refreshing vents

for the love of food, music, and writing
I don't know which of the three I heart more; food, music, or writing.
They all seem to satisfy my soul, free my mind, and warm up my heart.
I've always thought I wrote better with music, but now I'm catching myself listening to the lyrics rather than focus on my writing.


old faces, old places
tonight was one of the BFF's little brother's going away dinner/thing at Tango. After tonight I remember why i try my best not to go there even though though they're the only place that makes the best beef and tuna tataki. It seemed like all of MN's Asian nation was there tonight, and not in a good way either. I mean it was fun seeing old faces again, but it was just too much especially when everyone has alcohol in their system.

The first person i ran into when i walked into the restaurant was Thinh. It was ridiculously funny to me because all I thought of when I saw him was how ugly, and ridic he looked w/those new earrings of his. Besides the fact that he tried starting a fight with two girl bartenders and me trying to shut him up and him yelling at me, it was good. It actually felt like we were friends until our mutual friends started pushing him on me, again. Sorry everyone, but it's been months. if I wanted to get back with someone who didn't appreciate me when he had me i would've done it a long time ago, not wait for months after we broke up to do so. Please get over it, cause I have. Thanks!--it's funny now that i see him, how could I have felt so strongly for him a moment back in time, and now he's standing in front of me and I feel absolutely nothing. emotions are fickle, they come and they go. everything will change except for change itself.

my friends can be so stupid sometimes, but Hoang he's stupid all of the time. Had to put him in check cause if I didn't he probably wouldn't have a girlfriend come tomorrow morning.

"Give me back her touch, I don't ask for much
but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up"
-Lil Wayne "Something you forgot" #everymansthemesong

whats funny is...
that i have this huge pet peeve of people being on their phone when i'm spending time with them. BUT...i know i know I'm always on my phone myself. I'm trying to cut my relationship with my Blackberry down to only taking pictures of food when I'm spending time with others, but it's so hard. #yeahimahypocrite

let's leave it at this. until tomorrow night.

Guards

"This verse start’s as my sniper hits they mark
And your guards fall down from a rifle to the heart
Like, clap, clap, let em fall slow
I know you had your fears, you can let em all go" -Drake "July"

How do you know when something is real? What justifies it?

I feel like Chuck and Blair, for the love of the game.

#randoms

Wasted time, Wasted energy
If you know me then you'll know that I hate hate hate wasting time. Tomorrow isn't promised and I'll multi-task with almost everything I do. Whether it's everyday life like juggling full-time work while taking full-time credits or traveling and trying to see and do everything in the limited time that I have there even though I know I could just fly back there whenever I want to to get the rest done.

That's probably another reason why I always have to feel like I'm in control of my life, be in the know of what's going to happen. This is probably the first time ever that I have no control of anything in my life and although it's quite refreshing, it's also really frustrating. I normally cut everything and everyone out if I feel like it's a waste of my time and energy, so why haven't I done it yet? Having hope and being optimistic can be a downfall sometimes.


Songs for the soul; special occasion and special person not needed
-Brian McKnight - 6,8,12; anytime; back at one...they don't make songs like his anymore..but then again no one can sing like him.
-Dru Hill - incomplete
-ginuwine - differences
-ne-yo - in the way
etc, etc, etc I'm a human jukebox...especially when it comes to old school jammin'

The great listener
I've noticed that I've been picking up on blogging again. Blogspot has become my official ear. You listen to everything that I have to say, think, and feel. And best part about it?--it doesn't judge, so I'm never holding anything back. Feels good to clear your mind before sleeping though.

Inception
Ever since that movie, I've been trying to pay more attention to my dreams, and I've been remembering a lot of them for longer than 5 minutes after waking up. If you asked me now what I dreamnt about last night I probably couldn't tell you but if you ask me right before I wake up I could tell you all of the details, including what you wore in the dream. Pretty nuts, but do you think that dreams have any connections with your subconscious? --Not sure on that one myself, but it'd be pretty wild if it did.

Speed and time
It's funny how you wait for a day to come and when it finally arrives, it leaves faster than you can actually think about it. The past weekend definitely felt like that. Felt like everything was squeezed into an hour. #yeahimstillthinkingaboutit

Question(s) of the week
-Go with the flow or cut it off? I won't know unless I try right? But I feel like the trying will lead to no where.
-Would you rather be with someone who's the opposite of you or your twin? I think both has its pros and cons. I think the opposite will only work if both people have the same ultimate goals in life. Then it'd be rewarding to be w/someone who's your opposite because you're both going to continue learning new things about each other and learn to appreciate different perspectives and outlooks on things. But being with your twin can also be rewarding because you two compliment each other.

blah no more thinking....getting sleepyyy so don't mind the last topic...i probably don't know what i'm talking about, but i don't wanna erase it either

#energyinvestedinsomeoneisawpotentialin

*ahem ahem* let me clear my throat

Before I start, I just wanna say that I'm blogging from my BlackBerry and please excuse any grammar and spelling errors. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but Blogspot you need an app for us!

I normally would've waited for tomorrow to blog, but with all these things I wanna say, I just wanted to clear my mind first before trying to squeeze some REM time in.


She doesn't believe in shooting stars but she believes in shoes and cars

Right when I got to the campsite I told Linh that we pretty much drove 5 hours to just drink. She agreed and laughed. Who knew that that night would be one that'll go into the memory books. Even though I probably spent more time in my car driving than at the actual campsite itself, the time I did have there was amazing. Probably speaking more of the six-but-felt-like-one-hour night of star gazing.

Linh and I were taking swigs out of this Captain Morgan bottle nearby our tents to start out the night, out of nowhere she tells me to look up, and there it was twinkling lights that blanketed our world. And Max came up w/the crazy but awesome idea of grabbing our cooler and drinking at the top. Kidnapped a few people and there we were: in good company, good drinks, and a blanket of stars. It wasn't until Linh seeing a shooting star that I remembered it was on my bucket list to see one. Every time I saw one I got so excited. It didn't last any longer than a few seconds but it was still breath taking.

I probably saw 10+ shootings stars last night, but I didn't make a single wish. #lame

So it goes in the memory book as one of the best nights of my life, so far.


Back at One

Looking back at the beginning and even before the beginning of summer it's pretty incredible how things always works out, it's like my life's a giant puzzle slowly putting the pieces together.

I try really hard to not let myself think that some of my worst decisions in life are mistakes, because if I hadn't made those choices, I wouldn't be where I am today. I explained to a friend today how I thought that worked w/a relevant example, and it just made me realize even more how things do happen for a reason. One event leading to another. #prettycrazyshit


Linh: "you don't need to impress someone cause you love yourself"

I think it's pretty ridiculous that a lot of my close friends think that I love myself so much that I'm not capable of being selfless.

I mean I don't believe a person can be selfless ever. I might've already explained this in previous posts, but in short, you do things for others to see them happy, and seeing them makes you happy, so therefore that was a selfish act. Even though I don't believe a person can be selfless, a person can still be selfish and for good intentions. And I'd like to believe that I have good intentions for if not everything than 90% of my choices I've made in life.

It's not even that I love myself, it's just that I believe you have one life, and that it's your life; you should try and do everything you can to be happy in this one life. But that's just me, my ultimate goal is to retain this happiness that I have found for myself. I believe it should be everyone's ultimate goal. But not everyone's the same. I'll respect you for how you want to live your's, just expect me to add a little input though.

Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose. So believe in yourself, and love who you are. If you don't, who will?

--i have tons more to clear out, but my eyes aren't going to let me stare at this tiny portable screen anymore. Goodnight world. Until next time..

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

you don't know how much I want to drop everything and just travel the world. #lifestooshort

30 Day Challenge(s)

MUSIC CHALLENGE

Day 01 - Your favorite song right now

Day 02 - Your least favorite song

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - A song that you can fall asleep to

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 1: My Favorite Song right now:

30 Day Challenge

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them?
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else?
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag?
Day 26- What you think about your friends?
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?

Late nights and early mornings

Silly Games

This is a reason why I highly dislike dating, the game that guys and ladies play with each other’s feelings. You just never if the other person’s feelings are genuine or not anymore, why not save everyone the trouble, time, and wasted efforts by just being real. It’s simple: don’t say things you don’t mean, and in return you won’t lead someone on. –Cause honestly, they deserve better than wasted time.

“If a man wants you, nothing will keep him away. If a man doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.”

Summer’s end

I’m truly sad that summer is coming to an end. With so much coming up the next few weekends, the summer is going to flash right by me. Thank goodness for digital cameras, at least I can capture the moments. I’m always finding myself skimming through my summer pics before bed. I’m quite satisfied with everything I’ve crossed off and done so far this summer.

I must admit though, if summer never ended I would never get to watch the NFL games and of course THE MN State Fair, oh and can’t forget about Wicked. (=

Pride, again.

Listen to: Free Sol – Don’t Give it Away

“Should I feel ashamed because…damn I’m only human. I take the blame for love. Whatever happens happens.”

Why do my friends and I feel like it’s such a horrible thing to let a guy into our lives as more than friends? Oh wait, that’s because we got pride issues. I guess it’s the men’s fault too though, if so many of them weren’t such dogs I wouldn’t feel the need to hold such pride for myself and my independence from them.

I’m ready for Ya

I don’t like to go searching for a significant other. Why should i? It’s such a huge waste of time to me. Live your life, and if someone catches your attention, let em. Let the chance happen, don’t let a good thing get away without trying.

It’s truly funny how life works. Times like this is when I believe that things happen for a reason.

“R.I.P. to the girl you used to see.
Her days are over. Baby she’s over.
I’ve decided to give you all of me.
Baby come closer, baby come closer.
I’m ready for ya.” –Drake

#youknowyouregettingoldwhen

-95% of your friends are tied down and are contemplating marriage and/or moving in together
-your friends start to move out of state for a job
-you can’t hang like you used to
-you pass out in the car ride home after a night of drinking
-you notice yourself getting chubby b/c your metabolism is starting to slow down
-you think about where you’ll be in five years and can’t see anything
-life’s moving faster than you can actually take it all in

Rule #23493092423

I've said this a bajillion times before on my Facebook, but:

Don't chase em, replace em.

There are so many guys out there, why would I need to spend the time that I don't have chasing after a guy when you can easily just find another one?

Don't play games or else I'll get a ref.

Marriage

The only reason why I'd ever get married is to have THE feast of the century with family and friends. #fact

Summer Two-Ten Checklist

Something that Thinh hated about me was that I always wanted to speed through life and get everything and anything done asap. Well, that part of me definitely hasn't changed. Here's a list of things I'd like to cross off before summer is officially over.

Fishing

jet skiing

Wisconsin Dells

a trip outside of MN

camping

Twin's game

Cascade Bay

Six Flags

Valley Fair

Drive-in movie(s)

bonfire

State Fair

Wicked

Solera's rooftop + tapas

have a picnic

skydiving

cliff jumping

go to a museum

the zoo

rock climbing

try a new recipe

shooting range

late night swim

kayaking

....more will probably get added soon enough. Anyone willing to help me get these crossed off will be very much appreciated (=

Cloudy Mind

I tried catching up on some tv shows, but my mind wouldn't let me concentrate on how funny Ari Gold usually is so here I am...

Leap of Faith

I typically trust my head over my heart. But when it’s real, you can’t run from it. So I say try your hardest, put your all into it, and if that doesn’t make things work then that’s how you know it wasn’t meant to be. –because there’s nothing else you could’ve done to hold it all together. But until you can truly say that you’ve done everything in your power, put your pride aside and give it a shot. You’ll never know until you take that leap of faith. I would rather feel sad for a short period of time after things don’t work out, than to hold back what I feel and be stuck with a lifetime of regrets and burning questions of “what if’s”. #thinkaboutit

Pride

No matter how much I try to convince myself and other’s that I don’t have any pride when it comes to men and relationships, we all know I have a lot of pride. I always feel like I have to show everyone I’m not one of those stupid naïve girls who’ll fall for every other word that comes out of a man’s mouth. I feel like people always underestimate me because of my size, like I’m weaker physically and emotionally than what I really am.

I guess I do have something that I’m trying to prove to people, what I’m capable of.

When to believe?

I’ve been considered “one of the guys” all of my life, and a perk with being friends with so many guys is that I get an inside look at their world. Most of my guy friends are sweethearts and would treat a girl right because they know she deserves it, but boys will be boys and there are a lot of them that are man-whores. That’s why I don’t think much of the words most guys tell me because I think it’s just a game to them. If a man wants you, nothing will stop him from trying to get you. I’m also a firm believer of actions speak louder than words. But after hearing him say those too-good-to-be-true words and him showing you that he’s genuinely interested when do you start believing that his actions are real and not just a game?

I think with how things have been for myself, when he, himself starts believing that’s when I will also. #lethispridego

Life right now

I feel like the past few months I’ve been trying to chase down every temporary high to satisfy me only to be disappointed. I’ve made some pretty poor decisions in the past—well to most it’d seem like a bad decision, but it was one I made that made me realize and grow. I feel like the next big decision I make will be another poor one, but I’ve been itching like crazy to do it. I want to move again, I’ve actually have been wanting to move since I’ve moved back to Minnesota for three months, but with me being with Thinh and starting school and everything I felt staying in Minnesota would be the best for my future. I mean yes it would be to finish school here, but I really want to get out of here. To the point where I just want to save a grip load of money and pick everything up and just leave one random day. #nothisdoesn’thavetodowithaboy

I can’t imagine myself owning a house because I’m the type that would want to get up and leave. Having a mortgage would only set me back from living in the many different places the world has to offer. So would having a family.

Random (memorable) conversation(s)

07/26/10
B: I hate YOU! I got so used to kicking it with you that it already feels weird and it's only been 2 hrs...

Me: Is that your way of saying you miss me without it actually sounding cakey? if it is then I miss you too.

- - - - -
07/03/10
B: [stares at me] come here, give me a kiss before we're drunk
^ that one is one of my favs b/c it's just one of those "actions" that kinda showed me that he's genuinely interested.

Good Things in Life

...as of 07/22/10

-whitening my new birthday suit teeth

-listening to music on my blackberry whenever, wherever

-songs that steal the words right out of your mouth

-drinks w/friends on beautiful rooftops

-endorphins after running

-reminiscing about the past month and a half

-phone calls and texts from MFB

-home cooked meals from mom and ba noi

-meeting new customers at work

Various thoughts

The careerist

I used to want to fall in love, marry the man of my dreams, have his kids, get a place together and do what most people do in life, but after being single for however long now I feel completely different. I can be the domestic wife if I want to be, but I’m more of the career woman. I want to see the world, try every kind of food there is out there, meet new people, basically live life to the fullest (everyone has their own definition of what living life to the fullest is to them) and love+husband+kids+a house in one location will not do it for me. I’m not closing the door on being a domestic wife; maybe one day I will meet a man who will get me to believe in love where I’ll put my dreams will mold into another dream. But right now the opportunity cost of my travelling the world dream --no one man can take that away from me.

Summer twenty-ten

The past six weeks has been amazing, yet strange at the same time. I think I overdosed on Chicago. Going to Chicago, Chicago coming to me, me going to Chicago every two weeks has been crazy. Definitely lots of memories made, and that is something you can’t put a price on.

This summer so far has definitely put lots of things to the test: my ability to be spontaneous, my ability to handle changes, my feelings for people, my relationship with people, everything and anything! I was this person who loved to plan things ahead; I had to know what was going to happen tomorrow before today was over. Now I’m starting to soak in today and let tomorrow happen for it. Being as spontaneous as I ever have been in my life and I have to admit, it feels good. My ability to handle changes has gotten better than ever; I’m so good at adapting that I’m scaring myself. My feelings and relationships with certain people are definitely over, keeping a distance from them. And I’m now almost as certain more than I have ever been that Thinh and I won’t ever work out. Etc etc etc.

There’s this one thing that I just can’t fathom. I don’t know what to think when it comes to it or if there’s even anything to think about. With the thing I’m trying to put my over analyzing mind to rest by letting each day take its course, but I have to say old habits do die hard. I’m almost positive I’m just making nothing into something, but that’s how everything starts.

but forreal though, one question: Why oh why do you have to make me smile?

Reason, season, or lifetime

New people come into our lives all of the time and each individual fits one of the three: for a reason (to fulfill something), for a season (for a certain time period), or for a lifetime. Which one do you fit into?

when words fail; music speaks

lyrics I'm currently feelin':

"Ugh, Tez keeps telling me he just turned 30

having dreams of being single forever he’s getting worried
and I’m scared too because I’m in the same boat
good women are rare too, none of them have come close
me I have’nt changed much, you know how I play
better safe than sorry
instead of searching for substance at every single party
baby being part of this life
I feel like I’m bound to end up with somebody
that’s been with everybody
I need you to rescue me from my destiny
I’m trying to live right and give you whatever’s left of me
cause you know life is what we make it and a
chance is like a picture, it’d be nice if you just take it.
Or let me take it for ya
I’m just down to ride
or we can roll around the city until we finally decide
I got more than a thing for you, tattoo and ink for you
right over my heart girl I do the unthinkable"

-Drake "Un-Thinkable" rmx w/Alicia Keys

"I know you once said to me

“This is exactly how it should feel when it’s meant to be”
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?
If we gon’ do something ’bout it
We should do it right now"

-Alicia Keys "Un-Thinkable"

"Caught up in the life

I can't let it go

Whether it's right I won't ever know."

-Drake "Aston Martin Music" w/Rick Ross ft. Chrisette Michele

"Used to be running through my mind

Now you're jogging
Now you're just walking
And footsteps lightly
Until they start to fade away
And all I hear is silence"

-Dolla "Heartbreak Collision"

"And I'm lost

On a road
With no speed limit
A heartbreak collision is near
Don't pull me over"

-Dolla "Heartbreak Collision"

You can think what you want of em. I know the truth. So if you don't know you better ask somebody! (=

I have a bad habit.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, so I take a lot for granted knowing that I'll be okay in the end no matter what because things happen for a reason, because I'm in God's hands and if I somehow end up hurt, dead, or alive it's all how it's suppose to turn out.

Fucked up huh?

Why do I know it's so wrong but it feels so right?

Serendipity

F: "It's just so funny how I met you."

M: "Have you ever watched Serendipity?"

F: "I was just gonna say that, but sorry I didn't write my name on a book or nothing."

Life, it's funny how it works

B: "What are you looking for?"
T: "What do you mean?"

B: "Like are you looking for a man or are you just trying to be single?"
T: "Neither. I'm just going w/the flow."

Taking life each day as it comes. Or at least I'm trying to.

Quote me

"It's better to be alone than have somebody who is half there or doesn't want to be there"

Right now.

There’s so much that I want to blog about! Where to begin?

Well lately I’ve definitely felt homeless. I haven’t been home for awhile. Drinking everyday for a week and sleeping over at friends’ houses. My tolerance is pretty high right now; I could probably drink a bottle of Hennessy by myself and still feel fine. But the past few days I can definitely start to feel the effect of drinking everyday for a month. I can drink 10+ shots and feel sober, but then the next day when I wake up everything from the night before is a blur. It’s scary when you don’t remember things and I’ve always remembered everything that happens when I drink. So I’m resigning as a drinking buddy for my friend and I’m going to let my mind and my liver rest up before Chicago this weekend.

******

I’m going skydiving this Friday with a few friends and I’m super excited. Kicking off the birthday weekend to a right start! Oh and star party this Thursday!

******

People have always told me that I’m too crazy when I’m single and I’d have to agree with them. I am. I got myself into a bunch of crazy drama over the weekend. Got a black eye, and more haters. Thinking back about the whole thing, no I didn’t deserve to get jumped like that, and where were my “friends”? I feel like I don’t have any real ones. A lot of them are there when the bottles are poppin’ and things are dandy but when it comes down to it, none of them are willing to sit next to you in a jail cell. I am willing to do that for all of my friends, but I guess I shouldn’t hate a person for not having the same set of values as me right?

People don’t know the situation so don’t sit there and say that I deserved it, or that it was karma, or that I’m better than this. Fuck you. You have no right to sit there and judge and tell me this and that. Are you in my fucking shoes? No, so do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up.

I don’t even care that I got beat up, or that I got a black eye. There are only two things I’m pissed off about from this happening: 1)That I didn’t get to touch the girl and that she wasn’t even the one who gave me the black eye. That some girls I don’t even know got to touch me. 2)No one was down for me like how they always talk like they are. It just makes me look bad like I have no real friends.

******

Right now, at this instant, all I want to do for the next couple of years is finish school and travel. I already know who I am as a person so I don’t need to find myself, but I feel like I should make my dreams happen before I can help someone else make their dream happen. I want to try and take each day as it comes and relax. I’m not searching for a replacement, but if one comes my way and I happen to really really like him then sure, but I think right now I’m young, I have the money to do what I want, I have the time why not just go do myself. So that’s what I’ll do. Trying to live life on the slow lane.

******

All I want is Thinh to be happy. Would you get back with a person to take the pain away? I see that without me in his life, he’s suffering, in pain, and miserable. I have little to no feelings for him, just because I’ve already accepted that we just aren’t meant for each other, but he believes the opposite, a little too late. It’s just hard thinking about all of the memories and time that we have together. 5 ½ years is a long time. We pretty much grew up together, went through all major life changing events together, and we went through hell and got back up to what I thought was heaven together. It scares me thinking about doing the same with a different person. Dating isn’t my thing. I hate thinking about learning to trust another person, uncovering another person’s personality, meeting the family and friends, etc. It just scares me. I’m a person who likes to be comfortable, and it scares me to know that I may just settle and get back with Thinh because of time, not because of feelings. I’m good at forcing feelings upon myself too, tricking myself into thinking I have feelings for a person when all it is nothing. Who knows maybe it’s the other way around right now, tricking myself into thinking I have no feelings for him.