Light

It's the very first breath 
When your head's been drowning underwater

*****

I know keeping up with current events definitely isn't helping me. I often question my purpose after I read or watch the shit that goes on in this world. I often question "Why them and not me?" I often think we're the real suckers, we're all the ones stuck in hell..living in this terrible world. I often think to myself "How could I ever bring my child into this world full of hate?"

I have many questions that the man above hasn't answered, but I need to remind myself that I'm still here for a reason. I don't need to know the purpose now, but soon enough I will.

I just have to trust in him.
I just have to trust in myself to see the light in the darkest of times.
I just have to trust in my husband to support my decision.
I just have to trust in my family and friends to help me see this through.

You're the reason I believe in life.

*****

I'm a planner. It's amazing yet scary at the same time the things I'm capable of planning and seeing through.

I've thought of this for quite some time now. Up until now, I've trusted myself to not take action on it, but I haven't been so sure of myself lately.

It'd be so easy, so easy to make this all go away; it'd be so easy to make their pain go away.

*****

I was so stupid to have ever believed that everyone would be happy if they'd just decide to be. Not everyone is that blessed to get to choose how they feel.

******

Right now, I'm feeling passionate about:

• educating young adults about mental illness
• because it all starts with making sure the future of our world can identify symptoms, be comfortable to seek professional assistance, and will hopefully end the stigma

Right now, I'm feeling passionate about:

• sharing my personal experience with MDD
• because I want to educate others that there isn't one single path and that mental illness doesn't have a path it follows; it goes and does whatever it please so it comes in all shapes and sizes (some more severe than others)
• and also because I want to contribute to ending the stigma