Jumbled like Jambalaya

I would like this post to be a decent one, but everything is coming at me at once so this’ll have to do for now and maybe if I feel like I’ll go into detail about things. Not like you’d care, but this blog is meant for my personal use.

• I have this I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-anyone-thinks-or-feels-about-me attitude because I really don’t give two fingers what other say, except for the people that I care about. Their opinions, thoughts, and feelings matter to me, and it’s really really frustrating when they’re giving me this vibe that I have done something horribly wrong to get shunned, but they’re not stepping up to tell me about it. People make mistakes right? I try my best to learn from my mistakes, and I’ll admit I’m not perfect, I don’t always learn from my mistakes after the first time. Sometimes I have to make them more than once to get it through my head, but how am I going to try and learn from my mistake(s) if I don’t know what it is that I have done? All I can do is wait until I know what it is. Until then, nothing I do or say will change what I did so I’ll just live life and be happy.

• Taking this “break” from work and school to think about my ambitions, dreams, and goals hasn’t really gotten me anywhere besides that I’m even more confused now. One second I feel like I know what I want, and then the next second I feel the complete opposite. Do I want to get married, have kids, stay in one place forever or do I want to be on my own, business woman, catering to no one but myself and my parents? I guess it’s one of those things that time will only tell, but I’m always so curious. Curious in what my future will be.

• While cleaning out my room the other day, I found old textbooks that I never got to resell. I’m currently rereading my International Business textbook (also my first major) and it’s making me want to major in Int. Business again. I remembered when I graduated out of high school, I had initially wanted to major in that and become more fluent in Vietnamese so I could do business between Vietnam and the U.S. A big part of me still wants that for myself, but then parts of me wants to become a lawyer, a PR for a big company, a spy for the U.S., etc…it may all seem far-fetched but whatever I set myself to do, I will get there.

• But no matter what I have dreamed of becoming, Australia and New York City has always been in the picture. I am bound to end up at either one if not both places. What the heck, why not just live everywhere, real estate in every zip code.

• I know I’ve been taking off time from work and school to just soak life in and relax, but lately I’ve been catering to everyone on their time. I might not be doing much but cleaning my house or doing pointless random stuff at home or a coffee shop, but stop being so selfish. Why is that the only time I hear from you is whenever it’s most convenient for you? GTFO. You all can’t be the only ones to blame though, it’s also my fault I’m allowing you to do it. No more.

• I’m really nervous about this personality assessment that I have to take within the next couple of days. A friend laughed and said there’s no way that a person can fail one of these things, but trust me I have failed one in the past. And I’m click answers that I would think the people giving me this thing would want to hear, not what I would do personally. All in all, I need to pass this. If not, life goes on.

• At the age of twenty early something, I have paid off my first car. Five years ago, this day seemed unreachable, but I got my lien in the mail the other day. If I don’t want to trade that car in for a new one, I’d only have one car payment left for another four years. But knowing me I’ll get sick of the two cars I currently own and will probably sell/trade em in for something ‘better’. Never satisfied I tell ya.

• I got a random text from a close friend earlier today asking me how the person has changed from six years ago til now. I gave an honest answer, and it stirred up lots of conversation starters. We couldn’t stop texting each other for an hour and a half about semi-serious real life stuff, but we’ll definitely have to pick up where we left off next Sunday at brunch. Two words: cannot wait.

• I wonder how I have changed.

• I remember for a long while my favorite quote was: “Boyfriends come and go, friends become strangers, and strangers become friends. And life goes on.” Now I remember why I loved the quote so much.

• I’m always the last one holding on, the last one dangling on the end of the string. I remembered when “The FAM” was all going down; I would try and keep everyone together. It didn’t work. We all went our separate ways, we all grew up, some still hang out with each other, and some we see once in a blue moon. Now I feel like I’m going through déjà vu w/some other close friends. I’m always holding on to that last bit of hope, hoping that our friendships will last.

I just got done skimming through my old xanga "MzTamTam" and "Pocketch4nge" oh the memories. I seriously wrote about crap that happened during my days, weekends, and posted pics and got a bajillion comments for no reason. hahah oh gosh. and look at a picture that I found. It's embarrassing for the both of us:

This was in November of 2005 at one of GMR's infamous house parties known as "club geemer" hahahah oh the memories!


SATC before we knew who Oanh was. LOL! There are tons of pictures on my xanga, but I'll save everyone from the embarrassment. (;