Avant - I Wanna Be

It’s funny how life works. How everything happens and somehow it all fits together.

*****

There’s someone who I’ve known just as long, if not longer than most of my girlfriends and it’s just been the past month that we’ve really taken the time to hang out, talk, and really get to know each other. It’s funny because when I’m having issues she’s the first person that pops in my head to reach out to. And I’m truly thankful that I have her as a friend. Now when I think about the past month and how nice it has been to find someone trustworthy again, it makes me think why didn’t I take the time to get to know her before? People really do have great timing when coming into your life, another reason why I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

She’s shown me that not all girls are fake, so thank you for being real, honest, and most importantly trustworthy. We’re so much alike that it’s good to hear her tell me things that I wouldn’t listen to if I was telling myself the same thing.

*****

When things get to be too good to be true, I gotta do something to make sure it’s still real.

*****

How do you know that the person you’re with is worth all of the time? There’s a bajillion others out there in the world, how do you know that the very one person you are with now, is the one?

I believe that everyone has one heart, therefore, everyone will have one love.
Mot trai tim, mot tinh yeu (Vietnamese for one heart, one love).

I've been feeling so unmotivated to blog lately. But I promise (you ^_^) that I will post up about my guardian angel soon.

I've been feeling curious lately... *sigh* and I can't fight it away. I'm actually scared.

Tonight's movie of choice: Tristan and Isolde. Let's hope it's good.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Watching a late night movie. Tonight's pick: P.S. I Love You
It just started and I'm already tearing up.

Theory #3:

Everyone is whole; no one needs someone to complete them.

I believe that happiness starts with you. If you do not feel happy with who you are and what you have then how is anyone else going to make you happy? Especially a significant other.

I think too many people expect their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife to make them feel complete and happy. And a lot of people who expect that out of their s.o. are finding themselves more and more disappointed when their s.o. doesn't make them feel that way. But maybe that’s the problem; you shouldn’t expect them to create something that you should have for yourself to begin with. I mean think of it like this, shouldn’t you be happy that you have friends, a family, a car to drive, a roof over your head, and food to eat? Shouldn’t you just be happy that God gave you life and he gave you another day to breathe? I know I am. That’s why I don’t depend on anyone to make me happy except for myself.

The weight of happiness shouldn’t depend on another person, they have their own happiness and problems to worry about, no need to add yours onto the list.

One thing I do expect out of a boyfriend is for him to make me happier. That’s not too much to ask for is it?

"I don't need a man in my life to make me happy, I'm already happy with myself, but I wouldn't mind a man in my life to make me happier." -Tammy Le

For Memories, $ is worth it

When I was in my teenage years, I’ve never wanted to get married. I thought the idea of spending my life with another person was impossible, I didn’t believe in love, and I thought if I was ever to get lonely I could just adopt. Well things have changed, not because I’m with someone great, but because with me being with someone great, it made me realize how much I want to share my life with another great person. If I wanted to, I could graduate from college, start my career, start a family, own my own home, and travel the world by myself. But I don’t want to; I want to share all of those things with someone I love.

I blame Nghia and Giang for getting me hooked onto these Still Motion videos. I haven’t cried watching one yet, but I have to admit they are pretty sweet. Supposedly to hire Still Motion for same day editing is $10,000.00. Well, I better start saving now.

I am only going to get married once in my life with my true love whoever that may be. I definitely want to cherish it, remember it in the best way possible and also share it with everyone I love and care for. A video by them would definitely do!

Here's a video of one of my favorites:

melinh + cwell's sde // toronto from stillmotion on Vimeo.

Still Motion links:
Still Motion Blog
+Videos

In addition to theory #2

Things I wouldn’t give an exception for:

physical abuse: a slap, a punch, a kick, even a little pinch, if he wasn’t joke then adios!

too controlling: when he tries to be in charge of every aspect of my life, the possessive one

cockiness: total turnoff and it honestly makes the guy look bad

disrespect: don’t put me down, you will not succeed and you’ll never see me again, even as a friend

gold-digger: I don’t mind paying and buying things, but when you’re using me, that’s another story

expecting change: I will not change for anyone but for my immediate family and myself

not defending me: I can defend for myself, that doesn’t mean I want to. If you are my man, you will defend me and have my back. I would do the same for you, and I expect the same from you. Even if I’m wrong, have my back in front of others, and talk to me about it behind closed doors

the word “divorce”: this will only apply for when I’m married. If we’re in the heat of an argument and my future husband says the word divorce, it’s OVER. I don’t believe in divorces, because I believe that love will work out no matter what. But if you’re thinking about it…warning sign.

Things I thought I wouldn’t give an exception for:

infidelity: I’ve always told myself I’d never be that girl to take a man back after he’s cheated on me

waiting: I’ve always told myself I’d never wait for a man to make up his mind on whether he wanted to be with me or not, because I believe that if you really want to be with someone, you shouldn’t have to think about it

no clear future: I’ve always told myself that I wouldn’t waste time on someone who couldn’t see a future with me

sexting, sex-mailing, sexbooking, etc: when you’re sharing nudes w/another person or talking to them about sexual deeds

crying: I’ve always always always have told myself a man is not worth my tears

verbal abuse: I hate when the man I’m with swears at me. I am not your friends or your dog

dishonesty: I hate liars, and I never thought I’d make an exception for a man lying to me. (I have in the past but I won’t anymore after our “official” break up with T two years ago, I broke up w/him because he lied.)

underappreciated: who hasn’t felt like this ya know? So I guess it’s “normal” but I’ve always thought that a man should always appreciate the things I put forth into the relationship.

Obviously, there’s probably more to both lists, but I just can’t think of off the top of my head. I’ve always this and that, but you really never know what you’ll do, whether stay with him or leave him until you are in the situation yourself. Things are a lot easier said than done.

Theory #2:

Expectations before and exceptions after

I’m guilty of this and I know I’m not the only one. We’ve all set expectations of how we want every relationship we’re in to be. What the deal breakers would be (most of us would say cheating), what we want from the other person, etc. But then when the s/o does one of the things we've told ourselves we’d break up with them for, which one of us would really leave everything we've put time and energy into?

That’s when the exceptions come in. I don’t like to admit it, but I’ve made plenty of exceptions in the past, with past relationships and even with the person I’m with now. It’s not because I am weak willed, it’s because somehow faith always keeps me going. Faith, that if I give this exception, this one time, things will be better and he wouldn't break another expectation.

But with every expectation does come with disappointments.

Theory #1:

There are good men in the world, but even good men are human, and as humans we all make mistakes. I don’t think woman who are in a monogamous relationship with a man should trust him 110%.

My theory is that in all men, even the good ones, that there will always be a .01% chance that they will cheat on you. Whether it be physically (kiss, holding hands, sex, oral, etc) or emotionally (telling things he doesn’t tell you to some other woman, etc), never give him that .01% of your trust.

We all want to believe that the man we’re with will never do us wrong, I mean if we didn’t, why would we still be with him right? But, if a man finds a chance to cheat and never get caught (in his mind, because the truth will always find its way to the surface no matter how old the situation is), he will. I’m not saying, go throw your relationship out of the window right now, because I also believe that if the man above really wants you two to stay together, than you two will find a way to work out anything and everything, even infidelity.

Let’s just hope these good men that I’m talking about are smart enough to learn from their humanly mistakes.

Quotes of the Night:
"If I didn't know Tammy and only saw her facebook, I would think she's a 200lb girl." -ButterBall

"You were too wild for me." -Not stating who

Tired but my mind won't let me sleep

Four or more jobs you have had in your life:
1. best buy
2. cub foods
3. wells fargo
4. m&i

Four movies you could watch over and over:
1. serendipity
2. serendipity
3. serendipity
4. serendipity

Four places you have lived:
1. california
2. st. louis, mo
3. everywhere, mn
4. n/a

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Glee
2. Weeds
3. Dexter
4. My House is Worth What?/House Hunters

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. vietnam
2. orlando, tampa, miami, fl
3. cancun, mx
4. las vegas, nv

Websites you visit daily (or most often):
1. facebook.com
2. blogspot.com
3. gmail.com
4. cnn.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. banh bot chien
2. bun bo hue
3. raw shucked oysters
4. chocolate brownie w/vanilla ice cream

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. sleeping next to T
2. somewhere warm, preferably somewhere w/the ocean and sand
3. Europe
4. dreaming

Four things I always have with me:
1. blackberry 8900
2. sony cybershot
3. my lib balm
4. my debit card

New York, I <3 You

I am extremely disappointed. This movie came out tonight (Oct 16), but the closest theater playing it is in Illinois! UGH.

Success, Money, & <3

The view from my parents' living room

*****

Success is an ambiguous word. It’s hard to have just one definition for the word, so what’s yours? I’m sure a lot of people’s answers will include the ‘lots of money’ in it somehow. Not mine though. It might be cliché to quote someone for a definition of a word, but I couldn’t have said it any better.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty. to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve never understood why so many people value money, and I might never know why. There are a few things I value in life, and money shouldn’t on anyone’s list, but the sad thing is it’s on almost everyone’s. Yes, it’s nice to have it, but if you don’t it shouldn’t be a problem. It just seems like everyone who’s started from the bottom and worked their way up, all of a sudden changes who they are because of the fact that they have more money, I think it’s rather sad. Everyone starts from the bottom, remember that. And if you didn’t start from the bottom, then I feel sad for you because having money handed to you by family doesn’t show very much of who you are as a person. I just wish that people who started from the ground up, wouldn’t forget who they are while riding to the top.

I will be successful later in life, and I can guarantee you that I won’t forget where I came from before all of the luxuries. And I definitely won’t forget the people who stuck by me either, because all of you will be up there by my side.

*****

I think one way men show that they love you is by them trusting you with their deepest, darkest fears and secrets, especially from those who have too much pride in saying the actual word itself.

I wonder how women show their love?

cause this is how I always feel

"I guess you’re right; I’m afraid. I’m afraid to put my guard down. I’m afraid that if you know who I am, you won’t feel the same. And I’m afraid that once my barrier is defeated and I’m comfortable, that you’ll walk away. Because that’s what everyone’s done anyway."

...but I've never allowed anyone to break down this barrier, and to melt this ice.

I'm so sad right now. It's sad to see friendships torn over things that aren't worth it. Even if it's not my own friendships. but it is what it is...

Testing 1,2,3...testing out the mobile blogging.

Todo Tiene Su Final.

All I really want in life...

I think I've come to realize that all a girl really wants is:
1) to find love
2) to experience love
3) to fall in love
4) to marry and create a family w/her love
5) to be loved unconditionally

...well maybe that's all I really want. That's not too much to ask for is it?

*****

Someone prove this wrong to me please...

They say the one you love and the one who loves you most, are never, ever the same person. Someone please prove this wrong!

....what.the.hell. has gotten into me? Where is the cynical Tamzilla I used to know?

Is it fair?

Is it fair to consider myself 'mean' because I am not afraid to speak what's on my mind? Because I am comfortable enough with myself, that I know who I am? Because I don't care what anyone else says about me and the people that I love and will stick up for them? Is it fair to consider myself a 'bitch' because I am not afraid to speak the truth, even if it hurts someone else's feelings?

I am against liars. I have no respect and want nothing to do with people who lie. Sugar coating is considered lying and I won't sugar coat no matter how much I'm trying to protect someone's feelings.

There are people I know who don't take criticism well, in fact they probably take an offense to it, but I like it. It makes me know how I should better myself. I think other's should do the same. Listen to the critcism, and thank the person who had the nerve to tell you it. Cause only true friends will tell you what's up.

I'll definitely add more to this! I just really have to finish my philosophy paper. 11 hours left to finish it.

Scary Cat

T’s not a big fan of scary movies. He likes to say they’re boring and pointless to hide the fact that he’s actually scared of them. Back then I’ve always gotten him to see scary movies with me but ever since my move back, there’s been no luck on getting him to go until about a couple weeks ago, and even then it was hard to get him to agree to go, I had to use the best of my best persuasion skills for us to go. The movie we saw was Paranormal Activity, and ever since that movie he hasn’t been sleeping well. I vow to myself that I will never ask him to see a scary movie ever again. Yes, it’s that bad, and yes, I feel that bad for getting him to agree in the first place.

We were probably one of the first ones to see it in Minnesota, and we had no idea what the movie was going to be about. Rather, I didn’t know what the movie was going to be about. I mean I saw the trailer, but I didn’t know it was going to be like that (I don’t want to ruin for those of you who haven’t seen it yet). If I had known, I wouldn’t have asked T to go in the first place, but what’s done is done. The night of the movie, I was forced to sleep over, and we couldn’t sleep at all. We had to wake up to make it on time for his 11 o’clock class but he decided to skip it since he was so tired from not getting any sleep. And for the rest of that week he slept over at his best friend’s house, after a week of that he’s finally been sleeping at home but not in his room, which is cute and funny all at the same time, but I’ll have to admit I do feel bad. Even when I’m sleeping over at his place, we sleep in his room but we both can’t get any sleep. He does crazy things and it makes me scared so I wake him up and it’s all just a continuous cycle…haha.

And on top of not being able to sleep in his own room, he has me stay on the phone with him until he falls asleep, then I hang up around 7 or 8 in the morning cause I know for a fact he’s sleeping then. I could hang up earlier when I hear him snoring but just in case anything crazy does happen. Well tonight is the first night since the movie that he’s decided to try and sleep without me on the phone. So far so good.

Wow. I can’t believe I just typed up that much about my boyfriend being scared!