On one of my older posts, I wrote about how I was a careless person, but I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was a person that didn’t take time to put in effort with my friendships because I do. I take all of my friendships seriously because I believe they are investments, lifelong investments. Whether or not they actually turn out that way is entirely up to both parties. Just like two people who truly deeply love each other, I believe that a friendship can last a lifetime as long as both people are committed enough and are willing to work through anything and everything that is thrown at them.
We all have encountered thousands, if not millions every day since the day we were born up until this very moment. Hundreds we have gotten to know past their names and there are only a select we’ve gotten to know past their barriers (and vice versa).
And then life happens. I can name off every single person I’ve gotten to know on a much deeper level than just partying, dancing, and drinking. I can also name off all of the things I loved about them, and why our friendship didn’t work. But they all end the same way: both people just stopped caring.
I used to be this person who likes to hold on to all of my friends because it’s so much easier to hold onto what we’re comfortable with then start over with someone new. This ‘friend’ of ours has already broken down pieces of our barrier and gotten to know us on a level that many don’t take the time to recognize. It’s amazing how I spent every day talking, eating, seeing, laughing with people, and now I rarely even notice them anymore. They have gone from people I knew the names of, people who consumed so much of my time, to people who don’t even cross my mind.
It’s inevitable though, people come and go. Whether their departing was because of a dispute, a break of trust, lack of communication, or death: life happens. Sometimes you grow tired of chasing people and trying to make things right. I don’t see it as giving up; I just see it as letting go because I’m tired of fighting for people who don’t fight for me. But I haven’t let the loss of people in my life deter me away from getting close to others.
“Nothing about me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.” –Chuck Palahniuk
Yes, it can be scary allowing someone new in to get to know you, but I believe that everyone has something to teach you. It’s also a big ass world out there and it’s easy to get lonely without a friend by your side. A friend who you can call at 3 in the morning because you’re scared or someone who’ll wipe away your first tears shed in years. This is all coming from someone who doesn’t like to ask for help or show a single sign of vulnerability: life will get lonely; we all need someone to laugh and smile with.
And with everyone I’ve come to know and have lost touch with, there is no denying that there are a handful of people who are there for me no matter who I’ve grown to be in the past 8+ years (I say 8+ b/c some I’ve known my whole life and others have joined our journey along the way) we’ve gotten to know each other. We weren’t always as close as we were when we all first started shenanigans together, but through experience they remind me of my family. Like my parents, no matter what kind of shit I get myself into, or mistakes I have made, they are there for me.
I’ve realized that you can’t force people to stay in your life. Staying is a choice, and even after all of the stupid shit I do or say, and getting to know how truly weird I am, I’m very grateful for the ones who do choose to stay. I feel like I should be naming off names, but they don’t need recognition, they already know who they are. I just wanted to let you guys know that when I’m thinking about who my very first friends were when I was a little girl; you guys are the ones that come to my mind.
So to the Anonymous person, you see it’s not that I treat all of my friends or relationships I have with them as something that’s replaceable. There just comes a certain point in the friendship where you know whether to keep hanging on or to let go. And once you realize it’s time to close the door, another one opens.