Tuesday, September 7, 2010

holding back

Even though I haven’t been working, the days still seem to fly right by me. I can’t believe it’s already seven days into September. Where the hell does all of my time go? Cause I seriously can’t even remember what I did on the first day of the month. Life’s too crazy, I’d like it if you wouldn’t come at me at 100mph. Thanks!

The past few days some of my close friends have been telling me that I haven’t been Tamzilla. I suppose they’re right, I mean they are around me enough to know when I am not feeling myself and I haven’t been. All day Sunday was spent at my best friends’ apartment bumming around until a friend came over with a redbox and hot cheetos. But I guess when night time rolled around Tamzilla came back out cause I didn’t waste a second of it. Summer’s ending for those around me, gotta live in the moment with them.

School’s starting in about four hours for a lot of my friends, it feels weird that I won’t be studying at Moos towers and doing all nighters with them this semester. But I might still be around there just cause I have nothing better to do and we all know I dislike staying home.

Before I die there are a few things that I would like to do:
1) Make my parents proud: I know whatever I choose to do with my life and that as long as I’m happy they’ll be happy for me because that’s the kind of people they are. When I was born, their life ended and it was all about me and my siblings who followed after, but I wanna make sure they know that they did one hell of a job raising me. Because I could only imagine what it’d feel like to fail as a parent, but they haven’t and never will. And the least I could do is make them proud, even that wouldn’t be enough to repay them for all of the things they have shown, taught, helped, and got me through in life.
2) Take care of my parents til the day they are gone: Let’s be real, no matter how much I can’t imagine my life without them, they are getting older and soon enough they won’t be able to take care of themselves anymore. And when that day comes I will take them in my hands personally. Fuck nursing homes because there are too many crazy, fucked up people out there and I refuse to let a stranger take care of the two people who have changed and impacted my life the most. These two people created me, so my future husband whoever you may be better get along with them cause they’ll be living with me ‘til the day they are gone.
3) Change someone’s life: I just want to make an impact in someone’s life the way a lot of my family and friends have impacted mine. I don’t care if everyone else forgets me, as long as you remember me than that’s all that matters.

I would truly die a happy girl if I did all three.

Right now, there is absolutely nothing stable in my life. Although I find a little thrill in it, I wish there was at least one thing that I could hold onto and know that it won’t change the next day when I wake up.

I dislike the fact that I’m holding back what I really want to say right now.

#nowplaying Matt Cab - The One

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