Monday, April 11, 2011

More stuff on friends

There's a saying I've heard that goes something like this:

"People don't remember when you help them, but they never forget when you hurt them."

I don't remember exactly how it goes (and I'm too lazy to Google), but it's true with most people I know.

It's silly how you could help someone over and over again, but the one time you mess up they act like it's the end of the world. Not that I try to keep count, I just never forget.

I tried writing this post over and over again. And no matter how I write it, it never comes out right.

Anyways, along w/me never forgetting when I have helped someone I also never forget when someone has helped me or when I have hurt them either.

-The time when we had a scheduled breakfast date and I never showed up. I've never stood anyone up before and the one time I do it, it was you.
-The time when we text each other once every 6 months a quick "Hello" but you still drove to the Windy City for a night to see me for my birthday.
-The time when you drove 25min to come pick me up and when you g0t there, called me a billion times, but I had already fallen asleep.
-The time when you planned a really really amazing birthday weekend for me.
-The time when we went to sushi tango, and I didn't have any money on me and you paid for my dinner.
-The time when I got sooo drunk I was passed the eff out in the middle of an unknown place and while the both of you could be out talking to girls and going back to their place, you chose to stay with me and made sure I was okay.
-The time when you drove me to all of my AA classes and waited for me to be done (you've actually done A LOT more than just that).
-When your ex-girlfriend and her friends came to visit for the weekend and you took care of everything.
-The time when I called you to book me a flight out and you did no questions asked on why I was there in the first place.
-The time when I never carried cash and the club didn't have an ATM machine so you spotted me $20.
-The time when I was trying to help you get into the restrooms at 508, and we almost got into a fight w/two big mi deng girls. You started to throw up in the corner and I left you w/your man.
-The time when I never ever reply to your text messages or your phone calls, but you still text and call to see how I'm doing knowing there's a good chance I still won't reply.

Those are just naming a few. It might seem like I have forgotten, but I never do.
One reason I don't like asking others for help is I hate knowing that I owe them something in return. I know most of my friends will say "that's what friends are for, you shouldn't feel like owing them anything" but I feel like nothing you do will be able to repay them. I don't ask for anything in return when I help someone because I'll only help them if I really want to, but I can't help but feel bad when I ask others for help.

I've been doing something wrong for the past 23 years. I've been giving too many people that don't deserve my time and effort just that and people who deserve it most too little of both. Getting off Facebook kind of helped me see who these people are too. Because I've had the same number since freshman year in high school, that's a hell of a long time. The friends who texts and calls me to see how I'm doing are the ones I cherish and most of them are out of state friends. I didn't want to get off Facebook in the first place because I thought I'd lose touch with friends who didn't live in MN, but it has been the complete opposite.

It's funny cause I was talking to a friend who was visiting this weekend and he told me that everyone refers me as the Tammy that disappeared. If it seems like I have disappeared to you, that just means I have learned to not give you any of my time because I can name a handful of people who live in the same state and still see me weekly. <3

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