Monday, August 30, 2010

High in the Sky

I can't sleep, so I mind as well blog.

Two things I can guarantee in life:
1) Death
2) That I can your life in one day

I think it's funny that people say when they first meet me, based on appearance I give off this innocent, ms. Goody good two shoes look. I like that I have that cover, but once you open the cover and start reading the pages you'll find a completely different person. I find satisfaction in knowing that I'm not what I seem to be. Gives you a reason to make ya want to take your time and read. But my book's never ending, only for those who have the patience.

Tammy Tam, Tammy Terrific, Red
A few new nicknames that I have collected during this weekend in Chicago. Not sure on what to say about the past few days besides that Chicago always knows how to satisfy me when I need a mini vacay. New faces, new places.

It's funny, my mind goes blank when I try to find the words to write about the past few days. Maybe it'll flow smoother when I let myself soak the fact that I'm on my way back home.

All it counts is that I'm trying
I'm a very free spirited and carefree person. I never realized it 'til a good friend of mine keeps using those words to describe my personality. Sometimes, things don't click in your head until you hear another person say it. And it's true I am. Whether you think those are good or bad traits is up to you, but personally I take it as a con. Too much of anything is overkill and I'm too much of both. Everything nice I have I never take care of. The purses I've gone through, the shoes I've always ruined, the only two cars I've ever had I put both through hell, I never pay attention to my surroundings, or to the people who are around me, etc.

I'm trying to be a little extra observant though w/my surroundings and people. I've noticed life's extra beautiful when I pay attention.

Conversation recaps
A few posts back I wrote that I craved long, heartfelt, no holding back conversations and I got plenty of it in 24 hours leading to my trip with four of my close friends. Be careful for what you wish for right? It was good though, I needed it.
1) Everyone seems to think that my current state of mind on marriage, children, and love will change because I'm so against it that when it comes I won't even know that it's coming...they were talking about love.
2) Is there such a thing as a foolish person who's doing too much pre relationship? I don't believe so. I mean I'm always catching myself to make sure I'm not doing more than I 'should', but I give mad props to a friend of mine who's letting go of his pride and giving it all he can give even though him and the lucky gal aren't together officially. It takes a good amount of courage and bravery to let yourself be that vulnerable. I've always been too chicken shit to do that. I used to think it was smart to watch how much you give to a person you're just talking to, but I guess I was just never that brave.
3) When I'm in a relationship though, what I stated above is completely opposite. Wait comfortable in a relationship I should say. The beginning always feels like a game, but once both people involved are over the watch-my-every-step-because-every-step-is-like-walking-on-eggshells thing I give my all. Want all of my money? Sure take it. I cater to you, whatever you want, you can have. I wanna have the feeling that if things ever ended between us that I did everything I could. For those of you who wonder how I get over people so fast? That's my secret.
4) I need to be exposed to other religions. I mean more than positive that my faith to my Catholic religion won't change, but it's nice to know why others believe the in the religion that they do and the basics of it. I feel like I'm ignorant when it comes to that subject.
5) It is possible to choose all three paths in life. Family, career, and love are all possible within one lifetime.
6) I'm a heartbreaker, but it's not my fault.
7) I'm so proud of one of my friends. I thought of her and another friend when I wrote about relationships and happiness. I know I should've had more faith in her, but she's so brave and strong to start doing her. Baby steps, I'm proud because you're taking control of your life. Now my other friend needs to man up and do the same.
8) yes, I believe everyone comes into our lives for a reason. And yes, I don't believe in coincidences.
9) NYC is a beautiful and intriguing city.
10) ....

Actions actions actions
I think and over analyze things too much. It's fucking with my logic. Actions speak louder than words right? RIGHT?!

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