That kind of shit exists?

We’ve all seen it played over and over in various ways in different movies; the person who acts stupid in front of someone they are attracted to out of nervousness. We’ve all heard different artists sing it in songs; “See I can never feel alone with you in my life/I'll give up everything I own for you/won't think twice/almost ashamed how I'm mesmerized/such a shame/I lose my thought lookin’ in your eyes/I know why/because your kisses make my lips quiver/and that's real/and when you touch me my whole body shivers/I can feel/now I can see how another life/another life/could have the power to take over mine”—Ashanti “Baby”. We’ve all read it in books and magazines; the person who feels butterflies fluttering around in their stomachs at the sight of someone they love.

I have always felt overly blessed with my life, like there was never anything missing or there wasn’t a thing I wanted that someone else had. After watching what actors portray in movies, hearing what singers sing in the lyrics of their songs, and what authors describe in their books, I didn’t think all of this butterfly stuff was something people actually felt and preserved. But all of my friends have brought to my attention, that one can get pure bliss from being with someone they love romantically. I, for the first time ever am feeling envious of anyone and everyone who have felt this kind of felicity.

All of my girlfriends and guy friends (at least the ones who are brave enough to admit it) have sworn they’ve felt an amount of unexplainable excitement, euphoria, and joy just from being with the person they love. Even after seven, long, whole years a close couple friends of mine both have said just with them making eye contact to one another across the room have made them fall in love with each other all over again. I thought that stuff only happened in make believe land.

In the twenty something years of breathing I have never felt anything remotely close to euphoria from being with another person. Probably a reason why none of my romantic affairs (for those of you who don't know the definition, it is not to be mixed w/the word cheating or infidelity) have ever lasted, and I have also never declared my love for someone either. Yes, even after being with Thinh for 5 ½ years. Same goes for any of the guys I have talked to or kissed in the past. I mean I’ve felt attraction, but never anything strong enough for me to believe that it was love.

With all of the happiness that I currently have and somehow obtaining, I will continue to live my life until it blesses me with a man who can make me feel the things I see, hear, and read about. I know now to never settle for a guy who won’t give me such chemistry and won't sweep me off my feet (what girl doesn't secretly want that?). And to those of you who are already with someone that makes you feel that crazy yet amazing feeling, don’t let go because you were blessed enough to already have felt something so wonderful.

Keep loving.

This is the song I quoted above: