Thursday, February 10, 2011

Trial and Error

It wasn’t that I was trying to run away from something necessarily. I’ve just always had this feeling to explore, discover, and find new places and meet new faces along the way. I feel like my home here in Minnesota will always be here waiting for me no matter where I choose to go in life, I can return and it’ll be there. And from past experiences that has proven to be true. So once again, I’m going to prove it to be true again.

Although a torn family was a huge reason on why I chose not to stay, but other things played a role in the decision also: yes I was born there, and I have been to many different states in my twenty something years of living, but I’ve never returned to California since my parents chose to make the switch to move to Minnesota after I was just a month old. I think everyone kept saying how great the state was that I had high expectations, and along with high expectations came disappointments. It was a lot more “chill” than I had imagined it to be. I prefer the fast life that NYC or other big cities offer, and L.A., Garden Grove, Huntington Beach, Newport Beach, Anaheim, Costa Mesa, etc. didn’t bring that fast, rush rush living feeling for me. I spent the majority of my time w/my aunt, my cousins, their cousins, and their friends. Overall, California would be an ideal vacation spot, but definitely not to reside. At least in my opinion, but honestly the place wouldn’t be so bad if I could drag my family and my friends out here with me.

I know a lot of people were thinking how spontaneous of me to decide to up and leave, but honestly it was anything but spontaneous. Just because I didn't tell many people about it doesn't mean it was all impulsive. I picked and chose the people I wanted to have know about the decision carefully. The ones that mattered knew ahead of time. That's just the honest truth. I've met a lot of people in my life and I've learned to not hold onto every single person that I encounter. That was also a flaw of mine, but that was the past because I've grown passed that.

"I pick and choose, I don't get shit confused.
I got a small circle, I’m not with different crews
We walk the same path, but got on different shoes
Live in the same building, but we got different views."
--Drake (Tim Westwood Freestyle/Right Above it ft. Lil Wayne)

My parents, siblings, and even friends (that knew about the trial period) all have told me to give it an extended period of time and maybe it’ll grow because c’mon how can you tell in just a week right? But I know the place isn’t for me, and to me life is crazy short, time must not be wasted. I know for a fact that if I had stayed there longer to say give it a try and be open minded about it, I’d still be returning to the place I call home.

I can’t expect myself to move somewhere impulsively with nothing but two suitcases full of clothes and shoes and get goals accomplished. A couple weeks before I left my dad asked me what my plan was when I got out there; I didn’t have an answer for him. I’ll be getting on that now. My plan, because I know what I am going to be doing as my career, I just got to plan it out and execute it. But ya know, it’s always easier said than done. And my only motivation is to make my parents proud. People may have big ambitions for themselves and what they want to get done in life, but for me all I want is to be happy and to make my parents proud. I’m already happy, so I just got to strive to accomplish the second thing on my list. I wanna be able to provide for my parents when they can no longer provide for themselves. That is all I want out of life because I have everything else already.

Feb. 05, 2011 @Sticki Picki (click to enlarge)

When you give a new place a try, you really learn to appreciate what you've taken for granted before. I thought I learned that the first time moving to St. Louis for a year, but just the little time I had in the West coast I have learned to appreciate the sharp cold and snow (I never thought I'd ever say that). Also my time spent w/my immediate family and my friends. <3

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