Monday, August 23, 2010

I'm going to give all of my secrets away

I'm tempted to write this post as a list post, but I haven't written a real post in a while so I guess I'll try to make it a legit one.

If you've been following me, reading my blog, or know me at least a little; then you should know that I'm all for doing whatever it takes to make you happy. It doesn't necessarily mean giving up on your values and goals and etc to be it, just find a compromise. I'm pretty sure I've found a balance between my values, my for myself to be happy. The only hard part now is attaining this balance and this happiness.

I wish everyone could have the balance that I have.

What just upsets me most is when people are willing to give up the one thing that makes them happy most because they think they're psychic and think they can see the future. Don't sit there and tell me, or most importantly, tell yourself that you know this and that will happen. No, you don't know that this and that will happen, you don't even know if you're going to live to see tomorrow so quit making up excuses to not be happy. Yes, it'll be hard. Yes, it'll be a lot of work. And yes, there's some things you can and can't do to make it work, but no one's ever said being happy was easy, it'd just be worth it. but it'd only be worth it once you stop making excuses and start giving it a try. take the MF chance, you'd be stupid not to.

Yes that was a subliminal message.

Life right now
I'm choosing not to go back to school this fall.
I'm no longer w/Wells Fargo.
And it's funny b/c I loved the job that I had.
It's even more funny because with all of this time, it's giving me all of the time I want/need to travel.
Yeah, well remember how I wanted so much to drop everything to travel or move somewhere crazy?
I think I'm slowly dropping everything to give myself an excuse to do it, make it happen.
There are some that plan it, some that talk about it...I'm definitely one that goes and does it.

This weekend
Before last week started, I was so sure that I wanted to go to Chicago this weekend and to spend it w/the one person I've been missing, but now I'm not sure anymore. And I don't even know why I'm not sure.

Before we started talking, I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that I shouldn't, but I still did anyways. I knew I shouldn't because of the way his. But it's funny what feelings will make you do.

A friend told me today that I shouldn't be investing my time, money, and happiness into someone that wasn't going to do the same for me, because I shouldn't have to share my happiness with another girl. #ineedtothinkaboutthis

I'm not one to expect much out of a person, especially when I know I shouldn't be expecting anything from them. But there is one thing that I expect out of everyone I associate myself with and that's honesty. I have no tolerance for liars and that goes for all kinds of lies. I understand why people lie; because they're scared of what others will think and they're trying to protect something, but I'm also a pretty understanding person. I like to think that I can see a situation from different perspectives, and I haven't heard a truth yet where I was disappointed or upset. It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell the truth, that's why I embrace it, no matter how serious the situation is.

A couple months into dating Thinh, my friend told me that Thinh cheated on me and that he saw it with his own eyes because he was there when it happened. I wasn't upset about it because I know better than to take everything a person says and just assume that, that person is right. So I went and asked Thinh about it first, and he told me a story, and somehow it ended up him telling me a lie to cover it up and I eventually found out days later because the guilt ate him up and he came clean. I wasn't disappointed or upset that he cheated. I was upset and disappointed that I gave him a chance to be honest about the situation and he didn't take it. Silly boy should've known that the truth always uncovers itself.

It's never a good-bye
I hate good-byes. I hate the phrase because it confirms that you'll never see the person again. Does anyone in your life really only deserve a certain amount of time in your life? Or do I really only deserve a certain amount of time in your life?

I was never good at saying bye to anyone. I remember when I moved to St. Louis, I threw a bajillion going away parties. Only a bajillion because I didn't know where to end it. Would I really not see these people anymore after the party? It was always a no, and on the weekend that i actually did leave I just disappeared. It was like I never existed. I'd rather have it be like that then to sit there and see people sad because I'm leaving a certain location. I knew I was going to be back, so did they.

If I had things my way
I would say my see ya laters to my family and friends, and hop on the next plane out to Australia. Who knows when I'd be back.

That's what I get for not having a plan B. But wait, it's hard to have a plan B when you don't even have a plan A.

I've chosen the friends that I have for a reason. And a huge reason is that I can learn and grow from each and every one of them. That's why I the ones that I keep close to me are so different. I've come to realize that not everyone is like me, and I can't expect them to be like me in any way, especially through personalities. So I do what I can and I've learned to embrace the personalities. We've all gone through similar and different things in life and with that we all have different experiences and perspectives. That's why I love it when my friends and I have serious talks, I get to learn what their perspectives are on things.

8 wishes
eight: my parents to travel the world, they deserve it
seven: a cool job like party planner or an important person's personal assistant (job not career)
six: motivation to finish school
five: my brother to be not what he is or has right now
four: my sister to quit being a bitch to me
three: a personal chef who knows how to cook every dish there is in the world
two: NYC and australia at the palms of my hands
one: you to be happy
the wishes above are not in any particular order, they're just wishes

random blurbs
Getting tired and hungry. Not a good combo.
OneRepublic - Secrets
I need a tan, paleness doesn't suit me.
I should start toning down my compulsive dress buying disorder, especially with no income.
Today's horoscope is crazy, what's crazier is that my fortune from last night's family dinner goes hand in hand.
I've fallen way behind on the 30 day challenge...
This weekend was quite the weekend, definitely one of the better ones in summer of 2k10
One word: Halloween
With no job and no school, I'm probably going to become a gym whore
I really want to see "Remember Me" even though Rob Pattinson is in it...dude can't act.
I wonder if my sister is still taking me as her +1 for the advance screening of Going the Distance
Going the Distance probably will be enjoyable just because I can relate.
More of my friends need to get married.
I want a wedding just for the celebration, not for the meaning behind it. Maybe someday I'll want one for the meaning.

going to watch Remember Me now, and k.o. Swt dreams readers.

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