Monday, September 20, 2010

#np Jagged Edge - Goodbye

The sibling situation
Many say it’s because we’re sisters, and that we’ll grow out of it soon, but I just can’t possibly find myself getting along with someone who’s so closed minded and ungrateful. Ever since I got my new car, I’ve been letting her use my old one and still paying for both while all she has to do is pay for the gas she uses on my old one. She needs it especially since my brother totaled my parents’ car that she was used to driving around. She hasn’t even paid a cent on my car right? But when I need to use something from her she’s quick to say no, judge, and be a complete bitch about it. I ask her a question and try to talk to her like a civil human being, but even that doesn’t work. Her attitude is just the worst. No respect, and ungrateful for what has been handed to her.

My brother is the same way. He’s the youngest of the family, so of course my parents baby him. He’s only worked a day in his entire twenty-one years of living and quit the next day because he couldn’t handle someone bossing him around. I don’t think my siblings understand how easy life is for them. I don’t like complaining and I’m very very grateful for going through the things I had to go through because I am the oldest child, but I just wish my siblings would understand why and how they have it so easy. Everything is always handed to them, and I’m not jealous because I don’t want anything ever handed to me, but I just wished they had the work ethic that my parents and I have. Maybe they’d appreciate the things they have more.

I’ve never been good with confrontation. But who is? I envy those who go at a problem head on without running away, because I’ve always been good at just that: running from my problems.

Simple Happiness
I don't expect much out of life to have fun and to be happy. These past couple of weeks, I have been happy with the little that I have done. I didn't even go downtown and I had an awesome time w/the company I was with.

-Spending an entire day eating lunch and shopping w/one of my closest girl friends
-advance screening to The Town w/my sister, her bf, her bf's brother, his date, and one of my closest girl friends
-a friend cooking dinner for me, watching tv, and doing hw together
-party hopping
-having a friend sing to me in Chinese
-youtubing comedians, cartoon shows that we grew up with, and are you afraid of the dark w/a friend
-getting to know one of my friend's family and friends (people that matter to that person)
-having my girl friends cook for me and playing catch up with them
-playing Tien Len for kneeling

just to name a few (= the best things in life really are free.

Dreams and Things
A reason why I don't want to be with anyone right now is the simple fact that I don't want to hold anyone back. Most of my friends and I are or will be going to college and once we're all done with college some of us will be moving out of the state, some will stay here in Minnesota, and etc. Either way we'll be trying to start our careers, and if I was dating someone throughout college, and his career involved him moving somewhere that I wouldn't be able to (whether because I'm not done w/school yet myself, or that my career wouldn't be good at the same location, etc) I wouldn't want him to hold his dreams back for me, or I wouldn't want to hold my dream back because of him. I wouldn't want to feel the disappointment either if he didn't consider me into his future plans. Dating someone throughout college will eventually come with a lot of obligation and expectations. Not that it doesn't already for non college relationships, but I feel like there's more when it is one, just because careers aren't established yet.

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