Dinner convos #8653

Me: you wore that shirt just so you could match w/the hat mom and dad got you huh?
Dave: Yep.
Me: is that why you wanted to go home earlier?
Dave: Yep.
Dave: You got me this shirt a long time ago remember?
Me: yeah I remember
Mummy: now the shirt doesn't fit you
Dave: iono I like it like this. It shows off my muscles
Daddy: and your big belly
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Gay Marriage

I've told many of my friends this before, but if I was to ever start a family, hands down I would choose Minnesota to be the place to do it. All four seasons, great school systems, lots and lots of diversity, and for the most part people are very open minded.

Not all politicians are out to get you with tax money and etc. This guy a Minnesota Democratic said “How many more gay people does God have to create, before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?”

Even though after he asked his colleagues the question, the House Civil Law Committee voted 10-7 on it, at least he spoke up about it. I wanna meet this Steve Simon guy! Here's the video so you can see for yourself:

Jonathan Harris : Today

Just hit play, watch, and listen.
A lot of what he says
I can definitely relate to

"When I reached 30, I think I felt a lot of things a lot of people feel when they reach 30 or around this age, which is that um maybe the way that your life is isn't the way you thought your life would be when you were 20 or 15, and you kind of freak out a little bit and you wonder you know like holy crap I'm aging and I'm getting older and I still have all of this stuff that I haven't figured out it's strange. It's almost like the process of growing up has made me, well almost like less sure of myself somehow because I see there's so much more that I don't know, which I didn't see before."

"I feel like I've definitely grown probably more this past year than I have any other...but that said I'm not sure what exactly I have grown into."

Second Chances

I love asking my friends questions on their beliefs to see where they stand on certain things, and one of my favorites to ask is "do you believe in second chances?"

For myself, I believe in second chances. Not just because I believe that people can grow and change over time, but because a lot of times as humans we don't realize what we have until it's gone. And as cliche as that sounds it has proven to be true with a lot of people for numerous of things. Like a child will never fully appreciate his/her parent until one is gone, a friend won't realize the importance of another friend until he/she doesn't have them to turn to anymore, a boyfriend/girlfriend will continually take for granted their significant other until they are sleeping alone at night, and the list goes on.

But when someone has done you wrong more than twice, are you supposed to apply the rule of "people can change and grow over time" and give them a third try? When is enough enough? After how many strikes is someone supposed to learn their lesson?
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Birdy - Skinny Love

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
We suckled on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balancedAnd I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted
And who the hell was I?
I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?Ooh, ooh

Good song. Birdy did a cover originally from Bon Iver, but it doesn't sound right with a guy singing it. lol!

Opportunities

Okay, back in December I declined an opportunity to work for a particular Fortune 500 company. The position is usually offered to people with college degrees already in their hand, but I guess I'm being sought after because of my experience. Anyways, I keep rejecting the offer but they keep offering it to me, month after month (since Dec.).

I think it's a sign from the man above that I should accept it.

"Every blessing ignored becomes a curse."--Paulo Coelho

I'm normally an overall confident person in everything that I do, but honestly a big part of me is scared. Scared that if I accept this offer for this huge company that many would do a lot to work for, that I would do what I've done w/my previous positions for previous companies. It'd be my first "grown up" job.

*sigh* I want it, but then I don't want it.
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Who am I trying to Kid?

Maybe I still don't know what I want to be or where I'll be in 10, 5, or a year from today, but at least I know my what my values are and that they won't change a year, 5, or 10 from now.

truth

"The hardest thing about doing the right thing for yourself is you usually have to do it alone."--Po Bronson
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Money aint shit!

Just another example that money isn't everything:

This former Playboy Playmate/Ex movie star was found dead in her home this past weekend, but she was dead for so long that her body was nearly in a mummified state. She wasn't found 'til a year after she died. A YEAR!!!!

Imagine no one missing you for a year. No phone calls, no visits, no one calling the police because you haven't been tweeting, facebooking, texting, picking up calls, or calling them...so sad. Just shows you that money and fame won't buy you family and friends who'll genuinely care about you.

I remember one night when I was hanging out w/a friend and I accidentally left my phone in the car for two hours. When I eventually went out to grab my phone I had hundreds of missed calls from friends, spammed facebook wall posts, status updates that said "where are you?!?!?! Are you okay" or "has anyone seen or heard from tamzilla?!?", and hundreds of text messages. Although I was a little annoyed, I was still grateful for such great friends. They took me not texting or facebooking for a few hours as a sign that something was wrong. <3
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I like that a lot of my friends are "lich su" towards each other and other people. It really shows off how their parents have raised them. Which is a good thing. But then if I see how my brother acts towards others, he CAN be really well mannered, but most of the time he's selfish and inconsiderate. And my parents didn't raise any of their kids to be like that. So I guess it shows again that you really can't judge someone.

But I still love the fact that my friends are "lich su" and knows when to step up and help people or greet them and etc. I can't really explain it because it's a Vietnamese adjective, but those of you who are Vietnamese should know what I mean.
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Before showering

What a good night. Celebrated a friend's birthday, planned our camping trip, Vegas trip, tried to persuade more people to join us for Lollapalooza, cooked bo chien bo (beef and butter), drank, played cards, reminisced, had our party crashed by my friend's dad, my uncle and their friends, etc...but everything was fun. Always worth the 45min drive there and home by myself.

I want to thank some friends for helping me throw down for food, helping w/the prepping, and cleaning! (;

I'm very very excited for what May and the upcoming months has to offer, but when am I not?!
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Money ain't shit but paper to me. When I don't have it, I learn to live within my means. When I do have it, I love to share the wealth. As long as my family, friends, and people I surround myself with are happy, smiling, having fun then I am too. No biggie. Money can be remade. Memories can't.
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But to live doesn't mean you're alive

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because the world needs people who have come alive."--Howard Thurman
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Growing up

It was so much easier to express our love and adoration towards our parents when we were young kids. My siblings and I would kiss my mom and dad on their cheeks before heading off to dreamland every single night. I wonder if my parents noticed the first night the kisses stopped coming.

I also remember sleeping over at my ong noi and ba noi (grandparents on dad's side) house one night. An hour after my parents left to go home, the separation anxiety kicked in and I bawled my little eyes out until my parents drove 45min back to pick me up.

I got used to being away from them after awhile. I started sleeping over at my grandparents' more often, but I always had to have my two stuffed bunnies. One was given to me from my dad and I named her Robbie. The second was given to me from my mom and I named him Buffy. I played w/both all of the time, slept with them too. I don't remember what happened to Robbie but I still have Buffy boxed up somewhere in my room.

Those two bunnies gave me a lot of comfort as a child. Whenever my parents fought and argued w/each other I had a superstition that if I slept w/the both of them they would stop and make up. Even during the times when my dad left the house for a couple of days because the arguments were bad, I just slept with the two and I knew he'd come back, because he always did. I laugh now thinking how silly my superstition was, but I was a child I had to believe in something to make things right.

My sister had her own stuffed animals my parents gave to her. I can remember one, it was a monkey she named Baby Goo-Ga. I don't remember if my brother even had anything...maybe that's why he's the way he is?

Sometimes I blame him not having an older brother to look up to while growing up for him being the way he is. But then again, a lot of guys grow up w/o an older brother and they're fine. I miss how we all were when we were younger though. How happy my brother was, and now his happiness seems so fake and painted on. If only he understood how much we all have given up for him. My mom loves him a lot. She'd do anything for the kid. But he'll never understand it all. And in return we'll never understand him.
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Late night confessions #1

Instead of reading the many many books I have picked up and piled high at the foot of my bed, I've been reading the Bible lately at this time of night/morning.

Currently on the book of Genesis.
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The Golden Ticket

In front of me is my BlackBerry and behind it, sitting on my bed is literally my ticket to anywhere in the world. I can take this and go anywhere with it. I keep thinking about Australia, but I know I'm not going to be able to leave my family behind. I also gotta finish school too and make my parents proud.

I keep hinting it to my dad that once things get finalized with our house (whether he's going to keep it or sell it) to go to Australia w/me. Besides not having any friends there (which will be really easy for my dad to make since his personality is just like mine), but my mom has sisters that live there. And they would love it! Sounds silly since I've never been there myself, but I just know they will.

I am in a dilemma. Do I travel all summer before cracking down on school? Or do I work and rebuild my savings before cracking down on school and travel in between school breaks like I did before? HELP!
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Love Advice #'s 1 & 2

I find it ironic that a lot of my friends come to me for advice on their relationships w/their significant others, especially since I’m not in one myself. I tell them upfront before I give any opinions of my own that I don’t want to give out advice because if anything were to happen (good or bad) I am not the one living with the consequences, and if they’re still fine with that then I’ll proceed. But I'll just write about it on here anyways. Self reminders for if I am ever in another relationship. LOL

The one thing I stress for any and all relationships is happiness. You shouldn’t seek happiness in someone other than yourself. It’s a lot to expect from a person, and a lot of power to give them also. When you give someone the ability to make you happy, you also give them the ability to make you sad. I believe that if you’re not happy with just who you are and being alone, you’re not ready to be in a relationship because you truly won’t be happy with another person if you aren’t with yourself first. I also believe that your significant other and friends should make you happier. If you are just as happy without them in your life, then maybe you should stop wasting each other’s time. Being with someone should excite you, and if you’re just as excited being by yourself don’t bother.

Another thing I stress for is to never ever settle! If you’re settling for the person you’ve been with for 6 months, 2 years, or 10 years you’re missing out on being with someone that could make your life a lot happier. And the person you’re with could be missing out on the same opportunity for someone else. There are billions of people in this world, chances are if you feel like you’re settling you probably are because if you were with the person you were meant to be with you wouldn’t be questioning it in the first place.

I pity people who are in relationships because they’re afraid to be single. They’re too afraid to be by themselves, and not have that attention from a special someone. Man up and quit depending on someone else for your happiness. They have their own happiness to worry about. You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself.

I am currently single not because I don't love myself. I've been loving myself and I am happy (I believe I know myself well enough and am happy with everything in my life right now). I am currently single because I haven't met a guy who will make me happier than I already am in life. No spark, no butterflies, no excitement = No time, no effort, and no energy from me.

And I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be aloneee
You don't want to be aloneee
And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Yeah, you've known it the whole time

Sad and Happy Endings

Dave: I like sad endings because they make me feel better about myself.
Me: haha wtf?
Dave: Sad endings makes me realize that what I have isn't as bad because their life is worst than mine.
Dave: I don't like happy endings because then I think about how I'll never have that happiness.
Me: ..... ): ): ): ): ):
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A Quote on Success

I found this somewhere on tumblr, tried googling it to see what the source is, but nothing came up. Maybe I should've dug deeper. But either way it goes hand in hand with my last post. ^_^

The tune. The lyrics. Him. Good song even for when it's not 4/20.

Confronting Past Dreams..& Making Room for New Ones

When you look back on where you thought you’d be today in high school, how many of you are actually where you declared yourself to be? I’ll be honest and say that I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be. In middle and throughout high school I was obsessed with the news. I wanted to be like Connie Chung, an Asian American news broadcaster for CNN. And although I dated someone throughout high school and into my college years, I didn’t know if he would be the one I’d marry and be the father of my kids. I just knew that I wanted to get married by the time I was twenty-five and have two kids (a boy and a girl) by the time I was twenty-nine. I didn’t want to be an old mother. I wanted to still be relatively young by the time both of my kids graduated high school, and I wanted to still be alive to see my grandkids grow up.

I’m known for never taking the safe, smooth, paved, path. Out of the different groups of friends I have I am always deemed the ‘crazy one’ or the one who’s always spontaneous and loves to take risks. If I wasn’t any of those I wouldn’t have switched majors a handful of times, I would have graduated within the expected four years it takes to get a bachelor’s degree, I would still be with the first, second, third, or fourth big company I have previously worked for, I would still be with my high school sweetheart, and I wouldn’t be a soul drifting around aimlessly right now.

When I first meet someone or see someone I haven’t seen in a while and they ask me the dreaded “What do you do?” or “What have you been up to?”—I know what they're all thinking when I give them my answer. There aren’t many people I know who all of a sudden drop everything in their life to try and figure things out. A lot of them try to figure things out along the way of finishing school or working their current job, but they would never ever leave everything behind all at once without knowing they had a backup plan. But like I said, I am the risk taker, the ‘crazy one’, and also the one who’s spontaneous so I went against the grain.

A lot of times I feel like I’m being too self-indulgent. My parents along with millions in the world didn’t get to choose what they wanted to be. Our parents’ generation sought safety and security. They chose their professions because they had to. It pays the mortgage every month, it puts food out on the table, clothes on their backs, and here I am taking my sweet ass time deciding on what it is I want to do with my life.

I have asked a lot of my peers about what they wanted to do with their degrees and they all gave me common answers: “work for a Fortune 500 company,” “go to med school,” “become a corporate lawyer,” and etc. Even though they’re all different occupations, I see them as all the same. They’re all typical answers you’d get from someone who didn’t follow their passion that wants prestige, control, money, and power that comes along with all of those careers. Who knows, maybe I’m seeing it all wrong, but I know a lot of my friends well enough to know that they aren’t following their natural enthusiasms. Either they do want all of those listed above (prestige, control, money, and power); they’re trying to live up to someone else’s yardstick, or both.

I have never felt the need to live up to someone else’s measure, but I did once want the power, control, and prestige. Never the money though, I knew money could never buy me happiness. And the more I experience in my life the more I realize that power, control, and prestige won’t give me the happiness I want. Things are simple for me now; all I want is to obtain a career that I love. Not because I don’t know what else to do or because it gives me status. I want to be able to go into work every day with a purpose; I want to never want to leave work. I know a lot of people want these things too, but why aren’t they pursuing it?

Money is the motivation for a lot of people. Money is the reason behind most of their actions. My view on that is, if you let money be the root of your happiness you’ll never obtain it. You can never excel yourself with money. There is only so much clothes, luxury cars, mansions, boats, jewelry, and vacations one can buy. When is enough enough? Let your career fulfill you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I guess money could be a plus if that’s what comes w/the career, but I don't think one should let it be the person's drive.

I remember when I was going through a year where I was majoring in political science. I confided in someone who back then was a friend, I told them about how I wanted to become a lawyer to help out the Vietnamese community because a lot of them aren’t well informed with their rights as a citizen and etc. The person turned down my ideas and told me I wouldn’t make enough money to be happy or to pay back school loans, and that I had to first become a big corporate lawyer before doing what I wanted to do. I will always remember that moment because 1) it showed me where and what that person’s values in life were (definitely not matched up with my own) and 2) it made me realize how much I want to give back to society. Whether it is just in my neighborhood community, my church community, or the Vietnamese community, I just want to give back in one way or another.

I have a lot of unquenched ambitions. I want to give back to society (as listed above), I want to inform people of the things happening all around the world (journalism), world traveler, international food blogger, and as much as I don’t like children right now I do have the desire to teach them (these are just to name a few). I remember reading a quote from E.B. White “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” –and I thought holy crap that is me.

Just as I was writing “So that’s where I am right now, trying to figure out a plan to make it all fit into my life.” I got it; it all became clear to me on how I was going to do all of it in my lifetime. I used to have this fear of making the wrong choices and wasting more precious life, but that was exactly what was holding me back, fear. Now the only thing I fear in life is losing my family. Not even an ounce of fearing failure.

I don’t believe in failure, because if you believe in failure itself, that’s exactly the one thing that’ll keep you from making your next move. And without that next move how on Earth are you going to get to where you want to be? Besides, without all of those “failed” attempts, your success wouldn’t be as sweet.

I don’t want the money, I don’t care for the recognition, and I don’t want the status or power. I no longer wish to get married nor have children. Maybe if I meet a man who’ll keep me interested long enough I’ll reconsider. But until then, all I want is to make my parents proud which I have quickly learned that they will be proud of me no matter what, and to be happier with each passing moment. And I will be as long as I continue to pursue after what I am passionate about, even if that means taking an extra ten years to get my bachelor’s.

The point of this post is to try and get my friends to realize that they have to stop measuring themselves against their parents, their friends’, their peers’, and society’s expectations. I don’t want my friends to sleep on their potential and be unhappy because they’re trying to make someone else happy. We’re all given the privilege to be the author of our own life, use this chance to define who you are. Don’t let someone else do it for you.

Note: you'll probably see similar posts in the future. I want to say more, but it's getting late/early. Brain is fried... (; Need.Sleep.Pronto.

Give me the world, give me the world
Yeah I had a taste it was sweet
So I think I'm ready for more, ready for more