Tuesday, April 19, 2011

It all started w/one thought that led to many others

The beautiful thing about life is that we all have choices.
If you feel like the choice you made yesterday was the wrong one,
you have the ability to make another choice today to fix the mistake.
But because we all are given choices, we can't blame anyone but ourselves
for anything that doesn't go according to plan.

I guess I shouldn't say mistake though.
I don't like to believe in mistakes because they're really just life lessons.
Without that "mistake" you wouldn't have learned whatever it was from it.
But I guess some people don't see it that way.

I also don't believe in failure, but those are just a couple of things I don't believe in.
I wake up every morning and I try to remind myself that I am blessed to have opened my eyes.
I may not have a lot of things, but I do have things that makes my life a comfortable one.
Learning to live in the means I am given is one of the things I wish a lot of people would learn to do also.
So many people keep wanting, wanting, wanting. Why do you want the extra expensive jeans?
To show off to people that you have money? I was one of those people, but then I learned.
I learned that the people who love you don't give a shit about what kind of jeans you wear, the brand of your purse, or the kind of car you drive. You're not trying to impress the people you love, because they already love you. You're trying to impress people you don't like, and why? Why are you even giving people that don't like you or vice versa the time of day when you can't afford to. Life is short. Don't spend it trying to impress people that don't matter. They're still not going to like you even if you're spotted wearing a Rolex.
I like the finer things in life too, but I don't see a point in spending hard earned money on it.

I love that I have the ability to influence the people around me. Family, friends, and even strangers listen to a lot of things I have to say about a wide range of things. Not that I'm a credible source for any of it, but I guess they all think I am. A few friends have even crowned me with the title "Queen of Persuasion" which I laugh at, but it's true in a lot of ways. I don't know if it's because I'm good with my words, my actions, or I'm someone they see as of value to them. But whatever it is in a way I kind of have changed different lives. But I still want to change one life in a very significant way before I die.

One of the few things I miss about having a boyfriend is the pillow talk.
Sharing ideas, thoughts, visions, dreams, etc.
And finding common ground on them.
Supporting each other on our dreams.
Talking about how our past has shaped us, and what we hope for the future.
Sometimes I miss doing that so much that I want to text Thinh and dial his number and tell him yes I will get back with you. But then I remember that there are no real feelings behind the actions. It's just the idea that I am in love with. The idea that you and I have been together for so long, we could be together, get married, and be each other's high school sweetheart's.
The idea sounds nice until I remember we'll always go back and forth on our feelings for each other because they're not real.
It's been a year, and our friends are still rooting for us. Funny how that is.

It's two of my closest friends' 7 year anniversary. Besides my parents' marriage, the two of them are reminders to not give up on relationships and love. I have been there when the guy was dating random girls only to have them not work out. I was there when the two of them met. I was there when the two of them started dating. I was there when she got her heart broken from him. I was there when they were trying to mend and work things out. I basically have been there and have seen them go through it all and here they are still together and stronger than they were before. Seeing them happy together reaffirms my belief that true love can overcome anything and everything that is thrown at them. I cannot wait til their wedding day, and he better have proposed to her while celebrating their 7th anni!

This past weekend I got more "Is that Tammy?! omg I haven't seen you in so long!!" and again I am secretly (although not so much anymore) satisfied.
When I want to do anything these days the first people that come to mind to ask is my sister, brother, Paul, or my parents.

Easter is this Sunday, and I only broke my lent once last weekend for MAASU. Quite proud of myself because a lot of people including myself didn't think I could handle not going out. But I did it. Along w/this weekend a friend will be in town Sunday-Tuesday! It's been almost a year since we've seen each other. The last time was for 6 hours in the Windy City for my birthday.

I have a problem w/indecision. I'm indecisive about everything in life, and I remember when the New Year hit I told myself that I'd work on it but it hasn't improved at all.

Props to everyone who have ever taken time out to get to know someone or experience something for themselves rather than listening to a bunch of word of mouth crap. I will try to update more on this later. Something I say a lot about a lot of topics and never get around to it. My bad.

My mind is running again, like it always does at this time of the day.
I think my mind wouldn't wander so much if I had someone who had a crazy sleep schedule
or if I knew someone who doesn't depend on sleep so much like I do.

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