Crazy.Impulsive.Family

I’m known to be very indecisive. From picking a restaurant to go eat at, or whether to study or not to study, I can’t seem to choose and when I do, it’s all on impulse. But if there was anyone who was more indecisive and impulsive than me, it’d have to be my parents.

About four and a half years ago, my dad and I talked about getting me a car. He would put down a down payment and I would pay the monthly car and insurance payments. Deal. Only thing was what car? We only spent a week if even that looking at cars and he let me pick whatever one I wanted (why did I pick the one I did???). When I picked one, he let me drive it out of the lot and to my house even when I was a month away from taking my license test. That night when my mom came home she nearly died. There was this brand new car in our driveway and she knew something was up. She was screaming and yelling for a good month until she accepted it.

Today, I got home from work which was a super extra long day. I was at work from 6am-8:30pm. Came home and there it was, the car my parents were just talking (yes only talking) about getting yesterday and here it is on our driveway. What-the-eff. I’m just about done paying off my car in September, and now I have another one to pay off. Argh!

At least I know where my impulsiveness and indecisiveness comes from. Go back straight to the roots of it all.

You have to sacrifice some to get some.

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything.

-Leona Lewis "Happy"

Tomorrow isn't Promised

I’ve only been to a three funerals in my entire life. My first funeral was my great grandfather’s (Dad’s, dad’s dad), second was my ba ngoai’s, and third is a few of mine and Thinh’s close friend’s dad. The last one was fairly recent, and because the first two were when I was a lot younger, I don’t think I really understood it as much as I do now. I didn’t know my great grandfather too well, nor did I even know I had one until a couple days before his funeral. And as for my ba ngoai, I believe she and my ong ngoai are my guardian angels (I still have to write about how I have come to that conclusion).

There’s always so much that’s left behind when a person passes away, especially at such a young age (well younger compared to what most would think of when they think of death). There’s so many things left unaccomplished, unspoken, unheard, un….everything. And you don’t really think about those things until it’s too late. This doesn’t apply to just when a person passes away, but also when any kind of relationship ends.

I can only imagine what my friends are going through. I can’t even imagine how I’d be if I was put in their shoes, because I love my parents too much to even imagine what it’d be like if either of them weren’t here with me anymore. One of the reasons why I wanted to move back was because of my family. When I lived in St. Louis, which was the first time my parents took advantage of our health insurance and got checked up. My dad has really high cholesterol where he should be avoiding all kinds of red meats and take prescribed medications everyday to help lower it, and the docs found a cyst in my mom’s ovaries and she had to get them removed with surgery. The most I could do was send her an edible arrangements bouquet, how sad is that? If anything was to happen to either one, I would want to be right there with them.

Clown me

The reason why I don't like wearing make up besides eyeliner and mascara is because I would rather have the person see me for me, than see me w/a bunch of make up on and think "Wow she's pretty" but when I don't have make up on, people will think "whoa!"

I would just rather be ugly w/no make up than beautiful w/it.

Besides if I'm always dressing my face up, when will there ever be a time where I can "wow" my future husband with a little make up on?

There's gotta be more to life than chasing every temporary high to satisfy me.

I told you, your dreams will come true

"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life."

Priorities

Throughout my years attending school, from kindergarten to now, I've never put out much effort into my academics at all. I've always chose to play before study, and I'm going to change that.

There are some big goals that I have set for myself, and I'm finding the lifestyle I've been living isn't helping me get there, and since things can't change on their own, I'm going to change them myself.

More studying and homework, less play. I can't cut it out of my life completely but there are some birthdays, or events that I can skip out on. And when I'm studying, surround myself w/people who actually study.

I have a friend that I've been studying with for awhile now. I like studying w/that person because he/she keeps me motivated. Motivated to keep chasing what I really want out of life. Thanks buddy.

They say the top gets lonely, but not for me. Every one of my friends will be there with me.

Quote me

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do no let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration, for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists… it is real… it is possible… it’s yours. - Ayn Rand

Never mind.

idgaf anymore. (=

gonna try something new. after all, it is a new decade. let's try goin' with the flow? ---something that'll be hard for me to do. i love planning planning, knowing and knowing.

an uptown girl with that soho flava.

Maybe it's time I take a leap of faith. I'll LET my frozen heart melt for once. Shows how much you mean to me.

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