Feelings is a funny thing

Ok w/the last post please disregard, but at the same time regard it. I'm just a confused person right now. I know I'm still young and I have a full life ahead of me, but at the same time I feel like an old geezer. Like I have no time, and with the time that I do have, I shouldn't be investing it into something that has no future. But I guess I won't know if it holds a future or not unless I take the risk by investing time and energy into it right?

I'm used to pre planning everything, knowing what the future holds for me, what tomorrow holds for me, so even though this summer has been made up mainly of lots of spontaneous events, living day to day, I'm not surprised I have gone back to my old ways of over analyzing every situation. Like I've said before, old habits die hard.

Two of the dumbest things a girl can do:

1) telling the guy that you like him

and 2) not telling the guy that you like him

...funny how that is. My friend's right about that one, I guess it's a unisex thing.

I think it's cute that when I go back and reread my previous posts that most of the things crossed off on my "summer to-do" and "cravings" lists are crossed off with MFB.

This past weekend was probably the most time spent one on one w/MFB.

A few things I miss already:

-sleeping next him on "my" side of the bed

-face to face conversations

-sleep creepin'

-always missing koala-ing

-him making me laugh

-never looking at him, and him making fun of me

-being indecisive together

out of everything, definitely the face to face convos. Talking on the phone doesn't cut it anymore.

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I feel like when you first start talking to a person I always feel like I have to impress them and that usually includes me not being myself. Like I'm self conscious, I can't laugh the way I normally laugh (which is loud), I have to watch what I say and do just so I don't seem dumb, I have to dress a certain way, I always have to wear eyeliner and mascara, etc etc. But for the first time ever, since the beginning I've been comfortable with actually being myself. Not that I wasn't with the guys I've talked to before, but this time everything just came naturally. Who knows, it's probably just me. But so far being myself naturally seems to be working, or so I think so.

With all of the guys I have gotten to know as friends and as more than friends, there aren't may guys (even girls) out there that think money can't buy them happiness. A lot of my guy friends put money high up there on their priorities list. And I could be wrong, but from what I've gotten to know I admire MFB for not thinking the same way as the other 95% of the male population.

I find it strange that it's always silent when he's driving me to the airport. There's always a bajillion things that are flowing through my mind during those 15-20minutes in the car, but I can't ever seem to bring myself to talk about them out loud w/him. I do a great job of making goodbyes awkward though, I hate em.

On days like today, I wish everyone would just be straight forward with how they felt for each other, but then again it'd take some of the mystery out of things. Just some days though, especially after a weekend spent together. How do you feel now versus how you felt before I came?

After writing all of this, I feel like I'm going to seem foolish, weak, and I'm making myself vulnerable. But I'm at the point where I'm just gonna say fuck it, I don't care about protecting myself anymore.

I'm still young for everything else, but too old for games. I can't afford to dedicate time and energy that'll end up no where.
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Everything's still the same. The only things that has changed is time.
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Pressure's on, both hearts beat like a metronome, both in sync like a justin song; feels so right but it's just so wrong.
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High in the Sky

I can't sleep, so I mind as well blog.

Two things I can guarantee in life:
1) Death
2) That I can your life in one day

I think it's funny that people say when they first meet me, based on appearance I give off this innocent, ms. Goody good two shoes look. I like that I have that cover, but once you open the cover and start reading the pages you'll find a completely different person. I find satisfaction in knowing that I'm not what I seem to be. Gives you a reason to make ya want to take your time and read. But my book's never ending, only for those who have the patience.


Tammy Tam, Tammy Terrific, Red
A few new nicknames that I have collected during this weekend in Chicago. Not sure on what to say about the past few days besides that Chicago always knows how to satisfy me when I need a mini vacay. New faces, new places.

It's funny, my mind goes blank when I try to find the words to write about the past few days. Maybe it'll flow smoother when I let myself soak the fact that I'm on my way back home.


All it counts is that I'm trying
I'm a very free spirited and carefree person. I never realized it 'til a good friend of mine keeps using those words to describe my personality. Sometimes, things don't click in your head until you hear another person say it. And it's true I am. Whether you think those are good or bad traits is up to you, but personally I take it as a con. Too much of anything is overkill and I'm too much of both. Everything nice I have I never take care of. The purses I've gone through, the shoes I've always ruined, the only two cars I've ever had I put both through hell, I never pay attention to my surroundings, or to the people who are around me, etc.

I'm trying to be a little extra observant though w/my surroundings and people. I've noticed life's extra beautiful when I pay attention.


Conversation recaps
A few posts back I wrote that I craved long, heartfelt, no holding back conversations and I got plenty of it in 24 hours leading to my trip with four of my close friends. Be careful for what you wish for right? It was good though, I needed it.
1) Everyone seems to think that my current state of mind on marriage, children, and love will change because I'm so against it that when it comes I won't even know that it's coming...they were talking about love.
2) Is there such a thing as a foolish person who's doing too much pre relationship? I don't believe so. I mean I'm always catching myself to make sure I'm not doing more than I 'should', but I give mad props to a friend of mine who's letting go of his pride and giving it all he can give even though him and the lucky gal aren't together officially. It takes a good amount of courage and bravery to let yourself be that vulnerable. I've always been too chicken shit to do that. I used to think it was smart to watch how much you give to a person you're just talking to, but I guess I was just never that brave.
3) When I'm in a relationship though, what I stated above is completely opposite. Wait comfortable in a relationship I should say. The beginning always feels like a game, but once both people involved are over the watch-my-every-step-because-every-step-is-like-walking-on-eggshells thing I give my all. Want all of my money? Sure take it. I cater to you, whatever you want, you can have. I wanna have the feeling that if things ever ended between us that I did everything I could. For those of you who wonder how I get over people so fast? That's my secret.
4) I need to be exposed to other religions. I mean more than positive that my faith to my Catholic religion won't change, but it's nice to know why others believe the in the religion that they do and the basics of it. I feel like I'm ignorant when it comes to that subject.
5) It is possible to choose all three paths in life. Family, career, and love are all possible within one lifetime.
6) I'm a heartbreaker, but it's not my fault.
7) I'm so proud of one of my friends. I thought of her and another friend when I wrote about relationships and happiness. I know I should've had more faith in her, but she's so brave and strong to start doing her. Baby steps, I'm proud because you're taking control of your life. Now my other friend needs to man up and do the same.
8) yes, I believe everyone comes into our lives for a reason. And yes, I don't believe in coincidences.
9) NYC is a beautiful and intriguing city.
10) ....

Actions actions actions
I think and over analyze things too much. It's fucking with my logic. Actions speak louder than words right? RIGHT?!

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What happened 20min ago just reaffirms my belief that things happen for a reason.
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Things need to be done. Things need to change. Gonna hide in my secret fishing spot until it gets cold.
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My wish has been granted not once, twice, but three times. Fabulous convos w/lovers. Too bad no time to blog about em ):
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#np Colbie CailIet - I never told you

I have a problem
I just realized that I always have the need to share with people the things I'm passionate about and expect them to like it also. Everything from food, music, clothes, books, movies, cell phones (we all know I'm a big BlackBerry fan), etc, etc I always feel like I need to tell people about it. I think I get a little joy out of it. Sue me.


My blog
I don't really keep track of my hit counter that I have on this particular blog, but I do glance at it every time I'm on here, and I'm noticing the hits are increasing more than it did three months ago. I don't know if that's due to the fact that I'm blogging a lot more now or that more people I know know about this blog. Whatever it is, I'm glad people are reading my stuff, but I don't want that to change what I write about on here. I like writing on blogspot versus xanga and livejournal because too many people that knew me knew about those two blogs, so I've felt the need to hold back what I write on there. Originally, it was just a couple of people who knew about this blog, but obviously with more and more people having blogspots and adding those couple people, they're finding mine along the way.

A friend of mine asked for the link of this blog last night, but I wouldn't give it to him. He told me if it's public, then why can't he read it? --Well, I don't mind if people read it, as long as I don't know who reads it. So I told him to find it. I like knowing that people read my blog, especially strangers who stumble upon it because they don't have any prejudgment of who I am, all they know is the things I'm feeling through my words.

Words are my weapon of choice. It could kill ya.

This weekend

I'm not sure what to expect.

Things I'm craving

• a bun mi
• koala-ing
• shabu shabu
• push pop
• a good, long, heart felt, no holding back conversation about life and everything in between
• aloe vera drink
• bot chien
• work or something that'll occupy my time
• a nice tan
• fresco melt w/cheese fries from steak&shake
• portillos' salad
• laying out at the beach w/a good book and good music
• hagaan dazs coffee ice cream
• monopoly w/my friends
• the list goes on...

Changes

Even though I've chosen not to go back to school this semester, and with me not working as of right now, after Labor Day weekend, I'm going to try my best to stay out of the clubbing/bar scene unless there's a good friends' birthday, or until Halloween. With all of the money I'm spending on drinks at the bar, that's a whole closet full of new dresses and shoes!

I'm almost positive on what I want to major in, it's just the actual part of me doing it and getting the degree that'll be tough. We all know I'm not a very studious person. I do what I can to get by and to get it done. Well, let's get it done so I can get the heck out of Minnesota. I've got my eyes on you New York City and/or Australia. But who knows life's a trip, everything can change in a single second.

I don't believe in plan B's because they just distract you from your plan A.

I'm hoping to wake up early, er at least earlier than what I've been waking up at to start buckling down and finding a new job. I always procrastinate with things like this. I dread the tedious work of updating your resume, finding the jobs that are decent and worth my time, and the long entering your name, previous experiences, what days you're available, etc etc...like I said tedious.

For the love of food

I have a huge love for food. I'm willing to try everything and anything at least once, and I love variety. I can't just eat one thing because I'll get sick of it. I laugh at those who don't enjoy food because of their health. Life's too short, tomorrow isn't promised. Do you really want your last meal to be a bowl of broccoli? How plain! But I'm starting to realize how all of the food I've been intaking is taking a toll on my body. My metabolism must really be slowing down because my eating habits haven't changed, but my body is. I'm definitely not giving up on transfat, and 'bad' foods, I'm just going to take 'em in portions, small portions. And spend a lot more time at Lifetime Fitness, and actually take my work outs seriously.

I can't sacrifice one thing, so I gotta change another to accommodate it.

Cafeteria conversation #39

A conversation that stuck out to me is about how one of my good fellow guy friends will not allow himself to get involved with a girl because of the things he sees with his friends. All of the things include: lies, betrayal, hypocrisy, broken friendships, broken families, broken trusts...pretty much all of the bad things that can come along in a relationship between two people. He states that he never will be in a relationship because he sees what getting involved with another person can do to you, and he never wants to be like that.

Understandable. Completely understandable if you want to be a pussy and be too scared to give something a try. Sure, all of those things can happen in a relationship, but 1) keyword: can, not all relationships turn sour and make people do crazy psycho path like things 2) don't we all learn and grow from those things happening to us? We'd stay constant, and the same if we didn't encounter lies, betrayal, broken friendships, broken trusts, etc. I mean, we wouldn't learn to keep our guards up, and to not trust everyone we meet if our trust hasn't been broken in the first place. And that's the beauty of life, we learn and grow everyday from things that happen to us.

The dude is crazy, and I hope he falls in love and flat on his face for saying crazy things like that to me.

Dashes, touches, and sprinkles to a strong relationship

Honesty; no holding back, the brutal blunt ones are what I love. If you can't be honest w/yourself, your family, your friends, and especially w/your significant other, then who the hell can you be honest with? Lies will only lead to more lies, and the more you lie the more you forget what you lied about...truth comes out. It only takes a second to tell the truth, but a lifetime to cover up a lie. Save yourself the time.

Loyalty; be faithful to yourself, family, friends, and significant other. I think the hardest people to be loyal to is yourself and your s.o. Be faithful to yourself by putting yourself first. It's your life, everyone else has their own, do what it takes to make yourself happy first. And with your s.o. if you feel the need to cheat on them emotionally or physically, break it off. No one deserves the heartache.

Respect; there's no need to talk down, fight (verbally and physically) w/anyone in public. Save that for when you're in the comfort of your own home, besides the physical abuse. that should never happen. But respect yourself enough to not say anything in public, it's tacky and no one needs to hear it.

Lots of hot sex; this only applies to a relationship w/your s.o. because incest isn't cool. But admit it, the same kind of sex gets boring after a week. Spice it up, be spontaneous, be public, anything...keeps you from straying, and also keeps your s.o. from doing so.

Look good; this one I feel is important because if you don't feel good inside, and feel good physically, then you're going to have a low self esteem. And low self esteem holds every kind of relationship from growing, especially the one that you have with yourself. So exercise regularly and keep your self esteem high, you'll be happier all of the time.

Trust; if you can't trust yourself, family, close friends, and s.o. then that's already a problem. Trust I feel is a foundation for all relationships, and we all know without a good, solid, stiff foundation things break and crumble. Besides if you can't trust 'em, then you shouldn't have a relationship w/them in the first place.

...these are not in any order.

Sleep to dream. Dream to live. Live to change someone's life. #goodnight

The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.
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I'd die a happy girl if I could change one person's life. That'd be enough.
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Playing catch up

Day 7:

A song that reminds you of a certain event:

This song doesn't really remind me of a certain event, but it does remind me of a summer when my cousins from California were here in Minnesota. The majority of the summer was spent at my grandparents' house watching MTV, going to Lifetime to swim, lots of movies and insane arguments. Either way, it was memorable, it was fun, and I definitely miss those two. This song was my cousin Andrew's favorite song at the time. It was annoying because I liked Sum 41's Fat Lip....ha ha ha

A Picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you:

My familia <3

Especially my mother and father. They're the hardest working people I know. They've done so much to get to where they are in life right now. Their story is incredible; it's probably similar to a lot of my friends' parents. I'm very glad I have picked up on their strong work ethic.

Day 8:

A song that you know all of the words to:

I know a lot of songs by heart, but I guess I'll choose this one because I actually sat down and tried to memorize all of the words by heart when I was a little girl.

Short term goals for this month and why:

1. find a new job; because i'm out of one at the moment

2. save lots of $$$ for my future travels

3. be happy; because i deserve to be

Day 9

A song that you can fall asleep to:

Something that you're proud of in the past few days:

this one is a toughy....i can't think of something that i've done in the past few days that I would consider 'proud'. yeah, pretty sad but it's life.

"Our finger prints don't fade in the lives we touch" -Ghandi
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I'm going to give all of my secrets away

I'm tempted to write this post as a list post, but I haven't written a real post in a while so I guess I'll try to make it a legit one.

Priorities

If you've been following me, reading my blog, or know me at least a little; then you should know that I'm all for doing whatever it takes to make you happy. It doesn't necessarily mean giving up on your values and goals and etc to be it, just find a compromise. I'm pretty sure I've found a balance between my values, my family...life for myself to be happy. The only hard part now is attaining this balance and this happiness.

I wish everyone could have the balance that I have.

What just upsets me most is when people are willing to give up the one thing that makes them happy most because they think they're psychic and think they can see the future. Don't sit there and tell me, or most importantly, tell yourself that you know this and that will happen. No, you don't know that this and that will happen, you don't even know if you're going to live to see tomorrow so quit making up excuses to not be happy. Yes, it'll be hard. Yes, it'll be a lot of work. And yes, there's some things you can and can't do to make it work, but no one's ever said being happy was easy, it'd just be worth it. but it'd only be worth it once you stop making excuses and start giving it a try. take the MF chance, you'd be stupid not to.

Yes that was a subliminal message.

Life right now

I'm choosing not to go back to school this fall.

I'm no longer w/Wells Fargo.

And it's funny b/c I loved the job that I had.

It's even more funny because with all of this time, it's giving me all of the time I want/need to travel.

Yeah, well remember how I wanted so much to drop everything to travel or move somewhere crazy?

I think I'm slowly dropping everything to give myself an excuse to do it, make it happen.

There are some that plan it, some that talk about it...I'm definitely one that goes and does it.

This weekend

Before last week started, I was so sure that I wanted to go to Chicago this weekend and to spend it w/the one person I've been missing, but now I'm not sure anymore. And I don't even know why I'm not sure.

Before we started talking, I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that I shouldn't, but I still did anyways. I knew I shouldn't because of the way his. But it's funny what feelings will make you do.

A friend told me today that I shouldn't be investing my time, money, and happiness into someone that wasn't going to do the same for me, because I shouldn't have to share my happiness with another girl. #ineedtothinkaboutthis

Expectations

I'm not one to expect much out of a person, especially when I know I shouldn't be expecting anything from them. But there is one thing that I expect out of everyone I associate myself with and that's honesty. I have no tolerance for liars and that goes for all kinds of lies. I understand why people lie; because they're scared of what others will think and they're trying to protect something, but I'm also a pretty understanding person. I like to think that I can see a situation from different perspectives, and I haven't heard a truth yet where I was disappointed or upset. It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell the truth, that's why I embrace it, no matter how serious the situation is.

A couple months into dating Thinh, my friend told me that Thinh cheated on me and that he saw it with his own eyes because he was there when it happened. I wasn't upset about it because I know better than to take everything a person says and just assume that, that person is right. So I went and asked Thinh about it first, and he told me a story, and somehow it ended up him telling me a lie to cover it up and I eventually found out days later because the guilt ate him up and he came clean. I wasn't disappointed or upset that he cheated. I was upset and disappointed that I gave him a chance to be honest about the situation and he didn't take it. Silly boy should've known that the truth always uncovers itself.

It's never a good-bye

I hate good-byes. I hate the phrase because it confirms that you'll never see the person again. Does anyone in your life really only deserve a certain amount of time in your life? Or do I really only deserve a certain amount of time in your life?

I was never good at saying bye to anyone. I remember when I moved to St. Louis, I threw a bajillion going away parties. Only a bajillion because I didn't know where to end it. Would I really not see these people anymore after the party? It was always a no, and on the weekend that i actually did leave I just disappeared. It was like I never existed. I'd rather have it be like that then to sit there and see people sad because I'm leaving a certain location. I knew I was going to be back, so did they.

If I had things my way

I would say my see ya laters to my family and friends, and hop on the next plane out to Australia. Who knows when I'd be back.

That's what I get for not having a plan B. But wait, it's hard to have a plan B when you don't even have a plan A.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I've chosen the friends that I have for a reason. And a huge reason is that I can learn and grow from each and every one of them. That's why I the ones that I keep close to me are so different. I've come to realize that not everyone is like me, and I can't expect them to be like me in any way, especially through personalities. So I do what I can and I've learned to embrace the personalities. We've all gone through similar and different things in life and with that we all have different experiences and perspectives. That's why I love it when my friends and I have serious talks, I get to learn what their perspectives are on things.

8 wishes

eight: my parents to travel the world, they deserve it

seven: a cool job like party planner or an important person's personal assistant (job not career)

six: motivation to finish school

five: my brother to be not what he is or has right now

four: my sister to quit being a bitch to me

three: a personal chef who knows how to cook every dish there is in the world

two: NYC and australia at the palms of my hands

one: you to be happy

the wishes above are not in any particular order, they're just wishes

random blurbs

Getting tired and hungry. Not a good combo.

OneRepublic - Secrets

I need a tan, paleness doesn't suit me.

I should start toning down my compulsive dress buying disorder, especially with no income.

Today's horoscope is crazy, what's crazier is that my fortune from last night's family dinner goes hand in hand.

I've fallen way behind on the 30 day challenge...

This weekend was quite the weekend, definitely one of the better ones in summer of 2k10

One word: Halloween

With no job and no school, I'm probably going to become a gym whore

I really want to see "Remember Me" even though Rob Pattinson is in it...dude can't act.

I wonder if my sister is still taking me as her +1 for the advance screening of Going the Distance

Going the Distance probably will be enjoyable just because I can relate.

More of my friends need to get married.

I want a wedding just for the celebration, not for the meaning behind it. Maybe someday I'll want one for the meaning.

going to watch Remember Me now, and k.o. Swt dreams readers.

Oh man. I keep surprising myself everyday.
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One of my uncle's just gave me an offer of the century. But it includes me dropping everything.
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Question: why am are we doing this to ourselves?
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random blurbs

-don't you just love it when things fall into place without you even knowing it?

....yeah, think about it. If this and that didn't happen when it did, you wouldn't be right where you are right now.

...but this and that did happen, and you are right where you are..sooooo what now?--better than asking yourself what if, if you ask me. (=

-jammin' to Azure Ray - Sleep, right this instance. Thinking thinking thinking, what's new?

...when I read my previous posts, most of them are time stamped in the AM's...funny how that is. Maybe sleep isn't my thing, maybe I really truly do feel that sleep is a waste of time, or maybe life just won't let me rest. Too tired to do anything, but too awake to sleep.

-The Backstreet Boys. I still know all of the words to every one of their songs. I remember back in the days when cd players were the cool thing, I'd always have a BSB cd playing. Especially before I fell alseep, I'd sing in my room, to myself. Where are all of those cds now?! Must find.

-just got a surprise text from an old friend. Why hello to you too stranger. Reason, season, or a lifetime. Either way, I hope I'm remembered, because I deserve to be.

-strange how little brothers and little sisters look older than us older siblings now-a-days. wtheck are they putting in the milk these days? roids????!? Which reminds me, I kinda wish I was taller. #keepdreamin

-"When I started flirtin with the hustle, failure became my ex. Now im engaged to the game and married to success“—Lil Wayne

...thinking of this quote reminds me of a quote from earlier conversations "all it'll be is pong, wayne, drake, and tyga"

-you know how i talked about fear being so powerful that it overcomes most people's happiness? i just, right now, literally right now realized that happiness has a strong power over me. i'm not sorry that i'm selfish. i've seen too many people unhappy in my lifetime, i just don't wanna be like you. an unhappy life is a life wasted...my thoughts at least. i can name a few of you who'd strongly disagree...but let's agree to disagree on this subject.

-so i heard this saying awhile back, it goes a little something like this "nothing in this life that's worth having comes easy"--so, unbelievably, true.

-“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it.”- JD; Scrubs---whoever this JD guy is, or I guess whichever writer from Scrubs wrote that line is a smart man/woman.

-sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo how do i break the news to everyone? #dontjudgeme #itsnotwhatyouthinkitis

-fuck what you heard, if you don't know, then you better ask somebody!

-i feel like i'm always going to be the girl who got away. but then again I'm fine with that too.

-you know what's scary to me? spiders, heights, isn't scary, but tomorrow is. i got through today, but no one ever knows about tomorrow. are you going to be there to enjoy it? will the people you care about be there to enjoy it with you?

-wicked, wicked, wicked...gotta get tickets ASAP. i have a feeling labor day weekend ticks will be sold out...prove me wrong!
..but first I hope MFB will visit. lameo he is, always last minute, er last second.

-i miss my brother. with him, i realized another thing about myself. i like running away from my problems. well most of them anyway. like how i never visit him, so i just run, literally. that's my excuse for not seeing him daily like how i used to. i'm a pathetic sister, i know. please don't remind me.

-"if i only had one wisssshhhh" #rayjvoice

-lights out. curtain call. haha i wish! sweet dreams world. cause i know i will be having em.

quote me

"Why do you want to go back in time? Life isn’t about going back. It’s about going forward. Yes, there are times in our lives that we wish we could relive but if we already lived them perfectly, why live them again? The adventure of life is that there’s always something new – new challenges, new experiences. A fun game is a game that gets harder as it goes. So it is with life. Do you understand?"
-South Park

I just made one of the biggest decisions of the year. Some will be disappointed, but I hope they understand why I'm doing it.
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Something I wish I had more of? --time. Time to do what I want in a day, in a life. Time to spend w/family and friends. And time spent talking to MFB, whether it's in person or not.
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Day 6

A song that reminds you of somewhere:


I always have a song for trips that I go on. Guilty reminds me of the Chicago trip my friends and I took back at the end of May. Lots of me mories flood back to my mind when I hear this song play. The countless hours in the hotel room talking about the night before, laughing at the silly people, getting ready to go out, deciding where to eat, etc. It's funny because before the trip, Giang and I were talking about where to go for my birthday, and I told her Chicago was the last place I wanted to go to because I've been to the city countless times before and it was just boring to me. Who knew it would've been one of the best trips I've ever taken in my life. A city in the middle of the U.S. Not too small, not too big.


Favorite super hero and why:

My favorite super hero would have to be Hit Girl from the movie Kick Ass, because she reminds me of myself and through the ways that she isn't me, she motivates me to try it. I don't know...bad explanation.

insomnia

Hair
I wish my bangs didn't take forever and a day to grow out because I really want short hair again. My face is pretty petite so when my hair grows out to be a certain length, I think it's quite unflattering, or it could just be me. I honestly don't even know why I need my bangs to be grown out before I chop it all off, but that's the way it's gotta be.


Clear bra straps
Something totally random, but I dislike them. They're supposed to be inconspicuous but they're not. If anything, they're more noticeable than the nude colored ones. Ladies, just wear a strapless bra, or just wear a different outfit.


What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
Someone recently asked me that, and my answer? I know I can't fail at anything I do, so I'm just going to continue what I've been doing, living. It might sound arrogant to most of you, but it's just my mindset. Maybe I won't achieve the goal or the outcome might not be what I was expecting, but that doesn't mean that I have failed. I'll just take the experience, look back at it, learn from it, and grow from it. Easy peasy as 1,2,3.


The glass is always half full.
I know I've blogged about this before in previous posts, but I think this is what sets me apart from a lot of people: my unlimited amounts of optimism and hope. I honestly don't know how or why I have so much of it, but it's definitely one of the reasons why I always have a smile glued to my face. I believe in a lot of things and one of them is in the end everything will be fine, if it's not fine, it's not the end. Tomorrow is never promised to us, and I've seen far too many people complain, whine, cry, obsess about their 'sad' life and I feel bad for them, because of what they're missing out on. What is it that's so bad that you are so sad about? I mean if you think you got it bad, there are far too many others out there who have it worst. #thinkaboutit


Eat, Pray, Eat
I don't know why it took me as long as it did to see the movie, but I finally saw the darn movie. After countless numbers of people telling me how much the book and trailer reminded them of me, I can see in some aspects why they would think that. I'm not going to sit here and give a review of the movie, but I have to say there were some pretty inspiring points, some ideas to dwell on, and also dull moments. If you're interested just see the movie for yourself to judge, because everyone is different.


Fear
It's amazing how fear works, and depending on how you use it, it could either help you or hold you back in life. It could help you by allowing you to feel, see, and realize things you never would have without it. A few examples: the fear of losing someone, the fear of not succeeding, the fear of letting someone down, etc.

I see so many of my peers allow fear to hold them back in life, and as much as I wish I could help them snap out of it, there's only so much I can say to them and as usual words don't travel far enough for people to actually listen. An example of that is although so many of my friends aren't happy in their relationship w/their significant other, they still continue to stay in it because they are comfortable, it's easy, and they fear change. Stupidest thing I've ever seen yes, but like I said how fear works is amazing, and it's so powerful that it'll have people sacrificing their happiness for it.


Pet peeve #230493
Two words I hate using in sentences is: I dream _______. or I wish __________. I mean, yes I use them in that context from time to time, but I try my hardest not to because instead of dreaming or wishing for something to happen, I like to make it happen. Why tease yourself of the thought of the dream and wish if you aren't going to put any action into it. A dream and a wish will only remain a dream and a wish unless you attempt to do the impossible. It's kinda like teasing a fat kid with a cake and not letting him have a slice, why would you do that to yourself?

Some people think about doing things
Some people wish to do things
And some people do

I like to think myself as the person that does. Dreaming and wishing it is just the plan, then I put that plan into action. Mission accomplished.

"Destiny is for losers. It's just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen" -Blair Waldorf


Giggles
I like to go back and reread the things I've written and see how much of it has changed since then. I read back to my post back in November 13, 2009 and it read:

blah blah blah then..."Trade everything I've known and am comfortable with for something unfamiliar and unknown? People would say I'm crazy if I traded everything I've known in for something unfamiliar, that's why I'm still here, physically. I feel like my heart is elsewhere. You can too."

It's funny how it all worked out in the end. My heart was truly elsewhere. It's a shame that it took me months and months to do something about it though, but then again it took that long for a reason.

Day 5

A song that reminds you of someone:


This song reminds me of my guardian angels. She was the first to teach me a lot of things in life because my parents were both busy working when I was young. I still remember the day when I first met her at the airport w/my aunts, uncles, and cousins from my mommy's side. I also remember the day when she become paralyzed. I was right next to her when it happened. When I think about it now, I feel like how could I not have known something was wrong from the start, but then again I was barely 6 years old. I didn't know any better.

But I just wanted to let you know that I still think about you a lot, and that you made a huge impact on my life. and thank you for watching over not just me but the whole family ba ngoai.



A picture of somewhere you've been to:

Dalat, Vietnam

When I went to this city with my family, it reminded me of home (Minnesota) because it actually snowed there, and people were wearing winter gear. Something totally unexpected because I had only packed for hot, humid, warm weather. Although the city is rather boring with nothing but good food, the scenery is amazing. Lots of mountains, lot of waterfalls, and lots of tourists. It's a shame that we went to Vietnam during my rebellious stage in life. I didn't want to take any pictures or do anything when we were there. So I'm waiting for Summer '11 to roll around.

Family dinners are the best. Couldn't ask for better conversations over a delicious home cooked meal (: best start to my friday night. <3
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Summer's almost over. I can already smell fall in the air through the thick humidity. Planning a long break from everyone and everything soon. #helloworld There's too much out there waiting for me.
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Day 4

A song that makes you sad:
Everclear - Wonderful

First, I would like to say that I don't think any song could really make me 'sad'. I think all songs make me happy, but with this particular song, everytime I listen to it it brings back lots of childhood memories. I was first introduced to this song when I was a child. I probably wasn't any older than 11 or 12 years old. I was going through my rebellious stage in life where I hated my parents, their unfair rules, school, everything and anything. I remember this was also around the same time where my parents would fight a lotttt. The first verse was always what I listened for when I hear this song, and it still is.

"Cause when it gets too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
I close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
I hope my Mom
And I hope my Dad
Would figure out why they get so mad
I hear them scream
I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry
I close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels that make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say everything will be wonderful some day"

A habit that I wish I didn't have:

I don't think I could pick just one for this. I would love to not have any bad habits, but unfortunately I'm human. I wish I didn't have such a potty mouth. I think it's pretty unattractive when not only girls cuss, but also guys. I shouldn't be one to talk because my potty mouth is pretty bad, but I'm making an attempt to calm it down.

I also wish I managed my time better to be on time for everything I have to appear at. I'm late to everythinggg, even work. No matter how much I try to wake up earlier, drive faster, sleep earlier, I'm still late to wherever it is that I have to be at. I apologize to everyone who's ever had to experience sitting by themselves because they were waiting for me to show up.

Day 3

A picture of you and your friends:

Amanda's 21st Birthday w/my girls. imu guys. Reunion when Amanda comes home. <3

I'm pressed for time

Time is such a funny character.
You say go fast, he goes slow.
You say go slow, he sails by.

b/c everyone loves lists

things that inspire
-good music (lyrics + rhythm)
-food
-well written books
-good movies
-long and short run sessions
-conversations over dinner
-drinks over happy hour
-photography
-time w/family

things that relaxes
-time spent at Lifetime Fitness
-run sessions outside
-good music
-food
-long showers
-driving
-mini naps in the steam room
-blogging

things that i miss
-my brother
-after sunday school and mass lunches w/mother and the sister
-koala-ing
-staying in
-cooking
-the fam (ya'll know who you are)
-the sun
-dexter
-hanging out w/the stp boys
-star gazing
-young ambitions

things that i could live without
-rude people/people w/no manners
-grey skies and rain
-the entire month of august
-good-byes
-ke$hsa
-time
-silly games
-cellulite
-bang grease that gives you forehead pimples
-debbie downers
-closed minds

things that i could not live without
-my camera
-blackberries
-the internet
-music
-food
-happiness

things i wish i had more of
-spontaneous decisions
-time
-summer
-sun
-time w/family
-time w/friends
-time w/my brother minus the meds
-koala-ing
-travels
-food

things that i believe in
-God
-music, food, writing does the soul good
-serendipity
-that 20 yrs from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do then the things you did do
-patience is a virtue
-life's too short to be anything but happy

you can tell a lot by a person with
-the music they listen to
-the movies they prefer watching
-how they treat their family
-the way they drive
-how they treat their friends
-how they treat their belongings
-where they are in life
-their current goals (long and short) and ambitions
-their smile

Day 2

The meaning behind your tumblr/blogspot name:
t4mmy...is just my name w/the '4' as an 'a'. Nothing more, nothing less. Pretty boring, I know.

Day 3 a song that makes you happy: The empire of sun - walking on a dream...how I feel everyday in life. I'm walking on a moon.
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Challenges

Music Challenge Day 2 (yes I have been neglecting you) Least favorite song:
Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow...even though the beat and lyrics are catchy, I can't help but cringe and flip the station immediately when it's played on the radio. It ale so doesn't help when the radio overplays it.

30 Day Challenge, Day one: A recent picture of you and fifteen interesting facts about yourself

Oanh and I taken earlier today at Sushi Tango



For the 15 facts I'll try and pick different ones than the ones I have on my Facebook to make it something new
1. you can play almost any song from any genre and I'll know the name and artist
2. I have a strange and weird phobia of round circular small things Ex: skittles, m&m's, grapes, cherries, marbles, etc.
3. my favorite animal is the lion
4. my favorite disney movie is the lion king
5. if there was one thing i wished my parents would've pushed on me when i was younger it'd definitely have to be playing the piano
6. halloween is my favorite holiday because it's the one day of the entire year where you get to be anyone in the world but yourself
7. even though i don't do it much, i enjoy cooking a lot. I wish i had more time to cook
8. i'm a huge NFL fan.
9. i hate sweets, but i'm slowly learning to appreciate the taste
10. i've switched my major so many times setting me back, but it hasn't stopped me from continuing
11. i've switched my major so many times because i can't pick just one thing to do for the rest of my life
12. living each day, day by day is harder than i thought it would be
13. my favorite color is the rainbow
14. my favorite channel on tv is HGTV
15. i want to do everything and see everything this world has to offer

refreshing vents

for the love of food, music, and writing
I don't know which of the three I heart more; food, music, or writing.
They all seem to satisfy my soul, free my mind, and warm up my heart.
I've always thought I wrote better with music, but now I'm catching myself listening to the lyrics rather than focus on my writing.


old faces, old places
tonight was one of the BFF's little brother's going away dinner/thing at Tango. After tonight I remember why i try my best not to go there even though though they're the only place that makes the best beef and tuna tataki. It seemed like all of MN's Asian nation was there tonight, and not in a good way either. I mean it was fun seeing old faces again, but it was just too much especially when everyone has alcohol in their system.

The first person i ran into when i walked into the restaurant was Thinh. It was ridiculously funny to me because all I thought of when I saw him was how ugly, and ridic he looked w/those new earrings of his. Besides the fact that he tried starting a fight with two girl bartenders and me trying to shut him up and him yelling at me, it was good. It actually felt like we were friends until our mutual friends started pushing him on me, again. Sorry everyone, but it's been months. if I wanted to get back with someone who didn't appreciate me when he had me i would've done it a long time ago, not wait for months after we broke up to do so. Please get over it, cause I have. Thanks!--it's funny now that i see him, how could I have felt so strongly for him a moment back in time, and now he's standing in front of me and I feel absolutely nothing. emotions are fickle, they come and they go. everything will change except for change itself.

my friends can be so stupid sometimes, but Hoang he's stupid all of the time. Had to put him in check cause if I didn't he probably wouldn't have a girlfriend come tomorrow morning.

"Give me back her touch, I don't ask for much
but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up
but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up"
-Lil Wayne "Something you forgot" #everymansthemesong

whats funny is...
that i have this huge pet peeve of people being on their phone when i'm spending time with them. BUT...i know i know I'm always on my phone myself. I'm trying to cut my relationship with my Blackberry down to only taking pictures of food when I'm spending time with others, but it's so hard. #yeahimahypocrite

let's leave it at this. until tomorrow night.

Guards

"This verse start’s as my sniper hits they mark
And your guards fall down from a rifle to the heart
Like, clap, clap, let em fall slow
I know you had your fears, you can let em all go" -Drake "July"

How do you know when something is real? What justifies it?

I feel like Chuck and Blair, for the love of the game.

#randoms

Wasted time, Wasted energy
If you know me then you'll know that I hate hate hate wasting time. Tomorrow isn't promised and I'll multi-task with almost everything I do. Whether it's everyday life like juggling full-time work while taking full-time credits or traveling and trying to see and do everything in the limited time that I have there even though I know I could just fly back there whenever I want to to get the rest done.

That's probably another reason why I always have to feel like I'm in control of my life, be in the know of what's going to happen. This is probably the first time ever that I have no control of anything in my life and although it's quite refreshing, it's also really frustrating. I normally cut everything and everyone out if I feel like it's a waste of my time and energy, so why haven't I done it yet? Having hope and being optimistic can be a downfall sometimes.


Songs for the soul; special occasion and special person not needed
-Brian McKnight - 6,8,12; anytime; back at one...they don't make songs like his anymore..but then again no one can sing like him.
-Dru Hill - incomplete
-ginuwine - differences
-ne-yo - in the way
etc, etc, etc I'm a human jukebox...especially when it comes to old school jammin'

The great listener
I've noticed that I've been picking up on blogging again. Blogspot has become my official ear. You listen to everything that I have to say, think, and feel. And best part about it?--it doesn't judge, so I'm never holding anything back. Feels good to clear your mind before sleeping though.

Inception
Ever since that movie, I've been trying to pay more attention to my dreams, and I've been remembering a lot of them for longer than 5 minutes after waking up. If you asked me now what I dreamnt about last night I probably couldn't tell you but if you ask me right before I wake up I could tell you all of the details, including what you wore in the dream. Pretty nuts, but do you think that dreams have any connections with your subconscious? --Not sure on that one myself, but it'd be pretty wild if it did.

Speed and time
It's funny how you wait for a day to come and when it finally arrives, it leaves faster than you can actually think about it. The past weekend definitely felt like that. Felt like everything was squeezed into an hour. #yeahimstillthinkingaboutit

Question(s) of the week
-Go with the flow or cut it off? I won't know unless I try right? But I feel like the trying will lead to no where.
-Would you rather be with someone who's the opposite of you or your twin? I think both has its pros and cons. I think the opposite will only work if both people have the same ultimate goals in life. Then it'd be rewarding to be w/someone who's your opposite because you're both going to continue learning new things about each other and learn to appreciate different perspectives and outlooks on things. But being with your twin can also be rewarding because you two compliment each other.

blah no more thinking....getting sleepyyy so don't mind the last topic...i probably don't know what i'm talking about, but i don't wanna erase it either

#energyinvestedinsomeoneisawpotentialin

*ahem ahem* let me clear my throat

Before I start, I just wanna say that I'm blogging from my BlackBerry and please excuse any grammar and spelling errors. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but Blogspot you need an app for us!

I normally would've waited for tomorrow to blog, but with all these things I wanna say, I just wanted to clear my mind first before trying to squeeze some REM time in.


She doesn't believe in shooting stars but she believes in shoes and cars

Right when I got to the campsite I told Linh that we pretty much drove 5 hours to just drink. She agreed and laughed. Who knew that that night would be one that'll go into the memory books. Even though I probably spent more time in my car driving than at the actual campsite itself, the time I did have there was amazing. Probably speaking more of the six-but-felt-like-one-hour night of star gazing.

Linh and I were taking swigs out of this Captain Morgan bottle nearby our tents to start out the night, out of nowhere she tells me to look up, and there it was twinkling lights that blanketed our world. And Max came up w/the crazy but awesome idea of grabbing our cooler and drinking at the top. Kidnapped a few people and there we were: in good company, good drinks, and a blanket of stars. It wasn't until Linh seeing a shooting star that I remembered it was on my bucket list to see one. Every time I saw one I got so excited. It didn't last any longer than a few seconds but it was still breath taking.

I probably saw 10+ shootings stars last night, but I didn't make a single wish. #lame

So it goes in the memory book as one of the best nights of my life, so far.


Back at One

Looking back at the beginning and even before the beginning of summer it's pretty incredible how things always works out, it's like my life's a giant puzzle slowly putting the pieces together.

I try really hard to not let myself think that some of my worst decisions in life are mistakes, because if I hadn't made those choices, I wouldn't be where I am today. I explained to a friend today how I thought that worked w/a relevant example, and it just made me realize even more how things do happen for a reason. One event leading to another. #prettycrazyshit


Linh: "you don't need to impress someone cause you love yourself"

I think it's pretty ridiculous that a lot of my close friends think that I love myself so much that I'm not capable of being selfless.

I mean I don't believe a person can be selfless ever. I might've already explained this in previous posts, but in short, you do things for others to see them happy, and seeing them makes you happy, so therefore that was a selfish act. Even though I don't believe a person can be selfless, a person can still be selfish and for good intentions. And I'd like to believe that I have good intentions for if not everything than 90% of my choices I've made in life.

It's not even that I love myself, it's just that I believe you have one life, and that it's your life; you should try and do everything you can to be happy in this one life. But that's just me, my ultimate goal is to retain this happiness that I have found for myself. I believe it should be everyone's ultimate goal. But not everyone's the same. I'll respect you for how you want to live your's, just expect me to add a little input though.

Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose. So believe in yourself, and love who you are. If you don't, who will?

--i have tons more to clear out, but my eyes aren't going to let me stare at this tiny portable screen anymore. Goodnight world. Until next time..

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you don't know how much I want to drop everything and just travel the world. #lifestooshort

30 Day Challenge(s)

MUSIC CHALLENGE

Day 01 - Your favorite song right now

Day 02 - Your least favorite song

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - A song that you can fall asleep to

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 1: My Favorite Song right now:

30 Day Challenge

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them?
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else?
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag?
Day 26- What you think about your friends?
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?

Late nights and early mornings

Silly Games

This is a reason why I highly dislike dating, the game that guys and ladies play with each other’s feelings. You just never if the other person’s feelings are genuine or not anymore, why not save everyone the trouble, time, and wasted efforts by just being real. It’s simple: don’t say things you don’t mean, and in return you won’t lead someone on. –Cause honestly, they deserve better than wasted time.

“If a man wants you, nothing will keep him away. If a man doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.”

Summer’s end

I’m truly sad that summer is coming to an end. With so much coming up the next few weekends, the summer is going to flash right by me. Thank goodness for digital cameras, at least I can capture the moments. I’m always finding myself skimming through my summer pics before bed. I’m quite satisfied with everything I’ve crossed off and done so far this summer.

I must admit though, if summer never ended I would never get to watch the NFL games and of course THE MN State Fair, oh and can’t forget about Wicked. (=

Pride, again.

Listen to: Free Sol – Don’t Give it Away

“Should I feel ashamed because…damn I’m only human. I take the blame for love. Whatever happens happens.”

Why do my friends and I feel like it’s such a horrible thing to let a guy into our lives as more than friends? Oh wait, that’s because we got pride issues. I guess it’s the men’s fault too though, if so many of them weren’t such dogs I wouldn’t feel the need to hold such pride for myself and my independence from them.

I’m ready for Ya

I don’t like to go searching for a significant other. Why should i? It’s such a huge waste of time to me. Live your life, and if someone catches your attention, let em. Let the chance happen, don’t let a good thing get away without trying.

It’s truly funny how life works. Times like this is when I believe that things happen for a reason.

“R.I.P. to the girl you used to see.
Her days are over. Baby she’s over.
I’ve decided to give you all of me.
Baby come closer, baby come closer.
I’m ready for ya.” –Drake

#youknowyouregettingoldwhen

-95% of your friends are tied down and are contemplating marriage and/or moving in together
-your friends start to move out of state for a job
-you can’t hang like you used to
-you pass out in the car ride home after a night of drinking
-you notice yourself getting chubby b/c your metabolism is starting to slow down
-you think about where you’ll be in five years and can’t see anything
-life’s moving faster than you can actually take it all in

Rule #23493092423

I've said this a bajillion times before on my Facebook, but:

Don't chase em, replace em.

There are so many guys out there, why would I need to spend the time that I don't have chasing after a guy when you can easily just find another one?

Don't play games or else I'll get a ref.