Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Recent events have led me to think about where I want to be a year, five years, ten years, and even an eternity from today, and I've thought about the people I've come to know in the past. Some I've met and have stuck with me through thick and thin, and some, foolish of me to think they were going to be good to my well being but had they had ulterior motives instead. Some of them were even people I've known my whole life, family. Luckily, I've figured out those people and their schemes and have thrown them out of my life.

I've always been selfless. I put other people's wants, needs, and feelings before mine. Pleasing other people first because seeing the people I care about happy, makes me happy. But now times have changed, I've become wiser, and making the people I care about happy, sometimes isn't what's making me happy anymore. Some of the things I've done for people have actually and or will hurt me in the end, and I want to stop that. So from now on out, I will do whatever it is to make myself happy, some of the things I do may hurt the people I care for, but sometimes that's exactly what I need to do to get myself out of feeling this way.

It is my life. I can't live for anyone else but for myself. I can't make everyone happy, but I know I have what it takes to make myself happy. and in the end, when I feel like I've lost everything and everyone, those that are real, will still remain. I hope those people that I've been counting on will be the real ones, but sometimes life happens, and it'll bring out the true colors in people.

Short term goals:
1. Pay off all debts and raise my credit score (which isn't too bad high 600's to low 700's but I want it higher). Pay off credit cards and student loans. A certain family member of mine has made that a little tiny bump in the road, but I'll have it fixed in no time. Without a good credit report and score, no nice car, no nice house, no nice anything.

2. Continue working full-time and going to school full-time until I get my associates degree and get the heck out of here! Technically, it's only going to be my second year here, but it feels like it's been too long. Plus I really want to try going to another out of state school. Anywhere, BUT St. Louis please!

3. Save enough money to study abroad in Australia Fall 2010. If not study abroad, have the money and time to visit there for at least two or three weeks.

4. Travel, travel, travel. I'll do it by myself if I have to, although it's more fun with someone(s).

Long term goal:
1. Find more people who understand who I am, who I can be, and support me. Supporting me not by saying "Yes, you're correct to everything you do and say," but by letting me know when I am wrong, letting me know what I can do to better myself and my future. That's the kind of people I want sticking around in my life. Not people who all they want is to see me suffer.

2. Save up for a nice down payment on a house. -but before I do that. I have to find a place, anywhere in the world that I will be content living at for more than a year or two.

3. Fall in love unconditionally. Marry him, have kids, and go through heaven, down to hell and back up to heaven together. I feel that is the only real way of experiencing love in a relationship, because that way you know your significant other in, and out, sideways, and long ways. Like one of my favorite quotes "Without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet."

4. Make my parents proud and give them everything they have given me. This might even be impossible, but I sure as hell won't quit trying.

Age in 10 years: 31
Where would you like to see yourself: A graduate student with a degree in communications and broadcast journalism (yes, I know a tough field, you gotta nearly get lucky to get a job in it, but that's not going to stop me). Having a career as a public relations specialist for M&I Bank or some other company (big or small), or a career as a news anchor for a news station anywhere in the world. Married to Mr. Wonderful-but-yet-still-anonymous with two kids, a boy and a girl living in a beautiful house in the city. An entrepreneur to some cool invention. An older sister to her sister and brother, helping them out whenever they need it, and getting to know them better as they get older, change, and become wiser. A daughter who is making her parents extremely proud of who they have raised her to be. Giving them everything they've ever wanted like letting them retire earlier than most, a vacation home in Vietnam, money to travel with, happiness. Myself happy.

If you are not here to help me, don't try to put me down, because I will get back up, and I will get you back with success.

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