Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sending them my love, x's and o's

I've never needed a pat on the back or a reward for the things I've done in school or at work, because I know I did an awesome job and that no one could replace me. I don't need someone else's approval to know that. In the past twenty so years, I've grown to know who I am, what I need, what I want, what I am capable of, and how to use these 'powers'. I've also come to realize that the more self-aware you are of yourself, the less you care about what others say, think, and feel about you.

That's how I've been feeling for a while and I'd have to say it's pretty liberating knowing that no one but yourself is capable of hurting you. I'm pretty sure a lot of it also has to do with your attitude on certain situations, but I know my past, I know what I've done, and what I haven't done so whoever thinks they know otherwise can go screw themselves. A few months back, I'd probably beat a bitches' or an asshole's ass, but I don't need to say or do anything to them, they're just screwing themselves in the end. How? Looking stupid.

It's not conceited of me, nor is it cockiness. Nothing is sexier than confidence, and a person who is conscious of who they are. A few minutes into a conversation with someone I can tell if they're confident and know who they are as a person or if they're a lost puppy. I don't like animals, so I tend to stay away from those kinds of people, but best of luck to ya. I hope one day you start worrying about yourself and less about other people's lives. Then maybe you'll know yourself a little better.

when you distance yourself from people you:

1) appreciate them more
2) realize you're better off without them

I can count the number of people that fall into category one on one hand, everyone else you fall into category two.

I've deactivated my Facebook for about a week now, and I've had tons of people ask me why I did it and tell me that they miss me being on there and blah blah. Honestly, I'd like it if they'd just save their breaths for better things to come out of their mouths. The answer has always been the same, I tell everyone that asks "I'm sick of people" and it's true. I've come to the point in life where I know who I want to keep in my life and I'm not sorry if you're not one of them. I don't see a point in broadcasting my life for a bunch of nosey people to see (kind of contradicting since I have public twitter which i broadcast everything to, but I have a much smaller audience on there versus Facebook).

But within that week timespan of not having a Facebook, it seems like people have been talking more and more. I don't care if they do (see a few paragraphs above), but it's just mind boggling why some people are so consumed with other people's lives other than their own. I know my life is interesting and it's flattering to know that people are talking about me (I mean, I must be doing something right for them to open their mouths and have me come out right?) but please, life is too short. If you died tomorrow, I wouldn't want the last thing on your mind to be about someone that you shouldn't be caring about in the first place. Tomorrow is never promised.

If only I got a quarter for every time someone has introduced themselves to me and said "You're Tammy right? I've heard so much about you." Pauses then adds, "Good things of course." --Yes, of course...I could be in the Outback’s right now.

Look, I know my past hasn't been the most innocent or drama free. But that's exactly what I'm trying to free myself from now. I know I can't change my past, but I know I have the power to change my future. And that starts now. I'm not going to change who I am, but I will use who I am to live a better and hopefully less dramatic life. I'm too old to be gossiping about people I don't care about, fighting people who are a waste of my time, and getting super wasted dying drunk where I don't remember a thing from the night before. A few drinks or shots here and there are cool, but I want to remember the memories. Especially if I'm going to lose my camera battery and memory card (yes, I'm still mourning over that. all of the memories from September is gone).

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