Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Finally.

Okay this whole myself being ‘weird’ and ‘different’ thing is getting out of hand. I don’t get why when someone has a question that pertains to me that they won’t come to me to ask, but instead they’ll go ask someone who they think has the answers. My close friends should know how I am already, I don’t like telling people just anyone my private life so with that out in the air, what makes you think someone other than myself would know how I am feeling or why I am acting the way that I have been? You all know where I live, you all have my phone number, you all have my skype, and twitter, why not just shoot me a quick text, message me on skype or twitter, or hey give me a ring? I’m an honest person, I will tell you what’s up if there is anything. I just don’t get people sometimes.


Lately I’ve had so much time on my hands that I’ve been thinking a little more than usual. I’ve always been bombarded with a tight schedule fitting fulltime school, fulltime work, going to the gym, spending time with family, and hanging out with friends that I never had much time alone to just think like this. This is mostly going to be repeat, but with all of the thinking that I’ve been doing, I’ve just realized that I’m not getting any younger. Sure a lot of you might feel that your early twenties is still a very young age, but age is just a number. Even though I’m in my early twenties I feel like I’m in my forties. And when you’re feeling like you’re in your forties you feel like you should have this and that accomplished already. I know what I have to do to get there and it includes cutting out a lot of my old habits down and cutting some people out.


I’ve noticed that a few of my friends aren’t very accepting of people when a person changes. I want to keep friends in my life that are there for me no matter what. The ones I know I can rely on to bail me out of jail at three in the morning when I use my one phone call on them. There are a lot of people out there calling themselves my friend, but honestly they’re just there for when the bottles are poppin’ and when the good times are rollin’. But the second I’m in need for help (which I rarely ask for anyways) they turn their backs on me and act like they don’t know me. I expect certain things out of people because I would be willing to go the extra distance for them myself.


I want to keep the people in who are bold and honest enough to tell me that I have a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth, not the ones who’ll sit there and stare. I’ve fought way too many battles in the past that weren’t mine simply because I was trying to be a good friend, and I know this might sound selfish but they haven’t done anything for me but partied with me. I know better than to expect anything in return, but you can only

put so much of yourself out for another person until you gotta draw back.


So please just trust me when I tell you that I’m not being emo, or that I’m not sad. Because I’m not, you all should know me to know that I could never let anything phase me. I’m just growing up and I wish you’d all support me instead of question my actions and ask why I’m not Tamzilla anymore.

1 comment:

Bittersweet Wits & Rambles said...

anything worth anything must be measured. the proof is in the weekend. pertaining to time & feelings not friendship LOL