Friday, December 3, 2010

I just had to let it out

I guess I’m a bitch because I say what and how I feel when I feel it without sugarcoating. I guess I’m selfish because I don’t give a fuck what others think about me besides my immediate family and a handful of good friends. I’m a bad friend because after trying to resolve a problem for awhile, I finally stopped. I’m always going to be perceived a certain way by people and that’s why I don’t give two fingers what people think and I’m learning to not care what good friends think about me either because obviously they don’t know who I am. And I forgive you for thinking you know me when you don’t.

There’s a reason why I don’t care for anyone’s happiness but mine. There’s a reason for why we all think a certain way, act a certain way, and feel a certain way. We’ve all gone through different things in our lives to get us to where and who we are that’s why I don’t judge, but there’s still a lot of you out there who still have to realize that. You say you’ve been in my position to know what I’m feeling, well guess what? You don’t.

I guess there’s a reason for it all and I’m completely fine with that now. I’ve accepted the fact that things happen, mistakes happen, life lessons were taught, friends lost, and life goes on. I’m not going to stop my life for anyone because life doesn’t stop for me. You gotta play the game if you’re trying to win the game.

I've been just trying to do my own thing and whoever wants to join me along my track they can.


An open letter to you

You’re right, it’s sad that it had to take a month for us to get together to talk and when we finally did things seemed to get worst than before. And the only reason why I’m even writing this right now is because I feel like this is the only way I can try to get you to hear me out and listen to me without you sitting there screaming at me. But I know why we weren’t able to accomplish anything we’re both very stubborn people and when two stubborn people get together to talk, none of us listens, especially when neither of us is scared to hold anything back.

I get why you feel the way you do, I get why you feel like you’ve lost respect for me, and I get why you’d be angry. I told you already, I apologized the second you told me what happened, and I tried to work things out, but there is only so much I can do on my end. If the other person isn’t willing to meet me half way. Just like with our relationship, we both could only try so long to talk before the both of us gave up. I valued our friendship and I still do that’s why I’m even attempting to write this sorry ass thing on my blog. I should be telling you all of this in person, but I don’t think you’d listen. Whether you care anymore or not I just gotta do this so I know I’ve tried one last time before letting everything go.

When I put my Facebook status about “The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on for so long.” It was directed towards you. You are a good friend, you’ve always been there when I needed you, and you were always someone I could go to when I needed an honest opinion on anything, but what I didn’t appreciate that night was when you said “Fine, go be friends with all of those fake bitches, I’m the only real one.” You aren’t the only real one friend that I have, they’re all real in their own way. Just like you’re real because you’re blunt. But I know I said things that made you if not equally or more angry also and I apologize. In the heat of an argument sometimes we all say things we don’t mean. I don’t expect our relationship to get back to “normal,” I don’t even expect our relationship to even continue, but I’m not a quitter, and I’m willing to talk, work, whatever it is we have to do to make this a lasting relationship but that’s on my end, you have to decide on your end too. And whatever you decide I’ll respect because like I said we all view, feel, and think differently than each other.

From my previous post "np colbie cailiet - I never told you", I wrote traits I thought would make a successful relationship (friendship, romantic, family, any kind of relationship) But I failed to add on in there and it is compromise.

Dashes, touches, and sprinkles to a strong relationship
Honesty; no holding back, the brutal blunt ones are what I love. If you can't be honest w/yourself, your family, your friends, and especially w/your significant other, then who the hell can you be honest with? Lies will only lead to more lies, and the more you lie the more you forget what you lied about...truth comes out. It only takes a second to tell the truth, but a lifetime to cover up a lie. Save yourself the time.

Loyalty; be faithful to yourself, family, friends, and significant other. I think the hardest people to be loyal to is yourself and your s.o. Be faithful to yourself by putting yourself first. It's your life, everyone else has their own, do what it takes to make yourself happy first. And with your s.o. if you feel the need to cheat on them emotionally or physically, break it off. No one deserves the heartache.

Respect; there's no need to talk down, fight (verbally and physically) w/anyone in public. Save that for when you're in the comfort of your own home, besides the physical abuse. that should never happen. But respect yourself enough to not say anything in public, it's tacky and no one needs to hear it.

Lots of hot sex; this only applies to a relationship w/your s.o. because incest isn't cool. But admit it, the same kind of sex gets boring after a week. Spice it up, be spontaneous, be public, anything...keeps you from straying, and also keeps your s.o. from doing so.

Look good; this one I feel is important because if you don't feel good inside, and feel good physically, then you're going to have a low self esteem. And low self esteem holds every kind of relationship from growing, especially the one that you have with yourself. So exercise regularly and keep your self esteem high, you'll be happier all of the time.

Trust; if you can't trust yourself, family, close friends, and s.o. then that's already a problem. Trust I feel is a foundation for all relationships, and we all know without a good, solid, stiff foundation things break and crumble. Besides if you can't trust 'em, then you shouldn't have a relationship w/them in the first place.

...these are not in any order.

Compromise: Sometimes both people aren't going to understand where the other person is coming from. But instead of giving up and letting everything you two have worked hard for in the past to get to the strong union you two have today, you have to learn to compromise. Even if it's just agreeing to disagree. Just try to see where the other person is coming from even though you still believe in what you see in the situation. It doesn't mean you're giving up what you think is right yourself, you're just also trying to see the light in what the other person is coming from.

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