I'm all too good at suppressing my deeper emotions that I don't even know if they're authentic or non existent.

I don't ever ever want to think back and ask myself "How good we could've been if only I stepped up to my feelings or if you tried a little harder..." I never ever want to be in that position, but how am I supposed to confront my feelings when I'm having a hard time defining what's real and what isn't?

What does it feel like when it's legitimate? The butterflies? Weak in the knees? Exhilaration? Or how do you know it's non genuine, and that I'm only forcing myself or making things up in my head because I'm longing for someone to share my happiness with?

I know I have posed this question many times in the past, but it's because I really cannot tell the difference. I always waste time because I can't. It's usually after a few months or so after talking that I realize there isn't and won't be anything more. And I refuse to settle for contentment. I will only be w/you if you can give me the stuff I see in the movies and read in books, anything less won't pass in my life.

It's lately that I choose to listen to Celine Dion while I'm showering. And in the shower is when a lot of thoughts race through my mind. With her songs like "Because You Loved Me" or "That's The Way It Is" and even "The Power of Love" the lyrics seem to hit kind of close to home.

When you listen to lubby dubby songs and once the lyrics hits you do you ever think of someone? If you do, is it one person for all love songs or a few depending on the lyrics?

Ugh tell me I'm not crazy. That I'm not the only person at this age who hasn't felt a spark w/another person. Or at least I think I haven't? Who knows maybe I'm suppressing that too!
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