Me & Emmy, October 31st, 2008

*****

One of my favorite Holidays is Halloween. I guess some might not even consider it as a holiday, but it's one of my favorite, and it's coming up really soon. It's one of favorite holidays because it's not everyday that you get to dress up and actually be someone other than well, yourself. In the past I've been Barney's girl friend (I forgot her name), Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, the Grim Reaper, the guy from Scream, a ninja, a firefighter, a comedian from MTV's Wild 'n Out (it was a group thing we did when I was in STL), and last year I was a cop. I thought I knew what I wanted to be this year, but I'm not so sure anymore. I only showed the costume to a couple of people, and they gave me the greenlight to be it (they thought it was cute), but unfortunately the costume includes me wearing lots of tight leather, and a full face mask, only one can imagine what that would be right? But I have a feeling whatever I'm doing for Halloween, it's going to get real hot, real quick. Especially in that costume. So I'm back to square one. Thinking...thinking...thinking...

All I know is this year I want it to involve in a sexy/racy costume, a wig (preferably a different hair color than my natural), and some super high stillettos, and of course scary! --Afterall, that's what Halloween is all about, the scare. Which reminds me, I want to go to Valleyscare again this year! Food+rides+haunted houses+friends = awesome time. Only thing with that is T is scared of scary things..he doesn't like watching scary movies and while we were in Vegas going to the Wax house, there was a haunted house in it and he got so scared going through it.

Speaking of things to do on the holiday. T and I have been talking and I think we're really considering about going to Madison, WI this year. That is if we can get a group of at least 8-10 people to join us. But I know GMR always throws his yearly Halloween costume party, and him and Trina are two of the 9-10 that T and I would like to have join us. So, T's been trying to convince GMR about going and I'm gonna have to try and convince Trina. We'll see how that goes! I love his costume parties but a house with different crowds of asians usually end up in drama, and every year it's exactly what it's been, drama. So if anyone else would like to do something new for the weekend of Oct 30th, let me know! T went last year w/all of the guys and from the things he's been telling me it seems like it's exactly like how St. Louis, MO celebrates their Halloween in the CWE. They close a big street down, and everyone just parties on the street. There's vendors along the street selling alcohol and food, and a stage where they have bands play and the costume contest. And of course there's bars, clubs, and restaurants along the street that are open for a full party. It was fun, I wouldn't mind coming down there for Halloween either.

So if anyone has suggestions on what I should be, I would love to hear it! T is going as a Vampire this year..haha if only he was Edward Cullen...kidding!

I made the mistake of leaving a link to this blogspot on my fotki...too many people who know me read this now! Time to move again?

We had our bi-weekly meeting at work this morning and our region's marketing manager came out to our branch to talk to us about our company's diversity council and their upcoming meetings and events and all of that. Browsing through the packet she had stapled for us with all of the events, what the diversity council was, all of those good stuff. Well I noticed that no one on the council was of diverse descent. Everyone on there is Caucasian, which is funny since it was a 'diversity' council. So a thing popped into my head, why not join?

I like to keep myself busy. It I wasn't working full time and going to school full time at the same time, I'm sure I would find something to occupy myself so that I wouldn't be bumming around. Well instead of just juggling school, homework, work, time w/my family, friends, and the boyfriend, hopefully I'll be juggling the Diversity Council.

I've already emailed the co-chair who I've already met, and I'm going to fill out the paper work and try out soon. I'm not an official member yet, but I already have plans for the council up my sleeves. Let's just say, the Vietnamese Community around MN will be seeing a lot of M&I around. (=

I want to advance within this company if it's possible. I love it here, and I can't see myself working for any other company right now. Plus joining the council would open more doors for me to meet new people and network, also learn new skills I probably won't learn in a classroom.

*****

I wish Blogspot would come up with an app for the Blackberry. It would make my life a lot easier if I could blog on my lunch break, on the toilet, while in class, out at the park, etc etc.

Photo of the Day

Thinh on his 22nd Birthday, May 19, 2009.

*****

I'm really loving turning these photos into polaroids. I've always wanted a polaroid camera. (=

See more here

--I'm going to start posting a photo a day. One for how I'm feeling. This one is my first, because he's my first.

Dream jobs; everyone's had one, and of course like fall and spring's fashion statement, it changes throughout your lifetime. We've all had one when we're young, and by the time you hit your teenage years it probably has changed, and by the time you graduate from high school it probably changed, and it probably changed again halfway through your sophomore year in college, I know mine did.

When I was a child up until I was a freshman in high school, I've always wanted to be a neurosurgeon. I loved the idea of getting to work on one of the most important and fascinating body part of the human being. I also loved the idea of being my own boss, controlling other people around, being the one person in the entire world that the patient right in front of you is trusting their life with, I loved the idea of being someone important to someone else. All of my friends knew I wanted to be one, they even called me Dr. Le, because at that time it was what I was destined to be. It wasn't until freshman year that I realized that biology wasn't my subject (any science subject isn't my subject), english and writing would better suit me, and the fact that I couldn't stand blood anymore.

When I graduated from high school, I was so sure that I was going to be this top business woman. I was looking foward to Spring 2010 graduated from Carlson (U of M) with a a double major in International business and entrepreneurship with a minor in psychology, fluent in Vietnamese, Chinese, and English. I would travel around to Vietnam and China doing business for a top company in the United States. That dream all went down when I figured out that economics wasn't my thing, and if I wanted to be the top person, I had to understand economics inside and out. and there definitely was no way in hell I'd understand it.

I guess you could say that I gave up on all of those dreams, but I don't think it's giving up. I just see it as, I know myself better now to know what best suits me. I honestly wouldn't like working the hours that neurosurgeons work, or the long hours on airplanes that my international business degree would have gotten me. I thought a little more about it, and honestly I would like to spend more time with my one-day-someday-family-to-be-with-mr.-perfect.

And with all of that, it has gotten me to really consider journalism, broadcast journalism, and communications. I really want to do journalism/broadcast journalism, and I absolutely have no doubts in myself no matter what I hear from people saying that it's a very competitive field, it's just that I don't know how long I'd actually stick with it. I love variety in everything that I do, from choosing an outfit to wear, to eating out, I don't like ordering just one item off the menu and sticking with it, I like ordering three or four and eating a little off of everything. So I think communications would be my best bet. It gives me the variety that I crave for.

I know that no matter what I choose to be, I will succeed in it. I could have been the neurosurgeon or the international business woman, I could actually be anything I want to be. There is nothing that anyone can do that I cannot do. I can do it just as well as they can, if not better. I might not stick to my communications plan because there are millions of occupations out there, but I know I will be on top, I hope to see you all up there with me.

"I would rather shoot for the moon and miss than aim for the gutters and make it."

I've only been breathing for 21 years, but why is it that I feel like I'm so old? Sometimes I do think that I'm rushing into life just a little too fast. Wanting to do this and that right now.

Someone told me that he used to set goals and time limits like I did on his life until he realized that he would have his whole to do it and that he was still young, considering that he is older than I am. True, you do have your whole life to do it, and yes most people would consider being in your early twenties pretty young, but I just feel like 24 hours in a day isn't enough, living until I'm 100 years old isn't enough. There just will never be enough time for me to finish and accomplish everything I want to do. Tomorrow isn't promised.

But maybe he's right, I should try to slow it down just a little. It's not the end of the world for me if I don't get something done by the timeline I have set for it. It's just a timeline that I have set for myself. I think everyone should set a timeline for their personal use. I mean, without goals, and a timeline, how would you know where to start? It's like driving without a destination. You'd just be driving around forever until you have a set place to be. That's why I have my timeline, so I know where to go. (=

But I am trying to let things fall into place...trying.

*****

I folded this hand two years ago, and somehow I ended right back with it. Myself, a believer in fate and destiny, I believe that it was fate that brought the hand back to me. But fate can only take you so far. The rest is up to you.

Up to me; So my mind tells myself that I should fold the hand. Holding onto it will make me miss out on other oppertunites that other hands will bring to me. But my heart tells me to keep the hand, play it out until the hand cannot be played anymore, my heart tells me that this is my royal flush if only I'd give it time. --If only the hand will give me the time.

This is the battle between what's right for me, and what's right for the both of us.I'm not selfish enough to let the hand go yet.

Simplicity

Happiness. Everyone has their own definition of what it means to them. I feel like I used to know what it meant to me, but lately I've been feeling like I have no idea anymore.

I'm a simple girl. So it takes the simplest things in life to keep me happy. I don't ask for much out of my family, friends, and boyfriend. In all three categories all I ask for are; loyalty, honesty, and for your trust. If you're only going to go through halfway with any of those with me, then don't even bother, give me your all or give me nothing.

But it seems like you can't even ask for those three simple things out of your own family, friends or boyfriend anymore. Or is it that I'm asking for too much?

I know no matter how old you are, who you are, how wealthy you are, what your status is, you're always going to be let down one way or another. That's why most of the time when I have gotten let down, I shrug my shoulders, know not to depend or trust the person(s) anymore, and to move on. I already feel like my time in life is short, there's no way in hell I am going to stop my life, cry over a person who doesn't deserve my tears. If you can't give me loyalty, honesty and trust, then you sure as hell do not deserve my time or my tears.

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.

I definitely need to get out of here. It's time I see new places and meet new faces again.

But besides from that, like I said, I'm a VERY simple girl. I am happy to just be blessed with another day, a roof over my head, good food to fill my stomach with, a good paying job to pay my bills with, a very loving family, a very good friend, and a very awesome boyfriend. I am truly blessed. (=

I always have to remind myself that my family, friends, and boyfriend can't read my mind. I shouldn't get disappointed with them if they don't see things how I see it. But that's the thing. I hate having to tell people how I feel.

*****

Tonight is suppose to be our first SATC of the summer. I don't think the girls and I have done one since back in the spring. Which is suprising, you'd think since it's summer, everyone would have more free time. But it was the complete opposite for us. I'm debating whether or not to go through with it, or to bail out on them, again.

Ever since an event in the summer, I've been questioning my friendship and trust with one of the girls, which have let to me questioning my friendship and trust with all of them. Growing up I've never had girl friends. I've always been the tom boy, the one girl who is considered to be as one of the guys. Whatever the guys did, I did from sports, how they dressed, to burping, farting, etc. I didn't care. I am comfortable with myself to do it in front of others. Up until just a couple of years ago that I've gotten really close to this group of girls + one other. I'll have to admit, it's nice to relate to them with 'girly' things, relationship problems, family problems, etc. Since then, I have put 99.9% of my trust into those four girls, telling them every little bit of my life, trusting that they won't go tell their boyfriends, other girl friends of theirs, family, etc. But from what someone has told me, one of these girls have broken that trust. And that's the thing though, someone else has told me, I didn't witness it for myself. I'm the type of person where I don't care what I have heard about you, because it's just what I've heard. I will be your friend until you prove to me that you should be otherwise. --Well I've been meaning to talk to this friend of mine about the situation but everytime I've run into her, it's always out at a social event, and I don't wanna ruin the mood for everyone by bringing up such a serious topic at a public place.

We'll see how I feel about going by 5pm this evening.

*****

I really want to start trying to cook more. I feel like ever since I moved back home, that I've lost my touch. But now with work and school going on, I'm afraid I won't ever have time to start cooking again until I'm done with school, and then my next excuse will be that I'm so focused on my career, I don't have time to cook. If only there were more than 24 hours in a day.

*****

Trying to let things fall into place.

I'm so mentally exhausted. Not just with school and homework but with work, friends, the boyfriend, family, just life itself.

I can never seem to be content staying in one place, especially if it's Minnesota. Ever since I moved back, I've been itching to get right back out of here. That's probably one of the reasons why I've been trying to travel so much. I'd go insane if I was to stay here for a year or six months straight.

I need a permanant travel buddy. Next stop on my itinerary was Bahamas, but I don't think will go the way I want to, so it'll have to be Philly, North Carolina, or California. After that, I'll probably go to the Bahamas for spring or summer break of 2010...once I find a travel buddy that is!

I think I've set my mind on it. It's time I lay the hand down, and move on. There are 52 cards in a deck. There are 1,326 possible starting hands, out that, the odds of getting a royal flush is 1 in 649,740,000, I'll take my chances and wait til I get it my royal flush, it may never happen, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

When life deals you the cards, and you have a set on the river, do you go all in and risk losing it all to the (possible) full house? Or do you fold and give the next hand a chance?

Normally, I believe in going all in at every hand dealt to me, but this one, it’s a different scenerio. I’m not having a hard time folding, but the thought of never getting the hand back is what’s making me play it out all the way.

I hope in the end the pot is worth it.

*****

I <3 Texas Hold 'em. So I like using 'poker' terms when speaking about my life. It's vague enough for nosey people to not nko what I am talking about, but it's also blunt enough for people who knows to know what I am talking about.

When I was a freshman in high school, all I wanted to do was play play play. and I think that is still true about me to this very day, except I work work work and play play play all at the same time. Took a lot of mistakes, experiencing it all on my own for me to finally realize that you can't just play without working. Without working, play just isn't as fun, working makes playing more worth it.

Well anyways, my parents knew this. My parents knew that I loved to play and never do homework. So to bribe me to finally work (as in work I mean school, and as in play I mean like go out, do whatever to have fun) they told me that once I graduate from high school, they would give me money, and once I graduate from college they would give me a new car. Well, turns out I didn't even have to finish high school (even though I did) or finish college [yet] to get a new car. They helped me put a down payment on my car of choice (which I don't know why I picked the Scion tC but I did, and to this day I truly regret it), and I would just have to make the monthly payments, pay for my monthly insurance payments, and they would help out with gas. As time went on, I eventually took on the role of paying for my own gas (which I don't mind paying for).

Well, now it is time to reward myself for the hard work I've been doing in college for the past three years. It's time I upgrade my '06 tC for a new, better, and improved car. One that can actually make it up my neighborhood hill during Minnesota's long winters.

I was so set on getting a car just yesterday afternoon, until I got home from school. I always pay all of my bills online through my bank, so when I have a new bill, I just set up the ebill and set up online statements and voila, I know what dates it has to be click click send, so I never (which I should start doing) look at my statements for credit cards, car statements, bank statements, loan statements, etc. Well, yesterday I got home and saw the car statement laying there on the kitchen table so I decided to just open it and see how many payments are left and to my very I only have a whopping 13 payments left until the tC is paid off! Whoo hoo right? Well, now I'm contemplating just keeping the junkie thing, and after a year, my car will be paid off, and just save those would-be monthly car payments for a nice down payment on my very first home.

So now I'm torn on what to do. I wish I only had 13 payments left for a different car, a nicer one. and I'd so just keep it and save up for my first home, but unfortunately, it isn't a different car, it's one that gets me tons of tickets + more, and won't even go up my hill in the winters. I'm a small girl, so I think a nice truck/suv would be fitting...

Opinions anyone? Help me out! I would much rather put money towards an investment than something that depreciates it's value...but....

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive.
Don’t go for wealth; even that fades way.
Go for someone who makes you smile
because it only takes a smile to make a
dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

<3<3<3

End of the Season

I love end of the season sales! Clothes on the low low. I just hope I'll be able to fit into them next summer! But I'm stocking up on summer dresses, shorts, tanks, bikinis, and flip flops for my planned Bahamas trip in January. Jealous? I would be too.

*****

Changing my lab day from Tuesday over to Thursday for reasons I will not say. But I'm hoping this semester will be a good one. So far it's giving me a lot of challenges but it's nothing I can't do. I know no one can do things like I can, that's why I love to brag. Get on my level and then you can say something!

*****

Happy Birthday to one of my good friends, Hoang! You youngin'! Hurry up and turn 21 please, so instead of calling you to vent, we could go out for drinks to vent!

So it'll be work, school, shower, and Sushi Tango for the bff's birthday. I shouldn't go cause I have a load of homework due Friday and I plan on staying back for lab on Thursday (even though I did lab yesterday)..

*****

If I didn't have to work this Saturday, I would so fly out to LA and visit some of my family out there, but unfortunately, I do work. So I'm going to have to settle for some Minnesota shopping this weekend for fall clothes and summer sales.

Hideaway

Eversince the Movie, Jack, the one where Robin Williams is a boy trapped inside a boy of a person who ages quickly, I've always wanted a tree house. Now that I'm 21, it hasn't changed. A lot of men have something called their "man cave." A place they can get away from their girlfriends, wives, family, siblings, work, reality, life. So, later in life when I have my own place, my own house, when I'm done with school, paid off all of my private school loans, and can afford the things I want. I'll be getting my own oasis. Somewhere where I can escape the reality of things, when things get too much to handle and when I need a break. Something I'm kind of feeling now, except I have no oasis to run to to take a break. I've been meaning to pick up a book to read lately, but with everything going on, school, work, homework, I have no time. There's enough reading for my five classes as it is. Even if I had the time to read for leisure I don't think I'd know what to read. Anyone have any new and refreshing recommendations? --I'm willing to take it.

"I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end - we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong."

-The Little Black Book

If I could have things my way, I'd like to open up the bank everyday. I don't mind waking up early, to get off of work a little earlier so I could do things on a beautiful day like today! The past three days, I've been waking up at 5:30am for work and it feels good. It's nice to have extra time to get things done. and I hate closing on nice days! or When it's the weekend, and the weather sucks. The weekends are basically my free days, and if it's ugly out I get lazy to do things.

*****

Today marks the first day of State Fair '09. I got my advanced tickets yesterday and I'm ready to pig out! I can't wait to introduce T to beignets. He's a bread lover, and beignets are one of my favorite. I haven't found a place in MN that sells em yet, but if you're ever in St. Louis, MO you gotta go to Sydney Street Cafe...awesome food and they have the best beignets, but I'm sure anywhere in New Orleans would beat it.

I've been losing touch with some of my friends lately, and they're not just friends, they were or are my considered one of the few close friends I have. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I guess it's a choice I've been making, and giving them and myself the "I lost my blackberry in Vegas so I can't call or text you" excuse.-I know it's not an excuse, but I feel like if they're such close friends to me, it goes both ways right? They have my number, they know where I live, they know how to get a hold of me, so why won't they? I guess people grow apart sometimes.

*****

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire
Without a spark
--Bruce Springsteen "Dancing in the Dark"

*****

Sucks that I've put myself in this position. In the end I already know what's going to happen. I am mad at myself.

*****

Gotta get back to making special doggy bones for work...I"ll try and take a pic to explain later. haha cause I know it sounds weird..

I think I'm allergic to someone or something in my physical geography class. I was fine in intercultural communications, I was fine in the computer lab, but right when I walked into my geo. class, I started sneezing like crazy, and my nose started running like water. I had to use the back of my hand to constantly wipe it off of my face (yuck I know) because I like to sit towards the front of the class and I didn't want to get up while the teacher was going over the syllabus. Great, now everyone who saw what I was doing the whole time probably won't want to be my lab partner for the semester!

Recent events have led me to think about where I want to be a year, five years, ten years, and even an eternity from today, and I've thought about the people I've come to know in the past. Some I've met and have stuck with me through thick and thin, and some, foolish of me to think they were going to be good to my well being but had they had ulterior motives instead. Some of them were even people I've known my whole life, family. Luckily, I've figured out those people and their schemes and have thrown them out of my life.

I've always been selfless. I put other people's wants, needs, and feelings before mine. Pleasing other people first because seeing the people I care about happy, makes me happy. But now times have changed, I've become wiser, and making the people I care about happy, sometimes isn't what's making me happy anymore. Some of the things I've done for people have actually and or will hurt me in the end, and I want to stop that. So from now on out, I will do whatever it is to make myself happy, some of the things I do may hurt the people I care for, but sometimes that's exactly what I need to do to get myself out of feeling this way.

It is my life. I can't live for anyone else but for myself. I can't make everyone happy, but I know I have what it takes to make myself happy. and in the end, when I feel like I've lost everything and everyone, those that are real, will still remain. I hope those people that I've been counting on will be the real ones, but sometimes life happens, and it'll bring out the true colors in people.

Short term goals:
1. Pay off all debts and raise my credit score (which isn't too bad high 600's to low 700's but I want it higher). Pay off credit cards and student loans. A certain family member of mine has made that a little tiny bump in the road, but I'll have it fixed in no time. Without a good credit report and score, no nice car, no nice house, no nice anything.

2. Continue working full-time and going to school full-time until I get my associates degree and get the heck out of here! Technically, it's only going to be my second year here, but it feels like it's been too long. Plus I really want to try going to another out of state school. Anywhere, BUT St. Louis please!

3. Save enough money to study abroad in Australia Fall 2010. If not study abroad, have the money and time to visit there for at least two or three weeks.

4. Travel, travel, travel. I'll do it by myself if I have to, although it's more fun with someone(s).


Long term goal:
1. Find more people who understand who I am, who I can be, and support me. Supporting me not by saying "Yes, you're correct to everything you do and say," but by letting me know when I am wrong, letting me know what I can do to better myself and my future. That's the kind of people I want sticking around in my life. Not people who all they want is to see me suffer.

2. Save up for a nice down payment on a house. -but before I do that. I have to find a place, anywhere in the world that I will be content living at for more than a year or two.

3. Fall in love unconditionally. Marry him, have kids, and go through heaven, down to hell and back up to heaven together. I feel that is the only real way of experiencing love in a relationship, because that way you know your significant other in, and out, sideways, and long ways. Like one of my favorite quotes "Without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet."

4. Make my parents proud and give them everything they have given me. This might even be impossible, but I sure as hell won't quit trying.

Age in 10 years: 31
Where would you like to see yourself: A graduate student with a degree in communications and broadcast journalism (yes, I know a tough field, you gotta nearly get lucky to get a job in it, but that's not going to stop me). Having a career as a public relations specialist for M&I Bank or some other company (big or small), or a career as a news anchor for a news station anywhere in the world. Married to Mr. Wonderful-but-yet-still-anonymous with two kids, a boy and a girl living in a beautiful house in the city. An entrepreneur to some cool invention. An older sister to her sister and brother, helping them out whenever they need it, and getting to know them better as they get older, change, and become wiser. A daughter who is making her parents extremely proud of who they have raised her to be. Giving them everything they've ever wanted like letting them retire earlier than most, a vacation home in Vietnam, money to travel with, happiness. Myself happy.

If you are not here to help me, don't try to put me down, because I will get back up, and I will get you back with success.

I love how my brother and I live down the hall from each other, but we talk to each other via email. Gotta love technology these days.