Close your eyes.

Things That Make Me Happy #'s 90-99

2012-02-04T23:05:00.001-06:00

90. my early morning workouts and on occasion, post work workouts. It feels absolutely amazing going into the office after sweating like a pig for an hour. Whether it is running three miles and a little weight training or hot yoga, it definitely makes the long hours at work a lot more bearable. Thanks Emmy for introducing me to yoga, now I can't get enough of it.
91. When friends you haven't talked to in a long time text you out of the blue. Two told me they were coming into town. and a few said they wanted to say hi just b/c they were thinking of me. <3
92. The adrenaline rush I get a minute or two prior to meeting w/my clients.
93. Waking up knowing that the dreams I had were just dreams.
94. Walking away and leaving behind all things negative (people, things, etc).
95. Making GDC while doing what's best for my clients, and laughing at the advisors who make GDC only doing what's in their best interest (this fucking pisses me off b/c they're playing around w/people's life savings).
96. Seeing my parents smile at each other.
97. Seeing the reactions on each one of my family member's faces when they opened their Christmas presents. I did very well this year in choosing gifts for them.
98. Knowing that the man still likes me even after finding how imperfect I am.
99. How mild Minnesota's winter has been this year. Hands down, best winter ever.

2012-02-04T22:25:00.001-06:00

I haven't been the greatest daughter. I haven't been the greatest sister. I haven't been the greatest friend. I haven't been the greatest girlfriend. I'm human, I make mistakes, but when I realize I've made one I try my best to make up for it. I also neglect my relationships, but even after all that I've done I still have a several few who stand behind me and love me for who I've grown up to be. even though it seems like I take a lot for granted, I don't. thank you. <3

2012-01-25T09:08:00.001-06:00

my parents that I can do this MY way. that I can be successful. 4) building a relationship w/my clients and getting to know each and every one of them. 5) this job/potential career allows me to think about my own future in ways I've never thought about it before. that's all I really need to do when I run into a roadblock. and when these reasons are no longer related to this job, that's when I'll walk out. my colleagues always think I'm corny, but I truly believe we have the potential to make dreams or at least help our clients make their dreams come true. and finding that quick fix to make instant GDC isn't it.

2012-01-25T09:00:00.001-06:00

In the process of trying to understand my clients' emotions behind their actions I forget to think about my own. Like every job it comes with it's ups and downs, some now than others. and this one is definitely a roller coaster ride. I'm always trying to put myself in my clients' shoes to make sure that everything I am recommending is appropriate for their goals. it's so hard to stay on that path when it's so tempting to go on the track that'll make the company and myself the most money. I've seen too many of my colleagues either start on the wrong path or got so frustrated w/doing the right thing that they change paths. but I gotta remind myself to keep my integrity and that doing what's right may not give me the instant gratification but in the end I'll be able to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am. so in times where reaching quarterly goals seem so far away and the challenges of trying not to leave. I gotta remind myself of the reasons why I worked so hard to get to where I am and why I continue to work 70 hour Weeks. 1) the advancement and growth opportunities are present 2) I love learning about the complete financial picture and passing my knowledge to my clients 3) I am constantly motivated by showing

2012-01-23T23:21:00.001-06:00

"I am so mistrustful of my feelings that I've gotten REALLY good at rationalizing myself out of its existence." Everyone knows I'm not scared of anything. or I should say, they think I'm fearless. but there are a selected few who sees through that. I just gotta trust myself, what I feel, and time that all will work out for the best in the end..like it has in the past. everything seems too good to be true. gotta be cautious, so I'm not left with any surprises!

2012

2011-12-31T11:31:00.004-06:00

All I ask from the people I choose to surround myself with is honesty. I am always honest with them, and some may take it the wrong way and think I'm a bitch or that I'm too blunt about it, but that's just how I am (take it or leave it). And I expect the same back, just be honest w/me. For whatever it is.

Never be afraid to be honest w/me because you're scared to hurt my feelings. It may sting, but I'll get over it.
Never be afraid to be honest w/me because you think it's going to hurt our relationship. If anything I'll respect you more and it'll strengthen it.
Just never be afraid to be honest w/me whether it's regarding my ugly outfit, what I do to hurt others, any mistakes I've done, etc. If you don't speak up and tell me about it, there's no way I'll ever know that I'm doing wrong and I'll continue to do it.

So, in 2012 I am going to let go and drop everyone that continues to bring me down by not being honest w/me. I'm only going to surround myself w/people who are able to be honest w/me and continue to let me grow as a person, and those who will bring out the best in me.

Chances are if you think this post applies to you, it probably does.

"Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people."

FYI: I wouldn't consider this as a resolution b/c I find it silly when people wait for a certain time in the year to FINALLY start something they've been meaning to, but I see this more as a cleanse. People do diet cleanses, I do life cleanses.

Memories Wasted

2011-12-29T13:27:00.002-06:00

The man gave me my fifth camera within a 12 month time frame. The last camera I lost, I lost memories of most of my 2011 trips. Since this one is a gift, I better not lose it. Besides, I gotta learn to upload pictures more often.

I also emailed Fotki.com on my account. If the account is completely lost, I will be one angry woman. Pictures dating back to 2002 til 2010 are all gone...MEMORIES!!!!

With my awesome new camera, I'm going to try and take more pics on the device versus my Droid. Although the droid is so much more convenient w/the ability to upload instantly...

Let's hope the fotki account isn't gone...if it is I'm on a hunt for another good photo hosting site.

2011-12-13T10:09:00.001-06:00

if money brings you happiness then you'll never be fully happy in life. you have to learn to be happy with yourself before you can make others happy. and then learn to be happy with what you have before you can be happy with what you want. if you put your eggs in the money/want basket and you lose it, you'll lose ground.

2011-11-30T06:50:00.001-06:00

I am really a simple person. it all boils down to two things: 1) don't waste time 2) be happier than the day before a coworker asked me the other day why i'm always so happy, I just laughed and said because i'm alive. he obviously didn't believe me, and told me what he thought. but that's all there is to it. I am given another day, another second that many aren't. that's why I don't waste my time on petty things. that's why if something upsets me I say it, forgive, and move on. that's why I do and don't do a lot of things. I just ask myself, will this make me happy? if not, it is a waste of time.

2011-11-30T06:37:00.001-06:00

-talk about burning myself out, I totally just jinxed myself -you know you work too much when you spend 15hrs a day at work, stay up thinking about work, and when you finally fall asleep you dream about work. this can't be life. and I enjoy what I do! -do you want to know how I feel or what I think? because sometimes I can't differentiate between the two. typical heart v.s. head -first, what are goals? second, plan to make goals happen. third, track progress and make adjustments along the way if necessary. - first, I have goals. but plan A and plan B. it's funny because I've always tools that plan b just distracts you from plan a, but life happens and suddenly you're thinking about a completely different plan for yourself. -second, at the moment step one to both plans do not require any money, just commitment. and if you know what my past looks like the only things I have allowed myself to commit to are: family, friends, fun, and food (what I like to call the quadruple F's). -after talking to a close friend of mine over the weekend I have come to realize: •I have never allowed myself to fully "feel". anytime I get close to it, I ruin whatever it is have before I get a chance to. • people have this expectation that i'm some super human who is immune to pain. although that is partly my fault for lettingthem perceive me that way -fate will only lead you so far before you have to start making it happen for yourself. if you truly want something you'll everything you can to make it happen. if not you'll make excuses for not trying harder. -I've always viewed emotions as being weak. if you ever showed any, you're weak. -I will try to sleep now.

Things That Make Me Happy #'s 80-89

2011-11-26T02:00:00.001-06:00

80. Crossing something off your bucket list; San Francisco and everything about it (riding the trolley, hiking up the hills, Fishermen's Wharf, The Golden Gate Bridge, etc)
81. Being spoiled; dinner is always ready when I get off work, coffee is always made when I get up, being so busy I haven't had time to listen to new music and he burned me 3 new cds to enjoy in the car. There's no question about it, he definitely spoils me.
82. His coffee. He makes it w/just the right amount of milk and cream that isn't too sweet for me. No more black coffee for me!
83. When a person enjoys something you recommended.
84.When I am leaving the ramp and the machine says $7.25...wayyy better than the usual $12.50
85. Hearing my close friends give me shit for finally settling down.
86. Licking the yogurt lid clean.
87. When the 2-pack of Starburst has both your favorite flavors.
88. Finding something you have in common w/a complete stranger (I do this a lot w/my clients and it eases the conversation).
89. Hearing good results from the dentist (I went on Monday and nothing but good news!), because clean and healthy teeth = a healthy body.

2011-11-26T00:11:00.001-06:00

the two driving forces behind our decisions are fear and love. you CHOOSE to do something because you are afraid of what the outcome will be if you don't. you CHOOSE to do something because you love something/someone so much. ex: I choose to go to school because I fear my opportunities will be limited if I don't have a degree. ex: I choose to stay in touch with my family even if I don't see them everyday because I love them a lot and I am afraid that this may be the last time I will get to talk to them (my whole thing on life is short). off topic: i hate blogging on my new phone. the ugly tmobile banner is making my blog ugly!

2011-11-24T12:06:00.001-06:00

things I am thankful for: -my family; I am thankful they are all healthy and alive. I am thankful to be sitting in the living room watching football with my younger brother. thankful to be waiting on delicious food my parents are preparing for lunch. and thankful I will get to spend some quality retail therapy with my sister and her bf who has turned into our own family member over the years. -my friends; although work and having someone consume so much of my time, I am thankful they understand, are there for me and sts happy for me -work; in a time where so many are struggling I am thankful for my 70 hour Weeks. And I am also thankful for my funny and awesome co workers whom i enjoy seeing daily -the past 23 years; everything happened because it was supposed to, everything is together, and I am truly blessed to be given another day on this beautiful world.

Things I Learned This Weekend

2011-10-30T21:46:00.001-05:00

1) I suck at video games
2) Sharing life w/someone you adore is worth risking everything (being vulnerable, letting your guard down, etc)
3) I cannot "hang" like I used to on vacations. It used to be explore the city all day, party all night, sleep for 2 hours, and repeat. Now it's explore the city all day, and sleep at 8PM.
4) You learn a lot about your relationships w/the people/person when you travel w/them.
5) The man's imperfections are what makes him perfect...well to me.
6) There is no place like home.
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2011-09-19T08:16:00.001-05:00

In the 23 years of my existence, I have never ever felt anything remotely close to the way I've been feeling as of late. And there is no denying the fact that what I'm feeling is definitely butterflies.

But of course being who I am, I am over analyzing things as always. But what's new?

What I don't understand is how someone who once was a complete stranger can take a strange hold on you so fast.

So much more I want to say, but this blog is kind of too public for how I am feeling.
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Winners don't make excuses

2011-09-16T09:22:00.001-05:00

"Let me tell you guys right off the bat, if you are planning on putting in the bare minimum amount of hours and work, don't do this. You're worthless." --My sales manager

Love it. This is why I put in an insane amount of hours in everyday.
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Hold 'Em

2011-09-01T21:04:00.000-05:00

Two years ago I folded my hand.
Didn't feel the pot was worth my while so I cashed out of the game.
Two years later, I'm just about ready to buy in again.
In it to win it, I feel my starting hand will be rockets.

Only time will tell if the flop, the turn, and the river will play out in my favor.
If I put anything out this time, just know that I won't be so quick to cash out or fold.

http://bit.ly/nogzkT

Three Months Later

2011-08-29T22:42:00.002-05:00

Three months ago I couldn't wait for myself to start an opportunity that was given to me. I've always been one to believe that things happen for a reason, and three months later everything couldn't have happened at a better time.

You may never know where you're going, but just know that you'll always end up where you're meant to be.

I've always been big on not wasting time. It's a huge reason why I hardly ever slept growing up. Also, a reason why I left things. Whether it was relationships, friendships, or a company I was working for, if I no longer saw the purpose in staying I would leave to save myself the other people time.

My company's motto for myself and the people holding the same position as I do is: Helping make our client's dreams more within reach.

At first I thought that was a pretty cheesy big corporate tag line, but the more and more I am going further in this position I realize more and more the part I play in each one of my client's and future client's lives. And as corny as this may sound, I really do help make people's dreams come true. What a perfect potential career for me right?!

Things I have learned/realized the past three months (not just related to this new position):

Discipline and determination: I've said this in previous posts, but I've always gotten away with the bare minimum. And with studying for three exams, I learned quickly that if I didn't have discipline and determination to sacrifice time in some areas of my life I would've failed. I learned that giving up a few hours won't do me any good. The long term benefits if I just gave up a few weeks of my social life versus the instant gratification of having my social life were really obvious. I did what I could to pass the hardest exam I've ever taken, and I'm satisfied w/the outcome.

What do I want? I've had my entire life planned out at one point in my life, and once I realized that things not only change everyday, but every second I started to live more in the moment. That's how it's been for the past two years and with myself helping clients realize their own goals/dreams and helping them take the steps necessary to achieve them I am finding myself thinking about my own goals and dreams. I had plenty at one point, and now I don't even know where to begin. When I think about them all I can think about is making my parents proud, seeing my younger brother and sister grow happy, helping other's, etc. I just want to see the people I'm surrounded by happy.

It is nearly impossible to separate professional and personal life if you're working the hours I do. I tried really hard in the beginning to make sure the two were separated like I had w/my previous jobs, but when you're seeing your colleagues more than your own family and friends you can't help but mix the two up a little. I've met some really great people since I have started and many of them have grown to be my own friends. And all of them motivated me to pass the exams in the beginning stages of this job/potential career. Knowing that each one of them could do it, made me realize that it wasn't impossible, and that if they did it I sure as hell could too. Just because I'm a girl and they're all guys didn't mean shit. Just because they all have college degrees and I didn't, didn't mean shit.

Although I don't care for my reputation much, it does go a long ways. Although I consider myself to be a lot calmer (many of my friends could say the same), there are still so many others out there that believe otherwise. People must not believe in change or something cause apparently I'm still crazy Tamzilla. I'm fine w/that, it's just funny..especially coming from people that haven't really spent any time hanging out w/me in the last year or so. News flash: there's a time when someone realizes they can either grow up or stay who they are. I realized by staying who I was, it wouldn't get me far in life so I had to do something about it.

Serendipity; in other words, finding without seeking. You may never know where you'll meet someone who'll change your life in so many ways, ways you didn't think was possible. It hasn't been a long time, but I already feel that this will be something great.

2011-08-22T07:43:00.000-05:00

I have always believed that when I'm doing something I should always put my all into it. Whether it is school, work, a romantic relationship, friendship, or family relationships; if I put my everything into it and in the end if it still doesn't work out to how I want it to be I'll know that there was nothing more I could've done to have the outcome be different.

It's been a long time since I've done this whole "thing". I'm slowly trying to remind myself of this rule, and slowly it's becoming okay to be a "softie".

No what if's will be asked if I just stick to it.
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2011-07-30T12:05:00.001-05:00

Me: I'm gonna limit myself to one glass of wine everyday until my exams.
J: but a glass will already get u buzzed so that doesn't count. & don't give me that it's good for u shit.
Me: but it is good for you! It's good for your heart.
J: shut the fuck up you don't have a heart.
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Oh how funny life is

2011-07-28T00:20:00.004-05:00

I cannot sleep even though I've been trying desperately to train my body and mind to sleep more than the usual couple of hours a night, but I suppose old habits die hard.

Been reading a few old blog posts and ran across this one:

http://bit.ly/qwtVje

Oh funny how I was blogging about a career that'll make me happy. Who knew just a few months down the road of life I'd have found it.

I haven't been able to blog much, and with the way work has been going I won't be able to for a long while. If you miss my blogs, just keep reading on my past posts...I reread posts all of the time to remind me of certain things.

Extinct?

2011-07-26T23:15:00.001-05:00

Jane: tamzilla needs to come out soon.
Me: yeah, after my 7.
Jane: oh shit, I thought she was extinct for awhile.

(:
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Things That Make Me Happy #'s 70-79

2011-07-25T22:36:00.004-05:00

I used to do one of these at least once a month...my bad for not keeping up. and Hello to the new readers. I don't know exactly who you are, but I kind of have a clue who's been clicking through here. Just in case you didn't know, I don't care who reads my blog as long as you don't reveal your identity...yeah I'm weird like that.

70. keeping things lighthearted and fun...even when you're at work. (probably the #1 reason why I get along w/my coworkers so much. B/c we all can have fun and joke around w/each other without someone taking things too seriously...even in a professional atmosphere.)

71. my usual espresso shots (each week the # of shots go up)from the Dunn Bros off 6th and Marquette in the Northstar Building downtown...they know how I like my coffee. Andrea and Amir takes good care of me every morning.

72. dinner conversations where you're not trying too hard to have because it just flows out naturally (how every conversation should be.)

73. introducing people to new things/informing people about something they didn't know about before

74. lunch everyday w/my team members (specifically the guys I started it all with on day 1, no offense to the other guys who started before or after us. But I can start work at 8am and get off at 8pm no problem, but I need that 45min - Hour break from my day w/these guys. They make me laugh!)

75. fun in the sun...if I'm out in the sun I'm having fun. It does not matter what I'm doing.

76. Nights in hookahing, eating endless junk food, surfing Netflix, watching redbox movies while studying w/close friend(s)....it's a nice break from drinking and going out

77. having time to listen to music through my desktop so it can scrobble to my last.fm account

78. people who know exactly what to say and do to make you laugh and smile

79. food at my work's cafeteria...for a cafeteria the food is bomb dot com!

2011-07-18T00:10:00.001-05:00

I haven't written a real meaningful post in awhile and it's all due to the amount of time and energy I've been putting into work as of late.

I really enjoy my job, and especially the people I am surrounded by everyday (which is always a huge deal). So I've been putting much more effort into this job versus any other job I've worked at. But it's still hard for me to find myself dedicating myself to this position.

It's actually hard for me to commit or dedicate 100% of myself into something because although today, I may feel like I want this really bad, the next day I'll want something else.

Like how fast my mind changes thoughts, my feelings change even faster.

I just want to commit to something that'll make me happy and give me the sense of fulfillment that I crave and need. I mean I am happy and currently fulfilled w/my current job, but I still lack the dedication needed to follow through w/the next two exams.
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Do me

2011-06-25T15:54:00.000-05:00

i’m just trying to get, get it, don’t worry about me,
need to take a look at yourself!
i’m just trying to get it, get, no time to play around,
take this shit somewhere else!

da brat > nikki...what you know bout them old school rappers?!

2011-06-21T06:18:00.001-05:00

I've always been aggressive at making things happen for myself. If I want something I go out and get it, so it's hard when all I can do is wait around for something that you know might never happen but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want. At least it is for now.
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2011-06-18T22:04:00.001-05:00

I love it that when I walk in the door everyone yells "The party is here!"
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The question

2011-06-17T01:45:00.001-05:00

At every job I've had I always meet new people and with them they bring their curiosities. A question I always get is: "What do you look for in a guy?"

And my answer has and always be: "Just someone who'll make me happier than I already am."

I told a coworker that on Tuesday b/c he asked me and he goes "well what will it take to make you happier then?"

Honestly, I don't know. I'm already extremely, very, content, and happy with the way everything is in my life that I can't possibly see how much better it can get. I have my family, friends who have turned into family, a job I love, and I work with people I enjoy seeing everyday...I really don't know how another person can influence everything to make it better.

Things are just the way it's supposed to be.
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2011-06-12T09:47:00.003-05:00

I think too much.
My head should be bigger than what it is.
Not because I'm smart or anything...
My mind just won't stop. EVER.

And the worst part is
I've been so busy drowning myself in work
that I haven't had time to reflect, write, blog, talk about it all.
They're happy thoughts though.
Most of it anyway.

I find it amazing that I always manage to get what I want.
But shit always changes once I get it.
It's like I underestimate my own potential
and when I get it things just aren't what I thought it was.
That's what I get for having expectations though.

Ya know I never was one to put work before anything.
Especially before family, friends, and fun.
But this weekend I did.
If it were any other job I would've called in, made up some bullshit excuse, anything
to get out of working and would have went camping, downtown, uptown, and a family dinner
but instead I declined all invites and worked.
Funny. It's not the money I'm trying to make. It's my dreams.

I've never been one to take my studies seriously either.
It's always the bare minimum to get me by in school.
But this time the bare minimum isn't going to get me to make this happen.
So far this new gig has taught me discipline.
Something an untamed girl needs.
Can't go flyin' anywhere anytime I want to.

Changes baby changes.
Like I said, the first of June felt like New Years.

2011-06-11T20:48:00.001-05:00

You can always tell how much a guy is into you if he's being himself or not. Sure most girls would say "why can't he just act like himself."

Well because...if you were someone other than just any other girl out there he'd want to impress you. And if impressing you means not being himself then so be it right? The true colors will eventually come out, let him try a little harder than usual and soak in the fact that this guy is a little looney b/c he thinks you're special.
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2011-06-11T20:35:00.001-05:00

This Russian family sitting next to me on the LTR is so adorable. The kid looks like he's in his teens and he doesn't seem to be going through that weird awkward stage 90% of most teenagers do w/their parents. He's conversing w/them and even sharing a chocolate bar w/them. So cute. Too bad I wasn't like that when I was a teen. But it's never too late for anything right?

Speaking of family. Mummy called to ask if I wanted to join them at Hong Kong Noodle for dinner, but I declined b/c of work. #determination
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Why I do what I do

2011-06-09T08:57:00.001-05:00

We started out as a group of 14 people, and it's only been a week and now we're down to seven. I'll be honest, going into the position I thought to myself and even told myself that this will be easy peazy. Just a little studying, some sales, and building rapport w/coworkers and potential clients...nothing I haven't done before so it should be a piece of cake right? Too bad it's not. The exam my group and I have been studying for has a nation pass rate of under 60% and it's a lot more dry and tougher to comprehend than I thought it would be. I've been pulling allnighters and even willing to sacrifice social get togethers (and I love seeing my friends!) to study for this darn exam. I have 11 weeks to take and pass it, but the sooner I get it out of the way will result in the sooner I'll get my social life back.

Anyways, with long hours at work, and long hours of studying at home after work for work, and all of these sacrifices (which include camping this weekend, something I've been looking forward to since we all started planning the trip back in February) why would I want to stay here when I can easily get any other job?

I've been in the financial industry since I graduated high school in '06. And the customer service field since I could legally start working. I have gained a lot of hands on experience in my years of working, and this current position allows me to gain more knowledge and I can see a lot of growth potential at this company. At Wells Fargo and M&I I didn't feel that there. Both very very great companies, but I felt a roadblock. I got extremely good at what I was doing, but there wasn't much to learn after that so I left. I actually see a future here, so I'm willing to sacrifice time w/family and friends to learn something other companies aren't willing to teach me.

Allowing my parents to retire w/o the headache of "Will we have enough money to retire" on their minds, not having my brother work a day in his life (although I want him to gain experience from working this is better for him), Financial District in NYC, Australia, and allowing myself to grow as a person are all things that are motivating me to succeed in this position.

The man above gave me this opportunity to experience, learn, grow, and better myself. It'd be a shame if I didn't take it.

Just do me. Family and real friends understand why I can't spend time w/them. And the universe will allow all else to fall into place when the time is right.

I'm scared of what the future holds because everything that I've ever wished for has been given to me. I believe that if I want something and it's not given to me it's because I deserve better or it's not the right time. Things happen for a reason, everything that has happened to me in life has proven that to be true. And so I am here a believer.
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Tomorrow is never promised

2011-06-07T04:20:00.002-05:00

I don't know about others, but time is something that is invaluable to me. I've keep my habit of sleeping as little as I can for a reason, and I believe that no one ever remembers the days they got plenty of sleep.

So I do whatever I can to not waste it. Some tips and pointers:

Try to not dwell on the past, unless it is to learn from it. It already happened, no matter what you say or think won't change it. So just glance at it, know where you made the mistake, move on, and grow from it.
"If you focus on what you've left behind, you'll never be able to see what lies ahead." -Unknown
Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.
Time is NOT money. Time can get you more money, but money cannot get your more time.
Trust that you are alive right now for a reason. Make that reason be seen if not by others at least by yourself.
Dream -> Plan -> Act -> Track
Dream out your goals, plan out how to make them happen, physically go out and achieve them in every way possible, and track your progress (and possibly react to that progress either make a plan b/c it's not working out the way you want it to or you're doing so well that you should speed up the process). That way you don't waste time and when you're old and wrinkly you won't say to yourself or worse to others "I wish..."
Better late than never. You're going to never be too old to achieve something you've always wanted. NEVER!
While it's good to plan for your future, remember that the only thing that's guaranteed to you is this moment. Life is unpredictable and there may be no tomorrow to do what you're holding off on today.
It's good to believe in fate and destiny. But the both of them can only lead you so far before you have to take actions into your own hands.
It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years. If you died tomorrow would you be satisfied with everything you got accomplished? If not, well...what are you waiting for?

I can go on and on about time and how I think you shouldn't waste it, but honestly you'd just be wasting your time reading this. GO DO SOMETHING! Only YOU know what's best for you. So make the time you have worth it.

2011-06-07T04:07:00.002-05:00

What usually accompanies change for me is the lack of time. I've been wanting to write/blog about so much that has happened in the past two weeks, but I've had no time to record everything down. Instead I have been replacing writing/blogging w/telling my close friends how I've been feeling. Although it feels nice to talk to others, I still would love to have them recorded for memory purposes.

I haven't really had time to do much but eat, think, drink, and breathe finance. I have never doubted my potential with anything that I have set my mind to do in the past and lately I've found myself to do the opposite. But being the blessed person that I am I have very supportive and encouraging family and friends who are helping me see the light in continuing what I decided to do.

I can't control what my feelings are and how I think, but I can control the amount of power it has over me. Although I've let it distract me from my goal the past few days, I've refocused my desires to accomplishing this goal.

After all, things happen for a reason. This opportunity was presented to me time and time again for a reason. And when the time is right the man above will let me feel what I thought I felt again.

Gold medals aren't made of gold. They're made of unmitigated desire, determination, and will to win. #expectnothinglessofyourself

I'm in it to win it, because if you're not #1 you're nothing.

Finally.

2011-05-30T16:14:00.001-05:00

I have been writing, blogging, tweeting and even telling people that I wanted June to arrive asap.

Well I am pleased to know that it is only a couple days away. Many things awaits for me, it almost feels like it's New Year's all over again.
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Something I Don't Have

2011-05-29T04:22:00.003-05:00

I don't get jealous very easily, I just don't see the point in wishing or wanting something that someone else has. But I will have to admit since I'm usually surrounded by my friends who are dating each other or some that come to me for advice on relationships, and even though most of the time they seek advice because things are rocky between them and their significant other I envy them for just being in a relationship.

I like to believe that all people thrive on love. Whether it's from family, friends, or significant other, love makes everything go round despite that many think money does. A lot of people in life search for it in another person, and sometimes they don't find it at all. So to my friends and readers who are currently in a relationship w/a loved one:

Don't let them go. Times may get hard, and it may make you want to give up, but what relationship doesn't go through some rocky and shaky times? That's what makes it all the sweeter. Without experiencing the bad times, you wouldn't know how to feel the happy good times.

I've seen first hand what my parents have overcame and many of my friends and I'm in awe at what love can do for two people. If it is two love that two people have, nothing is able to break the bond. I have seen love forgive, I have seen love overcome, I have seen love make people do things they would never have thought they'd do, but yet they did it all in the name of love.

Men: treat women how you would want men to treat your daughter.

Honestly, I would rather be w/one person for the rest of my life and experience everything with them rather than talk or date a few different people and go through the same experience multiple times.

I may not have ever experienced what love is, but I know what is it and I know that I won't be settling anytime soon. This weekend has prepared me for a lot of things and I'm okay with being single the rest of my life. As long as I'm not settling and being w/someone else's true love then I'm happy.

It's late, I'll do another post on this later. But here's a song dedicated to all you lover birds:

It's a big big world
It's easy to get lost in it
You've always been my girl
And I'm not ready to call it quits

We make the sun shine in the moon light
We can make the grey clouds turn to blue skies
I know it's hard
Baby believe me

That we can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We are taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

It's a big big world
And I'm gonna show you all of it
I'm gonna lace you with pearls
From every ocean
That we're swimmin' in

We make the sun shine in the moon light
We can make the grey clouds turn to blue skies
Yeah, I know it's hard
Baby believe me, ooh

That we can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We are taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

Baby we were underground
We're on the surface now
We're gonna make it girl
I promise
If you believe in love
And you believe in us
We can't go nowhere but

We can't go nowhere but up
From here, my dear
Baby we can go nowhere but up
Tell me what we've got to fear
We're taking to the sky pass the moon to the galaxy
As long as you are with me baby
Honestly with the strength of our love
We can go nowhere but up

Nowhere but up
Nowhere but up
Yeah
Nowhere but up

2011-05-28T00:04:00.003-05:00

I got one of the best birthday presents (not joking to make someone feel good either) and it was a new journal. It's leather so it'll last for a lifetime plus it's filled with many many many pages for my nonstop mind. I started writing a few journal entries in the new journal, but I'm starting to feel bad because I haven't finished using up all of the pages on my old one (the plain black Mead Fivestar Notebook). I guess I'll transfer the new journal entries over to this blog and use up all of the pages on the old one before I start writing in the new one...BUT I feel like I'm finally getting things done and put together so I should start a new journal for it...ahh tough decisions!!!

But I want to thank you for the beautiful journal. I read the first page in my hotel room when I cracked it open to write my first journal entry and felt an unmistakable feeling of love in my heart. You have also grown to be my sister in the past years that we have gotten to know each other and there is NO DOUBT in my mind, body, heart, and soul that we will continue to be in each others' lives for a lifetime. No doubt. I mean we've already gone this far, what else is there to overcome but time? (;

Hello from the Carribean Ocean

2011-05-27T15:15:00.002-05:00

I was going to shower quick before heading out to the cities in Playa de Carmen, but the maid decided to show up so I'm out here doing a quick update.

My time out here has been wonderful. Definitely got to see what solitude was all about, and I'll have to say it's quite nice. Especially for a social butterfly like myself. I didn't think I could do it, and neither could my friends or family, but here I am proving everyone wrong.

The first dinner I had by myself was a whole new experience. I'm so used to talking away during meals that it was a big change for me to sit in silence and just chew and observe everyone around me. Although I wasn't in silence the entire time since the waiters kept coming up to me and starting small talk, but it was nice. I have observed a lot my time here.

For firsts I also went kayaking for for the first time ever today. I would have rather gone zip lining or para-sailing, but my travel agent stood me up yesterday evening when I was supposed to plan today's day w/her. Oh well, I guess I'll wait until I come back w/a few family or friends or solo again to do all of those. But kayaking was harder than I thought it would be. I watched a lot of people do it before trying it out myself and holy crap, props to everyone who could get out there. I stayed a good 50 ft from the shore because I couldn't maneuver the thing to go far enough against the wind and waves. I'm sure my arms will be sore tomorrow.

I made a few new friends here. Whom I'll never see again, but it was nice getting to know them while I did. A few resort employees and an older lady who seems to be in her late twenties - early thirties from Quebec Canada who also came here solo.

I cannot wait to come back for my third time so I can show family and friends the beauty of this place.
My trip here so far has made me realize plenty about life.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart, but I am not strong enough to let myself go completely to love.

First time for everything

2011-05-25T06:55:00.001-05:00

In the past month or so I've talked about wanting to go to dinner at a fairly decent restaurant by myself and to see a movie in theaters by myself to see if I could overcome the whole people staring and judging thing. I've always told myself that it doesn't matter what others think of me, but obviously I kind of teeny bit care if I couldn't bring myself to eat or see a movie by myself right?

Well I did the unthinkable and I booked a trip internationally solo. I thought long about it because I didn't know how I would do traveling on my own let alone leaving the country on my own.

I left my information w/my sister and her boyfriend in case they don't hear from me often during my trip. But I think I should be fine as long as I'm extra aware of my surroundings.

This will definitely test how I do in solitude. No one believes me that I'm going on my own. Friends keep asking who I'm meeting up with, but honestly I'm not meeting w/anyone. This trip wasn't my first choice, but no one had the time or the money to go on such a last minute trip so here I am on my own.
This should be good for me though.

Well, the flight is about to take off. Ciao! And wish me luck =P
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Ummhmm

2011-05-24T04:35:00.000-05:00

"A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world will not make them leave. Trust that truth."--Unknown

Very true. And if they do leave, it's simple: you two just weren't meant to be.
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More early morning/late night ramblings

2011-05-24T04:32:00.001-05:00

I never hold grudges and if I do it's never more than a few months tops. The second I'm done telling or expressing how I feel towards a situation, person(s), or anything is the second I am over it.

It's usually like that for me because I don't see what good holding a grudge will do for you. Life's short, people grow, people change, and honestly things happened for a reason. I try to learn from every situation I am faced with cause I think everyone should try to be a better person than they were yesterday. Or at least I try to be.

I am not always a good person, especially in my past. But I am never embarrassed for who I was because if I wasn't that person I wouldn't have become who I am today. And although I have tried to be a better person within the past year, not everyone may agree with it. But I feel like as long as I feel that I am allowing myself to grow and change then I shouldn't care what others opinions are.

I find it foolish for someone to try to please everyone in their life. It's impossible and a waste of life. No matter who you are, rich, poor, skinny, fat, a woman, or a man someone in the world will disapprove of you in some way. Don't let their opinions deter you from being YOU and living your life.

"At some point in time your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching."--Unknown
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2011-05-24T04:10:00.001-05:00

I'm all too good at suppressing my deeper emotions that I don't even know if they're authentic or non existent.

I don't ever ever want to think back and ask myself "How good we could've been if only I stepped up to my feelings or if you tried a little harder..." I never ever want to be in that position, but how am I supposed to confront my feelings when I'm having a hard time defining what's real and what isn't?

What does it feel like when it's legitimate? The butterflies? Weak in the knees? Exhilaration? Or how do you know it's non genuine, and that I'm only forcing myself or making things up in my head because I'm longing for someone to share my happiness with?

I know I have posed this question many times in the past, but it's because I really cannot tell the difference. I always waste time because I can't. It's usually after a few months or so after talking that I realize there isn't and won't be anything more. And I refuse to settle for contentment. I will only be w/you if you can give me the stuff I see in the movies and read in books, anything less won't pass in my life.

It's lately that I choose to listen to Celine Dion while I'm showering. And in the shower is when a lot of thoughts race through my mind. With her songs like "Because You Loved Me" or "That's The Way It Is" and even "The Power of Love" the lyrics seem to hit kind of close to home.

When you listen to lubby dubby songs and once the lyrics hits you do you ever think of someone? If you do, is it one person for all love songs or a few depending on the lyrics?

Ugh tell me I'm not crazy. That I'm not the only person at this age who hasn't felt a spark w/another person. Or at least I think I haven't? Who knows maybe I'm suppressing that too!
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Happiness is in your control

2011-05-24T03:12:00.002-05:00

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

Now that's not a lie.

This is a classic song. #oldschooljammin

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Time is Money?

2011-05-23T03:32:00.001-05:00

"You either got time or money, can't have em both. Nigga w/money don't have time. Nigga w/time don't have money." -Big Meech

I guess it's true in some sense.
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Things that make me happy #'s 60-69

2011-05-22T17:07:00.002-05:00

60. when friends unexpectedly calls or texts you
61. hearing my brother say "I really enjoyed today, thanks for taking me out."
62. the feeling you get after finally letting everything out (emotionally and physically LOL)
63. being the culprit of my parents' smile (mom's birthday present and my news to dad)
64. hearing your dad say "I love you" to me (i was shocked when he said this. I knew the news would make him smile, but never would I have thought he'd utter those words to me)
65. taking off a pair of jeans you've been wearing all day
66. being complimented on a hidden insecurity
67. when someone from high school whom you rarely talked to (if at all) remembers you and approaches you at a social scene (happened to me three times on two different occasions!)
68. when the cashier tells you that the item is cheaper than you thought it was (a shirt that was originally $78 marked down to $10 and then rung up as $5!)
69. the nano second of silence when you drive under a bridge on a rainy day

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know
Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness
Like a heartbeat... drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had
And what you lost
Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know

Bad Judgment

2011-05-21T16:39:00.001-05:00

That's my problem.
I have a (good or bad your opinion) habit of trying to see the good in people.
I don't have the best judge of character, at all.
I give everyone a chance even though I know I shouldn't.
And I give second, third, forth, even ten chances to people who have done me wrong because I believe people can change.
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Judgment Day

2011-05-20T17:18:00.001-05:00

So for the past month all I've been reading and hearing about is May 21, 2011 (tomorrow). And if you haven't heard yet it's supposed to be Judgment Day, where God elects the non sinners and raptures them to heaven while those of us who have sinned will be left on Earth to go through the torture of the world ending or Armageddon.

I'm a Catholic, and I believe in God and all but honestly I believe tomorrow's a hoax. The Bible doesn't guarantee this day, well it does but not tomorrow's date. This is all predicted by a radio host, the same guy who predicted the world was going to end back in 1994 and blamed it not happening because of a numerical error.

BUT if tomorrow does come and 200 million people do get raptured, believe that my family and I will be apart of that group. We have been too blessed in our lifetime, it's obvious that God loves us. I could sit here and name out all of the ways we have been blessed specific events, dates, and all but if you're not convinced yet, you won't be after hearing all of it either.

Anyways, have a great weekend. If me or any of my family members disappear tomorrow ya'll know what's up to come in the future. ^__~
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I'm On One

2011-05-19T01:44:00.004-05:00

Ever since the song got released a few days ago, this has been my jam. I haven't been a fan of YMCB's new stuff but I'm not gonna lie this track is siiiick:

(Get em on)
I’m on one
(Get em on)
I’m on one
(Get em on)
I said I’m on one

[Drake]
I’m getting so throwed
I aint work this hard since I was 18
Apologise if I say, anything I don’t mean
Like whats up with your best friend?
We could all have some fun, believe me
And whats up with these new niggas?
And why they think it all comes so easy

But get it while you here boy
Cause all that hype don’t feel the same next year boy
Yeah and I’ll be right here in my spot with a little more cash than I already got
Trippin off you cause you had your shot
With my skin tanned and my hair long
And my fans who been so patient,
me and 40 back to work but we still smell like a vacation
Hate the rumours, hate the bullshit
Hate these fucking allegations,
I’m just feeling like the throne is for the taking
Watch me take it!

[Drake - Chorus]
All I care about is money and the city that I’m from
I’ma sip until I feel it, I’ma smoke it till it’s done
And I don’t really give a f-ck, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older so somebody shoulda told ya

I’m on one
Yeah, f-ck it, I’m on one
Yeah, I said I’m on one
F-ck it, I’m on one

Two white cups and I got that drink
Could be purple, it could be pink
Depending on how you mix that shit
Money that we got, never get that shit

Cause I’m on one
I said fuck it I’m on one

[Rick Ross]
I’m burning purple flowers
It’s burning my chest
I bury the most cash and burning the rest
Walking on the clouds, suspended in thin air
Do ones beneath me recognize the red bottoms I wear
Burner in the belt
Move the kids to the hills (BOSS)
Bend shawty on the sink, do it for the thrill
Kiss you on ya neck and tell ya everything is great
Even though I out on bond I might be facin’ 8′s
Still running with the same niggas til the death of me
Ever seen a million cash, gotta count it carefully
Ever made love to the woman of your dreams
In a room full of money out in London and she screams
Baby, I could take it there
Call Marc Jacobs personally to make a pair
So yeah, we on one, the feeling ain’t fair (Khaled)
And it’s double M G until I get the chair

[Drake - Chorus]

[Lil Wayne]
I walk around the club, f-ck everybody
And all my niggas got that Heat I feel like Pat Riley
Yeah, too much money, aint enough money
You know the feds listening, nigga what money?
I’m a made nigga
I should dust something
You niggas on the bench
Like the bus coming
huh, aint nothing sweet but the swishas
I’m focused might aswell say cheese for the pictures
Ohhh, I’m about to go Andre the Giant
You a sell out, but I aint buying
Chopper dissect a nigga like science
Put an end to your world like Mayans
This a celebration bitches, Mazel Tov
It’s a slim chance I fall, Olive Oyl
Tunechi be the name, don’t ask me how I got it
I’m killin’ these hoes I swear I’m tryna stop the violence

[Chorus]

Young mula baby, YMCMB

I remember I was in a car w/a couple of friends of mine over the weekend. One of them took my ipod and played "White Girl" remix w/Young Jeezy. The person giggled at some of the lyrics, and I asked the person "Do you know what white girl is?" And they replied w/"no".

I don't think a lot of people know what a lot of these lines mean off the top of their heads. Which is okay, but kind of funny especially people who listen to rap a lot. How are you supposed to like a song when you don't know the meaning of the lyrics?

BTW I'm not hating on my friends, they have good taste in music. Just sayin'. and for those who didn't know: white girl = cocaine, the song might make a little more sense now.

Paying Dues

2011-05-19T00:56:00.002-05:00

My sister and her boyfriend + many of my close friends keep telling me that it won’t be bad, but I don’t want to expect nothing and then all of a sudden it’s a huge deal. So I’m going to expect the worst of the worst.

I have always had this cloud hanging over me because I was unsure of what the punishment for such a mistake would be. It’s funny how a few things change in your life like you actually accepting an opportunity and then seizing it to make you realize how important it is to finally clear that cloud hanging over you. Let me reword that, make you want to clear it.

I don’t think anyone knows how important this is to me, but of course they don’t because they’ve never been in my position before. But no matter how long the man above feels it’ll take for me to learn I will accept the time given, after all I did put myself in this position in the first place.

I mean I don't even have to do what I'm going to do, but I feel like if I continue to run from it that the cloud will only stop me from more opportunities that'll be given to me in the future. Better now than later.

Whatever the outcome may be, I’m going to be finally free of it and the only thing that’ll be hanging over me is happiness.

Something Every Woman Should Wear (and men)

2011-05-18T14:50:00.001-05:00

SUNSCREEN!

As summer is approaching Mr. Sunshine is showing his pretty bright rays more often, and that also means more outdoor activities. Protect your health, and your beautiful skin (especially face) by lathering up on sunscreen.

A lot of us women want that tan look NOW, but you won't want to pay for it later when you're in your late 20's, early 30's showing signs of skin damage (wrinkles, sun spots aka freckles, lots of moles, lots of "birth marks", leathery skin, your skin burns easily, etc.).

-ALWAYS wear sunscreen when you are outdoors. Even when it looks rainy and cloudy out. The UVA and UVB rays goes through the clouds.
-Check the expiration date on bottles.
-Apply 30 minutes before going outside
-Reapply every couple hours and every 30min when you're in the water. Sunscreen may claim they're "water resistant" but there is no such thing.
-Your scalp is exposed to the sun the most, and is often the most forgetful area...NEVER forget your scalp! It's skin too!
-Use sunscreen w/SPF that is at least 15+ but no more than SPF 50. Anything over 50 doesn't do any extra work on protecting your skin.
-Also don't forget your lips! One of the most sensitive areas.

If you start to see sun spots appear more often on your skin go see a dermatologist asap! Better be safe than sorry. You can never be too young or old for skin cancer.
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2011-05-17T03:36:00.001-05:00

"When we see how far we've come we also see how far we still have to go." --G.G.
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The Man Above

2011-05-12T01:42:00.000-05:00

I remember my first days attending mass when I was a little girl. Sitting in the "baby room" part of mass and messing around with what I thought were just books. I refused to stand when everyone stood and I refused to kneel when everyone knelt. We went every Sunday until my ba ngoai (grandma on mom's side) had her first stroke. After her stroke my mom felt that we couldn't leave my ba ngoai home because something might happen again.

My ba ngoai plays an important role in religion in my life. My parents were never the extreme religious types. My mom grew up a Catholic, but she never taught us to pray every night or forced us to give thanks before meals. And even though it has never been confirmed I'm almost positive my dad is only a Catholic because he had to convert in order to marry my mom. But little things he does and says shows hints of faith.

One day my dad and I were in our living room and we were talking about something which wasn't important otherwise I would've remembered, but it led to me dad pointing at our Virgin Mary statue we have in our living room and he says "That statue is very lucky." After he said that I felt angry. Angry because "that statue" wasn't just a statue, and because we're not supposed to believe in luck, instead we are blessed. I kept thinking about what he said, and even debated about correcting him but then it came to me. I thought in my head "God loves everyone even the ones who don't believe in him. And even though our Virgin Mary statue wasn't just any statue at least what he said showed a hint of faith. Faith that the Virgin Mary and God has given us many blessings (or in my dad's words luck) in life."

I wasn't always this religious or I didn't always have this much faith in God though. My ba ngoai was the first person to teach me how to pray. She taught me a lot of things (and I'll make a separate post for her one day because she deserves it), but praying definitely has helped me gain faith in God. I prayed when I woke up, before I ate, and before I went to bed. I didn't keep the habit for long though. I guess with my family not going to church and me not praying because my grandma was too sick to remind had me lose the faith I had.

Then I learned about science in middle and the first two years of high school. Biology really had me questioning my faith. My family had raised me and my siblings as Catholics, but it was very apparent to everyone how anti-Catholic my brother was. And my parents never enforced the religion and belief on him, they really valued our independent beliefs even if it was going against God. I was I guess you could say an atheist for awhile too, until my mom asked me to start attending Sunday School at our Vietnamese parish in North Minneapolis. I didn't want to do it for awhile and dreaded it, but I guess after awhile it was kind of a social thing to go. All of the "cool" kids was seen at our church, and I got the benefit of picking a new restaurant every sunday and trying it w/my mom and sister after Mass and Sunday School.

All in all even though I've gotten my faith back within the past five years, I have never ever felt as close to God as I do now or recently. Instead of just seeing little details as it's own, I've been putting the details of my life together and they all fit like a puzzle. They all have worked out to the way it should have and as crazy as it may sound to many of you I believe God has helped me and has blessed in countless and unbelievable ways. I can sit here and list out everything and how they go hand in hand to get me to exactly where I am now, but I won't. Just know that things happen for a reason, and it'll all be good in the end. If it's not good it's not the end.

I may not be the best Catholic (I sin even though I know better not to and I don't attend mass every week or rarely at all) and I may not agree w/everything that I SHOULD believe in w/the Catholic religion, but like my dad I have faith. Even with all of this new science stuff or illuminati conspiracy theories and blah blah blah that could make the agrument of God's existence false, but despite all of that I still believe in him because of my experiences.
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Confident not cocky

2011-05-11T16:33:00.001-05:00

The interviewer asked me if I had a Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin because in this career field I'll want to keep building my personal network.

Uh, Mr. Interviewer I am social media savvy. I make my networks follow me to whatever social media I am on.

And then he says "I'm sure you'll be great in this position, you seem very confident."

There's a thin line between confident and cocky. I may have walked passed that line, but I gotta do what I gotta do!

Interview tip #1: you can be the most nervous person in the world with thoughts racing through your head, but if you just ACT confident, they won't even know. Smile, hold eye contact, and own the words coming out of your mouth. I mean REALLY own the words.

Two more days of being a nervous wreck. I just wish this month would hurry up and be over.
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Not in a rush

2011-05-11T01:24:00.002-05:00

http://ti.me/lc6hu0

The article above is a main reason why finishing school isn't at the top of my to-do list.

I cannot stress enough about how school doesn't teach you what "real life" is. I feel bad for people who don't have work experience prior to graduating college, but then again I'm not. I juggled being a full time student and a full time job (which gave me lots of on the job experience that employers are looking for) all to pay for my schooling, car that I drive to school and work, food, and other expenses while most of my peers only worried about their academics.

Even though I will admit, if I hadn't chosen the path (to work fulltime and be a student full time to take a load of financial problems off of my parents' shoulders so they can worry about my younger siblings instead), and just worried about academics instead I would probably be one of the 54% in the article right now that are unemployed w/an undergrad degree.

And in case anyone's wondering why I am taking a break from life (work and school)...I don't wanna continue school when I didn't know what my major would be. I get no help from the government via grants and loans so I didn't want to waste my money and time getting into another major and switching. I am not working because I decided that after working since I was 16 and full time since I was 18 I needed a break, besides I can still pay for my monthly car bills and afford to dine out so why not take a break? I've gotten offered jobs, but have declined them because I am satisfied w/just knowing I can still get hired w/o actually needing to.

But I can't live off my savings forever or be a bum, so I'm going back to school in the fall and am considering a job...but summer is here! Kind of just wanna enjoy it.. >_<

Just thought I'd explain it to those who were gonna jump to conclusions, ya know save em some time since I have all of the time in the world right now. Haha!
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Can someone explain to me

2011-05-11T00:17:00.006-05:00

I love it when friends remind me of the things I have taught them. Some are judgement, forgiveness, love, and friendship. A lot lately it's been "Tammy, but not everyone thinks the same way you do." --I love it. (=

Right, not everyone does. We all live in the same world, but we don't think w/the same minds, we don't love w/the same hearts, we don't share religions and values, and etc. But one thing I am extremely mind boggled by is how many people measure success.

Why do people measure success by the clothes they wear (more specifically the brands), the cars they drive (again the brand and you might think I shouldn't be preaching since I drive an X5, but I don't consider myself successful nor do I flaunt it like I am), the degrees they have gotten from prestigious or non prestigious Universities and colleges, having an established career, a healthy bank account, or public recognition.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. "

Ralph Waldo Emerson couldn't have said it any better and I believe that is and should be the definition of success for everyone. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is only so much money can buy until you're left with all of the money in the world and still feel empty.

BUT because not everyone thinks the same way Mr. Emerson or I do, if you do believe that money and power (or any of the above mentioned) defines you as a successful person please explain to me. I am willing to hear you out.

Pathetic

2011-05-09T21:41:00.006-05:00

I try my hardest not to judge people and their actions, but very rarely I've been down a certain path too many times and I know what I see. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion that some people who have been in a relationship for a certain amount of time whether it be six months, a year, two years, or ten that when someone new gives them attention they dive head first and forget about all of the time, energy, and hard work they've invested into their relationship. It's also pathetic that when someone is going through a rough path in their current relationship they seek someone new or a friend of the opposite sex to confide in emotionally or just have them around to take up time that normally would be spent with their significant other.

If any of this applies to you in any way I hope it was in the past and you have learned to never do it again because it's not fair to the person you are/were dating. If this currently applies to you, I'm probably talking about you. And normally I'd confront you personally, but I'll let it slide. I hope after reading this you'll stop on your own, but if it continues though I'll have to do something about it because there's nothing I hate more than seeing my loved ones hurt.

What is enough?

2011-05-09T03:24:00.001-05:00

Isn't saying "I love you" enough? Or do people need to put more into it by marriage, having children, photos, etc.?
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Fabolous - Drugs

2011-05-09T02:04:00.003-05:00

[Verse 1 -Paul Cain]
Damn Ma
I love you like a lie
I get a rush from your touch, sort of like a high
I used to adore your presence but now I’m like goodbye
Kept it a hundred with you..What give you the right to lie?
We in two different spaces, and you done turned Gemini
Completely changed faces
You wouldn’t understand even if we trade places
You’ll never find another me, face it!

[Broadway]
My life ain’t sweet
I don’t know who told you that?
My shoes, might want to tiptoe in that
Walk slow with that
I’m the same, ain’t changed
But the hate where home is at
Got me like damn, where my homies at?
Fuck it, it’s just me
Can’t hold me back
You just can’t bite the hand that feeds you
Especially when the hand’s illegal
I got you cold
Consider it a lesson learned
I’m guessing it was just my turn
To learn the hard way
You can’t always trust the ones you love

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too..
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry, I must have you confused

[Verse 2 - Fabolous]
You got to take the good with the bad
Love what you got, remember what you had
Always forgive but never forget
Learn from mistakes, but never regret
I feel like it’s coming it just ain’t never done yet
You wanna take off, go head rev up the jet
Ain’t gotta act like our paths should had never met
Let’s be happy apart instead of together upset
I got the least out of something I put the most into
It’s fucked up when assholes are who we toasting to
You remind me of somebody that I used to know
Me and that other you, weren’t introduced before
And I don’t like that bitch
We go from belly
I don’t like that shit
Who’s gonna fill your space
That’s still a case
Ben Franks the only familiar face
Get money

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry I must have you confused
Cause that can’t be love
You took advantage of a good thing
And that ain’t a good thing
Take it how you want

[Verse 3]
I guess she forgot how I used to hold her
The nights she was goin through it
Crying on my shoulder
And did a 360 it’s like she got colder
I’m starting to regret all the things that I showed her
But I’m a rider
She used to be my roller
I guess the general just lost his best soldier
I thought I felt some type of bond and got close to her
She mean to me more
Cuz ya boy a ghost to her

[Hook]
Oh yeah I think I remember you
Yeah mmm ahhh probably not
You look so familiar too
But you just wouldn’t do this to me
I know you just wouldn’t do this to me
Not you, I’m sorry I must have you confused

--I don't think many of you will know why the lyrics speak to me so much.

Dinner convos #8653

2011-05-07T20:10:00.001-05:00

Me: you wore that shirt just so you could match w/the hat mom and dad got you huh?
Dave: Yep.
Me: is that why you wanted to go home earlier?
Dave: Yep.
Dave: You got me this shirt a long time ago remember?
Me: yeah I remember
Mummy: now the shirt doesn't fit you
Dave: iono I like it like this. It shows off my muscles
Daddy: and your big belly
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Gay Marriage

2011-05-06T14:29:00.003-05:00

I've told many of my friends this before, but if I was to ever start a family, hands down I would choose Minnesota to be the place to do it. All four seasons, great school systems, lots and lots of diversity, and for the most part people are very open minded.

Not all politicians are out to get you with tax money and etc. This guy a Minnesota Democratic said “How many more gay people does God have to create, before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?”

Even though after he asked his colleagues the question, the House Civil Law Committee voted 10-7 on it, at least he spoke up about it. I wanna meet this Steve Simon guy! Here's the video so you can see for yourself:

Jonathan Harris : Today

2011-05-06T04:20:00.001-05:00

Just hit play, watch, and listen.
A lot of what he says
I can definitely relate to

"When I reached 30, I think I felt a lot of things a lot of people feel when they reach 30 or around this age, which is that um maybe the way that your life is isn't the way you thought your life would be when you were 20 or 15, and you kind of freak out a little bit and you wonder you know like holy crap I'm aging and I'm getting older and I still have all of this stuff that I haven't figured out it's strange. It's almost like the process of growing up has made me, well almost like less sure of myself somehow because I see there's so much more that I don't know, which I didn't see before."

"I feel like I've definitely grown probably more this past year than I have any other...but that said I'm not sure what exactly I have grown into."

Second Chances

2011-05-06T03:20:00.001-05:00

I love asking my friends questions on their beliefs to see where they stand on certain things, and one of my favorites to ask is "do you believe in second chances?"

For myself, I believe in second chances. Not just because I believe that people can grow and change over time, but because a lot of times as humans we don't realize what we have until it's gone. And as cliche as that sounds it has proven to be true with a lot of people for numerous of things. Like a child will never fully appreciate his/her parent until one is gone, a friend won't realize the importance of another friend until he/she doesn't have them to turn to anymore, a boyfriend/girlfriend will continually take for granted their significant other until they are sleeping alone at night, and the list goes on.

But when someone has done you wrong more than twice, are you supposed to apply the rule of "people can change and grow over time" and give them a third try? When is enough enough? After how many strikes is someone supposed to learn their lesson?
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Birdy - Skinny Love

2011-05-06T01:21:00.000-05:00

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
We suckled on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balancedAnd I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted
And who the hell was I?
I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?Ooh, ooh

Good song. Birdy did a cover originally from Bon Iver, but it doesn't sound right with a guy singing it. lol!

Opportunities

2011-05-05T18:37:00.002-05:00

Okay, back in December I declined an opportunity to work for a particular Fortune 500 company. The position is usually offered to people with college degrees already in their hand, but I guess I'm being sought after because of my experience. Anyways, I keep rejecting the offer but they keep offering it to me, month after month (since Dec.).

I think it's a sign from the man above that I should accept it.

"Every blessing ignored becomes a curse."--Paulo Coelho

I'm normally an overall confident person in everything that I do, but honestly a big part of me is scared. Scared that if I accept this offer for this huge company that many would do a lot to work for, that I would do what I've done w/my previous positions for previous companies. It'd be my first "grown up" job.

*sigh* I want it, but then I don't want it.
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Who am I trying to Kid?

2011-05-05T01:41:00.002-05:00

Maybe I still don't know what I want to be or where I'll be in 10, 5, or a year from today, but at least I know my what my values are and that they won't change a year, 5, or 10 from now.

truth

2011-05-04T22:16:00.001-05:00

"The hardest thing about doing the right thing for yourself is you usually have to do it alone."--Po Bronson
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Money aint shit!

2011-05-03T09:59:00.001-05:00

Just another example that money isn't everything:

This former Playboy Playmate/Ex movie star was found dead in her home this past weekend, but she was dead for so long that her body was nearly in a mummified state. She wasn't found 'til a year after she died. A YEAR!!!!

Imagine no one missing you for a year. No phone calls, no visits, no one calling the police because you haven't been tweeting, facebooking, texting, picking up calls, or calling them...so sad. Just shows you that money and fame won't buy you family and friends who'll genuinely care about you.

I remember one night when I was hanging out w/a friend and I accidentally left my phone in the car for two hours. When I eventually went out to grab my phone I had hundreds of missed calls from friends, spammed facebook wall posts, status updates that said "where are you?!?!?! Are you okay" or "has anyone seen or heard from tamzilla?!?", and hundreds of text messages. Although I was a little annoyed, I was still grateful for such great friends. They took me not texting or facebooking for a few hours as a sign that something was wrong. <3
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2011-04-30T05:35:00.001-05:00

I like that a lot of my friends are "lich su" towards each other and other people. It really shows off how their parents have raised them. Which is a good thing. But then if I see how my brother acts towards others, he CAN be really well mannered, but most of the time he's selfish and inconsiderate. And my parents didn't raise any of their kids to be like that. So I guess it shows again that you really can't judge someone.

But I still love the fact that my friends are "lich su" and knows when to step up and help people or greet them and etc. I can't really explain it because it's a Vietnamese adjective, but those of you who are Vietnamese should know what I mean.
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Before showering

2011-04-30T04:55:00.000-05:00

What a good night. Celebrated a friend's birthday, planned our camping trip, Vegas trip, tried to persuade more people to join us for Lollapalooza, cooked bo chien bo (beef and butter), drank, played cards, reminisced, had our party crashed by my friend's dad, my uncle and their friends, etc...but everything was fun. Always worth the 45min drive there and home by myself.

I want to thank some friends for helping me throw down for food, helping w/the prepping, and cleaning! (;

I'm very very excited for what May and the upcoming months has to offer, but when am I not?!
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2011-04-29T21:10:00.001-05:00

Money ain't shit but paper to me. When I don't have it, I learn to live within my means. When I do have it, I love to share the wealth. As long as my family, friends, and people I surround myself with are happy, smiling, having fun then I am too. No biggie. Money can be remade. Memories can't.
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But to live doesn't mean you're alive

2011-04-28T14:22:00.001-05:00

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because the world needs people who have come alive."--Howard Thurman
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Growing up

2011-04-26T05:38:00.001-05:00

It was so much easier to express our love and adoration towards our parents when we were young kids. My siblings and I would kiss my mom and dad on their cheeks before heading off to dreamland every single night. I wonder if my parents noticed the first night the kisses stopped coming.

I also remember sleeping over at my ong noi and ba noi (grandparents on dad's side) house one night. An hour after my parents left to go home, the separation anxiety kicked in and I bawled my little eyes out until my parents drove 45min back to pick me up.

I got used to being away from them after awhile. I started sleeping over at my grandparents' more often, but I always had to have my two stuffed bunnies. One was given to me from my dad and I named her Robbie. The second was given to me from my mom and I named him Buffy. I played w/both all of the time, slept with them too. I don't remember what happened to Robbie but I still have Buffy boxed up somewhere in my room.

Those two bunnies gave me a lot of comfort as a child. Whenever my parents fought and argued w/each other I had a superstition that if I slept w/the both of them they would stop and make up. Even during the times when my dad left the house for a couple of days because the arguments were bad, I just slept with the two and I knew he'd come back, because he always did. I laugh now thinking how silly my superstition was, but I was a child I had to believe in something to make things right.

My sister had her own stuffed animals my parents gave to her. I can remember one, it was a monkey she named Baby Goo-Ga. I don't remember if my brother even had anything...maybe that's why he's the way he is?

Sometimes I blame him not having an older brother to look up to while growing up for him being the way he is. But then again, a lot of guys grow up w/o an older brother and they're fine. I miss how we all were when we were younger though. How happy my brother was, and now his happiness seems so fake and painted on. If only he understood how much we all have given up for him. My mom loves him a lot. She'd do anything for the kid. But he'll never understand it all. And in return we'll never understand him.
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Late night confessions #1

2011-04-26T04:46:00.001-05:00

Instead of reading the many many books I have picked up and piled high at the foot of my bed, I've been reading the Bible lately at this time of night/morning.

Currently on the book of Genesis.
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The Golden Ticket

2011-04-26T02:39:00.002-05:00

In front of me is my BlackBerry and behind it, sitting on my bed is literally my ticket to anywhere in the world. I can take this and go anywhere with it. I keep thinking about Australia, but I know I'm not going to be able to leave my family behind. I also gotta finish school too and make my parents proud.

I keep hinting it to my dad that once things get finalized with our house (whether he's going to keep it or sell it) to go to Australia w/me. Besides not having any friends there (which will be really easy for my dad to make since his personality is just like mine), but my mom has sisters that live there. And they would love it! Sounds silly since I've never been there myself, but I just know they will.

I am in a dilemma. Do I travel all summer before cracking down on school? Or do I work and rebuild my savings before cracking down on school and travel in between school breaks like I did before? HELP!
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Love Advice #'s 1 & 2

2011-04-24T17:15:00.003-05:00

I find it ironic that a lot of my friends come to me for advice on their relationships w/their significant others, especially since I’m not in one myself. I tell them upfront before I give any opinions of my own that I don’t want to give out advice because if anything were to happen (good or bad) I am not the one living with the consequences, and if they’re still fine with that then I’ll proceed. But I'll just write about it on here anyways. Self reminders for if I am ever in another relationship. LOL

The one thing I stress for any and all relationships is happiness. You shouldn’t seek happiness in someone other than yourself. It’s a lot to expect from a person, and a lot of power to give them also. When you give someone the ability to make you happy, you also give them the ability to make you sad. I believe that if you’re not happy with just who you are and being alone, you’re not ready to be in a relationship because you truly won’t be happy with another person if you aren’t with yourself first. I also believe that your significant other and friends should make you happier. If you are just as happy without them in your life, then maybe you should stop wasting each other’s time. Being with someone should excite you, and if you’re just as excited being by yourself don’t bother.

Another thing I stress for is to never ever settle! If you’re settling for the person you’ve been with for 6 months, 2 years, or 10 years you’re missing out on being with someone that could make your life a lot happier. And the person you’re with could be missing out on the same opportunity for someone else. There are billions of people in this world, chances are if you feel like you’re settling you probably are because if you were with the person you were meant to be with you wouldn’t be questioning it in the first place.

I pity people who are in relationships because they’re afraid to be single. They’re too afraid to be by themselves, and not have that attention from a special someone. Man up and quit depending on someone else for your happiness. They have their own happiness to worry about. You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself.

I am currently single not because I don't love myself. I've been loving myself and I am happy (I believe I know myself well enough and am happy with everything in my life right now). I am currently single because I haven't met a guy who will make me happier than I already am in life. No spark, no butterflies, no excitement = No time, no effort, and no energy from me.

And I can tell just what you want
You don't want to be aloneee
You don't want to be aloneee
And I can't say it's what you know
But you've known it the whole time
Yeah, you've known it the whole time

Sad and Happy Endings

2011-04-20T20:40:00.001-05:00

Dave: I like sad endings because they make me feel better about myself.
Me: haha wtf?
Dave: Sad endings makes me realize that what I have isn't as bad because their life is worst than mine.
Dave: I don't like happy endings because then I think about how I'll never have that happiness.
Me: ..... ): ): ): ): ):
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A Quote on Success

2011-04-20T12:01:00.003-05:00

I found this somewhere on tumblr, tried googling it to see what the source is, but nothing came up. Maybe I should've dug deeper. But either way it goes hand in hand with my last post. ^_^

The tune. The lyrics. Him. Good song even for when it's not 4/20.

Confronting Past Dreams..& Making Room for New Ones

2011-04-20T03:59:00.006-05:00

When you look back on where you thought you’d be today in high school, how many of you are actually where you declared yourself to be? I’ll be honest and say that I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be. In middle and throughout high school I was obsessed with the news. I wanted to be like Connie Chung, an Asian American news broadcaster for CNN. And although I dated someone throughout high school and into my college years, I didn’t know if he would be the one I’d marry and be the father of my kids. I just knew that I wanted to get married by the time I was twenty-five and have two kids (a boy and a girl) by the time I was twenty-nine. I didn’t want to be an old mother. I wanted to still be relatively young by the time both of my kids graduated high school, and I wanted to still be alive to see my grandkids grow up.

I’m known for never taking the safe, smooth, paved, path. Out of the different groups of friends I have I am always deemed the ‘crazy one’ or the one who’s always spontaneous and loves to take risks. If I wasn’t any of those I wouldn’t have switched majors a handful of times, I would have graduated within the expected four years it takes to get a bachelor’s degree, I would still be with the first, second, third, or fourth big company I have previously worked for, I would still be with my high school sweetheart, and I wouldn’t be a soul drifting around aimlessly right now.

When I first meet someone or see someone I haven’t seen in a while and they ask me the dreaded “What do you do?” or “What have you been up to?”—I know what they're all thinking when I give them my answer. There aren’t many people I know who all of a sudden drop everything in their life to try and figure things out. A lot of them try to figure things out along the way of finishing school or working their current job, but they would never ever leave everything behind all at once without knowing they had a backup plan. But like I said, I am the risk taker, the ‘crazy one’, and also the one who’s spontaneous so I went against the grain.

A lot of times I feel like I’m being too self-indulgent. My parents along with millions in the world didn’t get to choose what they wanted to be. Our parents’ generation sought safety and security. They chose their professions because they had to. It pays the mortgage every month, it puts food out on the table, clothes on their backs, and here I am taking my sweet ass time deciding on what it is I want to do with my life.

I have asked a lot of my peers about what they wanted to do with their degrees and they all gave me common answers: “work for a Fortune 500 company,” “go to med school,” “become a corporate lawyer,” and etc. Even though they’re all different occupations, I see them as all the same. They’re all typical answers you’d get from someone who didn’t follow their passion that wants prestige, control, money, and power that comes along with all of those careers. Who knows, maybe I’m seeing it all wrong, but I know a lot of my friends well enough to know that they aren’t following their natural enthusiasms. Either they do want all of those listed above (prestige, control, money, and power); they’re trying to live up to someone else’s yardstick, or both.

I have never felt the need to live up to someone else’s measure, but I did once want the power, control, and prestige. Never the money though, I knew money could never buy me happiness. And the more I experience in my life the more I realize that power, control, and prestige won’t give me the happiness I want. Things are simple for me now; all I want is to obtain a career that I love. Not because I don’t know what else to do or because it gives me status. I want to be able to go into work every day with a purpose; I want to never want to leave work. I know a lot of people want these things too, but why aren’t they pursuing it?

Money is the motivation for a lot of people. Money is the reason behind most of their actions. My view on that is, if you let money be the root of your happiness you’ll never obtain it. You can never excel yourself with money. There is only so much clothes, luxury cars, mansions, boats, jewelry, and vacations one can buy. When is enough enough? Let your career fulfill you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I guess money could be a plus if that’s what comes w/the career, but I don't think one should let it be the person's drive.

I remember when I was going through a year where I was majoring in political science. I confided in someone who back then was a friend, I told them about how I wanted to become a lawyer to help out the Vietnamese community because a lot of them aren’t well informed with their rights as a citizen and etc. The person turned down my ideas and told me I wouldn’t make enough money to be happy or to pay back school loans, and that I had to first become a big corporate lawyer before doing what I wanted to do. I will always remember that moment because 1) it showed me where and what that person’s values in life were (definitely not matched up with my own) and 2) it made me realize how much I want to give back to society. Whether it is just in my neighborhood community, my church community, or the Vietnamese community, I just want to give back in one way or another.

I have a lot of unquenched ambitions. I want to give back to society (as listed above), I want to inform people of the things happening all around the world (journalism), world traveler, international food blogger, and as much as I don’t like children right now I do have the desire to teach them (these are just to name a few). I remember reading a quote from E.B. White “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” –and I thought holy crap that is me.

Just as I was writing “So that’s where I am right now, trying to figure out a plan to make it all fit into my life.” I got it; it all became clear to me on how I was going to do all of it in my lifetime. I used to have this fear of making the wrong choices and wasting more precious life, but that was exactly what was holding me back, fear. Now the only thing I fear in life is losing my family. Not even an ounce of fearing failure.

I don’t believe in failure, because if you believe in failure itself, that’s exactly the one thing that’ll keep you from making your next move. And without that next move how on Earth are you going to get to where you want to be? Besides, without all of those “failed” attempts, your success wouldn’t be as sweet.

I don’t want the money, I don’t care for the recognition, and I don’t want the status or power. I no longer wish to get married nor have children. Maybe if I meet a man who’ll keep me interested long enough I’ll reconsider. But until then, all I want is to make my parents proud which I have quickly learned that they will be proud of me no matter what, and to be happier with each passing moment. And I will be as long as I continue to pursue after what I am passionate about, even if that means taking an extra ten years to get my bachelor’s.

The point of this post is to try and get my friends to realize that they have to stop measuring themselves against their parents, their friends’, their peers’, and society’s expectations. I don’t want my friends to sleep on their potential and be unhappy because they’re trying to make someone else happy. We’re all given the privilege to be the author of our own life, use this chance to define who you are. Don’t let someone else do it for you.

Note: you'll probably see similar posts in the future. I want to say more, but it's getting late/early. Brain is fried... (; Need.Sleep.Pronto.

Give me the world, give me the world
Yeah I had a taste it was sweet
So I think I'm ready for more, ready for more

It all started w/one thought that led to many others

2011-04-19T04:13:00.001-05:00

The beautiful thing about life is that we all have choices.

If you feel like the choice you made yesterday was the wrong one,

you have the ability to make another choice today to fix the mistake.

But because we all are given choices, we can't blame anyone but ourselves

for anything that doesn't go according to plan.

I guess I shouldn't say mistake though.

I don't like to believe in mistakes because they're really just life lessons.

Without that "mistake" you wouldn't have learned whatever it was from it.

But I guess some people don't see it that way.

I also don't believe in failure, but those are just a couple of things I don't believe in.

I wake up every morning and I try to remind myself that I am blessed to have opened my eyes.

I may not have a lot of things, but I do have things that makes my life a comfortable one.

Learning to live in the means I am given is one of the things I wish a lot of people would learn to do also.

So many people keep wanting, wanting, wanting. Why do you want the extra expensive jeans?

To show off to people that you have money? I was one of those people, but then I learned.

I learned that the people who love you don't give a shit about what kind of jeans you wear, the brand of your purse, or the kind of car you drive. You're not trying to impress the people you love, because they already love you. You're trying to impress people you don't like, and why? Why are you even giving people that don't like you or vice versa the time of day when you can't afford to. Life is short. Don't spend it trying to impress people that don't matter. They're still not going to like you even if you're spotted wearing a Rolex.

I like the finer things in life too, but I don't see a point in spending hard earned money on it.

I love that I have the ability to influence the people around me. Family, friends, and even strangers listen to a lot of things I have to say about a wide range of things. Not that I'm a credible source for any of it, but I guess they all think I am. A few friends have even crowned me with the title "Queen of Persuasion" which I laugh at, but it's true in a lot of ways. I don't know if it's because I'm good with my words, my actions, or I'm someone they see as of value to them. But whatever it is in a way I kind of have changed different lives. But I still want to change one life in a very significant way before I die.

One of the few things I miss about having a boyfriend is the pillow talk.

Sharing ideas, thoughts, visions, dreams, etc.

And finding common ground on them.

Supporting each other on our dreams.

Talking about how our past has shaped us, and what we hope for the future.

Sometimes I miss doing that so much that I want to text Thinh and dial his number and tell him yes I will get back with you. But then I remember that there are no real feelings behind the actions. It's just the idea that I am in love with. The idea that you and I have been together for so long, we could be together, get married, and be each other's high school sweetheart's.

The idea sounds nice until I remember we'll always go back and forth on our feelings for each other because they're not real.

It's been a year, and our friends are still rooting for us. Funny how that is.

It's two of my closest friends' 7 year anniversary. Besides my parents' marriage, the two of them are reminders to not give up on relationships and love. I have been there when the guy was dating random girls only to have them not work out. I was there when the two of them met. I was there when the two of them started dating. I was there when she got her heart broken from him. I was there when they were trying to mend and work things out. I basically have been there and have seen them go through it all and here they are still together and stronger than they were before. Seeing them happy together reaffirms my belief that true love can overcome anything and everything that is thrown at them. I cannot wait til their wedding day, and he better have proposed to her while celebrating their 7th anni!

This past weekend I got more "Is that Tammy?! omg I haven't seen you in so long!!" and again I am secretly (although not so much anymore) satisfied.

When I want to do anything these days the first people that come to mind to ask is my sister, brother, Paul, or my parents.

Easter is this Sunday, and I only broke my lent once last weekend for MAASU. Quite proud of myself because a lot of people including myself didn't think I could handle not going out. But I did it. Along w/this weekend a friend will be in town Sunday-Tuesday! It's been almost a year since we've seen each other. The last time was for 6 hours in the Windy City for my birthday.

I have a problem w/indecision. I'm indecisive about everything in life, and I remember when the New Year hit I told myself that I'd work on it but it hasn't improved at all.

Props to everyone who have ever taken time out to get to know someone or experience something for themselves rather than listening to a bunch of word of mouth crap. I will try to update more on this later. Something I say a lot about a lot of topics and never get around to it. My bad.

My mind is running again, like it always does at this time of the day.

I think my mind wouldn't wander so much if I had someone who had a crazy sleep schedule

or if I knew someone who doesn't depend on sleep so much like I do.

Birthday Plans

2011-04-19T01:55:00.003-05:00

For the past four years I have celebrated my birthday outside of Minnesota. I'm really hoping to continue on with the tradition for the fifth year, but I'm having trouble deciding on what to do and where to go. I've gone back and forth on different beach destinations, camping/fishing/kayaking (Boundary Waters), the cities (NYC, Chicago, Philly, and D.C.), or just go on a road trip (Wisc. Dells, Chicago, Black Hills, St. Louis, etc). I haven't been working for the past 8-9 months so I'm trying to get the most bang for the buck, but honestly money isn't an issue. The issue is the people I want to spend it with.

Ideally, I'd just have a nice small dinner w/close friends before or after the trip and during the trip I'd loooove it if I could spend it with however many close friends could leave and afford the trip (which isn't many on such a short notice) or go on a trip w/my family. But my parents have been taking off a lot of work in the past months for their own trips so I'm not sure if they'd get it off for my birthday week. But I would love to take my parents + siblings (and Paul) to a place they have never been to before, which is a lot of places.

I'm going to bring up the idea to my parents this weekend during our scheduled family dinner. I hope they agree to it. I mean if they agree but can't take off work in time for next month, I'm okay with a fishing/camping/kayaking trip w/my siblings and a few friends and save the actual trip for when they can go. I wanna show them the world.

Opportunities

2011-04-18T21:56:00.001-05:00

There are snakes that go months without eating, and when they finally catch something they suffocate while eating.
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Repeat please (Part Deux)!

2011-04-17T19:42:00.005-05:00

Music is more than just a bunch of beats w/words in them. To me if feelings had a sound and were able to be put into words it'd be called music. I listen to every genre (yes even country) because they all fit into different moods I have. The only playlist I have created is one for when I'm running, besides that one I would never listen to a playlist twice because the songs I listen to depend on how I'm feeling. I usually open up my music folder and hit enqueue with whatever song appeals to me at the moment and I just let it play.

I've always had a passion for music, but besides having really great taste in it I'm not musically talented in any other way. So I take pride in having people tell me I have great taste in music. Probably the only compliment I'll ever accept from anyone.

Anyways, here are a few songs I've been listening to on repeat (click here: http://bit.ly/ieRZi8 if you wanna listen to Part Une of my list).

I wish I could upload his Freaks and Geeks EP and his I Do Not Talk Mixtape but I can't. Both are good if you're one of those people who listen to lyrics when listening to music. He'll be at the Varsity Theater in May so I'm hoping to get out there and support him! He's very underrated.

Friend or Foe?

2011-04-17T14:29:00.001-05:00

I'm having a hard time deciphering if you're actually a good friend or someone that's trying to pose as one. Because good friends aren't selfish, and a lot of the things you do are.

I am selfish, but in the way where if the people I'm surrounded with are happy, I am too. You on the other hand, will talk and use people for your own happiness. Not anyone else's.

I've always had a problem with this though. Thinking too many people are my "best friends" or "good friends" just because I spend more time w/them than other people.

You might be a friend, but right now you're definitely not a good one. And for that I'm going to withdraw myself slowly from your life.
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The Blessed Life

2011-04-14T18:25:00.003-05:00

No one will ever fully know the many different ways I am and have been blessed as a person. I don't know what I have done to deserve all of this and I may never know why, but if the man above feels I deserve all of this I must not go against his will.

I am very grateful for everything though. It's always like this. When I think things are going to turn bad, somehow something always happens to make things right again. Always.

I'll try to make time later on to continue on with this post because I have so much I want to say, but if I don't God, my guardian angels, and my closest family and friends all know how I feel already.

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Word?

2011-04-12T18:25:00.001-05:00

"If you did not see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it in your small mind and share it with your big mouth."--Unknown

More stuff on friends

2011-04-11T13:10:00.006-05:00

There's a saying I've heard that goes something like this:

"People don't remember when you help them, but they never forget when you hurt them."

I don't remember exactly how it goes (and I'm too lazy to Google), but it's true with most people I know.

It's silly how you could help someone over and over again, but the one time you mess up they act like it's the end of the world. Not that I try to keep count, I just never forget.

I tried writing this post over and over again. And no matter how I write it, it never comes out right.

Anyways, along w/me never forgetting when I have helped someone I also never forget when someone has helped me or when I have hurt them either.

-The time when we had a scheduled breakfast date and I never showed up. I've never stood anyone up before and the one time I do it, it was you.

-The time when we text each other once every 6 months a quick "Hello" but you still drove to the Windy City for a night to see me for my birthday.

-The time when you drove 25min to come pick me up and when you g0t there, called me a billion times, but I had already fallen asleep.

-The time when you planned a really really amazing birthday weekend for me.

-The time when we went to sushi tango, and I didn't have any money on me and you paid for my dinner.

-The time when I got sooo drunk I was passed the eff out in the middle of an unknown place and while the both of you could be out talking to girls and going back to their place, you chose to stay with me and made sure I was okay.

-The time when you drove me to all of my AA classes and waited for me to be done (you've actually done A LOT more than just that).

-When your ex-girlfriend and her friends came to visit for the weekend and you took care of everything.

-The time when I called you to book me a flight out and you did no questions asked on why I was there in the first place.

-The time when I never carried cash and the club didn't have an ATM machine so you spotted me $20.

-The time when I was trying to help you get into the restrooms at 508, and we almost got into a fight w/two big mi deng girls. You started to throw up in the corner and I left you w/your man.

-The time when I never ever reply to your text messages or your phone calls, but you still text and call to see how I'm doing knowing there's a good chance I still won't reply.

Those are just naming a few. It might seem like I have forgotten, but I never do.

One reason I don't like asking others for help is I hate knowing that I owe them something in return. I know most of my friends will say "that's what friends are for, you shouldn't feel like owing them anything" but I feel like nothing you do will be able to repay them. I don't ask for anything in return when I help someone because I'll only help them if I really want to, but I can't help but feel bad when I ask others for help.

I've been doing something wrong for the past 23 years. I've been giving too many people that don't deserve my time and effort just that and people who deserve it most too little of both. Getting off Facebook kind of helped me see who these people are too. Because I've had the same number since freshman year in high school, that's a hell of a long time. The friends who texts and calls me to see how I'm doing are the ones I cherish and most of them are out of state friends. I didn't want to get off Facebook in the first place because I thought I'd lose touch with friends who didn't live in MN, but it has been the complete opposite.

It's funny cause I was talking to a friend who was visiting this weekend and he told me that everyone refers me as the Tammy that disappeared. If it seems like I have disappeared to you, that just means I have learned to not give you any of my time because I can name a handful of people who live in the same state and still see me weekly. <3

11 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Like Me

2011-04-10T20:21:00.005-05:00

1. I'm selfish.

2. I don't know how to ask for help.

3. I have a disclosing problem.

4. I don't like investing time and effort in new relationships. I prefer to work at the ones I already have established.

5. Besides my immediate family, there are only a handful of people's opinions I let get to me.

6. I have a lot of pride.

7. The only thing I fear in life is losing my family.

8. I believe in a lot of things that are unrealistic to many (God, guardian angels, blessings, things happening for a reason, horoscopes, etc.).

9. I forgive too easily.

10. Self-destructive habits: I text/tweet/surf the web while I'm driving, I consume lots and lots of alcohol, I don't sleep, I over analyze, I don't pay attention to my surroundings, I overeat, etc.

11. I have nothing to offer you.

Last Night

2011-04-10T09:34:00.005-05:00

I was in the car w/Max, Ken, Clark, and Viet. All of us never go out to the clubs much so it was pretty crazy all of us in the same car were going to a club for the first time in who knows how long. Thanks to Saki we got to skip the 10,000 block line and cover.

I got pretty drunk last night and from what I remember it was fun. Somehow whenever I'm light weight the same two people are always there to help me. I'm so lucky that they're nice guys and are my friends. I don't even talk to Ricky unless I see him out, but somehow he's always the one taking care of me when I get too drunk.

What would I do without people who didn't love me though?

You know you're a blessed person when you wake up the next day and none of your friends give you shit for being too stupid drunk the night before. But all they ask is "Are you okay?"

I even got emotional drunk last night (first time for everything right?).

I think the last post got to me.

Cause I was calling Jane, Chris, Clark, Max, my sister, and her boyfriend at the hotel crying about how it was my Dad's birthday the next day and I needed to be home.

What a weird, but good night.

I want to thank Jeano for having me tweet for MAASU for the weekend.

And I want to thank everyone listed above for taking care of me when I'm drunk.

I can't forget about Ken, Viet, Peter, Khai, and Huy either.

What a good and memorable night.

What did I do to deserve my good life? I keep asking myself this question and I can never come up with an answer.

With all of my heart

2011-04-08T07:02:00.003-05:00

Both of my siblings don’t realize this and I don’t know if they’re ever going to realize this, but everything that my parents have done in the past up to now and even in the future are all for the three of us. Everything they have ever asked of us. Every cent they have made working seven days a week. Every move they have ever made and will make will be to our benefit. Every. Single. Thing.

I remember when I was in my teenage years, my dad threatened to put me into boot camp after watching a few too many “my child is out of control” Maury episodes. I also remember telling him “I’m not a bad daughter! I’m not as bad as half of those kids in school.” How selfish of me to even let those words come out to the man who has done nothing but love me. Many years later and I now know that it wasn’t the point. The point is that he raised me to be better than that.

I’m not one to regret anything I have done in life because I know they all happened for a reason. Maybe I wouldn’t appreciate my parents as much as I do now if I hadn’t been such a horrible daughter, but I can’t help but feel awful for the things I have put the both of them through. I know I’ve said this many times before but I honestly don’t know how my parents still find it in their hearts to still love me. Haven’t I weakened their hearts from the bruises I’ve made? Haven’t my sister weakened their hearts from the scratches she’s made? Haven’t my brother weakened their hearts from the dents he’s made? Even though we have made their hearts weak, they still continue to love us with all they’ve got. If anyone knows of any of the things all three of us have put my mom and dad through, I think they’ll find it surprising that they even still look at us like we’re their children (I don’t mean to make it sound like we’re horrible kids. It’s just like I have said, they both raised us to be better than people who disobeys them left and right).

I can only name one friend who has seen this transition of me thinking my parents were the most horrible people in the world to me giving my parents unconditional love back in the past 10 years. He’s even mentioned it one time when we were studying together. I got off the phone with my dad telling him I wasn’t going to be home that night and my friend goes “Wow Tammy, I remember when you hated your parents. I’m glad you came around.” –I’m glad I did too.

See these are the things I’ve finally figured out with my parents:

-They don’t call me late at night or text me late at night to be annoying to tell me to come home. They’re just trying to know that I’m alive and safe.
-My dad doesn’t stay up late at night because he can’t sleep. He stays up to make sure I come home safe and sound.
-My parents didn’t ask us to get a part time job when we were 16 because they didn’t want to pay for our things anymore. They wanted to teach us the value of money. How it’s hard to make, but easy to spend.
-My parents doesn’t make us pay our phone bills, car payments, car insurance, or ask us to give them however much a month because they don’t have money to pay for it themselves. They’re putting the money we give them away for us because they know we like to spend everything we have.
-Friends come and go. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. But my parents will never leave our side. No matter how big of a mistake we make (I know because no father should ever have to come to jail and try to bail his daughter out).

I knew my parents weren’t like other parents when I was a senior in high school. Most parents would make their kids go to college to become a doctor, a lawyer, or something that would them prestige, money, and power. But my parents didn’t. They gave me suggestions based off of what they knew I liked and what they knew I was good at. My mom was actually the first person to suggest me to go into journalism. Even with this long hiatus I have been taking from work, school, and life, they both have been nothing but so supportive of me. They’ve always been supportive of us though. Anything that makes their kids smile will make them smile. I could seriously date Hitler and my parents would love him as long as he made me happy.

A couple posts back I said I had a few things I have been wanting to blog about, well this wasn’t one of them. But I had a conversation with my dad this morning that made me want to blog about this (again). The conversation wasn’t any more than five minutes, but it was enough to get me to cry for an hour.

I have everything I need to move to anywhere I please and to do anything I please. Australia? New York? France? Vietnam? Literally anywhere. But I keep telling myself I need to finish school before I do so. Well school isn’t the real reason why I wouldn’t want to move just quite yet. It’s just a reason to buy me time. Time for when my parents are ready to leave Minnesota behind and start somewhere new. Preferably with me. I have given two other states a try already and yet I still come back, the reason I keep coming back is because my heart is with my parents and my siblings. I don’t want to travel anywhere or move anywhere unless I’m with my parents and siblings.

When I think about the places I have traveled to without them, I feel so selfish. I was out enjoying myself while they were back home working hard. When I lived outside of Minnesota and experiencing a new place, they were at home worrying about me. I don’t want to be selfish anymore, at least not like that. I want to be selfish where seeing them happy will make me happy. Even as much as I am itching to move somewhere to see the world, I refuse to do so unless I have my family by my side.

We grew up as a family that always ate dinner together, but as we all got older our schedules got crazier and not just that but us kids grew unappreciative of each other so the only times we ate as a family were on special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc.). For the past five months I’ve been scheduling more family dinners as way to try and get everyone together again. Also as my way of showing that I love all of them. Nothing I do and give my parents will ever repay them back for the things they have taught me and given me, but I can at least try to make their lives a little easier. They’re getting older as each day passes, and that only means I am limited with the days I have left to show them that I love them.

It seems like lately I have been writing a lot of repeat posts only in different words, but I guess that only shows you what I’m truly passionate about. And what I truly value in life.

2011-04-08T03:55:00.003-05:00

For the past 2 days no matter how early I go to bed my internal clock has woken me up around 3-4AM...like it misses being awake around this time.

Good. Cause I sure do. While the entire house + most of the Midwest and west coast is asleep, I'm awake. #comfort

Thank you to the man above for all of the blessings.
Big thank you to my guardian angel for always keeping me on my toes but making things turn out okay in the end.

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Lost.

2011-04-04T21:47:00.004-05:00

Being born w/my dad's bloodline, it's natural for me to hold a lot of pride. It's hard for us Le-Trinh's to admit our faults, when we are embarrassed, when we are lost, etc.

But I will admit to them when I am either. I'm an honest person and I am human. We all make mistakes, get embarrassed, and get lost right? If you're reading this and you haven't felt all three then state your name, leave me your number, and I would love to talk to you.

I'm lost. Last year, I was on a path that I created for myself. A comfortable, smooth, straight path that guaranteed me success, marriage, kids, making my parents proud, etc. But I chose to get off that path to walk an unknown one. One that is the complete opposite, and you know what? I don't regret it at all, and I could get off this scary, dark, bumpy path that offers me nothing more than a bleak future right now if I wanted to. But I'd be like everyone else taking the easy way out of things.

It's been so hard for me to admit this. Family and friends could see it, but I denied it. Covering it up with "Oh no I know exactly what I want and what I wanna do, I'm just taking my time." Or the "I don't see the rush into things"..it's true I don't see the rush in speeding through life anymore, but I am lost.

Although for the past year I've been a person walking aimlessly in this big world, I have better myself. I'm not taking those who've been by my side since day one for granted anymore, I've calmed down a lot, I've started to slow my roll, and soak in what the world has to offer. But this past year was just the beginning. It's going to get tougher as I walk down this path, but I have hope and faith that there'll be light at the end of it.

Things I want [at the moment]

2011-04-04T05:34:00.002-05:00

to be able to sleep without laying in bed thinking about everything
good food
-jalepano slidders from White Castle
-breakfast biscuit sandwich from Hardee's (they seriously have the best fast food breakfast sandwiches, all because they of their buttermilk biscuits)
-Jensen's cheesy hashbrowns
-anything from Tofu House
-bibimbap
-tre ba mau
-jucy lucy from Matt's Bar
-lau/hotpot/shabu shabu
-Church's fried chicken (better than Popeye's, KFC, and Pagoda's wings!)
-Prime rib rare w/extra au jus sauce from Machine Shed
-Raising Cane's chicken strips and fries w/their special Cane's sauce
-a grilled cheese sandwich w/tomato soup
-royal tea latte w/extra extra coffee jellies
laying next to a fireplace, underneath a blanket, w/a cup of hot tea or coffee and reading
Nike+ shoes; only because I think it'll motivate me to run longer distances (currently doing short distances in intervals)
Summer! Summer! Summer! this warm weather is such a tease
a picnic
a good heart felt conversation w/anyone preferably a stranger because they're easier to talk to but really anyone. (this will forever be on all of my things i want)
a real vacation w/everyone in my family; currently trying to talk my parents into going to NYC w/me in the summer. They would love the city.
camping; just like old times
fishing; I remember when we were younger my dad would take the three of us to different lakes one summer. He had a real fishing rod, us kids didn't. But he promised us the next summer we'd all get one and our fishing license but that never happened cause he got too busy working )=
for my brother to not be so medicated
to go on an adventure; bike around a trail in MN, take the light rail downtown and just wonder aimlessly, drive to Duluth, drive to the Black Hills, star watch, etc
see a play
church sundays; back then after my sister and I got out of mass and sunday school we'd pick a restaurant and go eat there with my mom.
a bike; so on days I'm tired of running I can just bike
my memory back; all of the alcohol is making my recovering details skills dunzo
a friend who has a sleeping problem like i do maybe these nights won't get so bad
to know which restaurant to take my dad and our family for dinner on his 51st Birthday
a game of monopoly
sleep sleep sleep sleeeeeeep

Time Part II

2011-04-03T20:31:00.001-05:00

Anonymous: How could it be so easy for you to stop talking to me?
Me: Because I don't believe in wasting time. If we continued to talk as more than friends, nothing would change, and we'd be wasting each other's time.
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Time

2011-04-03T19:52:00.002-05:00

It's silly when people say "I gotta find time..." for this and that. Because you can't really find time right?

If you truly wanted to do something, you'd MAKE time for it. Sure there's only 24 hours in a day, and you could be bombarded with things to do all hours of the day. But if you really wanted to you'd make time to spend some time w/your family. Or shoot a quick text to your bf/gf. Or go eat lunch w/a friend you haven't seen in awhile. Or anything for that matter. You could work or study a little earlier to make time. You could sleep less to make time. Or sacrifice something out of the day to make time. But you don't because you didn't wanna do it to begin with.

The point is no one is ever too busy not to do anything. It's a dumb excuse I use all the time, and I get away with it. But when someone uses the "I'm too busy" line on me, I reject it cause it's an excuse not the truth.
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Good taste

2011-04-02T08:23:00.001-05:00

Tiff: I wanna try that sometime, but I don't know if it'll be good.
Me: Ooh I had it before! And I liked it, so you might.
Tiff: I wanna hear that from someone with normal taste buds, your's is weird.
Me: How?
Tiff: You like black coffee and bitter things.
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Just a little vent

2011-03-31T23:09:00.007-05:00

It's time to make a wish
And I'm wishin' for you
I hope it comes true

It's just a song. Don't think too much into it. I'm content with how things are. Had to throw that out there because I know 90% of you will assume. ^_~
- - - - -
Instead of grabbing my usual drink from Tea Garden and dashing right after, I decided to stay and finish some last minute things. From the time I sat down to the second I left, every familiar face I saw their first words to me were "Holy crap you're alive!" or "Where the hell have you been?" (a friend even went as far as snapping a phone pic of me and posting it on Facebook w/the caption saying "she's finally found!") And although it got a bit tiring having to repeat myself over and over playing catch-up, I was secretly satisfied. Satisfied that I succeeded in not giving into temptations to go out these past few months, and I was able to stay on the down low.
Since the first signs of autumn started showing, I kept telling everyone that I didn't want to go out as much, see anyone, and that I felt unsocial. Which is really unusual for me because I'm a butterfly when you put me in a room full of people. From strangers to people I know, I just love communicating with everyone. But even with me telling everyone how I felt, and even knowing deep down that I would rather stay home and hibernate than go out, I never followed through with my declaration. When 2011 rang in, I knew I had to start putting actions towards my words or I'd go crazy. And I couldn't be happier with my low key lifestyle, at least for now.
I feel like those who keep telling me that I have made a complete 360 change never really knew me. Because if they did, they would've seen the signs, before I started to voice them. And to those who didn't start getting to know me until autumn, that's a shame because I was a fun person. I still consider myself to be fun, but w/the things I find exciting many of my peers don't.My friends who still party weekly and occasionally daily, keep asking me why I won't come out and they push for answers, but there seriously are no words to explain how I feel. I know, I know I look young, and I am young. There's no denying that, being in my early twentiesis considered a baby to some of my dinosaur friends. But how I old I feel is completely different to how young I look or how young my birth certificate states I am.
Today, while at Tea Garden I sat there and told many stories I have never told anyone before. Stories about my experiences in life to have led me to believe the things I believe in. My friend lended me her wonderful ears (thank you!), and after telling the stories she gives me this wide eyed look and says "Holy shit you've gone through some pretty crazy things, but it's tight" haha damn right it's tight. If I hadn't gone through any of the things I did in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today.
See some people don't like to look back in their past because they believe it does nothing for them in the future. But I like to believe the opposite. If you don't look back and reflect on your past, how will you know what mistakes to try and avoid in the future? I seriously could go on forever about this, but I'll leave that all for another day.
Or even better, just schedule a coffee date or lunch w/me and we can exchange stories. (;
Most of this is again repeat. But I always feel the need to write about it because even though I felt a slight feeling of success today, I'm still not satisfied with everything yet. But then again, will one ever be completely satisfied?

#bieberfever

2011-03-30T19:22:00.005-05:00

I’m sure by now every one of you have heard of him: Justin Bieber. He’s the now 17 year old pop star who was found off of YouTube. Those of you who know me know that I love Justin Bieber. Not because he’s this adorable teenager, but because of who he is. And who is he you might ask? Well, he’s more than a kid that used to have a “lesbian haircut” or a kid with women of all ages dying to meet him that’s for sure.

Before I attended his concert at the Target Center last June, I only knew him as this not even legal boy who was found off YouTube that had catchy songs w/good lyrics playing on the radio with lots of little girl fans. But all of that was enough to get me on the Bieber Bandwagon. For my birthday last spring, I had the choice between Lady Gaga concert tickets or Justin Bieber concert tickets so I chose the latter. Yeah,I know, when people hear I chose Bieber over Gaga they give me this “are you crazy” look, but I couldn’t have made a better choice.

I went into the concert expecting a few things:
1. the Target Center would be packed w/screaming under aged girls accompanied by their mom’s and dad’s
and
2. I just wanted to hear him perform Baby and Up and I would leave the concert a happy girl

I don’t expect much out of concerts I go to because usually the artists stink live. I would rather hear most of their songs blaring through my BlackBerry speakers than attend a free show only for me to lose respect for them. But the concert gave me way more than what I was expecting. I was mind blown by this sixteen year old kid who has more swag than any man I know. Justin Bieber is talented, and his concert was by far one of the best concerts I have ever attended. This kid was singing, dancing, playing the piano, playing the guitar, playing the drums, and on top of that making girls all over Minneapolis swoon for him. Sean Kingston, Jessica Jarrell, The Stunnerz, and Iyaz were also there to perform with him and even if they weren’t there the concert would’ve still been good.

What is the whole point of this post? When an artist is as talented as Justin Bieber, they deserve recognition and respect, even if the kind of music they make isn’t one you’d typically listen to. You have to respect the fact that they aren’t using auto tune. That they can keep a crowd excited. That they can dance, sing, and play instruments all at the same time. And to do all of that at such a young age is pretty amazing. I’m just tired of disrespectful people (mainly guys) who don’t really listen (you may hear it, but do you actually listen?) to his music. The haters usually see Justin Bieber as this little kid who makes corny music and that’s that. They don’t know the depth of his talents.

So to all of you who think Justin Bieber is this joke artist, I suggest you click play to any of the songs I have posted underneath this post and really listen to the lyrics. If the lyrics and the tune to his songs don’t win you over, go see his movie Never Say Never. I guarantee you that the movie/documentary will have you respecting him. And if the movie isn’t enough, go buy a ticket to his concert. You can see for yourself, with your very own eyes that he’s a talented guy that has a lot to offer in the music and entertainment industry. I’m not asking you to hop onto the bandwagon or all of a sudden have Bieber Fever, I’m just asking you to stop dissing an artist who deserves respect. He’s a lot more talented than most of the mainstream artists I hear on the radio.

"When I met you girl my heart went knock knock
Now them butterflies in my stomach wont stop stop
and even though it's a struggle love is all we got
so we gonna keep keep climbin' to the mountain top"

I was one of those skeptics who believed his career would be over once he hit puberty. But now I'm a belieber. hahah ^_~

Saudade

2011-03-29T22:35:00.003-05:00

"You may not always end up where you thought you were going,

but you will always end up where you are meant to be."

-Unknown

Yeah cause all of these signs and what not have been ri-fuck-in-dic-u-lous.

No Human Contact Mondays Update

2011-03-28T21:46:00.004-05:00

Today is the last Monday in March and since the month started I decided to do something called No Human Contact Mondays, where I have a full 24 hours of Tammy Time. No contact with friends, people, strangers, etc. Of course with the exception of my family (since I do live with them), and people I happen to run into while I'm out running errands and what not.

The first Monday of March was rough, let's just say I failed. The Monday after that I completely forgot about the whole thing, but the past two Mondays (including today) I've done a pretty good job of. Except for today where I had to meet up with a friend to start helping him out with some event planning stuff, but other than that I think I'm going to keep this up for all of the Mondays that follow today.

It's been nice to have a full day to myself and have no obligations to anyone. I get most of my to-do stuff crossed off on this day, and I find myself sleeping easier on Monday nights because I accomplish more during the day.

I've been meaning to blog about a lot of things for the past two weeks. I have jotted them all down on my handy dandy black notebook. But I won't get a chance to until I'm done with all of the things I have agreed to take on from my sister and a friend who is in need of help. So for the next three days I'll be doing all nighters, spending lots of time at this desk, at the library to get some research done, and lots of time on Microsoft Excel putting some things together. I've also agreed to get back onto Facebook for the next couple of weeks just to promote for a friend because he thinks I'll help draw more people in for the event. I doubt I'll persuade anyone for the event, but I'm not sure how I feel about hopping back on anymore. I'll feel bad if I don't keep my word though.

Who knows, maybe these next three days of business will get my old go getter self back.
All of this will definitely test my writing skills, organization skills, excel skills, and time management (which I need to get together regardless). But all of this work will definitely make these next three weekends in April worth it.

Here's a Trick

2011-03-27T10:09:00.000-05:00

If you ever question who your real friends are, all you have to do is screw up. Then, wait and see who sticks around. #iseeyourtruecolors