically 48 months, that's not including the year apart)
finishing my one year (realistically five years) gift to t
de cluttering my life, my room and my car
doing good in school
saving money for christmas, trips
spending money for christmas, trips
getting a new and exciting job
Glee, Gossip Girl, & Greek; three of my favorite shows


languages i will master:
vietnamese
spanish
chinese
latin


things i want for greed, and don't need, but sincerely want:
a macbook pro
new ugg boots
a dslr
winning the lottery

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I can't seem to get rid of that travel bug that bit me months ago. And now that I'm unemployed, more and more of my time is spent thinking and planning about that next vacation.

I'm very tempted to take out a fat loan, and spend it on traveling all across Europe and Asia. Very tempted.

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Positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts.
POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

..pause the music to your right and click play to these:





<3Glee, why can't Wednesday be here already?

I've been surrounding myself around new people lately. And that's a good thing. Sometimes I just need to get to know new people.

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I can see through your fake bullshit and your lies. I don't want to bring any drama, so I will leave the man above to handle your b.s. The best thing you had from me was my honesty, loyalty, and respect. But you're losing all of that now. And the sad part is that she was right. You think you're better than everyone else, but yet you're a follower, you agree with what everyone is doing, and you put on this "nice girl" act. but fuck it, I can see pass it, and I don't want anything to do with you anymore.

I've honestly tried to stop talking about people, and I'm honestly going to try and make this my last one. But I just couldn't hold it in anymore. and I SO wish I could just say the person's name on here to get it out of my system. BUT I must resist and let God do his thing..

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who makes you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too shor...t to be anything, but happy."

Time for myself to be HAPPY.

"It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it."

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My first dozen roses I've ever recieved from anyone. Valentines Day 2005
(sorry about the weird resized pics, it looks funky!)

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The sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me would be the night when I was out camping with everyone (my usual friends Fanyan, Felix, Brian, Steven, Richard, Pat, GMR, etc etc) summer of '05, but this year was different because I got T, ChiChi, Harold, and Phuc to come out with us also. The only downside to it was that T and them could only stay for one night. So after the night and day that we spent together, T and I were spending time in my tent before he had to leave and he took out his cologne, which btw is one of my favorite scents of all time (Classic by Banana Republic) and sprayed his comforter all over with it.

T, then gave me the comforter and told me that he didn't want me to miss him too much and that I could sleep w/his comforter all night. (=

The sweetest thing ever. He is the sweetest ever.

This is my first time sleeping in until noon on a weekday since a very long time, and dang did it feel good. But I gotta admit, I do feel like a bum now.

I guess T got what he wished for; for me to either work less and more studying, or just more studying. I granted him the second option yesterday afternoon. Yep, I quit my job at M&I. I couldn't stand working with my fake ex supervisor anymore. I put up with so much b.s. the past two months, that I just couldn't work with her anymore. Time to job hunt now. Anyone know a place hiring for at least $11/hour, hollatchagirl!!

I must admit though, it feels good to just worry about school and not work at the same time. But dang, I was doing soooo good for my sales this month, oh wait I do good every month though. (=

I believe things happen for a reason, so I'm anxious to see what will come out of this.

I loved M&I as a company and my coworkers minus the supervisor. I really wanted to continue giving my services to them, and to my customers but I guess another company will be getting that now. Looking into going back to Wells. This will be funny, I haven't gone to an interview in over two years!!


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Thinh & I Florida Trip 09
Both of our first time to Disney World
He's one of the only people I can truly trust 100% other than my immediate family

When I trust someone, I put 99.9% of my trust in them. I don't trust anyone half way, or 1/3 of the way, it's all of the way. But it's sad to think that you can't trust anyone but yourself these days.

I never thought you'd do the things you did. When I care and love someone like I did with you, I get blinded. I thought you were better than that. You were one of the few I had respect for.

Speaking of respect, it seems like I've been losing lots of it lately for my fellow girls out there. When you degrade yourself with sleeping around and gold digging, I can't help but think of how low of a person you must be. I definitely don't want to be affilated with anyone like that. Because you are who you hang out with, and it seems like all of the tricks be hanging out with each other these days.

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I'm excited for Halloween. We are 99.9% sure on going to Madison. My favorite holiday just got better.

My fortune I got in a fortune cookie while having dinner for Thinh's Mom's Birthday | September 20, 2009

Oh boy, where has the time gone? You know they say, time flies when you're having fun, but I wouldn't call the last month 'fun'. It's already the beginning of fall, and it has already been a month into the fall semester. Which also means exams in all of my classes. I've already taken two last week, I have two more this week, and luckily one of my classes will never ever have quizzes, tests, or exams! Whoo hoo a break! haha. My brain feels all fried out, and my eyes can hardly open themselves anymore.

Thinh keeps bringing up the fact that I don't have time for anything. The more he brings it up, the more I feel overwhelmed. I never thought I was doing "too" much. I just thought of it as keeping myself busy so I don't waste my life bumming around. I work everyday for 8 hours. I have class M-Thurs for at least 1 1/2 hours (tuesdays are my long days where I'm at work from 6am-2pm then off to school from 3pm-9:20pm), that's already at least 11 hours of the day gone, and that doesn't include eating, showering, and homework.

Me: I feel like I have no time to do anything baby, I have so much to do tomorrow.
T: Well that's because you have no time to do anything hunnie. Your whole day is gone by the time get you get home from school.

He's truly sweet for worrying, but can a girl just get a little support? Not that I need it, but he's always telling me how much work I have to do and that I have no time. I realize that, and I chose not to change it for a reason. It's not that I doubt myself, it's just the more he brings it up, the more I rethink it and question what I'm doing.

I work hard and play hard, because I know my work will pay off. Hopefully soon!

and I feel bad because my friends keep asking me to do things with them, and when I tell them that I have no time to do anything, they take it as I'm blowing them off and the "I'm busy" is just another excuse, but I honestly don't have the time to do anything. and when I do have time (which I have to work hard during the weekdays to get), its during the weekends and thats the time I want to spend with my family and Thinh. I'm so use to talking to him for 2 or 3 hours a night, and since school has started for the both of us it's being cut down to 30 minutes a night. So sad!

Anyway, thanks for hearing me vent about my lame life, and my complaints when really, I have it better than 90% of the people out there in the world.

I entered in The Star Tribune's Adult Halloween Costume Contest

http://startribune.upickem.net/engine/Welcome.aspx?contestid=9671

go vote for me (& Mr. Joker)! (=

Thinh, Me, & Toan's sneaky ass @South Beach MIA, FL May 2009

Looking out the window, you can already see fall starting to set in, soon enough it'll be Minnesota's nasty winter. I wish I was back at the beach.

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I'm sitting here trying to fill out my application for The RDIC (M&I's Diversity Council) and they have all of these questions I have to answer so they can see if I'm a good canidate to be on the board of members or not. Well, I"m filling out everything fine, I have all genuinely awesome answers, then I hit the last two questions and I'm at a stump.

One of the responsibilities of the Council is to work together as a team to accomplish our objectives. Provide us with an example of how you have been a proven team player in the past.

....*thinking*....I honestly don't have a time where I was a team player. and that is one of my weaknesses, but it also can be one of my strengths. If you're a regular reader of my blog you're going to hear read the word "independent" a lot. and it might seem a little cocky, but why not be? It's a good kind of cocky, I think it's something someone should brag about, especially when I'm this young (or old). But, yes I am a very independent person. I don't like working in groups because I think they hold me back, especially when someone in the group doesn't understand what we're doing, doesn't do it right, or is just plain slow at doing it. At all of my previous jobs, my managers and supervisors have all made comments about myself being an independent worker during reviews, it's something I'm proud of but I would love to change that. I want to be a team player, but it's something I can't change overnight. I'm just a firm believer of if you wanna get something done your way and the right way, you gotta do it yourself or you'll always get disappointed.

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I really need to find time to clean my room. It's gotten pretty bad since I moved back. When I moved back about a year ago, my room was spotless and empty. I made it look like a tornado had just hit it. and it's sad because no matter how many times I clean it, two days later and my room will go back to being messy.

I think my problem is that I'm too sentimental. I like to keep everything. From old notebooks from my junior and senior year of high school, which by the way was four years ago, to movie ticket stubs and etc. I think I just need to call a maid to do the work for me.

I'll pay you $75 to clean, vaccum, hang my clothes, fold my clothes, move the desk out of my room, and just clean underneath my bed! haha That's not too much to ask for right? and my room is pretty small.

Things I need to find in my room:

safe deposit box keys...replacement keys are expensive!

my bail reciept and my bail papers to get the $ back...it's not my money so it's important I find it!

my passport

my social security card...i know, i shouldn't leave that around but I can't find it

the first Valentine's day present that I gave to Thinh..iono where I threw it. He left it over at my house a few months ago and it's gone

I'm sure theres more to find but that's all I can think off of the top of my head. I just gotta gather bills and stuff w/my name, addy, and account #'s on and shred em all at work. One of the perks of working at a bank. (=

When words fail; Music speaks

I wanna know, I wanna know
Your name, Your name, Your name
Why you gotta be anonymous?

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Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay

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I think I'm letting my curiosity get the best of me.

L2R: Son, Chinh, Thinh, & Jimmy Date Unknown, but many of our bowling adventures.

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I've never really been a competitive person ever. I've just never really cared if I came out on top or not. Things sure have changed though. Although I'm still not that great in sports (basketball, football, volleyball, tennis, etc) I still try. I think that's what counts but in things that I know I'm good at, I don't expect anything less from myself. If not be #1, I better be somewhere near it. Like taking tests/exams for school, bowling, writing papers, tetris (on Facebook or v.s. other people), sales goals at work to name a few. Maybe it's me being around guys so much that has me picking up on their characteristics.

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Sometimes I hate being a Gemini. My mind changes so often. One hour I'm feeling this way, the next I'm feeling the complete opposite. How to make it stop?!

My doubts have not gone anywhere, although my actions might speak otherwise.

Like I've said before. There are 52 cards in a deck, but there are 1,326 possible starting hands, which one of you will be my royal flush?

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I wish blogspot would be a little more private like LJ and Xanga.

I'm extremely pissed, sad, and disappointed right now. I worked so hard on my Philosophy exam, only to have it go to waste. 100 points down the drain all because of a mistake. Trying to revise and make sure I understood all 10 questions correctly, I saved the exam until it was 12:00pm to try and turn it in, by the time I was done finding the attachment and tried to send it in, the dropbox closed on me at 12:01pm.

I instantly emailed my teacher, he has a strict no late work policy. I don't know how many students try to pull this off, but I honestly did try to get my work in on time! I'm so sad...I really don't want to lose the 100 points. It'll effect my grade a lot, and it's just the fourth week of school. This is truly an FML moment.

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Payton on his 7th Birthday August 8,2009
I chose this picture for today because life is so much harder once you're in college. Well maybe not college because I still know quite a bit of young adults who still live off of their parents and all they have to worry about is making it to class everyday at 8 in the morning. I would love to be 7 again and have the ignorance of a child. No worries. Life was simple. But I can't complain I have everything I want, therefore I am blessed.

Had to drive to work and school today since everyone is busy. Now that my brother started working, the house will be even emptier. I never got why my parents bought such a pricey house, that no one ever stays in. Everyone in our family is always working, schooling, or partying. It seems like the only time someone is home is from 10pm-6am, then the house is left empty again. Anyone want to buy it? I'm sure my parents would be happy to have you take it out of their hands so they could move to a much warmer place.

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"Good things come to those who wait, but only the leftovers of those who hustle."

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I believe that one of my biggest strengths in life is my ability to adapt to any situation I get myself into. I observe when I am put into a situation that I'm not familiar with, and within a short period of time I've already feel like I've been doing whatever I'm doing for years. I'm a very fast learner, and I love it. It's probably why I'm so confident in myself in whatever it is that I choose to do in life.

Adaptiblity is just one of the traits that I've gotten to know about myself in the past 21 years. Most of the time it takes people their whole lives to get to know who they are, what they want, and what they need. For myself, I'm pretty confident I'm already there. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses, and I use that knowledge to my advantage. I think you really have to find yourself before you could do a lot of things in life, like falling in love, start a career, be happy...I mean if you don't know who you are, what you need, and what you want how on earth are you going to be satisfied ever?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=ymm4t

I've posted this years ago on my xanga, and last year on my facebook already. It's interesting to see what others think are your strengths in comparison to what you think your's are.

Me & Emmy, October 31st, 2008

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One of my favorite Holidays is Halloween. I guess some might not even consider it as a holiday, but it's one of my favorite, and it's coming up really soon. It's one of favorite holidays because it's not everyday that you get to dress up and actually be someone other than well, yourself. In the past I've been Barney's girl friend (I forgot her name), Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, the Grim Reaper, the guy from Scream, a ninja, a firefighter, a comedian from MTV's Wild 'n Out (it was a group thing we did when I was in STL), and last year I was a cop. I thought I knew what I wanted to be this year, but I'm not so sure anymore. I only showed the costume to a couple of people, and they gave me the greenlight to be it (they thought it was cute), but unfortunately the costume includes me wearing lots of tight leather, and a full face mask, only one can imagine what that would be right? But I have a feeling whatever I'm doing for Halloween, it's going to get real hot, real quick. Especially in that costume. So I'm back to square one. Thinking...thinking...thinking...

All I know is this year I want it to involve in a sexy/racy costume, a wig (preferably a different hair color than my natural), and some super high stillettos, and of course scary! --Afterall, that's what Halloween is all about, the scare. Which reminds me, I want to go to Valleyscare again this year! Food+rides+haunted houses+friends = awesome time. Only thing with that is T is scared of scary things..he doesn't like watching scary movies and while we were in Vegas going to the Wax house, there was a haunted house in it and he got so scared going through it.

Speaking of things to do on the holiday. T and I have been talking and I think we're really considering about going to Madison, WI this year. That is if we can get a group of at least 8-10 people to join us. But I know GMR always throws his yearly Halloween costume party, and him and Trina are two of the 9-10 that T and I would like to have join us. So, T's been trying to convince GMR about going and I'm gonna have to try and convince Trina. We'll see how that goes! I love his costume parties but a house with different crowds of asians usually end up in drama, and every year it's exactly what it's been, drama. So if anyone else would like to do something new for the weekend of Oct 30th, let me know! T went last year w/all of the guys and from the things he's been telling me it seems like it's exactly like how St. Louis, MO celebrates their Halloween in the CWE. They close a big street down, and everyone just parties on the street. There's vendors along the street selling alcohol and food, and a stage where they have bands play and the costume contest. And of course there's bars, clubs, and restaurants along the street that are open for a full party. It was fun, I wouldn't mind coming down there for Halloween either.

So if anyone has suggestions on what I should be, I would love to hear it! T is going as a Vampire this year..haha if only he was Edward Cullen...kidding!

I made the mistake of leaving a link to this blogspot on my fotki...too many people who know me read this now! Time to move again?

We had our bi-weekly meeting at work this morning and our region's marketing manager came out to our branch to talk to us about our company's diversity council and their upcoming meetings and events and all of that. Browsing through the packet she had stapled for us with all of the events, what the diversity council was, all of those good stuff. Well I noticed that no one on the council was of diverse descent. Everyone on there is Caucasian, which is funny since it was a 'diversity' council. So a thing popped into my head, why not join?

I like to keep myself busy. It I wasn't working full time and going to school full time at the same time, I'm sure I would find something to occupy myself so that I wouldn't be bumming around. Well instead of just juggling school, homework, work, time w/my family, friends, and the boyfriend, hopefully I'll be juggling the Diversity Council.

I've already emailed the co-chair who I've already met, and I'm going to fill out the paper work and try out soon. I'm not an official member yet, but I already have plans for the council up my sleeves. Let's just say, the Vietnamese Community around MN will be seeing a lot of M&I around. (=

I want to advance within this company if it's possible. I love it here, and I can't see myself working for any other company right now. Plus joining the council would open more doors for me to meet new people and network, also learn new skills I probably won't learn in a classroom.

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I wish Blogspot would come up with an app for the Blackberry. It would make my life a lot easier if I could blog on my lunch break, on the toilet, while in class, out at the park, etc etc.

Photo of the Day

Thinh on his 22nd Birthday, May 19, 2009.

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I'm really loving turning these photos into polaroids. I've always wanted a polaroid camera. (=

See more here

--I'm going to start posting a photo a day. One for how I'm feeling. This one is my first, because he's my first.

Dream jobs; everyone's had one, and of course like fall and spring's fashion statement, it changes throughout your lifetime. We've all had one when we're young, and by the time you hit your teenage years it probably has changed, and by the time you graduate from high school it probably changed, and it probably changed again halfway through your sophomore year in college, I know mine did.

When I was a child up until I was a freshman in high school, I've always wanted to be a neurosurgeon. I loved the idea of getting to work on one of the most important and fascinating body part of the human being. I also loved the idea of being my own boss, controlling other people around, being the one person in the entire world that the patient right in front of you is trusting their life with, I loved the idea of being someone important to someone else. All of my friends knew I wanted to be one, they even called me Dr. Le, because at that time it was what I was destined to be. It wasn't until freshman year that I realized that biology wasn't my subject (any science subject isn't my subject), english and writing would better suit me, and the fact that I couldn't stand blood anymore.

When I graduated from high school, I was so sure that I was going to be this top business woman. I was looking foward to Spring 2010 graduated from Carlson (U of M) with a a double major in International business and entrepreneurship with a minor in psychology, fluent in Vietnamese, Chinese, and English. I would travel around to Vietnam and China doing business for a top company in the United States. That dream all went down when I figured out that economics wasn't my thing, and if I wanted to be the top person, I had to understand economics inside and out. and there definitely was no way in hell I'd understand it.

I guess you could say that I gave up on all of those dreams, but I don't think it's giving up. I just see it as, I know myself better now to know what best suits me. I honestly wouldn't like working the hours that neurosurgeons work, or the long hours on airplanes that my international business degree would have gotten me. I thought a little more about it, and honestly I would like to spend more time with my one-day-someday-family-to-be-with-mr.-perfect.

And with all of that, it has gotten me to really consider journalism, broadcast journalism, and communications. I really want to do journalism/broadcast journalism, and I absolutely have no doubts in myself no matter what I hear from people saying that it's a very competitive field, it's just that I don't know how long I'd actually stick with it. I love variety in everything that I do, from choosing an outfit to wear, to eating out, I don't like ordering just one item off the menu and sticking with it, I like ordering three or four and eating a little off of everything. So I think communications would be my best bet. It gives me the variety that I crave for.

I know that no matter what I choose to be, I will succeed in it. I could have been the neurosurgeon or the international business woman, I could actually be anything I want to be. There is nothing that anyone can do that I cannot do. I can do it just as well as they can, if not better. I might not stick to my communications plan because there are millions of occupations out there, but I know I will be on top, I hope to see you all up there with me.

"I would rather shoot for the moon and miss than aim for the gutters and make it."

I've only been breathing for 21 years, but why is it that I feel like I'm so old? Sometimes I do think that I'm rushing into life just a little too fast. Wanting to do this and that right now.

Someone told me that he used to set goals and time limits like I did on his life until he realized that he would have his whole to do it and that he was still young, considering that he is older than I am. True, you do have your whole life to do it, and yes most people would consider being in your early twenties pretty young, but I just feel like 24 hours in a day isn't enough, living until I'm 100 years old isn't enough. There just will never be enough time for me to finish and accomplish everything I want to do. Tomorrow isn't promised.

But maybe he's right, I should try to slow it down just a little. It's not the end of the world for me if I don't get something done by the timeline I have set for it. It's just a timeline that I have set for myself. I think everyone should set a timeline for their personal use. I mean, without goals, and a timeline, how would you know where to start? It's like driving without a destination. You'd just be driving around forever until you have a set place to be. That's why I have my timeline, so I know where to go. (=

But I am trying to let things fall into place...trying.

*****

I folded this hand two years ago, and somehow I ended right back with it. Myself, a believer in fate and destiny, I believe that it was fate that brought the hand back to me. But fate can only take you so far. The rest is up to you.

Up to me; So my mind tells myself that I should fold the hand. Holding onto it will make me miss out on other oppertunites that other hands will bring to me. But my heart tells me to keep the hand, play it out until the hand cannot be played anymore, my heart tells me that this is my royal flush if only I'd give it time. --If only the hand will give me the time.

This is the battle between what's right for me, and what's right for the both of us.I'm not selfish enough to let the hand go yet.

Simplicity

Happiness. Everyone has their own definition of what it means to them. I feel like I used to know what it meant to me, but lately I've been feeling like I have no idea anymore.

I'm a simple girl. So it takes the simplest things in life to keep me happy. I don't ask for much out of my family, friends, and boyfriend. In all three categories all I ask for are; loyalty, honesty, and for your trust. If you're only going to go through halfway with any of those with me, then don't even bother, give me your all or give me nothing.

But it seems like you can't even ask for those three simple things out of your own family, friends or boyfriend anymore. Or is it that I'm asking for too much?

I know no matter how old you are, who you are, how wealthy you are, what your status is, you're always going to be let down one way or another. That's why most of the time when I have gotten let down, I shrug my shoulders, know not to depend or trust the person(s) anymore, and to move on. I already feel like my time in life is short, there's no way in hell I am going to stop my life, cry over a person who doesn't deserve my tears. If you can't give me loyalty, honesty and trust, then you sure as hell do not deserve my time or my tears.

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.

I definitely need to get out of here. It's time I see new places and meet new faces again.

But besides from that, like I said, I'm a VERY simple girl. I am happy to just be blessed with another day, a roof over my head, good food to fill my stomach with, a good paying job to pay my bills with, a very loving family, a very good friend, and a very awesome boyfriend. I am truly blessed. (=

I always have to remind myself that my family, friends, and boyfriend can't read my mind. I shouldn't get disappointed with them if they don't see things how I see it. But that's the thing. I hate having to tell people how I feel.

*****

Tonight is suppose to be our first SATC of the summer. I don't think the girls and I have done one since back in the spring. Which is suprising, you'd think since it's summer, everyone would have more free time. But it was the complete opposite for us. I'm debating whether or not to go through with it, or to bail out on them, again.

Ever since an event in the summer, I've been questioning my friendship and trust with one of the girls, which have let to me questioning my friendship and trust with all of them. Growing up I've never had girl friends. I've always been the tom boy, the one girl who is considered to be as one of the guys. Whatever the guys did, I did from sports, how they dressed, to burping, farting, etc. I didn't care. I am comfortable with myself to do it in front of others. Up until just a couple of years ago that I've gotten really close to this group of girls + one other. I'll have to admit, it's nice to relate to them with 'girly' things, relationship problems, family problems, etc. Since then, I have put 99.9% of my trust into those four girls, telling them every little bit of my life, trusting that they won't go tell their boyfriends, other girl friends of theirs, family, etc. But from what someone has told me, one of these girls have broken that trust. And that's the thing though, someone else has told me, I didn't witness it for myself. I'm the type of person where I don't care what I have heard about you, because it's just what I've heard. I will be your friend until you prove to me that you should be otherwise. --Well I've been meaning to talk to this friend of mine about the situation but everytime I've run into her, it's always out at a social event, and I don't wanna ruin the mood for everyone by bringing up such a serious topic at a public place.

We'll see how I feel about going by 5pm this evening.

*****

I really want to start trying to cook more. I feel like ever since I moved back home, that I've lost my touch. But now with work and school going on, I'm afraid I won't ever have time to start cooking again until I'm done with school, and then my next excuse will be that I'm so focused on my career, I don't have time to cook. If only there were more than 24 hours in a day.

*****

Trying to let things fall into place.

I'm so mentally exhausted. Not just with school and homework but with work, friends, the boyfriend, family, just life itself.

I can never seem to be content staying in one place, especially if it's Minnesota. Ever since I moved back, I've been itching to get right back out of here. That's probably one of the reasons why I've been trying to travel so much. I'd go insane if I was to stay here for a year or six months straight.

I need a permanant travel buddy. Next stop on my itinerary was Bahamas, but I don't think will go the way I want to, so it'll have to be Philly, North Carolina, or California. After that, I'll probably go to the Bahamas for spring or summer break of 2010...once I find a travel buddy that is!

I think I've set my mind on it. It's time I lay the hand down, and move on. There are 52 cards in a deck. There are 1,326 possible starting hands, out that, the odds of getting a royal flush is 1 in 649,740,000, I'll take my chances and wait til I get it my royal flush, it may never happen, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

When life deals you the cards, and you have a set on the river, do you go all in and risk losing it all to the (possible) full house? Or do you fold and give the next hand a chance?

Normally, I believe in going all in at every hand dealt to me, but this one, it’s a different scenerio. I’m not having a hard time folding, but the thought of never getting the hand back is what’s making me play it out all the way.

I hope in the end the pot is worth it.

*****

I <3 Texas Hold 'em. So I like using 'poker' terms when speaking about my life. It's vague enough for nosey people to not nko what I am talking about, but it's also blunt enough for people who knows to know what I am talking about.

When I was a freshman in high school, all I wanted to do was play play play. and I think that is still true about me to this very day, except I work work work and play play play all at the same time. Took a lot of mistakes, experiencing it all on my own for me to finally realize that you can't just play without working. Without working, play just isn't as fun, working makes playing more worth it.

Well anyways, my parents knew this. My parents knew that I loved to play and never do homework. So to bribe me to finally work (as in work I mean school, and as in play I mean like go out, do whatever to have fun) they told me that once I graduate from high school, they would give me money, and once I graduate from college they would give me a new car. Well, turns out I didn't even have to finish high school (even though I did) or finish college [yet] to get a new car. They helped me put a down payment on my car of choice (which I don't know why I picked the Scion tC but I did, and to this day I truly regret it), and I would just have to make the monthly payments, pay for my monthly insurance payments, and they would help out with gas. As time went on, I eventually took on the role of paying for my own gas (which I don't mind paying for).

Well, now it is time to reward myself for the hard work I've been doing in college for the past three years. It's time I upgrade my '06 tC for a new, better, and improved car. One that can actually make it up my neighborhood hill during Minnesota's long winters.

I was so set on getting a car just yesterday afternoon, until I got home from school. I always pay all of my bills online through my bank, so when I have a new bill, I just set up the ebill and set up online statements and voila, I know what dates it has to be click click send, so I never (which I should start doing) look at my statements for credit cards, car statements, bank statements, loan statements, etc. Well, yesterday I got home and saw the car statement laying there on the kitchen table so I decided to just open it and see how many payments are left and to my very I only have a whopping 13 payments left until the tC is paid off! Whoo hoo right? Well, now I'm contemplating just keeping the junkie thing, and after a year, my car will be paid off, and just save those would-be monthly car payments for a nice down payment on my very first home.

So now I'm torn on what to do. I wish I only had 13 payments left for a different car, a nicer one. and I'd so just keep it and save up for my first home, but unfortunately, it isn't a different car, it's one that gets me tons of tickets + more, and won't even go up my hill in the winters. I'm a small girl, so I think a nice truck/suv would be fitting...

Opinions anyone? Help me out! I would much rather put money towards an investment than something that depreciates it's value...but....

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive.
Don’t go for wealth; even that fades way.
Go for someone who makes you smile
because it only takes a smile to make a
dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

<3<3<3

End of the Season

I love end of the season sales! Clothes on the low low. I just hope I'll be able to fit into them next summer! But I'm stocking up on summer dresses, shorts, tanks, bikinis, and flip flops for my planned Bahamas trip in January. Jealous? I would be too.

*****

Changing my lab day from Tuesday over to Thursday for reasons I will not say. But I'm hoping this semester will be a good one. So far it's giving me a lot of challenges but it's nothing I can't do. I know no one can do things like I can, that's why I love to brag. Get on my level and then you can say something!

*****

Happy Birthday to one of my good friends, Hoang! You youngin'! Hurry up and turn 21 please, so instead of calling you to vent, we could go out for drinks to vent!

So it'll be work, school, shower, and Sushi Tango for the bff's birthday. I shouldn't go cause I have a load of homework due Friday and I plan on staying back for lab on Thursday (even though I did lab yesterday)..

*****

If I didn't have to work this Saturday, I would so fly out to LA and visit some of my family out there, but unfortunately, I do work. So I'm going to have to settle for some Minnesota shopping this weekend for fall clothes and summer sales.

Hideaway

Eversince the Movie, Jack, the one where Robin Williams is a boy trapped inside a boy of a person who ages quickly, I've always wanted a tree house. Now that I'm 21, it hasn't changed. A lot of men have something called their "man cave." A place they can get away from their girlfriends, wives, family, siblings, work, reality, life. So, later in life when I have my own place, my own house, when I'm done with school, paid off all of my private school loans, and can afford the things I want. I'll be getting my own oasis. Somewhere where I can escape the reality of things, when things get too much to handle and when I need a break. Something I'm kind of feeling now, except I have no oasis to run to to take a break. I've been meaning to pick up a book to read lately, but with everything going on, school, work, homework, I have no time. There's enough reading for my five classes as it is. Even if I had the time to read for leisure I don't think I'd know what to read. Anyone have any new and refreshing recommendations? --I'm willing to take it.