Thursday, March 31, 2011

Just a little vent

It's time to make a wish
And I'm wishin' for you
I hope it comes true

It's just a song. Don't think too much into it. I'm content with how things are. Had to throw that out there because I know 90% of you will assume. ^_~

- - - - -

Instead of grabbing my usual drink from Tea Garden and dashing right after, I decided to stay and finish some last minute things. From the time I sat down to the second I left, every familiar face I saw their first words to me were "Holy crap you're alive!" or "Where the hell have you been?" (a friend even went as far as snapping a phone pic of me and posting it on Facebook w/the caption saying "she's finally found!") And although it got a bit tiring having to repeat myself over and over playing catch-up, I was secretly satisfied. Satisfied that I succeeded in not giving into temptations to go out these past few months, and I was able to stay on the down low.

Since the first signs of autumn started showing, I kept telling everyone that I didn't want to go out as much, see anyone, and that I felt unsocial. Which is really unusual for me because I'm a butterfly when you put me in a room full of people. From strangers to people I know, I just love communicating with everyone. But even with me telling everyone how I felt, and even knowing deep down that I would rather stay home and hibernate than go out, I never followed through with my declaration. When 2011 rang in, I knew I had to start putting actions towards my words or I'd go crazy. And I couldn't be happier with my low key lifestyle, at least for now.

I feel like those who keep telling me that I have made a complete 360 change never really knew me. Because if they did, they would've seen the signs, before I started to voice them. And to those who didn't start getting to know me until autumn, that's a shame because I was a fun person. I still consider myself to be fun, but w/the things I find exciting many of my peers don't.
My friends who still party weekly and occasionally daily, keep asking me why I won't come out and they push for answers, but there seriously are no words to explain how I feel. I know, I know I look young, and I am young. There's no denying that, being in my early twenties
is considered a baby to some of my dinosaur friends. But how I old I feel is completely different to how young I look or how young my birth certificate states I am.

Today, while at Tea Garden I sat there and told many stories I have never told anyone before. Stories about my experiences in life to have led me to believe the things I believe in. My friend lended me her wonderful ears (thank you!), and after telling the stories she gives me this wide eyed look and says "Holy shit you've gone through some pretty crazy things, but it's tight" haha damn right it's tight. If I hadn't gone through any of the things I did in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today.

See some people don't like to look back in their past because they believe it does nothing for them in the future. But I like to believe the opposite. If you don't look back and reflect on your past, how will you know what mistakes to try and avoid in the future? I seriously could go on forever about this, but I'll leave that all for another day.

Or even better, just schedule a coffee date or lunch w/me and we can exchange stories. (;

Most of this is again repeat. But I always feel the need to write about it because even though I felt a slight feeling of success today, I'm still not satisfied with everything yet. But then again, will one ever be completely satisfied?

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