I guess I’m a bitch because I say what and how I feel when I feel it without sugarcoating. I guess I’m selfish because I don’t give a fuck what others think about me besides my immediate family and a handful of good friends. I’m a bad friend because after trying to resolve a problem for awhile, I finally stopped. I’m always going to be perceived a certain way by people and that’s why I don’t give two fingers what people think and I’m learning to not care what good friends think about me either because obviously they don’t know who I am. And I forgive you for thinking you know me when you don’t.
There’s a reason why I don’t care for anyone’s happiness but mine. There’s a reason for why we all think a certain way, act a certain way, and feel a certain way. We’ve all gone through different things in our lives to get us to where and who we are that’s why I don’t judge, but there’s still a lot of you out there who still have to realize that. You say you’ve been in my position to know what I’m feeling, well guess what? You don’t.
I guess there’s a reason for it all and I’m completely fine with that now. I’ve accepted the fact that things happen, mistakes happen, life lessons were taught, friends lost, and life goes on. I’m not going to stop my life for anyone because life doesn’t stop for me. You gotta play the game if you’re trying to win the game.
I've been just trying to do my own thing and whoever wants to join me along my track they can.
An open letter to you
You’re right, it’s sad that it had to take a month for us to get together to talk and when we finally did things seemed to get worst than before. And the only reason why I’m even writing this right now is because I feel like this is the only way I can try to get you to hear me out and listen to me without you sitting there screaming at me. But I know why we weren’t able to accomplish anything we’re both very stubborn people and when two stubborn people get together to talk, none of us listens, especially when neither of us is scared to hold anything back.
I get why you feel the way you do, I get why you feel like you’ve lost respect for me, and I get why you’d be angry. I told you already, I apologized the second you told me what happened, and I tried to work things out, but there is only so much I can do on my end. If the other person isn’t willing to meet me half way. Just like with our relationship, we both could only try so long to talk before the both of us gave up. I valued our friendship and I still do that’s why I’m even attempting to write this sorry ass thing on my blog. I should be telling you all of this in person, but I don’t think you’d listen. Whether you care anymore or not I just gotta do this so I know I’ve tried one last time before letting everything go.
When I put my Facebook status about “The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on for so long.” It was directed towards you. You are a good friend, you’ve always been there when I needed you, and you were always someone I could go to when I needed an honest opinion on anything, but what I didn’t appreciate that night was when you said “Fine, go be friends with all of those fake bitches, I’m the only real one.” You aren’t the only real one friend that I have, they’re all real in their own way. Just like you’re real because you’re blunt. But I know I said things that made you if not equally or more angry also and I apologize. In the heat of an argument sometimes we all say things we don’t mean. I don’t expect our relationship to get back to “normal,” I don’t even expect our relationship to even continue, but I’m not a quitter, and I’m willing to talk, work, whatever it is we have to do to make this a lasting relationship but that’s on my end, you have to decide on your end too. And whatever you decide I’ll respect because like I said we all view, feel, and think differently than each other.