"I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end - we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong."

-The Little Black Book

If I could have things my way, I'd like to open up the bank everyday. I don't mind waking up early, to get off of work a little earlier so I could do things on a beautiful day like today! The past three days, I've been waking up at 5:30am for work and it feels good. It's nice to have extra time to get things done. and I hate closing on nice days! or When it's the weekend, and the weather sucks. The weekends are basically my free days, and if it's ugly out I get lazy to do things.

*****

Today marks the first day of State Fair '09. I got my advanced tickets yesterday and I'm ready to pig out! I can't wait to introduce T to beignets. He's a bread lover, and beignets are one of my favorite. I haven't found a place in MN that sells em yet, but if you're ever in St. Louis, MO you gotta go to Sydney Street Cafe...awesome food and they have the best beignets, but I'm sure anywhere in New Orleans would beat it.

I've been losing touch with some of my friends lately, and they're not just friends, they were or are my considered one of the few close friends I have. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I guess it's a choice I've been making, and giving them and myself the "I lost my blackberry in Vegas so I can't call or text you" excuse.-I know it's not an excuse, but I feel like if they're such close friends to me, it goes both ways right? They have my number, they know where I live, they know how to get a hold of me, so why won't they? I guess people grow apart sometimes.

*****

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire
Without a spark
--Bruce Springsteen "Dancing in the Dark"

*****

Sucks that I've put myself in this position. In the end I already know what's going to happen. I am mad at myself.

*****

Gotta get back to making special doggy bones for work...I"ll try and take a pic to explain later. haha cause I know it sounds weird..

I think I'm allergic to someone or something in my physical geography class. I was fine in intercultural communications, I was fine in the computer lab, but right when I walked into my geo. class, I started sneezing like crazy, and my nose started running like water. I had to use the back of my hand to constantly wipe it off of my face (yuck I know) because I like to sit towards the front of the class and I didn't want to get up while the teacher was going over the syllabus. Great, now everyone who saw what I was doing the whole time probably won't want to be my lab partner for the semester!

Recent events have led me to think about where I want to be a year, five years, ten years, and even an eternity from today, and I've thought about the people I've come to know in the past. Some I've met and have stuck with me through thick and thin, and some, foolish of me to think they were going to be good to my well being but had they had ulterior motives instead. Some of them were even people I've known my whole life, family. Luckily, I've figured out those people and their schemes and have thrown them out of my life.

I've always been selfless. I put other people's wants, needs, and feelings before mine. Pleasing other people first because seeing the people I care about happy, makes me happy. But now times have changed, I've become wiser, and making the people I care about happy, sometimes isn't what's making me happy anymore. Some of the things I've done for people have actually and or will hurt me in the end, and I want to stop that. So from now on out, I will do whatever it is to make myself happy, some of the things I do may hurt the people I care for, but sometimes that's exactly what I need to do to get myself out of feeling this way.

It is my life. I can't live for anyone else but for myself. I can't make everyone happy, but I know I have what it takes to make myself happy. and in the end, when I feel like I've lost everything and everyone, those that are real, will still remain. I hope those people that I've been counting on will be the real ones, but sometimes life happens, and it'll bring out the true colors in people.

Short term goals:
1. Pay off all debts and raise my credit score (which isn't too bad high 600's to low 700's but I want it higher). Pay off credit cards and student loans. A certain family member of mine has made that a little tiny bump in the road, but I'll have it fixed in no time. Without a good credit report and score, no nice car, no nice house, no nice anything.

2. Continue working full-time and going to school full-time until I get my associates degree and get the heck out of here! Technically, it's only going to be my second year here, but it feels like it's been too long. Plus I really want to try going to another out of state school. Anywhere, BUT St. Louis please!

3. Save enough money to study abroad in Australia Fall 2010. If not study abroad, have the money and time to visit there for at least two or three weeks.

4. Travel, travel, travel. I'll do it by myself if I have to, although it's more fun with someone(s).


Long term goal:
1. Find more people who understand who I am, who I can be, and support me. Supporting me not by saying "Yes, you're correct to everything you do and say," but by letting me know when I am wrong, letting me know what I can do to better myself and my future. That's the kind of people I want sticking around in my life. Not people who all they want is to see me suffer.

2. Save up for a nice down payment on a house. -but before I do that. I have to find a place, anywhere in the world that I will be content living at for more than a year or two.

3. Fall in love unconditionally. Marry him, have kids, and go through heaven, down to hell and back up to heaven together. I feel that is the only real way of experiencing love in a relationship, because that way you know your significant other in, and out, sideways, and long ways. Like one of my favorite quotes "Without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet."

4. Make my parents proud and give them everything they have given me. This might even be impossible, but I sure as hell won't quit trying.

Age in 10 years: 31
Where would you like to see yourself: A graduate student with a degree in communications and broadcast journalism (yes, I know a tough field, you gotta nearly get lucky to get a job in it, but that's not going to stop me). Having a career as a public relations specialist for M&I Bank or some other company (big or small), or a career as a news anchor for a news station anywhere in the world. Married to Mr. Wonderful-but-yet-still-anonymous with two kids, a boy and a girl living in a beautiful house in the city. An entrepreneur to some cool invention. An older sister to her sister and brother, helping them out whenever they need it, and getting to know them better as they get older, change, and become wiser. A daughter who is making her parents extremely proud of who they have raised her to be. Giving them everything they've ever wanted like letting them retire earlier than most, a vacation home in Vietnam, money to travel with, happiness. Myself happy.

If you are not here to help me, don't try to put me down, because I will get back up, and I will get you back with success.

I love how my brother and I live down the hall from each other, but we talk to each other via email. Gotta love technology these days.

Today is the first day of the semester and already I'm feeling overwhelmed. Got done with my first homework assignment of the semester around 9am and I'm already having to read two chapters for another class, with three discussion responses for another class.

Ok, maybe I'm not so confident with this semester anymore, but I am still sticking to my goal. Even if that means giving up my weekends of going out. I gotta do what I gotta do.

*****

I was online looking at my classes and I saw in big bold letters:

"Study abroad in Australia Fall 2010"

I think I'm going to start saving up for that. Australia, has been one of my all time destinations where I want to visit, and what a better way to experience the continent and country by studying there for a semester? It's better than visiting for a week.

"When you need to say the “L” word, call your mom.”

— Cappie from the show “Greek”

In-N-Out

*sad face* I didn't get the pleasure of trying this while I was in Vegas...Maybe in November when I'm out in California.

It's not how it use to be when Xanga was the in thing. and I have too many! From xanga, livejournal, this, twitter, facebook notes, and now I recently fell into the whole tumblr thing. Too many blogs to keep track of. But even with all of that, blogging isn't the same. Not as many people blog (atleast the people I know) but I'm fine with that. I like having strangers read my things, because they don't have a judgement on who I am before reading my stuff.

But it would be nice to have more friends on these things!

***

School starts in three days. I'm excited to get back and put my brain to use, but then it's going to be a tough semester. The most classes I've ever taken while working full time was four, but now I'm taking fix and three extra credits, so we'll see how this semester goes. I'm expecting myself to get atleast three A's and only allowing myself to get one B, and when I accomplish that goal I'm treating myself to a trip on a cruise out in the Bahamas. I'll go by myself if I have to, my brain will get fried if I don't take a nice break on the beach. -Another reason why I took two week long trips this summer. 1. to reward myself after a job well done for spring semester of '09 and 2. to get myself ready for the tough times ahead for fall semester of '09.

School here I come, I am ready for you!

...but some students aren't:

• 85% of the students reported feeling stress in their daily lives in recent months, with worries about grades, school work, money and relationships the big culprits.
  
• At the same time, 42% said they had felt down, depressed or hopeless several days during the past two weeks.
  
• 13% showed signs of being at risk for at least mild depression, based on the students’ answers to a series of questions that medical practitioners use to diagnose depressive illness.


• 11% had had thoughts that they’d be better off dead or about hurting themselves.
  

YIKES! Sorry Kiddos, but if you think you got it bad, someone out there has got it worse.

I missed my ortho appointment this morning. Every missed appointment is $25 + a month longer of having my braces on. Like I haven't had these things on long enough!!!

***

Gemini - August 20, 2009

Your energy and spunk should finally be returning after a couple days of feeling slightly down, dear Gemini. You should enjoy a good mood all day, and your powers of persuasion are strong. There is an extra boost of energy behind your emotions and you will find that this could lead to some sort of transformation deep within. Whatever you do, do it with passion. Let your courageous nature shine through.

I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don’t want to lose you. So this is it, this is love. Giving you the power to break me, but trusting you not to.

-Unknown

Sometimes you have to love someone other than yourself. Sometimes you have to learn to be selfless. Maybe sacrifice is what love is all about. It'll be hard, but seeing the other person happy is my kind of selfish.

Beautiful

I'm not one to ever take a compliment easily. I think they're cheap and cheesy, kind of like a pick-up line. But today, one day that I feel not like myself, wearing no make-up, with eyes puffed up, and bloodshot from hardly any sleep the night before. A customer walked up to my window after finished with another window, asked what nationality I was, and told me that I was beautiful.

Thank you customer, but I already knew that.

There is three kinds of beautiful in life. The people who are beautiful through their looks, the people who are beautiful through their personalities, and there are the people who are blessed with both traits. I, consider myself to be the second option. I was blessed with a beautiful personality, and I use my personality quite well to get the things I want in life.

and I wouldn't want to have it any other way. Yes, looks can you places and people, but I believe without a beautiful personality, it certainately won't keep you there.

Take for an example, dating someone. Many people take looks into consideration as their first thing they look for in a potential date, but for myself, if you are smoking hot and you have a dull or ugly personality, I sure as hell won't want anything to do with you after the first date.

When words fail; Music speaks

"I packed my bag, I’m on my way. I am prepared for any season. I am prepared to stay. Here is my heart, my beating heart"

"Well, I was crazy about you then and now. The craziest thing of all, over ten years have gone byAnd you're still mine, we're locked in time. Let's rewind."

"Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent. The moon's my teacher and Im her student."

"Ay, todo lo que he hecho por tí. Fue una tortura perderte. Y me duele tanto que sea así. Sigue llorando perdón. Yo, yo, no voy a llorar hoy por tí."

"Now it seems to me, that you know just what to say. Words are only words, can you show me something else. Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way. Show me how you feel, more than ever baby."

I wear my heart for all to see,

But for no one to possess

Song obsession

I know your type

Boy, you're dangerous

Yeah, you're the guy

I'd be stupid to trust

but just one night couldn't be so wrong

You make me wanna lose control

What it takes to be succesful

What does it take to be number one? And stay there!
From the book The Little Red Book of Selling By: Jeffrey Gitomer

1. A contagious positive attitude. I believe that I am blessed and that positive things will happen in my life. Because I believe that positive things will happen to me. they do!

2. Excited about the prospect of helping others. Sincerely caring. When I have appointments, I want to help my prospective customers solve a problem, get better service, increase productivity, etc. I believe that they can sense that I want to help them and not "sell them something."

3. Self-assured, not arrogant. Confidence. I know that I can achieve whatever I decide to and am willing to work hard for. I believe in myself and my abilities. My personal motto is "They can, who believe they can. I believe I can."

4. I like people and they like me. People like me right away. I'm not a threat to them. And I 'm not perceived as "salesy." Being able to relate to people, ALL people. I don't try to "type" people; I just try to "like" them.

5. Not just "book smart." Being able to assess and solve real-world problems. Being able to prioritize and decide which things (prospects) to spend time on and which not to. Work smarter, not harder.

6. If I'm not having fun, what's the point? I have often been described as "easily amused." I think this is one of my best characteristics. I find joy in almost everything.

7. I do everything full-force. I sweat when I work and I sweat when I dance. 110% is the minimum acceptable standard. If something is worthwhile, I give it everything I have.

8. Unspoken integrity. Visibly honest. I try to be honest and ethical in everything that I do. I feel that being trustworthy and honorable is a strong statement of character. I try to always keep my promises. Hopefully, my word means something to others, because it means EVERYTHING to me.

9. I concentrate on the details without getting caught up in them. Beyond organized. Detail is vital to my success. It sounds minute, but it's HUGE. I keep things in order so I can function error-free. I try not to waste time or energy by trying to find things twice or pick up dropped balls.

10. I'm kid-like happy on the inside. I have the enthusiasm of a 2-year-old with a college degree and a business card. I am the eternam cheerleader for myself and others. I want everyone to win (except my competition).

***

Eversince I could work legally, selling has always been apart of the job description. So it's obvious that knowing how to sell will make me successful in almost any job that I've had and even with the jobs that I will have.

and while I'm reading this book, and this part of the book, I can't help but feel that I obtain all of the traits Gitomer swears by to be successful as a salesperson. --Maybe that's one of the reasons why I've been so successful with my numbers. I just don't like selling for no reason..If there's a benefit to the customer then I'm all for it.

End of the Month, End of the Summer

So here it is again, the end of the month, but this isn't just any other month. This month marks the nearing end of summer. With only one month left to do whatever I can fit into my full time work schedule, I still have a lot of uncrossed things on my to do list. But from the looks of it, I doubt I'll be getting everything crossed off. The next two weeks will consist of working, closing on my loan, and two trips out of Minnesota. I'm excited to have my first loan close, and of course the two trips. I've already taken a trip in the beginning of summer, to celebrate mine, T's, and myself making it through yet another full blown semester of school (40 hours of work a week + 14 credits and I still managed to make it to work everyday, two A's, 1 B, and 1 C --which was because of attendence for an 8am class).

Here are a few things I'd like to accomplish before summer ends:

[]-hit 200 in bowling
[]-mini golfing!!
[]-get out on the lake (jetskiing, pontooning, boating)
[]-more swimming

If I get those four crossed off, I'll be satisfied with my summer...totally looking foward to my trip to Vegas...after that I'm already planning out my next trip during winter break. If I can get all A's and one B this semester I'm treating myself to a trip on a cruise to the Bahamas, Hawaii, or Mexico (keep in mind I'll be taking 16 credits + 40 hours of work a week, no one I know has a crazy schedule like mine and still pull off A's and B's...cause I'm boss lady). And once I graduate, it's going to be Australia. I've swam with dolphins this summer, two summers from now it'll be swimming with sharks.

Vegas...I have all of my attire picked out, I've been shopping like crazy the past few weeks, purchasing dresses for day and night and I think I have everything, all but a few more bikini's and I'll be set. Let's hope the airline won't lose my luggage again...if they have something to say aobut me not checking in my 50lbs bag, I'm going to say "SUCK IT!!! The past few times I've been flying and checked in my bag ya'll lost it so unless you wanna pay be 3 grand for my luggage I suggest you suck a dick." I don't know what it is, it just happens to me!

ok ok it's getting late. I have a date w/the bf and the guys to eat dim sum tomorrow morning, plus more shopping for Vegas attire.