I always have to remind myself that my family, friends, and boyfriend can't read my mind. I shouldn't get disappointed with them if they don't see things how I see it. But that's the thing. I hate having to tell people how I feel.

*****

Tonight is suppose to be our first SATC of the summer. I don't think the girls and I have done one since back in the spring. Which is suprising, you'd think since it's summer, everyone would have more free time. But it was the complete opposite for us. I'm debating whether or not to go through with it, or to bail out on them, again.

Ever since an event in the summer, I've been questioning my friendship and trust with one of the girls, which have let to me questioning my friendship and trust with all of them. Growing up I've never had girl friends. I've always been the tom boy, the one girl who is considered to be as one of the guys. Whatever the guys did, I did from sports, how they dressed, to burping, farting, etc. I didn't care. I am comfortable with myself to do it in front of others. Up until just a couple of years ago that I've gotten really close to this group of girls + one other. I'll have to admit, it's nice to relate to them with 'girly' things, relationship problems, family problems, etc. Since then, I have put 99.9% of my trust into those four girls, telling them every little bit of my life, trusting that they won't go tell their boyfriends, other girl friends of theirs, family, etc. But from what someone has told me, one of these girls have broken that trust. And that's the thing though, someone else has told me, I didn't witness it for myself. I'm the type of person where I don't care what I have heard about you, because it's just what I've heard. I will be your friend until you prove to me that you should be otherwise. --Well I've been meaning to talk to this friend of mine about the situation but everytime I've run into her, it's always out at a social event, and I don't wanna ruin the mood for everyone by bringing up such a serious topic at a public place.

We'll see how I feel about going by 5pm this evening.

*****

I really want to start trying to cook more. I feel like ever since I moved back home, that I've lost my touch. But now with work and school going on, I'm afraid I won't ever have time to start cooking again until I'm done with school, and then my next excuse will be that I'm so focused on my career, I don't have time to cook. If only there were more than 24 hours in a day.

*****

Trying to let things fall into place.