Sunday, October 10, 2010

Shit! I write too much

Things I find useless:
-a BlackBerry with no data plan
-a beautiful person with no personality
-a person with no passion
-a man with a penis who can’t please a woman in bed
-a heart without the will to love
-kitchen counter space with no cook
-a life with no memories
-a life without happiness
-a day without smiling
-a day without laughing
-a child with no love
-a winter day without a warm embrace
-the post office
-an empty stomach
-any kind of relationship without trust and honesty
-a mouth that never smiles
-dinner without a glass of wine
-tomorrow without hope

The sweet just ain’t as sweet without the bitter
one of my favorite quotes because it shows that no relationship is perfect. Without the bitter (fights and arguments) you wouldn’t appreciate the happy, good times as much.

A close friend told me today: “Now I know why you like it when everyone is sweet to you because you’re so bitter.”

Whether that’s true or not, I don’t believe myself to be a bitter person. I like to think of it as myself being more realistic than anything, with sprinkles of optimism.

But everyday people give me more and more reasons to believe that relationships between two people won’t last, but then I see my parents and am reminded that they have been together for over 30+ years and have been married for over 20+ years. This is their peak happiness at the age of 52 and 50. All it takes is both parties willing to dedicate all of themselves, patience, time, lots of compromising, and lots of forgiving. I’m always all-in, now if only someone could come my way who’s willing to do the same.

I don’t deserve just your heart. I deserve all of you. Your mind, body, heart, and soul.

Dear Autumn,
I know I’ve never appreciated you in the past. I know I’ve never taken a single minute out of my busy schedule to accept and soak in your beauty. But what are you doing to me? I hate you right now because with the seasonal change, my feelings are also transitioning, and I don’t like it. I hate you because you’re making me feel like I need things that I do not want. So I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop with the mind fucking and I normally don’t do promises, but if I ever feel better I’ll spend some time with you.

With hope,

Little black notebook
It’s funny how this Five-Star notebook can be so theraputical. Inside it are collections of my life. Everything from my feelings, thoughts, recipes, favorite song lyrics, quotes, memories, and ideas. Most of it I publish on my blog, but who knew it’d be so refreshing to hand write your life. Stress reliever you are.

When I first hear a song that I like, I put it on repeat and listen to it infinitely until I find another song I like more or until I get sick of it. Alicia Keys’ Unthinkable remix with Drake is one of them that I just can’t get sick of. I’ve caught myself listening and re-listening to Drake’s verse multiple times in a row. There’s something about his lyrics to this particular song that speaks to me and I’m sure a lot of other people as well.

Before this point in life, I thought I was going to date someone for at least five years (the ex) and get married and well you know the rest. But now that we aren’t together and I have no intentions of rekindling things, I feel like I’ll be 30 something marrying a dog who’s fucked everybody.

“I’m trying to live right and give you whatever’s left of me cause you know life is what we make it and a chance is like a picture, it’d be nice if you’d just take it”—Drake

Even though at the age of twenty-two, many people feel like I’m still young, but how old I am is something completely different from how old I feel. And at twenty-two I know I’ve done and gone through a lot more than my peers. I’m just trying to live right, now after living ‘wrong’ in the past.

Life’s too short…
-to be sleeping
-to be wasted on just anyone
-to be skipping out on chances
-to blend in
-to give only half of your heart
-to not eat everything and anything your stomach desires
-to dream and not put any action into it
-to hold back
-to not laugh
-to not smile
-to hold grudges
-to never forgive
-to dwell on the past
-to be sad
-to not listen to music
-to not kiss
-to not believe in yourself
-to regret

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